MyExoticFeels

When Baekhyun thinks of Christmas, he’s reminded of cold winter nights spent alone at the orphanage as a child, the other children never really wanting to talk to him. He never had a family to share presents with, and the festive party held by his men each year manages to only perturb him further.

It’s only a few days from Christmas Eve that he arrives back at the office from a long day of collecting loans with Jongin that he passes by the room, door hanging ajar. He hears loud clamor and sees flashes of color from the slight crevice and decides to poke his head inside.

“What the hell is going on inside here?” he asks.

He sees Chanyeol and Jongdae moving around pots of poinsettias and Jongin hanging red ribbon along the wall as several other men are bent over at the table with the shrub, hands busy writing onto small pieces of paper.

“We’re getting ready for the Christmas party,” Chanyeol beams, eliciting a sigh from Baekhyun’s cold lips.

His men are surprisingly innocent and quite immature at heart, despite their violent tendencies and dangerous jobs. He feels that they could be leading better lives with their families if not for their difficult circumstances.

“Well, you go ahead and do that,” Baekhyun mumbles, before stepping towards the door. “I won’t be joining this year either.”

“Hey, boss,” Jongdae whines, “before you go, you should at least write down your Christmas wish.”

Baekhyun whirls around on his heels at the door, asking, “You want me to do what?”

Jongdae points to the others huddled at the table with stocky pieces of paper.

“We’re all writing down our Christmas wishes onto those pieces of paper and folding them so we can put them under the tree,” Chanyeol explains. “Since we don’t really exchange presents, we thought it’d be nice if we put something else under the tree. Your wish may come true, you know.”

“I’m not interested,” Baekhyun grumbles.

He finds himself in the familiar chair in his dark office, eyes tracing the lights through the large clear panels of glass of the windows while his fingers bring a cigarette to his lips. He sees the reds and greens of Christmas decor and the dazzling lights peeking out through heavy blankets of snow.

Baekhyun lets out a sigh.

How he hates Christmas.

~~

A few days later, Baekhyun is passing by the room for the Christmas party once more, his attention caught by a young girl’s voice as she asks, “What is that?”

Baekhyun can’t help but take a few steps back and tilt his head so he’s looking through the slightly open door.

“It’s our Christmas tree, princess,” Chanyeol answers, rolling his eyes. “Maybe you could afford one, but we’re not rich like you. This is all we can afford.”

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Hwayoung sighs. “You could’ve bought a smaller tree that’s fake, you know. Or you could’ve bought one of those miniature trees that are already decorated.”

“Fake trees are nasty, princess,” Chanyeol huffs. “You don’t understand the importance of having a living plant. Not to mention, there’s no fun in buying one that’s already decorated.”

It’s after long minutes of Chanyeol ranting to Hwayoung about the philosophy behind collectively decorating a tree as a family that he finally loses his breath, voice rasping, “Anyways, do you want to write your Christmas wish on a piece of paper and leave it under the tree like everyone else?”

“Sure,” Hwayoung shrugs.

It’s in that moment that a thought strikes Baekhyun’s reeling mind.

Is there something that Hwayoung wants for Christmas?

While Baekhyun hates to admit it, he realizes that his thoughts have been captivated by the young girl, something stirring softly in his heart when he thinks about her. He doesn’t want to articulate his feelings, afraid that his gentle sentiments would soften his cold facade, but somewhere in his mind, he knows that he’s begun to feel a deep affection for Hwayoung.

And this affection turns to panic once Baekhyun realizes that there may be something that Hwayoung wants.

And his yearning heart is telling him that he needs to find out.

Because he wants Hwayoung to be happy.

~~

It’s at night that everyone else has left the building, and Baekhyun carefully checks his surroundings before sneaking out of his office. His lone steps echo loudly in the dark halls, the door to the room for the party creaking loudly as Baekhyun pushes it open.

He turns on the light before walking towards Chanyeol’s beloved shrub, fingers carefully prying open the folded cards, eyes scanning through the terrible handwriting of each one before folding them and placing them back on the table. Irritation causes his fingers to hasten as he reads some of the most ridiculous wishes.

Despite going through several, a large pile remains, Hwayoung’s swooping handwriting still nowhere to be found.

“When the hell did I hire so many men?” Baekhyun hisses under his breath when he noticies just how many are left.

It’s as he goes through them that he realizes his attempt to find Hwayoung’s wish is futile, that he could have already dismissed it and thrown it into the pile with the other ones he had opened.

Disappointment fills Baekhyun’s tired mind.

He’s going to have to buy her something, something that he needs to think of on his own.

As he’s about to leave, his eyes travel to the marker and blank pieces of paper on the other end of the table. It’s before he can go that his hands naturally reach for the marker, lips moving nervously as he recites the wish that he writes on the piece of paper before him.

Despite his great loathe for Christmas, he must admit, there’s something this year that he cares deeply about.

