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Por favoooooopooor, recomende seus autores(as) brasileiros favoritos do momento ou fics que vocĂŞ esteja lendo? Eu realmente gostaria de ler mais fanfics do Alan em portuguĂŞs mas ĂŠ impossĂvel achar autoras br hoje em diađđđ
To be honest, I dont know any Brazilian authors who write for Alan, at least not in Portuguese. The few ones Iâve come across write Snape fanfiction, but the plot is always the same: Snape getting involved with a student. I find that pretty disturbing, considering Hogwarts students are between 11 and 17 years old, and those stories tend to romanticize that kind of relationship. Itâs just not something I can read. So unfortunately, I dont have any Portuguese fanfics to recommend to you.
Tradução: Sendo honesta? Não conheço nenhum autor brasileiro que escreva para o Alan, pelo menos não em português. Os poucos que encontrei escrevem fanfics do Snape, mas a trama Ê sempre a mesma: o Snape se envolvendo com uma aluna. Eu acho isso bem nojento, porque os alunos de Hogwarts têm entre 11 e 17 anos, e essas histórias costumam romantizar esse tipo de relação. Eu simplesmente não consigo ler algo assim. Então, infelizmente, não tenho nenhuma fanfic em português para te recomendar.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Oh, because I had a spicy request idea potentially in the future
Feel free! Though I should warn you that Iâm not really open to fanfic requests at the moment... which is admittedly a bit hypocritical considering Iâve fulfilled a few requests these past few days. đ
So honestly, it might be worth taking the risk and sending the ask anyway. đ
Sorry, just a safety thing because yeah sorry if that was a weird question. I just you donât have your age on your bio so I was just curious.
No worries, I was just caught off guard by the question đ Yeah, Iâm an adult. To be honest, I think the amount of nonsense I post on this profile already gives that away. đ
That said, Iâm not really sure why it matters. Iâm not looking to exchange photos or spicy messages or anything like that. Iâm just here to share my stories, make people laugh, and occasionally post questionable content about fictional middle-aged men đ
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
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Leonard pretends he is not sentimental about aftercare, which is exactly how you know he is. He acts as if the entire thing is merely practical: water on the bedside table, a towel tossed in your direction, a dry comment about how you look like youâve âsurvived a hostile peer review.â But his hand lingers at the small of your back. His voice softens when he asks if youâre sore. He watches your face too carefully for a man claiming indifference.
He is not soft in the obvious way. He will not coo over you like some adoring fool. Leonardâs tenderness is quieter, sharper, almost annoyed with itself. He pulls the blanket over your bare shoulder, brushes your hair out of your face, and mutters, âDonât look so surprised. Iâm not an animal.â
Then, after a pause, in that dry, devastating voice:
âNot entirely.â
B â Body Part
Yours? Your eyes.
Leonard loves watching the exact moment arrogance becomes uncertainty. He likes your eyes when youâre challenging him, when you think you have the upper hand, when youâre furious enough to argue and clever enough to almost win. But he loves them most when youâre undone beneath him, wide and wet and startled, as if your body has betrayed every intellectual defense you tried to build.
âAh,â he murmurs, thumb brushing your cheek. âThere you are. Finally honest.â
His? His mouth.
Cruel, clever, elegant, lethal. Leonardâs mouth is his primary weapon long before it becomes anything sensual. He can shred confidence with one sentence, praise you with another, and make both feel equally intimate. His lips are thin, expressive, often curled into that sarcastic almost-smile that makes you want to slap him or kiss him.
Unfortunately, he knows this.
C â Cum
Leonard is deeply, privately possessive about finishing inside you. He frames it as indulgence, inevitability, biology, anything except attachmentâbut there is always something darker beneath his composure when he does it. He likes the intimacy of it. The finality. The way your body tightens around him afterward, as if trying to keep him there.
He becomes especially insufferable if you beg for it.
âOh, now you want commitment?â he murmurs against your mouth, hips grinding deep, voice rougher than usual. âHow charming. A little late in the semester for that, donât you think?â
But he gives it to you.
And afterward, when youâre trembling and furious at how smug he looks, he kisses your temple and says, âExcellent. Full marks.â
D â Dirty Talk
Devastating.
Leonard does not waste words, which makes every filthy thing he says feel deliberate. He speaks as if he is marking up a manuscript: precise, observant, merciless. He notices every reaction and turns it into evidence.
