**// metaphorical-immortality.concept //⁎⁎

it was another late night at the headquarters for ivy. she had become obsessed with being as useful as humanly possible. she wanted to make them all proud, which was an unusual feeling for her recently. ever since jacob, she hadn’t really given a damn what people thought of her. after she was sure that she was never going to get the recognition she deserved, she merely became a background player, whereas before she had been desperately trying to get into the spotlight. 

and then she’d come to the team, and sure, at first, she’d felt like an outsider. but slowly, slowly she had found her place amongst them. she knew she still had work to do.

at the last heist, she had failed to crack a safe and she had been obsessing over it ever since. so she was practicing the best that she could. she was watching youtube videos, headphones in, intently focusing on her technique. she would be better than catwoman, she laughed to herself, hearing it echo around her. maybe it was time for her to head back home. 

when striker’s house became home to her, she wasn’t sure. but it was. she smiled at the thought, turning her laptop off and sliding it into her bag. 

she was going to leave, but she saw a light on in the bar. she wondered who could possibly be there that late. she walked in, seeing erica sitting a the bar. “erica?” she spoke, raising a single brow at her, confused, walking in. she sees the way she’s trying to look at her in the glass and she’s even more confused. 

“been here the whole time actually. trying my hand at cracking safes. wanting to be prepared for the next heist, you know?” she walked closer, sitting down next to her. “have you been here all night?”

--- SHE HADN’T MOVED FROM HER SEAT YET. as if she were glued to the barstool, erica couldn’t bring herself to stand, nor would her legs obey in any attempt to do so. whether out of a desire to continue drinking, or because she was so very mentally exhausted in ruminating over her insistent and ever-present worries, she couldn’t truly say. and with the amount of alcohol she’d already had, the woman wasn’t in the optimal state, neither was she particularly keen on spending her time deducing the why of it all. why, why, why. if she kept asking that question, she’d blow every insignificant detail out of proportion and give herself an entirely new problem to worry about that, logically, didn’t exist.

the stool was on a swivel, she briefly recalled, gently rocking herself from side to side a few times with the push of her foot against the side of the bar top. she wasn’t completely confined to being sat and looking straight ahead. thank god for that. she set the glass down and, as smoothly as possible, spun herself to face the other way in order to catch a glimpse of who was there; admittedly tired eyes locking on to the figure of ivy wang as she came into frame and focus.

her approach and erica’s movement were... strangely synchronised, allowing for the pair to meet in the middle and for her to get a good look at the other woman, who likely didn’t appear as worse for wear as she did-- though she seemed tired all the same. it was late, after all, and they were working in a very... intense business. to burn out or to tire was something she couldn’t fault any member of her team for, even though she was loathe to see it happen in herself. which, she knew all too well, was why as she felt a wave of relief wash over her in due cause to the newfound company, erica never nearly winced at the sting of her own anger being directed at her, cursing herself mentally for being seen in such a state. she wasn’t too far gone, though, able to mask her inner frustrations with an impassive expression as best she could manage in that moment.

“oh?” was her only response to ivy in saying she hadn’t actually left yet, leaving the brunette to wonder how on earth she’d managed to miss that in the first place. a credit to ivy? yes, most definitely, but a mark against erica for not realising that she had still been around in the first place. on a normal night, things tended to err on the side of deathly quiet at their headquarters, erica being one of the few that actively chose to stay there in between preparation for jobs and her own intensive problem-solving sessions. she was sure there were a few stragglers around, ivy clearly being one of them but most, she supposed, had other places to go or things to do aside from be there.

except for me.

brushing aside the thought in order to focus on the other woman erica nodded slightly, both in understanding and appreciation of the dedication that was being put into their work. there was nothing written in any contract that required ivy to do any of those things, nor was she obligated to log in certain number of hours when it came to preparation for their jobs. most of the work for the kentucky job was to be done undercover, and that, she knew, would require a hell of a lot more work than sneaking past a couple of guards and cracking a safe or two. still, the effort was not to be overlooked. “right-- always good to get some practice in,” erica eventually remarked, absently noting that her speech was already beginning to slow. “and-- yeah, i’ve been here. not just... at the bar, but-- around. don’t stray too far from this place ‘less it’s for work. you know me.”

you know that she doesn’t.

had she been left alone for much longer, had the other woman spotted her another hour from now... she likely would have been inconsolably drunk. sure, that was fun when she had someone to share it with-- it always was, holding a fondess for her times with mischa as they’d slipped into incoherent russian babble and went shot for shot, trading vodka-laced words she never truly intended to utter. she loved those sorts of nights, both for the hedonism and the chance to relax. drinking alone was a completely different story; when the darker thoughts, cast out to the furthest recesses of her mind threatened to close back in and consume her.

