quiet chaos.

The reassurance radiating off his bedridden boyfriend is enough to calm him for the moment. That is until the nurse opens her big fat mouth and has the feline bristling in his chair. “Almost near the top?” He hisses, ready to square up with the nurse right here in the room. How could he be almost to the top? “What do you mean not too long now? How many times does he have to almost die? Is there some sort of prerequisite?” 

If Leo was upset before, it was nothing compared to now. He’s hardly threatening at barely five feet, but he will take off a stiletto and beat a bitch with it if he must. Especially if it meant getting Chae closer to the top of the list, one that he was apparently not the first name on. “That’s abhorrent!” He yells, getting to his feet. “I want to speak to the doctor in charge. You tell him that Chae’s boyfriend has a few words for him because–” 

He’s unaware he’s being ignored until the door closes behind the nurse, fuming as he looks over at his boyfriend. “I’m going after her and giving her a piece of my mind– and by that I mean my fist because how the fuck dare she–” 

“leo-” chae’s voice rises above the noise, stern in a way that it’s never been before. “don’t you dare go after that poor nurse. she has no control of where i’m at on that list. she’s just doing her job.” things moved slowly. chae understood that. it’s part of the reason why he ready to accept her answer without a fuss. they didn’t give people transplants whenever they felt like it. a donor had to become available first. then patients on the list would be compared to said donor. medical urgency, waiting time, organ size, genetic makeup, and blood type were all factors to be considered. chae had accepted a long time ago that it might take years for them to find him a new heart. in fact, he had even accepted that he might die before they even get that far.

of course, he’d never tell leo that.

As a recovering addict, it warms his heart that his boyfriend would even think of his needs in a time like this. He most definitely does not want to be alone, because the calling of a bottle would be too great, maybe some pills. He’s not that strong, not without his oversized cheerleader by his side. Leo finds himself turning bright pink, teeth sinking into his lower lip as he sinks back down in his chair out of his own embarrassment. 

‘It doesn’t mean we won’t be later’

His heart flutters, lost in his own little world that he doesn’t even notice the nurse entering the room until she’s by the bed. He has to fight his inner feline, staying seated with Chae’s hand clutched between his own. Half of him wanting to hiss at her to move away from what is his, the other half demanding that his love be treated at once. They can fix this, they have to. 

“He’s next on the list for a transplant, right?” 

chae can feel the tenseness radiating from his boyfriend. from the way he holds his hand to his body posture and the looks he gives. the taller lets his thumb gently rub back and forth against leo’s knuckles. reassurance. comfort. it was fine. he was fine. the nurse was here to make sure he got better and was going to give chae the best treatment that she could.

“he’s certainly near the top.” she says after a moment, checking chae’s vitals and what not. making sure he’s still table. “shouldn’t be too long now before it’s time.” and it’s the answer chae expects. he knows that she’s trying to be reassuring, but all it does is confirm what chae already knew. he’d be waiting more months. enduring pain and weakness for more months as he sluggishly climbed his way to the top. there was nothing she could do so there was no use in getting angry about it. chae had stopped being disappointed months ago.

If he had been asked months ago, his job had been his entire life. He wouldn’t have placed anything higher. He wouldn’t have been able to imagine that the other would have taken that place, still able to remember their first run-ins at the club. It made Leo’s heart ache, one that had him scrambling to hold on to Chae’s hands. Afraid to let go. “Sweets–” he chokes out, pressing soft kisses to ever little bit of skin across long fingers, being gentle and mindful of the IV and wires attached to his love. 

“I’ll get another solo, Chae. It doesn’t matter.” The long blonde strands falling over his eyes make him laugh a little, realising how ridiculous he probably looks in the moment. From all dolled up to a categorial disaster. He nods a little, his earlier anxiety returning as he finds the call button for the nurses station. Even if looks like he’s been through a hurricane, it hardly mattered. He had put off calling the doctors for his boyfriend long enough. “I can go clean up in one of the public bathrooms, it’s okay. Let’s just worry about you for now okay?” 

When the nurses don’t respond quick enough - as thirty seconds is a damned long time, he continues to press at the button again and again. He was going to be that person. “Do you need more pillows? I’m going to get you a television for in here. They probably won’t let me stay overnights so I want you to have something to keep you from boredom. Is this damned thing working?” 

public bathroom. why do that when chae had a perfectly nice bathroom right here in his room. he didn’t seem to be sharing with anyone either so literally, no one would mind if leo used it to freshen up. but he won’t argue now. it’s the last thing that either of them needs.

“woah, woah, woah - you’re not going anywhere, leo. i’ll be the worst patient ever before i let them ship you home.” because even though his boyfriend seems calm now, chae knows how shaken the other is. tonight was traumatizing. the taller wasn’t going to have leo be alone after all that had went down. he needed comfort just like chae needed the attention of doctors. “you’re worried about me so let me worry about you too. i’m going to fight for you to stay here, okay? just because we aren’t married now doesn’t mean we won’t be later. you’re my person so you deserve to stay by my side.”

