Reblogs And Shit

Huge oceanic Manta Ray spotted near Trinidad. There is a shark of scale.

the way I think about it is like this: some meds can negatively affect you in ways you might not like. that's the nature of any medication, from antidepressants to HRT. they don't change you as a person, though. some medications can make you tired. some medications can make you hungrier and therefore (slightly) agressive as a result. for people who do estrogen based HRT, they often find themselves more emotional. HOWEVER:

medication is intended to help you become a more functional person than you already are. if you find that you don't react 100% the way you used to, this doesn't mean you've changed as a person, or you're not you anymore, sometimes that just means you've grown up a little since then.

my ADHD meds and my antidepressants don't change me, they change the brain chemistry that was preventing me from functioning how I'd like. they changed and change my brain chemistry so i can have more room to be me that the mental illness and ADHD takes from me in the first place.

sometimes meds take up too much room, or sometimes not at all, but those things aren't permanent, and they're a part of learning what doseages and medications can help you better.

but no, in short, to repeat, meds don't change you. they just give you more room to be you that mental illness and other things took from you in the first place. I feel more like myself, and after getting on meds, i feel like a cloud has been lifted, in a lot of ways. it's helped me clear out the gunk that was stopping me from being me.

if anyone wants to answer in the replies while I'm gone feel free to do so!

Can you call up a therapist and be like “hi, I’m therapist shopping”? Can you schedule an appointment with a therapist and then be like “actually I have some questions and I want to spend part of this appointment talking about your practice and whether or not it is garbage?”? Are you expected to phone interview/screen your therapists if you are shopping around for a therapist?

1) When you call them up (or email them, which I prefer, because PHONE, EW), you ask if they’re taking new patients.

2) If they say yes, say something along the lines of “Great! I’m looking for a new therapist. Would it be possible for me to schedule an appointment so we can see whether we’d be a good fit for one another?”

IF THEY SAY NO, THEY DON’T DO ‘INTERVIEWS’: they’re a dick, you don’t want them anyway, don’t bother to make an appointment

3) Assuming everything is a go, head over to the appointment. Bring your notebook, pen, and questions. Also, if possible, have a very brief rundown prepared of what you’d like to accomplish with your therapy (or even what you think your biggest issues are).

4) Introduce yourself. Reiterate that you want to see if the two of you would be a good fit, so [a nice little social laugh or smile here, while holding up your notebook] you brought questions.

IF THEY DON’T LIKE THAT: they’re a dick, you don’t want them anyway, cut the meeting short

5) Give the rundown of what you want, what your issues are, whatever. See how they react.

IF YOU FEEL WEIRD AT ALL ABOUT THEM: they may not be a dick, but if you don’t feel comfortable with them, then it’s going to be a shit therapeutic relationship

6) Ask your questions — about their therapeutic approach, why they entered the field, whether they feel comfortable working with *your* needs (I, for instance, specifically told my awesome therapist that I needed her to tell me absolutely nothing about her personal life or experiences — as much as possible, I needed a blank wall to bounce things off of. It’s been years now, and I THINK she’s seen at least a couple of episodes of Doctor Who. I THINK. That’s all I’ve got. It’s amazing).

AGAIN, IF YOU FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THEM: go with your gut — your therapy is not the time or place to try and soldier through

7) By this point, you’ve probably hit the 45 minute mark, and you’ll know if you want to see this person again.

IF YES, say that this was a really great meeting, and you’d like to set up a regular appointment.

IF NO, say “Thanks for meeting with me.” If it wasn’t too terrible, feel free to add in whatever social niceties you want to lessen the blow (“I have appointments with a few other people, still, but thank you again!”), or you could just skedaddle as soon as possible.

IF YOU’RE NOT SURE, go a bit heavier with the social nicety: “I still have appointments with a few other people, but I really enjoyed our meeting. I’ll let you know as soon as possible if I’d like to schedule another one. Thanks again!”

Regarding current therapists: If they’re toxic, get rid of ‘em before you even start interviewing others. Nobody needs that kind of garbage. Otherwise, you could keep seeing them while you interview others, and then the second you find one you like (and you schedule your next appointment), get rid of your current one. You don’t have to say why — just say that you’d like to cancel future appointments. Do it over email, if you want. If you like them, you can tell them that you just need something different now, but that you “really appreciate all the work we’ve done together” or something. If you don’t like them, just cancel. They don’t need to know jack.