perhaps it was that knowledge paired with the alcohol she’d already indulged in that had the words thank you for noticing me, thank you for seeing me here on the tip of her tongue, so stupidly and unreasonably ready to be blurted out to ivy she had to force her jaw to lock in an effort not to look so foolish. erica couldn’t be that kind of person, for as intense as the urge to reach out was. she just couldn’t, least of all when it came to the team she’d been so careful about recruiting. if she expressed weakness, or faltered in any way, it could be just enough for any of them not to trust her as they might have before, or to no longer believe in the plans she’d worked so very hard to create.

and beside that, if she did reach out, if she gave in to that craving for connection... would any of them actually reach back?

her normally sharp gaze was weary, less bright, and the petite brunette was so transparent in her begging for some reprieve from it all. from the constant mess of fragmented thoughts constantly running through her head, from the tension building in anticipation of their next job; from the exhaustion of keeping her mask and guard up as she did everything she could possibly do to keep herself at arm’s length from everyone else-- to keep herself from growing attached to something that could be so easily broken, or taken away from her in an instant. ... god, she really needed to take her mind off of this. fast.

“-- fancy sharing a drink, ives?” maybe it seemed like an out of the blue request to make, and no, it wasn’t the most elegant of coping mechanisms-- more akin to taping a small bandaid over a gaping wound --but it was all she could supply in that moment (that was appropriate) to distract herself from her inner monologue. a thinly-veiled plea for amity, one might call it. a hopeful wish ivy would consider sticking around headquarters for a little bit longer, that she would grant erica a sliver of the relief she was in need of. despite her repeated mantra of not getting too close, she was still aware that it would be utterly impossible to keep herself entirely distanced from everyone else; there was a stark difference between having a drink with a colleague and becoming attached to someone, she mentally declared in justification of her actions. being friendly and getting close weren’t the same.

“fuck,” the muttered curse left her before she could truly think about it, her mind totally and unequivocally absorbed in the next job and what’s to come with it. there’s no time for this, the frustrated thought floated through her head and she wholeheartedly agreed. there wasn’t any time, and she couldn’t falter now. not when her plans had only begun to see fruition.

heaving out a sigh as she pushed herself up off of the seat, erica reached up to card her fingers through her hair in an almost agitated motion. there was too much to worry about, too much at stake... but all she could think of to soothe the ache was drink-- or sex. the latter, while there were, admittedly, many options available to her-- no. erica could not do that. she refused to allow herself to get even remotely tangled in a connection that could be her downfall, and refused to allow herself to become so involved with any of the people that were supposed to be her coworkers. this was business, after all. she could give them her respect and temporary trust all she liked, but at the end of the day erica still couldn’t be sure who would stick around after (god forbid) a failure in their plans. her plans.

... the bar it was, then. always the bar.

it wasn’t uncommon to find her drinking, alone, at any hour of the day and most of the time the rest of the team seemed to just accept it without question. however, tonight felt... different. off. and perhaps that was on her. despite finishing nearly four glasses of whiskey and a couple shooters of vodka and wallowing in her discomfort for a good hour, she couldn’t manage to shake the feeling. as though it had sunk it’s claws deep into her shoulders, drawing blood and resting heavy on her admittedly small frame. it refused to let go, and she refused to stop trying, an endless struggle that she didn’t want to admit she’d already lost.

the tension was there to stay, and she hated it, along with the many other fears she had over this next job in particular. they wouldn’t come down to kentucky. would they? it-- no, they... they wouldn’t...

ugh. that was not a thought she was the slightest bit prepared to be considering.

even as the liquor dulled her senses and her mind, erica wasn’t blind, deaf or dumb to the presence of someone else in the room when they entered it-- thank god for that, she was in need of a distraction --but when she heard her name it certainly had a... watery air to it. tipsy, at the very least, the brunette very nearly didn’t acknowledge whomever had called for her attention, quirking an eyebrow and attempting to catch their gaze in the mirrored wall of the bar first.

... oh, for fuck’s sake. she couldn’t see a damn thing, having forgotten her contacts, and her vision blurry beyond five feet. that wasn’t going to help matters.

at the very least, it could only be one of eleven individuals that had access to this place. eleven individuals that she could be (mostly) sure weren’t about to try anything stupid. and after a long moment of frustrated silence, erica hummed quietly, tilting her head just a fraction to let whoever was there know that she was listening and she was aware, before trying her hand at a half-hearted joke; “... forget something at the office?”