And what is fear, truly, if not this?
They had almost won. They were almost hers. They were almost a family.
(Almost, and almost, and almost. Isn't it so obvious, now? Fear isnât about what has been lost. Fear isnât the wolf come knocking on your door. Fear is about having something long enough to lose itâabout realizing that she wanted something so desperately that she couldnât stop reaching for it, even knowing that her hands would break everything they held. And so:
They had almost won. She wanted to be happy. They had almost been hers. She wanted to be happy. They were almost a family. She wanted to be happy.
There will never be a fear greater than wanting.)
The blast registers as a tremor beneath her feet, something that curls and cuts and siphons in a way that is achingly familiar. She knows the shape of it the way she knows the thrum of her own heartbeat: itâs Grissâ magic, chaotic and full, a tempest gathered in his hands and leaving with enough force to terrify a small army. What is wrong with you, she thinks to ask again, past the annoyance of how he pulls away, past the rattling breath of something leaving.
When Zephia tries to grab for him again, though, heâs gone. Griss has always been a little pale, but this is different; this is pale in the way that winter fields are pale, when springâs delicate flowers freeze and summerâs vibrant colors bleach themselves white. This is pale in the way that dead things are pale. This is pale in the way that has her thinking, again: what is wrong with you?
If Griss says something, she doesnât hear it beyond the sharp clack of bone against bone. Heâs gone, as he should have been. As he will be. As he was always meant to be. He is gone because he is human and terribly fragile, and he will hardly live long enough to ever matter. He is gone, her Hounds are gone, and the fog remains stagnant, the waters remain still, and the woods loom and loom. (And through it all: darling boy, darling beast, darling foolâwhat is wrong with you? Why are you gone?)
ââŠOh, Griss,â she sighs. Sheâs certain that her hands settle on bone; certain, too, that her fingers curl around his wrists, so brittle now that she thinks they might break. âHow do you plan on following me when youâve already gone so far ahead?â
The honeydew scent grows heavier; the fog, thicker. It curls around her horns and says, you won. It settles against her shoulders and whispers, they are yours. And when it invites itself against the seam of her lips, sweetly murmuring that they are your family, Zephia parts her mouth as if to welcome it homeâand fits her teeth around it with a sharp snap. Something recoils with a muted shriek around them, and she tightens her hold around Grissâ wrist and pulls. It doesnât break. It isnât even cold.
(For this is where the fog has misunderstood. Her yearning is not so soft that it would rest so sweetly against her.)
The fog swells. Something screeches. Then everythingâthe trees, the shadows, even the skiesâloom heavy and dark above them. In a shout, in a whisper, in an echo, it says: stay.