J. Ori 沈黙

No, I don’t feel death coming.

I feel death going:

Having thrown up his hands,

For the moment.

I feel like I know him

Better than I did.

Those arms held me,

For a while,

And when we meet again,

There will be that secret knowledge

Between us.

The lights are on,

Why do the faces look different now,

Question marks with noses and mouths,

Let’s get to specifics,

How pops tell me what to do through a text,

But won’t tell me have a good day or don’t worry bout what’s next,

Why moms telling lies,

Telling me don’t do drugs when we’re both fucking high,

When will my lil brother leave the sunken place,

I know he’s hurting but won’t show it, I’ve studied his case,

Who does my older brother have to talk to in order to feel ok,

I still wish we could be kids and play,

And what am I but the unsung middle child of the Banks residence,

I fucking hate you,

You make me more scared than the world do,

You could turn me crazy or turn me into who I need to be,

The result unknown I don’t even think I wanna see.

I fucking hate you,

And how you make me feel like I’m Worth your time,

I’m used to feeling like trash,

Nickname McGrimeyGrimes,

I fucking hate you,

You say you’ll stay with me forever,

And when you say I’m enough for you ,

All I can think is there someone better,

I fucking hate you,

I hate all of your loving words,

I hate you give me this warm feeling,

This warm feeling that I just don’t think I deserve,

I’m fragile,

Nervous,

And just a bit ignorant,

How do you love me,