Blushing Alwite

I'm getting scared I could be developing an eating disorder.

Friday he finally comes over. I make him dinner, beer can chicken and spinach. Afterwards he falls asleep and I take his shoes off and watch and make him get in bed. And that's only after two beers. The next morning we decide to go to H&M and shop a bit. We go to the mall and it's crowded. Apparently he hates malls but I compensated by making him laugh and leaving without window shopping. We go back to my place and I show him my campus we stopped to play pool which was fantastic(I'm a sore loser) and we walk and cuddle and talk and it's a wonderfully cool fall night and we sit on the swings and talked. It was so romantic. Then we go back to pick up dinner which I cooked again and back in bed. Sunday I don't want to get out of bed but by the time I get out of the shower he's straightened up my room then I nap next to him for a few hours while he grades papers. Then we eat lunch and I sent him off right. :-) he was so sweet all again and kind and caring and so damn sexy. He's soooo sensual and he likes when I want to help him with stuff and he thinks I'm smart and calls me a pixie because I'm small. He is so fucking perfect. He doesn't mind my weird side or the exploration side of me. He likes sharing. And he listens and he wants to learn about my disorder. And he shares his thoughts on everything and he seriously opened his heart this weekend. I miss him already.

Sometimes I miss having that person to share about my bipolar disorder. It's one thing to share with friends but in a relationship it can feel so much deeper talking about that stuff and then having that person hold your hand through your mania (say no to your crazy sex ideas) and depression. My best friends know so much about me and my life sometimes I want to free them from that.

After my sexual assault I vowed to never cry again. Honestly I don't cry often any more I've gotten better at holding it in but what my mom just told made me start sobbing in the elevator. :-( this is the worst man. I don't know if I can handle this

I'm happy for people in love. But it's annoying.