IF YOUR CURRENT THERAPIST SAYS SHIT ABOUT YOUR LEAVING — and I mean anything other than a positive hope for you in the future — then they were a dick and you were right to find someone else. Who needs passive-aggressive bullshit from a therapist? Nobody, that’s who.

I live in a really conservative, Christian part of the US and I was really concerned about finding a therapist who wasn’t going to regard my identity as some sort of problem to be solved.

I struck out with a few people, but one therapist returned my call personally and I flat-out SAID (because I was fucking exhausted and very very sick at that point from the bipolar) “My problem is I’m bipolar and trying to recover from an eating disorder.  I need to know if you will have an issue treating a liberal atheist bisexual consensually perverted pro-choice fat feminist bitch who does not regard any of those things as a problem.”  To which she responded with horse laughter and “I am also a feminist bitch!”

Saw her for a long long time.

You may not be that lucky.  That was pretty wild.  I just want to put that out there to encourage you to go ahead and put all those parts of yourself out there for the cat to sniff at, so to speak.  You want to make sure they will accept you.  Be fearless.  Be strong.  It can be hard, being that open straight off, but you need to know, my lovelies.  You deserve to be treated FOR your problems, not AS a problem.  You deserve the best.

* I’ve always found my therapists through referrals. If you know someone in therapy who’s having a good experience, you can ask them to ask their therapist for some names. This saves you having to scour the internet and it will usually screen out charlatans. 

* There are different approaches to therapy out there and different people need/want different styles. Like, CBT works for some people and not at all for others. 

* Talk therapy works emotionally as well as intellectually. It’s a place where you can experience feelings that are blocked, and then work on reintegrating them into your regular life. If you feel like you are talking and talking and talking and you are understanding a lot of stuff but not feeling anything, you might need someone new, even if you like them personally. 

* I feel like this does not get said enough: The way therapy always works on TV is totally unlike how it works in real life. That’s because 90% of the time, on TV, the therapeutic setting is just a device being used to justify having a character who’s normally closed off monologue about their emotions. As a result, the therapist typically sits there like a sympathetic fern, listening to all this, occasionally prompting them vaguely and gently so they can spew more monologue. In real life, at least in my experience, the therapist is a much more active participant. They should be present to you, however you want that to work. They will sometimes direct the conversation, point out things you’re not noticing about the way you’re responding to something, offer you another perspective on something so that you can see how your damage has affected your view of yourself and the world, and so on. 

* In my experience (I’ve had 5 therapists; two were great and 3 were enh) the first session is in fact pretty much going to tell you the story. The two great therapists were great right away. The three enh were very nice and did their best and were OK, from the beginning. With two of these three enh therapists I took too long to break it off. If it’s not working, it’s not working; go find someone else. You don’t owe your therapist anything.

* Reiterating a point made above that your therapist should not try to talk you out of ending your therapy, though it is normal to have a discussion about why you’re ending it. Some therapists feel strongly about how to manage the end of a therapeutic relationship, and it’s OK for them to discuss that with you. But they should not be trying to hold on to you after you’ve said you want to end. 

this is such a thoughtful ask. 

i remember the very first time an allistic (non-autistic) friend asked me how they could accomodate my needs as an autistic person. i was in my 20s, it was the first time anyone had asked me that. i cried.

the best advice i can give is, ask and listen with an open, patient mind. do what you can to help them feel safe answering. it’s important they feel able to express their needs without fear of being judged. after the initial conversation, keep checking in with them as your relationship progresses. ask specific follow-up questions, and try not to lead. “Is it ok if i do this, or would [x] be better? Would [x] make this thing easier, or maybe not? Do you prefer [x] or [y], or should we think of something else?” It’s good to let neurodiverse people know that you’re willing to work with them on finding options, bc many of us grew up with limited options (and that mindset lingers). 

i grew up feeling very self-conscious & hesitant to confide my needs in others, bc i was used to having those needs dismissed as atypical & unreasonable. things like ‘i sometimes need an unusual amount of time to respond to messages’, ‘talking can be extremely draining’, ‘it’s hard for me to listen at the speed most people talk’, ‘i have trouble being responsive & available the way many people expect’. a lot of it boiled down to: ‘i can’t meet neurotypical expectations, and i’m used to being abandoning bc of that. things other people do easily are hard for me, in ways i can’t explain. please don’t be angry, please be patient.’  

Worm on some legs

Edit: since all of y’all just LOVE this. Here’s Cerberus.

Respect doesn’t make history.

literally every single other person including the audience: