I think part of getting better is complete ego death. Like you’re not above setting a timer for 5 minutes and focusing on a task. You’re not above doing a very simple 3 minute workout to start. You’re not above reading for 10 minutes a day when you first get out of your reading slump, even if you used to read for hours. You’re not above starting slow and then building up to where you want to be/where you once were. What you are above is total inertia. Doing something really is better than doing nothing. Radically accept where you are, radically accept your limits, and go from there. Don’t let your ego get in the way.
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Have you ever spent the whole month of May convinced you're going to become a new person by September? Maybe you pictured yourself waking up at sunrise for yoga and journaling, running five miles a day and mastering the art of painting... only to wake up three months later with nothing to show for it but a vague tan line and disappointment?
Yeah. Same.
If your answer is "yes", congratulations, you are tragically self-aware and exactly who this post is for. If your answer is "no", well, congratulations to you, perfect being. You can keep scrolling and go back to you effortless, flawless existence. We'll be over here, working through our annual identity crisis.
Because listen, this is the last summer we let ourselves down. When next summer comes around, we'll also be one of those perfect beings who answered "no" to that question.
Key word here, achievable. If you have never touched a violin in your life, maybe don't aim to become a concert soloist by August. Instead, try choosing goals that feel doable but still meaningful, things that won’t make you want to fake your own disappearance by mid-July
And because I’m chronically over-organized (and possibly spiraling), I’ve broken mine down into categories:
Daily goals:
Consistent skincare routine
Some sort of daily movement that isn’t just walking to and from the couch
Weekly goals:
Baking or cooking something that doesn’t involve a microwave
Journaling (even if it’s just rage-writing)
Catching up with long-distance friends so they don’t forget I exist
Overall goal:
Finally get my driver’s license. For real this time. I have been a passenger princess for too long
step 2. visualize how to achieve those goals
Now that we’ve established what we want, it’s time to face the real question: how?
Like, yes, I want glowing skin and inner peace, but where exactly does that fit between my 4-hour doomscrolling sessions?
So let’s break it down:
What time of day will you tackle daily goals? Morning? Post-nap?
Which day of the week is “Friend Catch-Up Thursday”? (Trademark it.)
What does progress even look like? Maybe it’s not perfect; maybe it’s just "slightly better than last week."
step 3. trick yourself into motivation
This is personally where I struggle the most, so here is what's helped me trick myself into actually trying:
A pinterest vision board that could be defined as "aspirational yet delusional"
Checklists (there is nothing like crossing things off)
Writing down a motivational speech that I then read every single day (listen, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do)
Following people online who are doing what I want to be doing (and resisting the urge to hate them for it)
step 4. actually do the work (sorry)
This is the part where I tell you that no amount of Pinterest boards will magically give you a six-pack, glowing skin, or a driver’s license.
You have to actually...do the things. I know. I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules.
step 5. keep track of your commitments like semi-functional adult
There are a million ways to track progress, so pick your poison:
A color-coded Notion page
A chaotic bullet journal
An Excel spreadsheet that you pretend to understand
Whatever helps you see your progress without spiraling into performance anxiety, go with that.
step 6. bribe yourself (strategically)
Don’t forget to reward yourself. No one’s going to hand you a gold star for drinking water and doing 10 squats, but you can promise yourself an overpriced coffee or a guilt-free Netflix binge. Rewards are valid. Bribery works. This is self-development, not torture.
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So, this summer, let’s be the people we pretend to be on our Instagram stories. Or at least slightly improved versions of our current selves.
And hey, if it doesn’t all go perfectly? There’s always next summer (just kidding, we are not doing this again).
And if this seems too daunting, good news: we are all in this together (if you didn't read that singing, read it again). I'm posting weekly updates, and you’re officially invited to join me in the struggle of pretending we have our lives together.
get it done the weird way. do it in parts. do it “wrong”. do it “late”. do it scared. it’s just better to do it differently than everyone else rather than never do it.
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A low-effort, no-bullshit guide to getting your shit together.
It's the beginning of March, perhaps where you live the snow has started to melt, spring is whispering it will come soon, and maybe even birds are singing more. The Earth has already started preparing for a new season, so why shouldn't you?
Its time to follow the bears' example and come out of hibernation, and as a self-proclaimed Lazy Girl™, I believe I can guide you through your first steps out of your cave of procrastination and into the sunlight .
If you are like me and find yourself looking up guides on how to improve your life, only to find out 30 questions that make you question your life, have an existential crisis and throw your phone away while giving up on any notion of glowing up— you won't find that here, I got you.
step 1. the non-negotiables
We want to make this glow up stick, we want to sustainable. And for that, we need to create some ground rules and choose between one and three habits that are non-negotiable, meaning everyday things that you are committing to yourself to do every. Single. Day. Even on your bad days. Especially on your worst days. And because this is a guide for lazy girls like me, you are welcome, I have created a list of some examples of non-negotiable habits in multiple life areas, so that you don't have to think about them.
