me myself & I

To MY Soulmate!

I look at you as more than what you are to me currently. Because to me you are everything. Everything I’ve ever wanted but mostly because you treat me as though I matter. As if my opinions and everything I want is important to you too. And that’s what this kind of love is all about. You matter a lot for me because I know you are there to accept me as what I am.

But I can’t tell you I love you.

I can’t tell you that every night before I go to sleep I think about you. I think about you when I am dead from work and I’m just wishing I’m with you at my lowest moments. I think about you when I can’t get through the day without wanting to cry. You are home to me and just hearing your voice reminds me how it feels like to be at home with you.

And when some of my closest friends ask me if I’m in love with you I tell them no. Because I don’t want to be the cause of losing you. Even though you mean so much to me, it doesn’t mean that we need to be together. That’s when the lines of loving someone and being in love with someone are at its border line. And my lines with you are so blurry. I can’t even tell you what’s going on in my mind and my heart because I don’t know.

Sometimes we’re meant to meet someone who takes our breath away but not to get to be with that person. And it’s unfair. It’s so unfair that we are physically near to each other yet emotionally we are seem so far…I can’t even hug you for I am so scared of losing you.  I can’t even tell anyone how much you mean to me for it is only for my heart to keep…a secret. I want to let you know that you are the last thing I see at night and the first name I whisper when I wake up.

We can learn so much from each other but only if we keep it to the capacity that it’s at. And I’m not fully sure risking everything to tell you my feelings would be the smartest because I don’t feel as though we’re on the same page. And that’s OK. It’s OK to not be exactly at the same moments in life. It’s OK to not feel the same kind of emotions as of mine.

I can feel myself breaking. To tell you that I am so completely into you. So completely infatuated by everything you are. And it has nothing to do with outward beauty you have but because I know you have a beautiful soul.

I do hope that you keep things the way it is. Because even though I want to love you, I am nowhere near ready too. And while I’m taking my time to savor the moment you are still there for me, you might meet someone else. You might meet them and love them more than you could ever love me. And they’ll love you just as much. Because you are a lovable person. The kind of man people fall for immediately.

But don’t ever feel sorry for me. Never feel like I’ve lost out because I’ve never gotten to love you in that way. Because the love that I’ve gotten for you is so much better. You have shown me that I am capable of still being loved by someone just like the way you treat me.

And if ever you will leave, I wouldn’t look for anyone else to replace your space in my heart for I know that I wouldn’t need anyone else but you.And if ever our path will cross again…I would still want you back!

You are my soulmate. I know for the fact that you can’t really be mine and we couldn’t be together but all I know is this; as long as you exist in my world, I’ll be happy. No matter what capacity.