~~

Baekhyun finds himself standing on one of the city’s most popular streets, lined with restaurants and cramped stores. He nearly gags at the swarms of couples that he sees, but he has no time to revel in disgust with Christmas only two days away.

He begins walking uncertainly, feet already cold from the icy sidewalk and embarrassment painting his cheeks red.

It had been a nightmare buying a necklace for Hwayoung’s birthday, even with the help of Chanyeol and Jongdae.

How is he going to buy something for Hwayoung alone?

It’s as he’s squinting to make out the display in a window that he’s startled by a familiar voice. Baekhyun’s head whips to its direction, his body tensing when he recognizes Hwayoung walking out of a store, a bag in her hand.

What the hell is she doing here?

Baekhyun knows the fluster and embarrassment will overwhelm him if Hwayoung happens to find him shopping for a gift, and he finds himself walking into some random cafe. He can’t risk having the young girl find out that he’s out getting a Christmas gift for her, and he gets shudders just thinking about Chanyeol and the others teasing him once they find out.

After all, mafia bosses like him aren’t supposed to do Christmas shopping.

He’s supposed to be a cold, emotionless man with a steel heart.

Not some grown man who’s head over heels for a girl younger than him and finds himself doing some casual Christmas shopping.

Baekhyun’s panicked mind is snapped out its anxious daze when an irritated barista yells, “Sir, are you ordering something or not?”

“Well,” Baekhyun splutters, fingers rummaging through pocket after pocket on his coat until they come across his worn wallet. “Just give me a latte.”

“Name?”

“Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun stands in the corner of the cafe, eyes nervously glancing between the phone in his hand and the window, scanning over the crowd to see if Hwayoung is still near. He finds it odd that Hwayoung is nowhere to be seen though he had just witnessed the girl coming out of a store a few minutes ago.

Yet the blood is drained from his face when he hears, “Can I get your name?”

“Hwayoung.”

Baekhyun’s mind reels with surprise and embarrassment when he recognizes the girl at the counter. He whirls around on his heels so he’s facing the wall, his fingers coming up to pull up his collar until he’s sure his nose and mouth are masked.

Shit.

Why did she have to come to this cafe?

Baekhyun thinks hiding from Hwayoung is enough, until he notices his drink being made and a barista with a shrill voice about to yell his name across the room.

“Latte for Bae-”

“Fuck!” Baekhyun yells, interrupting the barista moments before she can complete her sentence. Silence falls over the cafe as customers look at him oddly. A dark crimson paints his cheeks as his voice, muffled by his collar, meekly mumbles, “I mean, thanks.”

Baekhyun swipes the drink from the barista’s rough fingers before dashing through the crowd and out the cafe. He turns back once, noticing that Hwayoung looks around with confusion and maybe even recognition of the gruff voice cursing.

“That was close,” Baekhyun puffs, his cold breath immediately warmed by the hot latte.

He’s going to have to find a gift somewhere else.

~~

Christmas Day.

Baekhyun sits alone in his office, fingers carefully opening one of the drawers to reveal the gift he had gotten. A polaroid camera, neatly wrapped and resting soundlessly in his drawer.

The sound of Baekhyun’s heart pounding in anticipation is interrupted by loud clamor outside his office, to which he slams the drawer shut immediately.

He would give Hwayoung his gift in the evening.

He steps outside, Jongin in a Santa hat greeting him with a jolly smirk, before noticing Hwayoung plodding down the hall with something in her hands. Her head tilts slowly upward, her clear eyes meeting Baekhyun’s.

“Do you know where Chanyeol is?” Hwayoung asks. “He left his Santa hat in the lobby.”

“I think he and the others are setting up for the party later today,” Baekhyun answers indifferently. “What’s that?”

“This?” Hwayoung smiles, holding up the box. Her fingers pry open the top, revealing a polaroid camera. “Jongdae, Jongin, Chanyeol, and the others all saved up and bought this together as a gift for me. Pretty neat, right?”

Baekhyun’s eyes turn dark with anger, his rigid lips morphing into a menacing frown.

Fuck them all, Baekhyun thinks.

“Are you going to the Christmas party?” Hwayoung asks.

“No,” Baekhyun spits, bitterness evident in his low voice. “I hate Christmas.”

It’s without sparing another glance at the girl that Baekhyun turns and leaves.

It had been a terrible idea to get her a gift in the first place.

~~

Night falls over the city with a lush velvet sky and sparkles of glittering snow reflecting the stars peppered in the sky above. The stillness of the air is suddenly filled with silver scrolls and a pungent scent as Baekhyun lights a cigarette, probably the tenth one of the day.

He walks far from the Exo Credit Union building, the faint echo of Christmas cheer and thunderous laughter still audible even after walking far down the frosted streets. Though the cold hair bites at his cheeks and the snow crunches uncomfortably beneath his cold feet, Baekhyun refuses to go back.

He hates Christmas even more, now that his first attempt to give a Christmas gift has failed.

He expects to be alone, until he hears a heavy sigh, his eyes making out the outline of a solitude figure on a bench.

