My God Is Powerful

Since it's been a couple years, I wanted to post answers to a lot of questions I've gotten without making their stories public. 

Hey, first off, I’m really so sorry that it’s taken me this long to write it, having been on tumblr in a while and just saw your message.

I think that’s such a great question. I’ve never heard God’s voice audibly, it usually comes as my own voice and I know it’s God’s gentle whisper either telling me to give part of my testimony, to give some money, to get something for someone whose hurting, or to not to do something, and on and on and on. Sometimes God speaks to me just through others. For example, the other day, I was feeling self-righteously angry when  someone I thought was being just blunting mean to me. And under my breath, I said not so nice a word and then come to find out, that person was just going through a lot and displacing their anger on me. I learn lessons that only God can teach. Teaching me that people are mean unless theres a reason why and that they are going through a lot more than I know and just to love them. I don’t know if you wanted to know all that, but since you said you never really heard from God, I wanted to go ahead and show you some examples that I communicate with God other than prayer.

The best way to have a relationship with God is just to seek Him and Be Honest, cause God knows whats already in your heart. My relationship with God is just my daily life. I remember one day just crying after seeing all that God had done for me and fulfilled all His promises. I just can’t even begin to describe how much God has done in my life. Sometimes, it’s just about looking around and seeing what God is actively doing even through rough times or heck, just crying out to him in the hard times, but still thankful to have someone to cry to when its rough. Sometimes we and me included get caught up in what we don’t have and I think just by seeing the good He’s doing and thanking Him, your relationship with Him will just floor. Yes, read your Bible and pray, that’s the Sunday school answer, but the only way to love God in your life is by begining to look for Him and how do you do that? By looking at all the good He does, cause my God is so good and there you will find Him and with fellowship, prayer, and read the Bible, man oh man, its great.:)

It's been such a long time since I've written anything on here. I know, I know, in my bio I say that I tell the good and bad, but I hate writing when times have gotten tough like I'm somewhat complaining. I finally graduated from school with my master's degree in social work and it took two months afterwards till I finally got a job.

During that time, I was just so mad and furious with God. He's the one who told me to be a social worker when I was in high school. It was like my sophomore year/junior year. I had been making F's and D's and read a Melody Clarkson book titled, "torched red" I think and that's when I heard God's voice telling me He wanted me to be a social worker. From that day forward, I made almost all A's, got into college by the skin on my teeth and then graduate school.

I also knew He wanted me in mental health. As I began to apply, I found out very quickly that it's one of the toughest and most competitive jobs to get. Plus, you needed experience and licenses. Ugh, it just didn't seem possible. 

I began hopeful, then bitter, mad, and then just outraged at God. Everything was bottled up until I exploded while driving alone back home when a Christian song came on. It's the one that says, "Where you go, I'll go, where you stay, I'll stay,". I just was like, "God, I know this is what you want me to do, but you're not following through on your promise to me. "I've done everything to prepare to get to here, and now you have to do your part." and so on. Everyone said that I just needed to be patient and have some faith, it took about two months before I gave up my fight and gave it to God and the next day, as I lay peaceful in my bed, doing the "I'm gonna be patient game" I got a call from a job --a mental health position--. As I called for references to write a reference letter for me, one of them said that they wanted me to come in for a position. WOW, two interviews, just after I learned patience and to have a little faith. 

I know what it's like...

To feel the cool breeze in the morning while laying in my hammock over looking the beautiful sun coming up over the horizon-touching the hills far away to the tops of the coconut trees around me. I know what it's like to be far away from technology-where nothing buzzes or beeps and the only people to know how I am doing are those around me. When we ate, there weren't computers or phones out, only conversations focused solely on the person talking. Magic, these past ten days have been. I've been covered in dirt with no way to wash it off and running up hills laughing and smiling. I know what it's like to appreciate the smell of clean skin and the thankfulness of indoor pluming, but honestly, it's worth the trade off. 

