RIDDLE ME THIS

“not if i can help it, love. you know if you’re going to die i’d rather kill you myself.”

“me too. i’d certainly hate to lose you to some birds.”

“this is why you’ll survive birdemic 2: electric boogaloo.”

“good. people don’t have any respect for birds anymore, y’know. that’s why the crows all fucking hate everyone and the magpies steal without remorse.”

“if you know anyone who does wildlife rehab, then building rooftop nesting communities is a good place to start, along with providing real food that pigeons are supposed to have. their eggs are edible, too, and swapping them with fakes cuts the reproduction rate down by well over seventy-five percent. pigeons in america are basically stray dogs and no one takes care of them and they’re all suffering.”

“the pigeons are really sick and i don’t think they know about batman enough to care. they need to be better taken care of.”

Read More Now!

Keep reading

Read More Now!

“Recreational,” she huffs, though she isn’t really mad; she does remember Eddie telling her no before, but she keeps hoping that some day he’ll say yes. “Fine, as long as you don’t tell me I can’t. I wanna—ah, fuck.”

Almost as soon as his teeth have touched her, her head falls back to expose more of her throat for him. She’s missed Eddie, after all, and he’s caught her at a very vulnerable time, and it takes her another second to regain her composure. “Yeah, now. Please.”

He chuckled against her neck, using his body to press her back towards the bed. His teeth worried her neck, marking it nicely with bites and sucks. 

The breath hisses out between her teeth sharp once he spanks her; the physical response is immediate, Loki feels it curling in her stomach, feels the pink flush spreading across her face. God, she loves getting her way. Though he should have slapped her a little bit harder.

“I think that’s a lot of conjecture for someone who didn’t want me to jump him,” she answers, subtle thrill in her voice, slight though obvious dilation of her pupils. “But I have a few grams in my purse that I’d be happy to share with a man who’s willing to put his theories to the test.”

He hummed, his head tilting a bit, brain logging all those little details in her response. Eddie shook his head, squeezing her ass with one hand before smacking again with the other.

“That won’t go well. I’ll throw a fit, you know.”

At least she admits it—her tolerance for teasing is low, and though she wouldn’t like to say, Eddie probably knows that she’d give in and beg almost too soon for it to even be fun, unless he’s the type who’d like to make her cry. “It’d be awfully mean of you.”

“Would it? Hm, perhaps not then.” He smirked and winked. “Or perhaps I still will. Could be fun, to be a bit mean now and then, huh?”

“Fair enough,” she murmurs, and shifts up on to her tiptoes to reach, first kissing Eddie’s jaw and then using his jacket to tug him down a little more so she can kiss him right. He said a little smooch, of course, but she’s more generous than that, hungry and wanting. “You don’t want your bones jumped?”

He smiled into the kiss, fingers squeezing her sides as he laughed softly against her mouth. 

“Can you?”

Loki closes the little bit of distance between them, lifting her chin to look at him proper, her hands fiddling with the hem of his jacket and adjusting the way it sits on his body. “Presents are for people you want something from. Or maybe just people you care about. So what would you like? or did I fuck you so good last time that you fell in love?”

“I think I can.”

He laughed again, not shying away when she got closer. Eddie hummed as she messed with his jacket, and his gloved hands slid down her arms, and then sides, resting on her hips. 

“I suppose it’s nice enough. For some junk store trinket.”

Nevertheless, she does close the box again and slip it into her purse. Incredibly thoughtful of him, especially since it’s not fucking emeralds again—she really can’t stand them. “So what are you sucking up to me for, Eddie? Something you want?”

Eddie resisted the urge to correct her, knowing she wasn’t serious about it being a ‘junk store trinket’. He shrugged and crossed his arms.