Music Teacher in Training

Every single character is a PoC

First Disney animated film to show a pregnant woman onscreen

Real relationship goals: Pacha and ChiCha

Really diverse body types on everybody!

Classic tropes and classic tropes subverted (enemies to friends, anyone?)

I’ve been pinched, punched, kicked, choked, scratched, screamed at, been the target of flying projectiles, anything you can imagine, I’ve probably had it happen to me.

Yet when it’s all over, 90% of kids who flipped out will hug me or apologize.

Usually, I address the angry child calmly, even if my inner fight or flight is kicking in. I can’t show the child’s behavior is okay. Yelling and screaming are not how they’re going to get what they want, so it’s not how I’m going to get what I want.

I wait until they’re done expressing their anger, whether it be directed at me or an inanimate object. I keep repeating the phrases “Are you done yet?” and “Feel better yet?” and wait until they’re calm enough to respond.

That’s when it’s time for discipline. 

Usually, discipline for me just means I sit down and talk them through what happened. It’s telling them “yes, you’re allowed to be angry, but hurting people is never a good reason unless you or someone else is being hurt.”  Then I explain that if this happens again, the same thing is going to happen. They’re not going to get what they want. They’re going to get a chill out until their anger subsides. 

Then I ask “What can we do differently next time?” If the child doesn’t have an answer, I’ll give them suggestions like “kick a ball” or “run as fast as you can” or “scribble on paper until they feel better” or “sit by yourself until the anger goes away” and usually it’s met with the child suggesting their own ideas. 

I’ve actually had kids put themselves on chill out chairs because they’re about to flip out. There’s a personal pride that comes from that. Seeing a 4 or 5-year-old recognize destructive behavior and take steps to fix it themselves is an intelligence level most adults fail to have.

At no time do I tell them their anger is wrong. I tell them their behavior is wrong. Being angry is a part of our humanity, but hurting others because we’re angry is dangerous territory. 

I never make them say sorry, either. I don’t want them to if they don’t mean it. Some kids are taught saying sorry makes the problem go away, and I don’t agree with that. I’d rather they show me they’re sorry, such as doing better next time or stopping the behavior altogether.

Some people might argue I’m being too soft, but when you have a child tell you they don’t see you as an adult because you don’t yell at them, it’s a comforting but sad notion that you’re doing the right thing.

Fuck I’ve got the study sheet in my bag I can just lay the whole thing out. Hold on…ok. Long post ahead.

They visualize conflict like a mountain.

At the bottom is the Baseline. When someone is acting at their version of normal it’s the baseline. When the person you’re working with is at baseline you should Engage them by supporting them in what they are doing and take note of it. Knowing what someone is like and what they do when they are calm and happy is your first tool in conflict management.

Next is the Stimulus Trigger. The person is behaving outside of their baseline. You should Listen to them and see if you can remove the stimulus. (eg they are blocking their ears and making distressed noises, see if you can quiet the area or suggest they move to a quieter room)

If that doesn’t work there is Escalation. The person is reacting more to the stimulus…you should Engage them by offering options from the baseline. They usually suggest you offer three things they like to do when they are calm. OP gave a great example of this with “kicking a ball” etc

If options do not work to de-escalate Escalation may reach a higher phase where the person may engage in small self-harming behaviors (the example in our packet has the man picking at his skin and yelling). Here you continue to Engage while setting expectations to cue a replacement behavior. This doesn’t mean “in the future you should do this” instead it means something like putting goals on the options you offered. Eg you suggested several things and they chose “running” but continue to escalate. Here you’d say something like “ok I have my watch ready (show watch) run three laps, I’m going to time you!” This distracts them and gives them a goal AND encourages them to engage in the baseline behavior.

At the peak of the mountain is the Crisis. Here you focus on Protecting the person…and they advise you to use the least amount of interaction necessary to ensure safety. That means not touching unless you HAVE to to keep you or them safe and disengaging from touching as soon as possible. Usually all you need to do is be nearby and calm until they are out of crisis.

Now we’ve created the mountain and are working our way down. First is De-Escalation. The person is out of crisis and is starting to calm down. You should Engage them by structuring the cool off period. The example they give in my worksheet is pretty good: “I will stay here and listen to you: what do you want to talk about?” Basically let them know you’re there while they calm down. In a classroom setting this might be something like “if you’re feeling better why don’t you have a seat next to me until you feel calm? I’ll be right here if you need me.”

Next is Stabilization. HERE is where you talk about what happened, not before. The advise here is to actively Listen. Take part in a calm activity or something and ask them if something happened before the stimulus trigger. Listen to what they tell you and keep it in mind for the future. This is not a punishment moment, it’s a “ok so this started because of this, can we avoid that in the future?”

Finally you’re at the base of the mountain again in the Post-Crisis Drain. Here you Listen to the person so you can observe them and offer support. Make sure there are no further negative effects from the earlier crisis.

The Fire Nation, modeled after Japan.

The Earth Kingdom, modeled after China

The Air Nomads, modeled after Tibetian monks.

The Water Tribe, modeled after North American Natives.

I don’t remember when I found this .gif, or who made it (if you know, tell me so I can credit them), but it’s just the best thing.

Bitches love to put things into lists. Moreover, bitches love numbered shit. Here’s some numbered shit in list format to help you not suck in higher education. You’re welcome.

1. Go to class. Like 210% serious. I don’t give a shit if you’re a get by on nothing, A+ slacker. You’re fucking paying for this crap so you might as well get the services owed to you. Take your ass to class even if you zone out 99% of the time. You know 1% more than you did when you walked up in there. Congrats, asshole.

2. All that free time you have during your first week of classes? Make it your bitch. Don’t just print the goddamn syllabus and be like all done. No motherfucker. Take a good fucking look at that assignment list. What’s due next week? Yeah, do that shit now bc I know you don’t have anything else to do. Then when you’re coughing up a lung six weeks into the semester and don’t feel like getting your ass up to do that calculus homework, you’ll remember this week. You’ll remember that you’ve been a week ahead this whole damn semester. Pat yourself on the back, ass wipe.

3. Prepare yo self. No seriously. You got notes to print for class? Sure you could be like all those other bitches and just shove them into your backpack, or you could actually /prepare/ for class. I’m talking looking that shit over, identifying key concepts, getting a decent grasp of the material before your ass is even in class. You a STEM major? Yeah, make this kinda shit your life because now class is like one bomb ass group review session. Again, you’re welcome.

4. Snack like a motherfucker, but save that junk food shit for the weekends. From now on, you are a fucking health guru during the week or if you’re a slacker like me, at least on the days you have class. Fruits? Hell yeah. Pack some of those. Mind wandering in class? Snack on some apple slices. Can’t stay awake? Keep eating some almonds or some shit, but don’t be that bitch with the potato chips. Just don’t.

Here you go! :D

A 30 Day Practice Challenge!

The # is #30 day practice challenge. I hope it helps you staying motivated to practice over the rest of summer!