All Leo wants is to climb onto the bed, to curl himself on top of his lovers chest and rest his head ear to the others heart as he does every night to go to sleep. But for now, he can only sit off to the side, soaking up every little bit of affection that Chae gives him because he had been so scared that he would never receive anymore. After so many years of being alone and finally, finally, finding that one person to open up to - he didn’t think he would be able to take losing his other half. “I–I lo-love you-u-u…” He sobs, past caring about how needy or broken down he seemed. 

If a nurse saw him now, he was sure he’d lose all facade on the ‘girlfriend’ front. Especially now that his wig was barely holding on and his makeup was almost completely cried off. 

He leans into Chae’s palms, hiccuping softly as his breathing eventually evens out. The tension drains, and he’s exhausted. Violet eyes bloodshot as they open, searching for Chae’s. “I’m going to stay home and take care of you. I can work part time or go on unemployment for a while. You need routine and I’m not helping, so we’re going to start living like normal people that get up in the mornings and eat breakfast at breakfast time. We’ll go for walks in the afternoon. We’re going to get you healthy. You promise me. You have to promise me you’ll take care of yourself.” 

“you don’t have to do that-” he starts out, but there’s no use in arguing with leo. once the other gets an idea in his head, there’s no changing his mind. “i don’t want you to jeopardize your job because of me,” he says after a moment of staring back at the other. “but i promise, i promise that i’ll take care of myself. if not for me then for you because i don’t want to put you through that again.” words cannot begin to encompass how sorry he is.

“i messed up your solo,” he says quietly, reaching up to gently sweep away any parts of the wig that are getting in the other’s face. “you were doing so good up there. i’m so proud of you. i’ll make it up to you, okay?”

“i love you so much, leo.” he’ll never go a day - a few hours - without saying those words to his boyfriend ever again. “so so much. more than anything.”

Right now he doesn’t know if he should panic or if he should be relieved. The small feline had so many emotions running through him that he couldn’t help the overwhelming need to release some, the tears dripping down his cheeks before he can even try and get a grip on himself. “You– you were on the ground, I kept calling for you but you wouldn’t open your eyes…” He doesn’t mean to dump this all on Chae, god, especially as the other had just woken up out of his induced state.

But who was he supposed to call? Who was he supposed to turn to? His entire life was right here, in this bed. 

Each tiny kiss helps ground him, helps the overwhelming drum of his heart, and the fountain of tears. Leo rests his forehead against the others, trembling with every breath but holding on to his love as tight as he can without inflicting any more pain. “Chae… Chae, you died. You weren’t okay– You’re not okay.” 

he can feel the wetness - taste the saltiness of tears on his lips. leo doesn’t cry often so to see the other like this hurts chae. but what makes it worse is knowing that he is the cause of this. “i know. i know, baby. i heard you. you were right there with me the whole time. i felt you and i heard you. you did such a good job.” hands cradle the other’s face. if the situation they were in wasn’t so serious, the taller might laugh at how messed up his boyfriend’s make up is; however, now is not the time. instead, he tries to use his thumbs to wipe away some of the runny mascara/liner and the tears.

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He doesn’t know when he had passed out, it had been hours since Chae had been wheeled back into the room. The only reason he had been granted the visiting status was because of the rings that adorned his fingers - accessories from earlier and than mistaken for more. Although, he certainly didn’t oppose the title of being married to the other - not one bit. He just wished they could play it up at some fancy restaurant or anywhere fun. Not a hospital, waiting for his other half to awaken. If he was to awaken. 

Fate would have Chae stir before him, being so aware of his surroundings he was startled the moment fingers moved beneath his. They curled to his own, making his lashes flutter as they clung together - still wet from his last round of tears. 

“Sweets.” He breathes out, sounding a little relieved although the sight of all the wires has him in a momentary panic once again. It’s a bit much for him - that he can admit. He certainly didn’t think he would ever be here. But he would never leave Chae, no matter what the outcome was to be. It doesn’t stop him from being flustered however.  “You’re awake… I should– I should page the nurses…”

The sound of his name has him tearing up again, pausing in his fretting. “You scared me Chae. I mean– you really frightened me. I thought I lost you.” 

he’s not very tense, but hearing leo and seeing leo is enough for some kind of calm to wash over chae. the taller still feels incredibly guilty, though. that will never change. he watches as the other stirs. trying to smile when violet eyes blink back at him, his heart hurts for different reasons as he sees the magnitude of emotions flit through that gaze. he wants to apologize right then and there; however, his mouth still feels a little like cotton and it feels a little out of place. but, god, ‘sweets.’ despite the situation, the term of endearment sends warmth throughout his whole body.

chae shakes his head when leo mentions the nurses, mouthing a ‘not yet’ as he clings to the other’s hand harder. just a few more moments alone. he wants to see leo. he wants to touch him. wants to comfort him so badly because chae can’t imagine how hard these past few hours must have been for the other.

It’s obvious from the start that the paramedics don’t want him to go with them. His boss continues to press, trying to hold him back from getting into the rig. Most of the girls seem to stay out of it, but one of the few he had managed to start calling ‘friends’ stood by his side. A sweater was draped over his shoulder, the hot pink ridiculous in the moment but he didn’t care as he climbed his way into the back of the ambulance, still clad in his own uniform and platform heels. 

