Foood.

this may become my favourite thing

You find yourself losing friends, more and more. It's harder to get on with people, including your parents. You wish your parents would notice you’re not okay, although you don’t want them to fuss. You want help but you also want to be left alone. You worry that people will think you’re an attention seeker by constantly looking upset, so you try to smile and keep happy, but you break down when you get home, when nobody is watching. You worry that your friends think you are paranoid. You become paranoid. You wish you had someone to tell you you’re beautiful, and that everything will be okay, but no one is there. You’re alone, you feel so alone, pathetic and desperate. You feel so overwhelmed with the sense of regret. You hate growing up; you want to be young again. You desperately want to go back in time. You’d change something if you could. You wish you never met that one person. You want someone to come back who never will. You get home; you go under the covers and cry. Sometimes you even wish you were dead. You feel guilty for wishing you were dead. The people you lost that you wish you could take their place. The days you need to listen to music, and others that’s the last thing you want. The days you walk in the rain and the days you watch romantic films and then get back to boring reality. You want to change so much about yourself, maybe even yourself completely. You find yourself laughing and smiling less, and when you do it’s all and act. You hate the word “depressed.” You constantly feel miserable. You hate yourself.