🔮

Telling children that you won’t get mad if they tell the truth and then getting mad about it will turn them into massive liars in the future

Wake me up with cuddles and an orgasm.

Air conditioning is just domesticated wind

Somewhere out there there’s a kid whose uncle works at Nintendo and nobody believes him.

Watermelon is just crunchy juice

“It’s rare to meet someone with a mind just as beautiful as their face.”

…….are you alright

hmu if u wanna stroke my hair and rub my back and genuinely care about my well being

Paying rent is a monthly subscription to not being homeless.

moan directly into my mouth actually

just bought pillows for my sofa, am I a domestic goddess yet?? 

Heck yeah.

someone should wife me up tbh (so i can decorate the house and they can do the dishes i leave sitting in my sink for more than a month)

if ur gonna date me u gotta be comfortable with a lot of casual silence bc i just never fucking talk

I swing wildly between never shutting the hell up and turning into a stump