diary of a PhD that does bio things

How are you everyone?

well in this post I want to update my diary on what happenend during september.

First of all around the 1 of september my corresponding of my research grant, finally texted me... but just for asking me some favor. she was very distant on how she was usually.The vibe was/is like : you did something wrong to me: she started to call me by my entire name not without diminutive as she used in the past. I also noticed that she was more distant and sever to me, while she was friendly with my other collegue ( the other girl of the research grant), and this made me crazy a bit. In that day her words were: Hi, can you send me the datas of the last experiment?" And I said to her "Hi!, actually I am not home and I don't have my computer with me ( this is crazy, why I need to use my pc for work? give me a lab computer, wtf" , and I asked her if she know when I start myy PhD and If I can start to do some training in my new lab of the PhD. She just answered me with " I will let you know". STOP conversation

14 th september

I wrote to her and said that I sent all the things she wanted. She replied with "ok, thank you"

15 sepetember

she started to ask things about the datas, like: "why in the graphs there are not the names?"

I was surprised, cause there were names, and I said to her " yes there are, I see It...." she didn't reply anymore.

from 18 september she started to ask me many things:

She started to give me many long and complicated jobs ( if you remember I am always unemployed at the moment, until I start my PhD), but honestly I did it with calm. Thanks to my psychologist/therapist, I am learning step by step how to avoid toxic work things and to regain my personal spaces, like family time, boyfriend time, friends, etc...

so I putting my edges. She cannot pretend anything outside my work hours ( especially if i am unemployed).

So my ex boss started to pretend some work from me, and I said okay, but with my time. She asked me to do many things, and when she asked for "how's going? Is it ready?" I said to her that I had some health issues, and going to some medical visits ( that in part is true), or like in the last week, she asked me to dosome extra things, and when I was doing that, she asked more things and tasks to add in that single day that I went to the lab. After some hour that I ignored her, she send another message "did you do this thing?". I litterally ghosted her, and I disconnected my internet connection also to my computer.

I said to myself "don't panic! you came here only for these tings, if there will be time, you will try to do this other things with your time, remember you are not a slave, and if you go out of time it's not your problem, because you don't get paid, and you therapist said to set a work time window, so you don't need to work over 7 hours"

So what happened that I finished my priority things, with very calm and I did it well, but also I did the new things she asked me.

In the meanwhile, while I was doing the new things that she asked for, in the moment that she was and felt ignored, she asked to my collegue ( the other research grant fellow): did you know if Vins did that things I said? ( this is so crazy guys, this is called mobbing, you cannot ask another person to spy your collegue). Anyway this collegue came to me and asked me about this new work, and I said to her: "YEs i did it, but I don't have internet connection in the lab, I don't know why.... after lunch I will move in another place and I will sent everything!" And so I did. I finished my work tasks, without any panic, I did it well, and in proper work time.

27 of september

she asked me to do a videocall and talk about datas of an experiment. we did this call she seemed to be very calm and friendly. it seemed to be everything good. Then she asked me to start and write a new review, and I said okay (but now who will be the first author? I don't want that happened like few months ago, that I write 2 reviews and she didn't put me as first author).

Then she asked me to do a new experiment, with many replicas, but the problem that she didn't get, is that she is hosted in another lab, so we can't subrtract many materials to the others. When I said to her this, she seemed to be very ungry, and replied like: It's your problem that YOU need to solve"

So now I trying to fix this, but is it possible that I need to solve the problems that she give?

I want to tell about this thing. During my research grant fellow, I wrote with my lab bestie-mate 2 very good reviews. Our corresponding submitted this reviews in many journals, because they always rejected them. What happened is that during the year our corresponding started to felt sick ( due to a tumor), so she started to abandon ourselves to our fate.... the story goes on, "you cannot submit the reviews by yourself, you need that the corresponding does", this is what other people in lab say, also our professors. After some months, during the holidays, me and my bestie receive the email that the reviews has been submitted to some journals, but this time as first author there is another researcher!!!!! She is the vice of our corresponding. This made us very angry, because the vice is a very old woman and is a first researcher of a research center, so why putting her as frist author?

Hi all!!

after many years I decided to come back on tumblr. I just wanted a safe place where to write about my new adventure: In 2 month I will start PhD in an italian University ( for now I don't want to say more), in environmental biotechnologies. I'd like to tell more about myself.

First of all, the choice to write a diary on it is because, I followed the advise of my psychologist, this will help me to release some stress and try to avoid burnout.

Second, My name is Vincent, for friends Vins, I'm around 30 y.o., in a relationship with a same age boy, and since I am into research works ( after won a research grant, and a fellowship) I am constantly stressed (maybe I am stressed in the moment of my birth), full of anxiety and scared ( I am trying to fix this).

So I decided to start a PhD for many reasons, that I'll explain later.

I hope that with this blog/diary i can connect with people that have/had the same problems, maybe with their tutors, labmates,etc, and try to help each other!