âYouâre very loud for someone who claimed not to care.â
âCareful. That sounded almost sincere.â
âIs this your argument, then? Because I admit, itâs becoming persuasive.â
âLook at you. Finally producing something worth reading.â
He is worst when praising you, because his praise is so rare that it lands like a blow.
âThatâs it. Good girl. See? You can follow instructions when properly motivated.â
E â Experience
Extensive, complicated, and ethically disastrous.
Leonard has lived too long, drunk too much, travelled too far, and disappointed too many people to be inexperienced. He knows bodies with the same cynical accuracy he knows writers. He understands insecurity. Vanity. Hunger. The way people pretend not to want approval until theyâre shaking for it.
He is not romantic in bed, at least not at first. He is analytical. Patient. Slightly cruel. He reads you too well and makes no effort to be polite about it.
The problem is that he is rarely wrong.
F â Favorite Position
You bent over his desk.
It is far too obvious, which irritates him, but Leonard cannot deny the appeal. Your notes scattered beneath your palms, pages creasing under your fingers, his hand at the back of your neck while he leans over you and speaks directly into your ear.
âStill think that paragraph works?â he asks, voice low and infuriatingly calm.
You can barely answer because he is pressed against you from behind, white hair falling slightly out of place, his hooked nose brushing your temple, his hips moving with slow, punishing control.
âUse your words,â he murmurs. âYouâre supposed to be a writer.â
G â Groaning
Rare, low, and deeply inconvenient.
Leonard is not a loud man. He prefers control, and noise suggests surrender, which he finds vulgar in theory and irresistible in practice. Most of his pleasure comes through clipped breaths, rough exhales, murmured curses, and the occasional dark laugh against your skin.
But when you catch him off guardâwhen you clench around him unexpectedly, when your mouth finds the sensitive place beneath his jaw, when your nails drag hard down his backâhe groans from somewhere deep in his chest.
It is not elegant.
It is not polished.
And he hates how much you love it.
H â Hair
White, thick, usually controlled with the sort of careless precision that clearly took effort. During the day, it gives him a severe, professorial elegance. After sex, it becomes deliciously disordered, falling over his forehead in a way that makes him look less like a ruthless literary tyrant and more like a man who has been thoroughly compromised.
He does not like you touching it too casually.
He absolutely likes when you tug it at the right moment.
The first time you do, his hazel eyes flash with outrage and arousal at once.
âCareful,â he says, voice rough. âIâm not one of your bad metaphors to be handled carelessly.â
Pubic hair? Mature, white and silver, neatly kept but not vainly overgroomed. Leonard is too self-possessed to look careless, but too old and too cynical to pretend he is twenty-five. He looks like a man, not an advertisement, and carries that with almost arrogant ease.
I â Intimacy
Difficult.
Leonard can fuck with frightening confidence. He can seduce, tease, praise, humiliate, unravel. But intimacy unsettles him because intimacy requires honesty, and honesty is far less controllable than desire.
He is most intimate when he thinks you are not noticing.
His hand resting over your hip after sex.
His thumb moving slowly along your wrist.
His mouth brushing your shoulder while he pretends to read.
The way he remembers exactly how you take your coffee but mocks you for it anyway.
He will not say, âI need you.â
He will say, âYouâre intolerable when absent,â and expect you to understand.
J â Jacking Off
More often than he admits.
Leonard has too much pride to confess to loneliness, but not enough discipline to avoid indulging it. He touches himself late at night, usually after drinking, usually after rereading something you wrote and becoming angry at how much potential you have. He hates when desire gets tangled with admiration. It makes him feel vulnerable, which makes him meaner the next day.
He thinks about your mouth first.
Then your eyes.
Then the way you look when youâre trying not to beg.
Afterward, he sits in silence, annoyed with himself, and mutters, âPathetic,â though whether he means himself or the human condition is unclear.
K â Kinks
- Praise kink. Not receiving itâgiving it. Leonard knows exactly how starved you are for his approval, and he uses that knowledge ruthlessly.
- Intellectual dominance. He likes verbal sparring that turns physical.
- Humiliation, but refined. Less crude degradation, more surgical observation.
- Jealousy. He enjoys provoking it, though he pretends to find it tedious.
- Oral fixation. He is fascinated by mouths, especially when they stop arguing and start begging.
