HOPE

24 hours

I made this!

Here’s a phone number guys, they wanted to F*ck around, so internet do your things and be the find out.

for a while now i have been working on and towards somethings, and over time it has become incredibly hard to stay positive, sometimes its okay other times its not, working towards something that your heart wants and desires, then not being able to acheive that, time after time is such a heart breaking experience, focousing energy, health and life around these goals can be mentally and emotionally draining. I keep hearing, all in good time, good things come to those who wait. well what about good things come to those who ask for it? I'm not sure if youve met me, but im an incredibly impulsive person, always have been. It's not often I wait for things if I know I can have them sooner than originally thought. There are days I wake up hopeless... hungry but hopeless, running on empty, just pure done! I hear from friends, get some encouragement, try something new, they tell me so I do, then I get up dust myself off, and try again and again, only to meet the same fate, nothing, empty, emotional, done, im done waiting im done trying, im done every time getting the result i dont want, and the feeling of defeat washing over me, once i came close, so close, but that was just life giving a taste of something only to take it away the next day, "it wasnt meant for you" it all feels pointless, and gives a feeling of worthlesness. Everyone around me has reached the goal they wanted, some are on a second or 3rd, without even trying, i thought last year was the year, but it wasnt, i said thats it, no more, but i couldnt help myself, i tried again, and again, nothing. ...what do I do next??? ...Taking a break, focus on me, my health, walk more, go to the beach, swim, go to brunch with friends, maybe reconnect with prayer, reconnect with life, find my place with god again....enjoy life a little more, maybe taking a break will be good for me. I hope that maybe taking a break will be just what I need, a little bit of a reset, so my body can be normal for a couple of months. Shifting my focus from one goal that I have prepared so hard for, been so excited for, I need to shift my energy, shift my focus, and one day, when im ready again ill be able to finally be where I need to be. Maybe then will i get the result I want, and not feel hopeless, empty, defeated. Only time will tell i guess.

this year already has been alot and its only 2 months in. first thing, the restaurant manager i had just up and left, ghosted everyone, higher-ups weren't happy, lots of questions and speculation flying around, so lots of drama there, i really am struggling to see eye to eye with another mansger, ijust really find somehting about her off putting, smokey aura and just alaround i only barely tolerate her, shes a child and really shouldnt be in the position that she is in, but i have to work with her so just have to bite my tongue and be nice a polite and sweet..... for how long i can do that is the question, good thing i like my job and im pretty good at it. just have to work on a few things and maybe one day tis year ill be able to put her in her plce, id love to get some sort of promotion, a relocation would be great but ill stick with what i know and get better at what i can, theres always room for improvement... and i know once i improve more, things will happen. Work-wise, I'm setting work goals and seeing what I can do to achieve them, little weekly things that I can do to show that im strong and can handle more... Life-wise, I im working hard to reach my goals. I have savings goals in mind, and I'm chipping away at my to-do list. If I stay on track, I can get there. Just stay focused. ready for the sales and deals that happen EOFY.... compiling into a list of needs and wants, focusing on the needs that are also a benefit to life. i dont really know what else ther is to say, im happy healthy, thriving, learing, growing. oneday at a time.

Someone(with nothing better to do) prank called my store today, wasting time, so here’s their number they forgot to put on private, call it, have fun, prank them with what ever you want to! I give you full permission.

So I don’t call, I turn my thoughts to other more productive things.

Amen