give me my husband back

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane: *sounds progressively more Russian during a conversation*

Ilya, thinking Shane’s making fun of him: that fucking asshole?

Ilya: neveroyatnyy

Shane, whispering in a perfect Russian accent: ✨neveroyatnyy✨

Ilya, clearly wasn’t supposed to hear that: ????!!

Ilya drops several Russian curses while they fuck once, and Shane just moans them right back. (Maybe Ilya fucks Shane three ways to Sunday afterward, and maybe he starts speaking Russian more during sex, but that is NO ONE’S business!)

Shane speaking to JJ during warm-ups: *unconsciously copying his accent*

Ilya, eavesdropping: No, that’s our thing >:(

Shane has genuine difficulty staying quiet and not echoing when Ilya gives his monologue over the phone, but he thinks it would upset Ilya if he did. (And Ilya will never admit it, but each time he said “I love you” in Russian, he hoped Shane would say it back in his little echo, even if he knew Shane didn’t mean it. (He would.))

Shane in the hospital, high as a kite, in a Russian accent: bye bye :)

Ilya, heart eyes 15000%: fuck this, fuck you, nurse I am having heart attack

first time flying together!!! (“shane hollander have you ever had sex on an airplane” “no and the bathroom is not big enough”)

they looooove photo booths

shane assumes ilya won’t want to do touristy things and ilya assumes shane wants to do all the touristy things (they love miscomm)

“look” “looking”

shane packs the shortest sluttiest shorts (they're late to everything)

they go on hikes holding hands and walks holding hands and sit on the beach holding hands and have dinner holding hands

ilya tries to convince shane to go skinny dipping the entire time (he obliges on their last night there - "what if we get caught" "people do it all the time they dont care")

role play as strangers using cliche pick up lines (“so do you come here often”)

ilya uses this as an excuse to rent a fun and sexy yet irresponsible sports car (shane also enjoys driving it)

shane reads a total of 7 pages of the book he brought

even though they don’t get recognized shane “hottest man in the NHL” hollander gets special treatment everywhere they go - free drinks, chefs send him food, everyone offers to give him their employee discount, he’s every tour guide’s favourite - he also learned a bit of spanish so they’re all so charmed by him!!!

shane and ilya go clubbing but then shane gets hit on too many times and ilya makes them leave ("they were just being nice!" "no one is that nice")

they befriend another couple also on their honeymoon who don't know they're famous hockey players so they get to have dinner with another couple who knows nothing about them!!!!

they go on a boat tour and ilya pretends to fall all the time to freak out shane (“help im falling” “go ahead i don’t even like you” “SHANEEEEE”)

they lounge on the beach for hours and talk and play in the water and just exist ("ilya you need to put on sunscreen properly skin cancer is serious" "UGH YOU ARE SO BORING" "you should go to the dermatologist when we get back" "I get checked every year hollander relax" "okay good because if you get cancer and die I will be so mad" "so sweet" - all this and he asked shane to put sunscreen on his back)

shane loves that this is designated relaxation time and ilya loves relaxed shane

however!

may I introduce the concept of the sex blanket? it's big and soft but not too slidey. it's lightweight enough to be easily bundled into the washer or a picnic basket ('oh my god, ilya, not in the park') but heavy enough to absorb their sweat and come without getting it on what's underneath. it's just the right texture for shane to have on his back or his knees or his ass or rubbing against his face. it's machine washable and dries quickly without getting too wrinkled. it's a kind of ugly nondescript colour that doesn't seem to stain. it's a practical (because shane) and endearing (to ilya) solution

with me so far? okay.

now please imagine the sex blanket as mating call. Ilya comes home from the grocery store and shane is sitting reading on the sofa, glasses on, not looking at ilya - but he's laid out the sex blanket across the couch and ilya immediately drops the groceries on the floor. shane gets out of the shower after his morning run expecting ilya to be up with anya or making them breakfast - but he's on the sex blanket on the bed, smirking, and shane gets hard so fast he's weak from it. one time ilya lays the sex blanket out on the patio while they're making dinner and shane can't stop shooting glances at it through the patio doors, getting flustered even though they're cooking something complicated with a lot of steps that he really needs to focus on. Ilya pretends innocence and won't touch him until they're outside after dinner...on the sex blanket.

SHANEWEEK | DAY 3: FAVORITE QUOTE

It’s their first full day at the cottage for the summer and Shane is still sleeping off their “love making” (Ilya’s words) from the night before, but Ilya’s up and about in the kitchen cooking breakfast for them both. He’s humming to himself and, ok, maybe woolgathering a bit about how perfect last night was, how he can still feel where Shane’s teeth sunk into his shoulder as he trembled and shook and came. But he snaps back to himself when he hears Shane call out “Ilya?” from the en suite bathroom.

“Kitchen!” he calls back, turning as Shane pads out of the bedroom and, oh