- Clothing. Pencil skirts, undone blouses, his shirts on your body, bare skin against tweed and linen.
- Voice kink. He knows exactly what that baritone does.
L â Location
His office.
Not because it is comfortable. It is not. It is cluttered, book-lined, intimidating, and full of evidence that Leonard has built an entire life out of judgment. That is precisely the point.
He likes you surrounded by manuscripts, criticism, half-empty glasses, expensive pens, and the smell of paper and old smoke. He likes the wrongness of it. That his reputation, your composure, and several academic boundaries are all hanging by a thread.
Other favorites include hotel rooms after readings, narrow hallways after everyone else has left, and his apartment when rain presses against the windows and neither of you says the thing you both came there to do.
M â Marking
Possessive, but discreet.
Leonard does not leave careless marks. He leaves deliberate ones. A bruise high on the thigh. Fingerprints at the waist. A bite just low enough to be hidden beneath a collar. He likes the idea that only you know they are there. That you will sit through class, dinner, conversation, some tedious literary party, and feel the quiet ache of him beneath your clothes.
If you mark him back, he pretends to be irritated.
âJuvenile,â he mutters, inspecting the scratch on his shoulder.
But he does not actually sound displeased.
N â Nudes
Dangerous territory.
Leonard would never ask crudely. He would make some dry, infuriating remark about visual evidence, then watch your reaction over the rim of a glass. But if you sent him something private, something tasteful but unmistakably obscene, he would go very still.
He would study it like a manuscript he was not ready to admit moved him.
Not smiling. Not laughing.
Just looking.
Later, he would tell you, âCompositionally, it has flaws.â
Then his voice would drop.
âBut Iâve found myself returning to it.â
O â Oral
Giving? Devastatingly thorough.
Leonard approaches oral sex like an argument he fully intends to win. He is patient, observant, and mercilessly attentive. He watches your body for every involuntary response, adjusting with the precision of a man who has spent his life noticing weaknesses. His mouth is warm, clever, and cruelly unhurried.
He praises you between kisses, which is worse.
âThere. Thatâs the sound I wanted.â
Receiving? He likes it more than he lets on. He especially likes your mouth because it gives him the rare pleasure of seeing you temporarily unable to argue. His hand rests in your hair, not forcing, just guiding.
âMuch better,â he murmurs, breath uneven. âYour strongest work so far.â
P â Pace
Controlled until it is not.
Leonard enjoys escalation. He likes tension. He likes making you wait until impatience ruins your dignity. He will kiss you slowly for what feels like forever, touch everywhere except where you want him, and deliver increasingly cruel little comments until you are flushed and furious.
When his control breaks, it breaks sharply.
Suddenly his mouth is on yours, his hands are under your clothes, and his voice is no longer quite so smooth.
âEnough,â he mutters, pinning you against the nearest surface. âIâm bored of restraint.â
Q â Quickies
He pretends to dislike them.
âAdolescent,â he says.
âUndignified.â
âProof that civilisation is collapsing.â
Then he locks the office door.
Leonardâs quickies are not romantic. They are tense, breathless, and edged with irritation, as if he resents how badly he wants you. They happen after arguments, after you impress him, after someone else flirts with you, after he says something cruel and immediately regrets it but is too emotionally constipated to apologise like a normal man.
So he drags you close instead.
R â Risk
High in theory, controlled in practice.
Leonard likes risk when it sharpens the moment: a locked door, voices down the hall, your hand on his thigh beneath a table, his fingers brushing your wrist during a critique as if nothing is happening. He enjoys watching you try to maintain composure.
But he is not stupid.
True exposure would irritate him. Scandal bores him unless he is the one writing about it. He prefers danger contained, privacy maintained, and plausible deniability preserved.
âDiscretion,â he murmurs, mouth against your ear, âis the last refuge of intelligent sinners.â
S â Stamina
Excellent, but not in a showy way.
Leonard is not trying to prove he is young. He knows he is not. That confidence is part of the appeal. He is patient, deliberate, and skilled enough to ruin you without rushing. He can spend an absurd amount of time teasing, pausing, talking, touching, studying your reactions until youâre trembling with frustration.
He does not need frantic athleticism.
He has timing.
And he uses it like a weapon.
T â Toys
He prefers improvised elegance.
- His tie around your wrists.
- A fountain pen dragged cold along your thigh.