Hydration: drink at least 5 glasses of water daily
Hygiene: take a shower everyday, brush your teeth at least twice a day, floss daily, dedicate 10 mins everyday to tidying up your space, ...
Skincare: decide a 2 to 4 step morning and/or night routine and do it religiously
Exercise: walk at least 8k steps daily, follow a quick 10min work out video everyday, ...
Stretch: stretch for 10-15min everyday, do posture exercises, ...
Studies: study for at least 1h daily, do a practice quiz daily if you are preparing for something specifically, create flashcards and review them daily, ...
Sleep: set up a schedule to sleep at least 7h and follow it, stop using your phone 30mins before bed, ...
Screen time: completely stop using your phone 30min before bed, set a time limit for apps you want to use less and stick to it, stop using your phone while you are in the bathroom, ...
Notice how all the habits mentioned above have one thing in common: they are doable. They are easy. In fact, you probably already do some of them. That's the idea of non-negotiables: it's going back to the basics and creating the foundation of your new, improved life. It's the rolling in your bed and stretching your arms before you get out and face the day.
Choose between one to three of these habits, and make a promise to yourself that you will do them daily, no matter how good or bad a day is, how busy you are, how motivated you feel... No excuses, they are called non-negotiables for a reason.
step two. prepare for success
Alright, so you have chosen your non-negotiables, and committed yourself to doing them daily. Is that it? Unfortunately, no. While good habits are powerful, they are nothing more than a foundation, and they aren't the big change that you are looking for. Well, now we need to create an environment that allows that big change to happen. Think of it like baking a cake: no matter how willing you are to bake a lemon cake, you can't do it if you don't have lemons. Or an oven.
Now, creating an environment that allows for change to happen can look very different depending on your situation. The best way to figure it out is, surprise, by looking at what is stopping you from changing.
Perhaps your space feels cluttered and unorganised, and you feel unmotivated to be productive. Then I prescribe you with a healthy dose of cleaning and tidying everything up. Or maybe you feel lost, unsure of what exactly you want to obtain from this life improvement you so badly long for but can't pin-point exactly what it is. Then, my friend, spend a few hours to decide exactly what you want to focus on for this week, this next month, this quarter, or this year.
step 3. specialisation
We all want to improve in every area of our lives, but we have to be realistic and set priorities. Choose one area of your life you want to especially focus on, and go all in. This can be physical appearance, exercise, studies, productivity, finances, social life... Pick your poison.
I personally love to romanticise this by baptising this choice with a name. If you want to focus on fixing your sleep schedule and improve your sleep habits, this can be your Sleeping Beauty Era. Or perhaps you want to study more and get better grades: welcome to your Academic Weapon Era. Or maybe you want to be more outgoing and social and meet new people: I present to you the Social Butterfly Era.
Whatever your focus is, give it a fun name that motivates you. And when you are actively working on it, remind yourself of it, "I am in my That Girl Era".
step 4. pit stop
So, you have created your environment for change, and you have chosen the area you want to focus on and improve, and you have now an idea of a plan. Actually, you probably are imagining how a month from now you will be completely unrecognisable, and the best version of yourself, and everything will be perfect.
Well, I hope it goes that well and smoothly for you. But, and I hate to break your perfect-world bubble, that is probably not what's going to happen. You will find setbacks you hadn't prepared for, motivation will be unreliable and you will need to stop and refigure it out.
That's where the pit stops come in: once a week, or whenever you feel like you might benefit from this, take a moment to question if what you are doing is working. Are you seeing results? Good. Are you feeling frustrated? Time to work around and find another approach that seems a better option.
Don't stick with your plan you thought it was genius two weeks ago, or one week ago, or even yesterday. Even worse, don't give up on your goals just because your plan isn't working for you. Be flexible and allow your plans to change and grow as you grow with them, too.
Morgan Freeman had his first breakout roles in his 50s. Leonard Cohen debuted at 33. Toni Morrison published her first novel at 39. Vera Wang entered fashion design at 40. Penelope Fitzgerald published her first novel at 58. Louise Gluck won her Nobel prize at age 77. Edward Said wrote Orientalism at age 42. Charles Bradley debuted with his first album at 62. Those people are literal legends, and no one would think they arrived late. They just arrived when they were ready. You have time to do the thing. You have time to hone your craft on the thing and create something you are truly proud of. You have time
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one of my core life philosophies is the seasonal side quest. last winter? chess club. last summer? local radio producer. this fall? film festival bts. the reason why is that you meet people in person (shyness-approved exposure therapy), you find yourself in unfamiliar fields (good for the learning ego) and you come out of it with such a beautiful and inexplicable deck of cards up your sleeve (work in progress lore)! strongly recommend and the more unlike you the better. who knows maybe you come out of it with a lover, a career, or even just stories about a chapter in this adventure called life.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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