Stay in denial and you will be safe. Resist the urge to swim in nostalgia; To keep your head above the water you have to keep treading the waves, thereโs nothing that saps energy like keeping afloat. It will be hard to breathe if you donโt stop thrashing around, the swell and surge of the waves crashing into you, the salt stinging your eyes bloodshot and waterlogged, filling your mouth as you gasp for air. The more you struggle the harder it gets to breathe. Fill your lungs with air like a balloon and dive under the chaos; float freely under the storm, beneath the violence, immersed in the calm drifting away from the strife that looms above your head.
It feels safe under the water, an escape from the turmoil, below the turbulence; A space free of the disorder and confusion only inches below the waterโs edge.
Your nerves, finally relaxed, seize up again; The undulating waves press against you, growing weak, the tide begins to feel colder and your breath becomes shallow, you shiver and your heartbeats slow. You know you will have to emerge from below, face the brutal surface overhead. You reflect on your decision to submerge yourself, to dive into yourself to vanish from the hectic, nervous atmosphere; to abscond from the struggle and float freely inside your fluid memories.
Memories, moments seem mutable, you remember only the look in their eyes or how your body felt, your skin against skin. You can stay in the beginning, when you felt infinite, the canopy of stars shone only for you. You wanted to go back there, inside yourself, the only place that reminded you of home. But home is not a place, and the stars shine even when you are drowning beneath them.
Stay in denial and you will be safe, But only for a few minutes: you have to come up for air, eventually. And when you are gasping for breath and sick with saltwater, it becomes crystal clear as the bell-jar, where under its glass, youโll suffocate slowly trapped inside invisible walls, doomed to drown. Your eyes will fill with fear, and your skin will become drenched; the memories will cease to sustain you as you steep in saliva and tears. Once life has escaped you, youโll remain timeless and tearless, free from your fears, far away from the maddening crowd.
The ferocities of life crash into you, wave after wave; you float, without refuge, on an angry ocean; your limbs are tired, your mouth dry and chapped, but you canโt stop swimming. Itโs under the tumult of the flood, beneath the difficult and unnavigable sea, that the real struggle lies: dormant and still, the halcyonโs nest said to charm the wind and calm the waves lures you with promises of rest and ease. You must not be tempted by myth or mirage; the escape is an illusion: this oasis will kill you. There is no salvation from this deluge. Before you give into the stillness and quiet, fight your way through the sea spray and sway with the waves: submerge but never submit. Seclusion never saved anyone from suffering.
โTempest (2014).
