#my musing

Boy do I have thoughts. Most of them already shared with Yudja, as usual, but I felt the need to post them, too, lmao.

These bitches weren't lying, when they were saying that the writing of this chapter [6] elevated R1999 to one of the best written gacha games, because, man. Don't get me wrong, R1999's writing is fantastic in general, but the last chapter especially had me go through such a rollercoaster of emotions and opinions that I found myself changing my pfp to Kakania on discord out of respect. It sounds funny, but after going on and on as to why I liked her, I thought, you know what? Time for a change. I don't think I've ever changed my Sayaka pfp there, lmao.

Anyway. Silly thing first is that I was super proud of myself, bc in the 5th chapter when that plane appeared, I guessed that it was around 1914. And kept guessing until I had it confirmed in the 6th chapter. Listen, if it was stated earlier, I overlooked it, and I just went on my history knowledge & I'm very happy with myself.

Which also kinda made me go "uh oh" when I checked the date under some of the parts early on, and saw 1/7... and then I realized it was the USAmerican date format, so it's just January. Lmao.

Anyway, the chapter was a ride, and the sheer amount of dread it had caused me was something else. You just things were about to go horribly wrong, but I had no idea how and what exactly would happen.

Also, funny thing is that aside from the fact that it was supposedly super well written (turned out to be a fact), I also got spoiled on two things, Hofmann's death (I just knew she was going to die, not how), and that yuri was doomed.

Man, was that yuri doomed.

Honestly, I'm super glad I got spoiled on this factTM, bc I ended up with assumptions, which ended up being compltely wrong in the best way.

Ngl, maybe it was some internalized ableism from me, but I kind of expected Isolde to be the "victim" in the doomed yuri, as in, Kakania doing something that would cause Isolde to turn away from her. But I was wrong in the best possible way, because I think it managed to write a tragedy for the both of them that wasn't some form of character assasination.

I think the writers took a bit of a risk with Isolde that ended up paying off. I mean, they wrote a mentally ill character who causes lots of deaths, but managed to do it in a way that didn't demonize her, but also didn't excuse her actions. Imagine stricking that kind of balance these days... And aside from that, you can even understand what led her to that kind of state of mind. I mean, aside from curses and expectations and being deemed hystric, she was a medium for ghosts, which included ghosts from the future. I'm fairly certain she references both world wars when she explains things to Kakania, and all in all, it's difficult not to sympathize with her. And it's easy to see why Manus sought her - she was suffering, especially from her mental illness, and aside from Kakania, nobody really treated her with respect and gentleness she deserved (no wonder she fell for her), so she made an easy prey for them.

But, you know, she still got a bunch of people killed.

It's as good time as any to talk about my favorite character of this chapter, Kakania - it took me by surprise. The media made me really distrustful of fictional doctros & psychologists, huh. But anyway.

What I loved about Kakania is that she wasn't fine with any of this. Even if Isolde said she'd done it for her, to realize her dream, it was so refreshing to see a character be genuinely horrified by another character's actions, regardless of the intentions or mental health.

It's such a popular trope, accepting somebody who'd done awful things because of love, and I do like it (when it's well written), but it was so incredibly refreshing to see R1999 not go for it. Reverse1999 really said that it was still awful, and there was no justification for that.

By God it was all so painful - it was painful for Isolde, because she just wanted to make Kakania happy, and it was painful for Kakania, because she was essentially betrayed by her dearest friend, and indirectly caused so much pain and destruction. You'd truly want nothing but for these two to make up somehow, for Kakania to hold Isolde close and tell her everything's gonna be alright - but Kakania doesn't do that. And you know what? I fucking respect her for it. She values human life too much to budge out of love. Even if it hurts. Isolde has simply caused too much pain and destruction to swipe it under a rug.

And, god, the last part, the hypnotism. As if I wasn't in enough pain already. It hurt to see Kakania, who hates hypnotism with burning passion, use it on somebody she cares so deeply, and it hurt to see Isolde in the end just accept that. Even if it gave the Foundation a fighting chance against the Storm, it was still hard to watch. It still meant Kakania crossing the kind of boundary she'd never wanted to cross, and for yet another person to take Isolde's agency away from her. But in the span of this entire chapter things changed, they changed. And Kakania was willing to do anything to help, after indirectly causing that hell.

I think in a way that ending... honestly this entire chapter speaks volumes about the dangers of "idealism" and "meaning well". There's a reason why the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" exists. Idealism alone can lead to a catastrophy, and at the same time, sometimes something that goes against your principles might be more helpful in the long run.

As Madam Hofmann had said.

Honestly, moving to another character - Madam Hofmann. Not gonna lie, if I didn't spoil myself that she's gonna die, there's a chance I would've grown more attached to her... but watching Marcus beg her not to die was still heartbreaking. In general, her death was painful to watch. For most of the chapter she was so composed, but in the end she was stil just a person, and being in so much pain naturally broke her. Seeing her fight with her thoughts, clinging to her more rational side was painful.

I also loved her relationship with Marcus, especially since at first I was a bit unsure, given her rather cold demeanor, but, again, that one was on me and my assumptions. Hofmann was a great mentor. [*] A few quotes that I especially liked:

I think I like this one especially, because it manages to explain the problem, reassure Marcus, and at the same time doesn't bagatelize the issue. Like, that's how people your age are, but that's still not great and you need to get your shit together eventually.

A different quote, from Kakania's monologue this time:

But anyway, last but certainly not least, Marcus. I'm gonna be honest, I don't care about her all that much, but that is to no fault of her or her writing. Sometimes you just don't vibe with a character the right way. That being said, watching her growth throughout the entire chapter was a fantastic experience, and by the end I felt proud of how far she'd come. You did it, Marcus, you saved that mission. Madam Hofmann is definitely proud of you, too.