- A leather belt, not necessarily used harshly, but placed where you can see it.
- A chair.
- A desk.
- A marked-up manuscript beneath your palms.
He is not against toys, exactly, but anything too obvious makes him sneer. Leonard likes objects with context. Things that already belong to his world, repurposed into something private and obscene.
U â Unfair
Unbearably.
Leonard is unfair because he notices everything. The way your breath changes when he lowers his voice. The words that make you defensive. The praise that makes you melt. The criticism that makes you furious enough to kiss him.
He will absolutely exploit every one of those discoveries.
âYouâre angry,â he observes calmly, fingers sliding beneath your chin.
âIâm not.â
âYou are. Itâs making you sloppy.â
âShut up.â
His smile barely appears.
âMake me.â
V â Volume
Low.
Leonard likes quiet because quiet makes every sound more revealing. Breath. Skin. Fabric. A stifled moan. Your hand slapping over your own mouth because someone might hear. He enjoys secrecy far too much.
He himself is restrainedâuntil he is close. Then his voice roughens, his curses become less polished, and the sarcasm falls away into something much more honest.
âGod,â he breathes, gripping you harder. âYouâre going to be the death of my better judgment.â
W â Wildest Fantasy
Not merely sex.
Surrender.
Leonardâs wildest fantasy is not about a position or a place. It is about someone seeing him completelyâthe arrogance, the failure, the bitterness, the talent, the lonelinessâand still staying. It terrifies him, which is why he buries it beneath cruelty and cleverness.
But physically?
A long weekend away from everyone. No students. No literary parties. No reputations. Just rain, books, alcohol, arguments, sex, silence, and you wearing one of his shirts while reading something he wrote years ago.
He would mock you for it.
Then watch you from the doorway like a man quietly starving.
X â X-Ray
Mature, thick, and heavy in the hand.
Not pretty in a delicate way. Substantial. Masculine. Slight curve, flushed dark at the head when aroused, with that startling physicality made more intense by how cerebral he usually seems. Leonard spends so much time as voice, intellect, judgment, and ego that seeing him hard feels almost indecently revealing.
The first time you stare too long, he arches one brow.
âYes,â he says dryly. âIt does have narrative weight.â
Y â Yearning
Hidden badly.
Leonard yearns through criticism. Through sarcasm. Through the extra glass poured without asking. Through the book left on your chair because he âthought you might benefit from reading something competent for once.â Through the way his gaze follows you when he thinks you are not looking.
He is deeply cynical about love because he believes wanting makes people stupid.
Unfortunately, he wants.
This makes him furious.
Z â ZZZ
Leonard sleeps like a man who has spent decades arguing with his own mind and finally lost. Once he is truly asleep, the sharpness leaves his face. His white hair falls messily across his forehead. His mouth softens. His arm ends up around your waist with unconscious possessiveness, despite the fact that he would absolutely deny doing it on purpose.
If you try to leave the bed too early, his hand tightens automatically.
âDonât,â he mutters, voice rough with sleep.
You pause.
His eyes remain closed.
Then, after a beat, quieter:
âI havenât finished ignoring you yet.â
Bonus:
WW â Writing
This is how Leonard realizes he loves you.
Not through some dramatic confession. Not through jealousy, not through sex, not even through the strange, quiet ache he feels when you leave his apartment and the room becomes offensively empty afterward.
He realizes it while writing.
At first, he tells himself the character is fictional. Obviously fictional. A woman with your sharp mouth, your restless ambition, your irritating habit of pretending not to care when you care so violently it practically enters the room before you do. She appears in one scene as a minor complicationânothing more. A clever line. A pair of hazel-lit eyes narrowed across a table. A hand wrapped around a coffee cup. A laugh at the wrong moment.
Then she stays.
Worse, she improves the pages.
Leonard begins writing her again and again, despite himself. She slips into margins, arguments, doorways, unfinished chapters. She becomes the only character in the manuscript who refuses to obey him. Everyone else bends beneath his control, but she resists. She contradicts him. She makes the prose less dead.
It irritates him profoundly.
For days, he denies the resemblance. He tells himself all writers steal. From life, from weakness, from desire, from whatever unfortunate person has lingered too long in the imagination. He has done it before. He has cannibalised former lovers, enemies, friends, failures. This is no different.
Except it is different.
