My Secret Musings

From the novel that I'll probably never write

The thing I'm most afraid of is that if I have to make this choice.

The one thing I haven't decided is that are you going to be my escape from reality or the reason that I am in its harsh grip?

It's probably because of the nightmares. Every night, when I curl up in bed, I think of you. I imagine you to be there. Because maybe if I'm in your arms, you may be able to cure the darkness.

I want so much to touch you, to be in your arms. But you don't like to be touched, so I stay back. Even though my desire feels so strong sometimes, I resist, because respect is love. But whenever she throws herself on you, I'm afraid that you secretly love it, even though you recoil. I'm afraid that she will become the chosen one, over my quiet persistence, because she was the one who kept on going, even after you told her to stop. But I keep having to tell myself that respect is love, because that's all I can hold on to.