“Princess?” Baekhyun asks.

The girl looks up from the ground, a downcast expression marring her soft features.

“Oh, you’re out here,” Hwayoung mumbles, her voice swathed in gloom.

“I thought you were at the party,” Baekhyun says, kicking some snow as he steps toward the girl. “Did something happen?”

“No, it’s just something stupid,” Hwayoung exhales, forcing a smile. “It’s just, I like to do everything on my own and I never bothered my dad for anything. But Christmas was one of the few days where I didn’t have to worry about anything and I could spend time with my dad as family. We had some Christmas traditions of our own, and I’m just sad he’s not here with me this year. Even if he had business trips, Christmas was the one day he made sure to leave open for us.”

“Is that all?” Baekhyun asks.

“Well, I always bought a gift for my dad and other people I care about,” Hwayoung explains. “There’s someone I wanted to buy a gift for this year, but something happened to the gift. Not to mention, that person was in a bad mood earlier today, so I feel bad about not being able to give them something for Christmas.”

“I’m sure that person, whoever it is, isn’t mad at you,” Baekhyun says consolingly. “Something else could’ve put them in a bad mood. Not to mention, if it’s about the gift, then I’m sure they’ll be understanding.”

“You really think so?” Hwayoung asks.

“I’m positive, princess,” Baekhyun says, his lips pulling up in an awkward, crooked smile. “But why don’t you want to go to the party?”

“Well,” Hwayoung sighs. “Chanyeol, Jongdae, and the others, even if they do strange or violent things, they always look out for me. Sometimes I feel I’m a bother to them. Someone young and immature like me is only going to ruin their fun. I wonder if sometimes they don’t want me to be around.”

“Listen,” Baekhyun remarks, sighing deeply. “You probably have more maturity than everyone in that room combined. Also, you are not a bother to anyone. If anything, you’ve helped these guys by doing small tasks and treating their wounds. Your smile makes everyone happy, princess, and I can tell you for sure, we’re all very lucky to have you around.”

A small smile plays on her lips, her expression of glee immediately replaced with one of surprise when she notices that Baekhyun’s hand is outstretched.

“Come on, princess,” Baekhyun sighs. “I’m not leaving you out here alone on Christmas day. I’ll walk you back.”

Hwayoung’s cold fingers slowly reach out, until they come in contact with Baekhyun’s warm palm. She’s propped up onto her feet, Baekhyun’s warm hands wrapping around her smaller ones, the crunching of snow and shaky breaths weaving into a soft melody that pleases Hwayoung’s ears.

“Baekhyun,” Hwayoung whispers. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“I wrote down my Christmas wish and put it under the tree,” Hwayoung smiles, “and it really did come true.”

“What was your wish?”

“To not be alone on Christmas.”

Silence falls upon the two as they continue walking, the loud clamor becoming louder with each step.

“I’m really happy,” Hwayoung says. “Even though you claim to be a jerk, your words made me feel a lot better.”

“I guess I can say my Christmas wish came true as well,” Baekhyun hums.

“What did you write?”

“It’s a secret.”

Hwayoung pouts, and warmth spills into Baekhyun’s heart when he sees her cute expression.

“By the way,” Hwayoung asks, “were you at a cafe a couple of days ago?”

“No,” Baekhyun immediately splutters, “I was at the office all day.”

“I guess it was someone else then,” Hwayoung laughs.

That was close, Baekhyun thinks.

~~

“Both the boss and princess are here!”

The room bursts into cheer as the two figures walk in, sprinkled with snow and looking forward with embarrassment.

“Boss, you’re actually joining our party this year,” Chanyeol cheers. “What did the princess say to get you to come?”

“She didn’t make me come,” Baekhyun grumbles. “I came on my own, but I’m not doing anything crazy so don’t bother me.”

Baekhyun walks over and plops down on the couch, a Santa hat placed on his messy hair as his men offer him strange drinks and what seems to be slices of cake. Baekhyun takes a can of beer, his eyes following Hwayoung as she laughs at Chanyeol’s jokes and shows excitement when offered a piece of cake.

Though he doesn’t do anything at the party, Baekhyun is satisfied knowing Hwayoung is having a good time.

~~

It’s after the party is done that swarms of bodies leave the room.

Baekhyun is walking down to his office, when he feels a tug on his sleeve. He turns around, surprised to find Hwayoung standing behind him, a small gift in her hands.

The building is quiet, save for Hwayoung’s nervous breaths, as she murmurs, “That person I was talking about before is you. I got you this, but it ended up breaking almost as soon as I got it yesterday. I’m sorry, and I’ll get you something better for your birthday.”

It’s before Baekhyun can even thank the girl that she runs away, leaving nothing but emotions that leave Baekhyun’s heart fluttering.

He removes the lid of the box with a shiny ribbon, revealing a watch with a cracked face.

Baekhyun chuckles.

He doesn’t need anything else from Hwayoung since the wish that he had written down had already come true.

And what was Baekhyun’s wish?