Because he does not write her cruelly.
That is the first warning.
Leonard can be merciless on the page. He knows how to expose vanity, stupidity, hunger, desperation. He knows how to peel a person down to their least flattering truth and leave them there, shivering under literary light. But with this character, he keeps protecting her. He gives her better lines. He lets her win arguments she has no business winning. He describes the vulnerable tilt of her mouth with such tenderness that, upon rereading it, he goes very still.
Then he deletes the paragraph.
Then he rewrites it worse.
More honest.
That is when he knows.
He sits alone at his desk long after midnight, white hair disheveled, hooked nose shadowed by the desk lamp, one hand resting over the manuscript as if he could physically restrain the truth from rising off the page. The character looks nothing like a confession and exactly like one.
You are in the rhythm of the sentences.
You are in the cruelty he cannot quite bring himself to give her.
You are in the one line he keeps rereading because it sounds less like fiction than surrender.
She made him want to be understood, which was intolerable, because understanding was only another word for being seen too clearly and loved anyway.
Leonard stares at the sentence for a long time.
Then he mutters, âOh, for Christâs sake.â
Because there it is.
Not lust. Not fascination. Not intellectual vanity. Not the old, familiar thrill of wanting someone he should not want.
The real question is: would anyone read it if I wrote something like that? đ
Honestly, though, I vaguely remember someone telling me that Alan Rickman actually played Sherlock Holmes in a stage production once, which makes the whole idea even more tempting đ
Summary: Frank Benson thought he had left war behind. Faced with an impossible choice between family and duty, he discovers that some oaths never stop demanding sacrifices.
Pairing: Frank Benson Ă Fem! Reader
Warnings: Domestic Angst
Also read on Ao3
You were sitting cross-legged on the sofa with Eli balanced against your thighs, his little hands grabbing shamelessly at your fingers as if he intended to remove them and keep them for later. He was babbling at you with the fierce seriousness of a child delivering a military briefing, cheeks flushed, dark eyes bright, one sock missing because apparently socks were enemies of the state.
âYou are getting far too big,â you told him, narrowing your eyes as he slapped both palms against your chest and laughed like he had personally conquered Europe. âDo you know that? Youâre only one year old. One. And you already weigh like a sack of potatoes with political opinions.â
Eli squealed, delighted by your accusation, and leaned forward to bite your sleeve with all the subtlety of a starving wolf.
Across the sofa, Frank made a low sound behind the newspaper. He was sitting in his usual corner, one ankle crossed over the other, reading glasses perched on the bridge of his hooked nose, silver hair slightly mussed from where Eli had tried to climb him earlier. He looked domestic in a way that still startled you sometimes: white-haired, broad-shouldered, a little soft around the middle, dressed in an old jumper instead of a uniform, his baritone hidden behind the rustle of the morning paper.
âHeâs not too big,â Frank said without looking up. âHeâs a Benson.â
You turned your head slowly. âIs that supposed to explain everything?â
âIt does explain everything.â
âFrank, he is built like a prize-winning ham.â
The newspaper lowered just enough for you to see one hazel eye, unimpressed and deeply paternal. âThat is my son youâre insulting.â
âIâm complimenting him. Look at him.â You lifted Eli slightly, which made the baby shriek with joy and kick his chubby legs. âHe has thighs like bread rolls. Expensive bread rolls.â
Frankâs mouth twitched. âBenson family genetics.â
You looked at Eli again. Eli looked back at you with his fatherâs exact expression of offended dignity, which was alarming on a baby with drool on his chin.
âYou hear that?â you asked him. âApparently this is your inheritance. Not land. Not a trust fund. Just being enormous and judgmental.â
Eli slapped your cheek.
Frank chuckled behind the paper.
âOh, you think thatâs funny?â you said, rubbing your cheek while Eli giggled. âHe gets the violence from your side too, I suppose.â
âHe gets tactical initiative from my side.â
âHe just assaulted his mother.â
âA bold maneuver.â
You rolled your eyes and shifted Eli against you, smoothing one hand over his soft hair. He immediately started mouthing at your collar, making impatient little sounds, his hands patting at you with increasing urgency.
âOh,â you said, glancing down at him. âNow we remember manners exist?â
Eli made a tiny outraged noise.
You smiled and tapped the tip of his nose. âAre you hungry, my gigantic little dictator?â
Frankâs newspaper rustled again. You could feel him watching now, even though he was pretending not to.
