Everyone's moon has a dark side....

I need to cut.

I am on edge.

I go from polite to dangerous in the time it took to read that.

I simply hope someone let's me cut.

I'm holding the knife, it's grip familiar, trusted.... Makes me feel safe.

All around me are those that don't mean a fucking thing, that don't regard me as a fucking thing.

They travel in packs, they run solo.

I want to cut.

I dare one of those that use, and take to get ahead.

Those that have agendas and paths made up before they ever have met you.

The ones that pretend emotion, that spread a mirror across their facade so that others trust.

Oh how I wish to slowly cut you, I need you to feel every fractional cut I carve into you.

I want to savor every drop of blood as I release it from you.

I want to hear every scream.

I want to cut the flesh off your body, explore every place of you I desire.

Bury myself into your head and load you with so many thoughts you can't hear yourself anymore.

I want to see and feel the real emotion, real fucking emotions, not only as you beg for your life, that you pleade for salvation and that I let it be quick.

I have followed the rules.

I have choked back my opinion.

Now....

I am shedding my fake friends.

Letting them go away in peace.

I close my eyes and you are in my dreams so I don't sleep.

I see you in the shadows in the corner of my eye, I do the best to ignore.

I remember vivid thoughts as I daydream, and I wipe the tears from my eyes as I snap out of it and realize.

I try to fill my day with things, people, projects.... It doesn't help.

You needed to fight and I fought, never gave you a dark doubt.

I want to be inside you, feel you deep.

I held my heart out to you.

Painfully you needed to slowly pull the ribs away at each ligament, watch the tears run down my face.

Was it from pain... Or sadness?

I gave you all. All I could, everything I had.

Yet I saw the determination, the search in your eyes as you dismantled me, without care for injury, you decided you needed me completely torn apart.

With every break in my body I knew it was not love you needed, with every trail of blood that stained your hands, that ran down my body, with every ounce I lost, so did I equally lose the trust.

Vows of protection, of togetherness always are useless if spoken with words rotting from the tongue of lies.

I saw your eyes... In them the fire so dimly lit, you didn't have the passion to fight for your own actions, to even begin to see your self worth.

I looked at you, and you turned away, because you knew I could destroy you a thousand times over, and yet I passively let you scar me.

You invaded my dreams, you took away from others emotions I'll never give them.

You fractured the foundation I started to build as a young child taking in this world for the first time.

Every time I've been pushed away and ignored.

Fuck you very much.

You didn't have to slowly rip off my wings.

Free to come after myself mentally, and really do mental damage.

In the dark, there are no borders, no distractions, nothing to stop a thought from being born, to learning how to walk, and it learning to hunt you with a razor.

Now my body spasming, inflicting physical pain.

I'm full of a rage I don't understand.

I'm angry and don't know why.

Nothing lasts forever, time is not infinite!

You can be ignorant or pretend to not notice and all you will do is miss out on things now.

The best one can hope for is that the situations that are good, that you wish to protect last as long as you can, and you live every moment treating it like it truly is important in your life.

If you love... Tell them... Treat them with love.

If you see a fight you should engage in, then stand up for what you need.

The worse thing one can do is pass from this world, or have someone leave it before you and you parted having words unsaid, living with them weighing down your chest, tearing without mercy in your mind.

No amount of tears, prayer, hope, dreams or regret will ever bring back someone who's truly gone.

Treading thick water

The rate that I'm slipping

It's only a matter of time I taste the bitter taste of loss

I fight

I only tire

I had hope

I only stopped trying once I saw it slip away