He stays pressed to the door as they work. The back crowded with the four of them - Chae unconscious on the stretcher, Leo, and the two paramedics. One more in the driver’s seat, beginning their hopefully short journey to the hospital. 

“Miss- Miss you need to stay back!” It’s instinct to reach out, especially every time he sees the erratic heart beat on the monitor. He has no idea what is going on, but he wants to make it better. He wants to make Chae alright again.

He clears his throat, eyes wide as they look to one paramedic. “He’s on the transplant list. He uh–” Reaching into the sweaters pocket he pulls out the bottle of pills he had been clutching in the club. “These are some of his meds. The rest are in our bathroom I don’t know the names. He takes care of that all.” They nod, seeming thankful for this bit of information and write it down as Chae is stabilized for the moment.

But everytime that heart monitor drops, his heart breaks along with it. And he prays - to someone, anyone who could be listening. Hoping that the love of his life would be okay. 

Once they make it past hospital walls, it’s the last he sees of Chae. A soft promise that he will be waiting is given as they whisk him away. The feline distraught and standing alone in the middle of the hallway, sobbing to himself. Eventually a nurse takes pity, bringing him to the lounge with a set of scrubs to change into and some slippers. “Wipe that make up off honey, you look like a mess. We’ll let you in with your husband when he’s out of surgery, hold on tight sister.” 

He pauses for a minute, before nodding his head slowly. Of course, they wouldn’t realise he was a male dressed like this. Nor would they probably recognize their relationship if he were to change out completely. “Thank you.” He whispers. “Call me Lyra.”  

normally, coming out of surgery, one might be quite confused, but chae knows exactly where he is. he knows exactly what happens. his eyes focus and unfocus as he tries to make sense of the clock on the wall across from his bed. he can feel every wire and tube hooked up to his body, the heart monitor an indication that everything is now under control. he doesn’t feel much pain, and he supposes that’s from all the drugs he must have in his system. chae feels groggy. there are familiar wires hooked up to his lower chest. pacing, he realizes lethargically. they’re pacing my heart.

it’s a few more moments after this that the other presence in the room catches his attention. the weight on his pinky a reminder of who he left behind when he went under. leo. chae makes to speak, eyebrows furrowing with the discovery of how sore his throat feels. he must have had a breathing tube in for a while. it’s nice to know they think he can do so on his own known. not trusting the quality of his voice, chae moves his hand instead. he watches as it curls fully around the one that had been clinging to him so desperately. a pain of guilt sears through the taller male. the performance. leo’s solo. god, he created such a disaster at the other’s workplace.

“lion?” it’s scratchy and not very pretty, but it’s his voice nonetheless. the other looks like he’s been to hell and back. leo’s curled up so small in the chair next to him. chae can still make out, however, the ruined and runny makeup on his face. the scrubs and the pink sweater clash terribly and the wig looks a little worse for wear. chae wants to hold him so badly. his fingers squeeze.

There’s a hand on his shoulder and someone is telling him that the paramedics are on their way. He shakes the hand away, regarding the person with a nod of his head. Of to the side he can see a bunch of his fellow dancers whispering, his boss looking unimpressed. But God, he doesn’t care. He stays at Chae’s side, breathing with him, making sure his heart doesn’t stop beating. 

“That’s it, just like that.” Leo whispers, his reprieve not lasting too long when he takes note of the fluttering of lashes. “No, no - you got to stay awake for me. I don’t want you to leave me–” He doesn’t remember the last time he felt this afraid, his own heart ready to have a fit like no other. Chae had come to see his show, Chae had collapsed…

“Move out of the way!” 

He’s the only one who doesn’t follow the order, staying right at his boyfriends side. “Miss? Miss, please we need room-” 

“I’m going with him. I’m his– He’s my boyfriend, you’re taking me with you.” 

It’s his boss that steps towards him this time, probably thinking he’s hysterical. And maybe he was at this point. “Lyra, you need to come sit down and have a drink. You can visit him after the show-”

Frustration. Anger. He glares at them all. “I am going to the hospital! If I have to quit I will!” His voice turns softer, tears welling up in his eyes once more. “Stay with me, Chae.” 

chae’s consciousness doesn’t stay with him long enough to admire the way his boyfriend stands up to his boss. to scold him for being so rash in the way he threatens to quit his job. he wants to stay awake for leo. he wants to watch his face, hold his hand, and make sure he’s alright. but he can’t. he can’t fight the feeling of exhaustion any longer.  chae is pulled under and into the darkness, the smaller’s voice the last thing his mind registers. the ride to the hospital isn’t a long one, but it must feel like one. sirens scream as the vehicle speeds down road after road. there are several instances where the paramedics in the back of the ambulance have to fight chae’s battle for him. they shout ‘clear’ into the chaos of a once still night and press electrical pulses into his chest until his body jumps. until a flat line no longer becomes a threat and his condition stables. by definition, chae dies a total of three times before they are able to get him to settle once more. 

pairings: charlie♡casper, chen♡jasper♡jongdae warnings: nsfw