The Almighty

(Obviously the judgement was an avalanche of 'NTA and also he's abusing you', which she agreed with, and decided to kick him out, so happy ending.)

Anyway I told my husband about this and he was outraged. "I would never do that!" he told me, furious. "I would find it adorable if you had bath snacks!"

Since then, every time I try to have a bath (which I only do as a rare treat) after about ten minutes there has been an anxious scrabbling at the bathroom door.

"Elanor!" he says. "Do you have bath snacks? Do you need anything?"

Some froggy affirmations for you🐸💚

Tuxedo Sam's person is one of you, dear readers! :-) They wrote to me earlier this year about Sam:

I was wondering if you had any availability to help me refurbish my best friend, Tuxedo Sam? He's a Sanrio character that I became enamored with when I was like 13, and one of my best friends from high school (that I still talk to) ended up getting me a Tuxedo Sam plushie that I have slept with every single night for almost a decade. Naturally, he's very worn-down with that kind of history, and the other day, his ice cream cone that is normally sewn onto his left flipper came undone. In addition, his fabric is VERY dirty, and his beak & tail that used to stick out are basically caved-in now.

Hereis one of his diagnosis photos, so you can see:

Sam (or Tuxedo or Tuxedo Sam) came in last month and got right in the spa. As a penguin, he had a grand old time in the bubble bath:

It's hard to see there, but he really did get nice and clean! Next up, restuffing. To help his beak and tail stand out, he got slightly denser stuffing there, which was sewn in place inside. Then he got traditional stuffing elsewhere, and of course, a bit of original stuffing was preserved in a heart in his chest (this is also a preview of how clean he got!):

That's a very special heart, because Tuxedo's person had sent along their own childhood blanket for the fabric. :-)

Next up, repairs. We were recovering the ribbon on Sam's hat with new ribbon, and replacing the ribbon that stood out. And even though his bow got nice and clean, his person wanted a new one that didn't split at the edges, and was a bit squarer. We upgraded both a bit, with gold edging on the ribbon and a velour bow. Here he is getting his chubbiness checked:

There was one small problem... his ice cream cone was on the wrong flipper! A quick flip, closing up his final seam, and he was ready to fly home:

Tuxedo Sam arrived home safely Saturday and his person wrote last night:

Hi Beth, OMG Thank you so so so much for all of your hard work on my baby boy!!! He looks ten years younger LOL. My parents and I got a kick out of the patient chart that he came with, specifically the discharge instructions about his weight gain from the stuffing diet LOL.. He looks so much younger and happier.

And they sent a photo of the happy former patient back home with his two Tuxedo Sam siblings:

Now normally, this would be the end of Tuxedo Sam's story on this blog, but his person asked a small favor, and I said I'd help. Apparently, Sanrio, Tuxedo Sam's brand, does a vote every year for the favorite character. Last year, Sam came in 10th. And, as you have seen, his person is a huge fan and is hoping he'll do better this year. He already is, as in current voting, which just started, he is 9th. She asked that I ask you all, if you might be interested, to vote for Tuxedo Sam. They are hoping, if there are more votes, there will be more Tuxedo Sam merchandise because "There's already a high demand for him but so little supply..." So, here is the link if you are interested in supporting Sam and is brethren. I already voted for Sam in my patient's honor. :-)

Yes, we do have the right to make demands on public behavior. Of course we do. Have you never heard of laws and etiquette? I’m not allowed to grocery shop naked. You can’t rummage through my purse. I can’t have a work meeting in the middle of a movie theatre.

I remember when it was taboo simply to answer your cell phone in public. The person answering would apologize and try to go to a more private area. Then public calls were normalized. Then putting people on speaker. Then listening to music without headphones. Do you know how many times I have hiked up a mountain or driven to the beach, only to be met with someone blaring shitty top 40 music from their portable speaker, because Heaven forbid you go one hour without noise?

When your boyfriend needs a little TLMH (tender loving man handling)

Pieces of Me - Ashlee Simpson

Wake Up - Hilary Duff

Ultimate - Lindsay Lohan

You And Me - Lifehouse

Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

All Star - Smash Mouth

Cool - Gwen Stefani

-begin transcript

Here's a word that every queer person should know: homonationalism is not the name of my new synth-pop album. It's a concept from sociology that acknowledges how queer people are used in conversations about global politics.

Homonationalism is when we use LGBT rights as a yardstick to judge how "moral" a society is. It's short for "homonormative nationalism"—say that five times fast—and it was first coined by Jasbir Puar to describe how the US presented itself as LGBT-friendly to contrast itself to "homophobic" Muslims during the War on Terror. It can also be applied to other contexts, like the way we talk about homophobic countries in Africa or the Caribbean while ignoring the role of European colonialism in those regions.

Put a finger down if you've ever heard something like:

You know being gay is a crime in Ghana, right?

Those Middle Eastern countries are so backwards. Do you know what they do to gay people over there?

Oh it's so weird. [Looks around as if hearing something from outside the room.] My neighbor's dog is going crazy...

You know you've lost the plot when you're talking about homophobia among Muslims, when white American Christians are the ones who made gay marriage illegal, ignored the entire AIDS crisis, and to this day don't have any national policies regarding conversion therapy, a trans-panic defense, or the forcing of trans women into men's prisons and vice-versa.

Barbados just became free of British rule this week; we should not be shocked if they have some homophobic policies.

And while I obviously believe that a more moral society is one with robust protections for queer people, LGBT rights can't be used to judge other countries, to make us feel better about bombing them.

As an aside, I live in Connecticut, an American state where it gets dark at 4pm now, and where LGBT rights are actually pretty good. We were one of the first states to institute gay marriage, transgender health care is part of our state insurance, and we're just generally more legally protected here.

And yet while legal support is very robust in our state, there's very little cultural support. Homophobia and transphobia in day-to-day life is roughly as bad as any other part of the country, and we have no gay cultural infrastructure. Only enough gay bars to count on one hand, and no known queer meeting spaces otherwise. It's obviously not as bad as living in a place where being gay is a crime, but it's still pretty lonely out here.

So for a variety of reasons, I don't appreciate queer and trans people being used as a pawn to further Islamophobia, anti-African sentiment, and general xenophobia. Mainly because it's racist and ignorant; many of these countries have a long, rich history of queer and trans and nonbinary identities before white European colonizers showed up, but also because western "acceptance" of LGBTQ people is very conditional and very limited in terms of material and legal protection.

White supremacy wins when we pit queer people and people of color against each other. We need international solidarity and an acknowledgment of colonialism to achieve equality and equity.