I know what a real community of people looks like. They care and love so deeply about each other and even to a little group of strange people that come ranging in on them. As I sit and talk with these people after moments of showing up, I'm reminded of back home. Back home, where if someone were to walk down the wrong street, guys with guns would begin to ask you why your on their street-in their community. It's a hard and cold way to protect each other, but here, I know what it's like for a community to open its arms to what has to be a group of some really strange people. They have very little from those back home, but will give you everything. It's just there way. Actually, if you measure wealth by money, you'll never be rich. Wealth is measured by the riches you have with others that is given and invested.

I know what it's like to love. It's not a give and take, but a continual giving-not because of anything, but because you can. Love is not knowing what someone is saying, followed by a big hug and kiss. (Language barriers). 

On another side, I know what it's like to be hungry-an actual hunger. I can picture what it's like for millions of children all over the world who don't have enough food, but forcing themselves to walk-to keep going on. In these past 10 days, I choose not to eat some days, because I wanted to know what it was like for some many children and people. I understand how cold a night can get and how precious a river bath can be on a dusty day. I know what it's like to appreciate health and healthcare where others may take their mouthful or teeth out because they don't know when they may see another dentist again. I know what it's like to treasure water and why those in Africa seem to fight over it. It's what keeps is alive and I'd be lying if i didn't say that every morning I was somewhat selfish as I firstly ran to our gallon container of water to fill my bottle of water just to make sure I had some in case we were to ever run out.

Most importantly, I know what it's like to really value a social worker's perspective. People are people no matter where you go, Each has their own hardships either with teacher in schools, hunger, thirst, domestic violence, gambling, drinking, smoking, corruption, wars, divorce and so on. Everyone does through something. Were all human beings no matter where we live. None better, none worst. Each like another. We all only know the world around us that we see. Either huge cities of wealth like in the US or small wooden shacks like in Nicaragua. Sometimes we don't understand what we have because we don't know what others have to live without. We also don't understand the beauty in the simple things like the nature around us until you know how beautiful a non-technological world is. Most of the time, we think how poor other countries are and value ourselves more, but we have a lot to learn. People every where see their little world day in and day out, same needs, same problems, Were all in need of others though. Love matters, love has purpose, without it, evil blurs in. But still, we meet people where they are at, listen to what their needs are and not what we think they are, give them hope, hugs, and love. Like one social worker I ran into in Nicaragua said, "There is no reason to cry, through education there is hope and future."

I always here people telling me that I'm so bold in my faith or my mom telling me that I don't need to share everything. My view, is that our secrets are prideful. All those cobwebs spun around corners of my heart where I hate to enter or look at-- and to actually clean, would be all too painful. Those types of secrets where you don't like to tell, those that are kept to seem better than the world. Those prideful secrets that we keep from others. I can't express to you enough how amazing it is when you humble yourself and you talk about abortion, rape, lust, or whatever the Holy Spirit nudges you to share, revealing so many people who needed to hear that they aren't going through it alone. So yes, it's pride in my life that keeps those dark places hidden, but if humbly exposed, God uses for His glory.

So, I hate secrets and will loudly tell anyone who listens, that I am a wretched sinner, knowing that it's not about me, my reputation, my anything, its about my Jesus. Not us, but Him-to Him goes all the glory, not  us like we some how jumped out of the pit-with our hopeless lost selfs. 

We pray for children Who sneak popsicles before supper, Who erase holes in math workbooks, Who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those Who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire, Who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers, Who never "counted potatoes," Who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead, Who never go to the circus, Who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children Who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions, Who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money.

And we pray for those Who never get dessert, Who have no safe blanket to drag behind them, Who watch their parents watch them die, Who can't find any bread to steal, Who don't have any rooms to clean up, Whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser, Whose monsters are real.

We pray for children Who spend all their allowance before Tuesday, Who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food, Who like ghost stories, Who shove dirty clothes under the bed and never rinse out the tub, Who get visits from the tooth fairy, Who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool, Who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone, Whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those Whose nightmares come in the daytime, Who will eat anything, Who have never seen a dentist, Who aren't spoiled by anybody, Who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep, Who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children who want to be carried and for those who must, For those we never give up on and for those who don't get a second chance. For those we smother ... and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.