Eli whined, dramatic and wounded, throwing his head back against your arm as if denied basic human rights.
You gasped. âExcuse me. That was not a proper request.â
The baby kicked both legs.
âNo,â you said solemnly. âYou know the rules. You only nurse if you cry. Properly. I require commitment.â
Frankâs paper lowered another inch.
Eli stared up at you, blinking.
You stared back. âGo on. Convince me.â
The baby gave a small, fake-sounding whimper, then immediately ruined the effect by smiling.
âTerrible performance,â you said. âNo emotional depth. No desperation. Your father would have given you notes.â
Frank cleared his throat. âI would have.â
âYouâre not helping.â
âIâve commanded men with better discipline than that.â
âHe is one.â
âNever too early to learn standards.â
You gave Eli one last stern look, as if he were a very small defendant standing trial for crimes against patience, and then surrendered with all the dignity of a woman who had lost a negotiation to someone wearing only one sock.
âAll right,â you murmured, tugging the hem of your shirt down and shifting him more comfortably against you. âSince your performance was terrible but your commitment to tyranny is impressive.â
Eli did not care about your commentary.
The moment you settled him close, he latched on with the fierce, immediate enthusiasm of a child who believed starvation had been imminent for the past twelve seconds. His little hands curled against your skin, one foot pressing into your stomach, his whole body relaxing with a dramatic sigh that made Frank lower the newspaper again.
You looked down at your son and softened despite yourself.
âThere you are,â you whispered, brushing your thumb gently along the bridge of his tiny nose. âGreedy little thing.â
And God, the nose.
It was absurd.
You stroked it again, marveling at the familiar shape in miniature. The tiny hooked bridge, the serious brow, the faintly judgmental set of his face even while nursing. Eli was only a year old and somehow already looked as if he disapproved of budget cuts, weak tea, and anyone who used the word âliterallyâ too often.
You glanced over at Frank.
Then back down at Eli.
Then back at Frank.
Frank noticed.
âWhat?â he asked, suspicious.
You shook your head slowly. âI gave birth to a pocket version of you.â
Frankâs mouth twitched. âLucky boy.â
âItâs almost alarming. Look at him. That is your nose.â
âMy nose is distinguished.â
âYour nose is now on a baby.â
âThen heâs a distinguished baby.â
You snorted, smoothing Eliâs hair as he nursed, warm and heavy in your arms. âHe has your glare too.â
Frank folded the newspaper with exaggerated care and set it aside. âHe has focus.â
âHe looks like heâs about to complain to Parliament.â
âThatâs because he has standards.â
Eli made a tiny sound against you, one hand flexing, his lashes lowering with sleepy satisfaction. Frank watched him with that quiet, helpless look he always tried to hide and never managed. It softened the hard lines of his face, eased something old and military from his shoulders. In moments like this, he did not look like the man who had spent half his life in command rooms. He looked like a father still privately astonished that the world had handed him something small enough to fit against his chest and strong enough to undo him.
He leaned closer, careful not to disturb Eli, and reached one broad hand toward the babyâs bare foot.
âHello, little fighter,â Frank murmured, brushing one finger against Eliâs heel.
Eli immediately kicked him away.
Frank froze.
You looked down.
Eli kept nursing as if nothing had happened, his tiny foot now planted firmly against Frankâs wrist in warning.
A slow, delighted smile spread across Frankâs face.
âOh,â he said, voice low with approval. âIs that how it is?â
You laughed under your breath. âHe rejected you.â
âHe defended his position.â
âHe kicked you.â
âWith conviction.â
Frank tried again, touching Eliâs foot with the gentlest pressure. Eli kicked once more, sharper this time, and Frank looked so proud you nearly rolled your eyes out of your skull.
âThereâs my boy,â he murmured.
âOf course you love that.â
âHeâs got spirit.â
âHeâs got your attitude.â
âGood.â
Frank bent his head and pressed a kiss to the sole of Eliâs bare foot.
The scratch of his stubble did it.
Eli let go of you with a startled little pop, blinking in confusion for half a second before dissolving into laughter. It was a bright, bubbling sound, all gums and breath and pure delight, his whole chubby body squirming against you as Frank kissed his foot again.
âOh, traitor,â you said, trying not to laugh as milk dribbled at the corner of Eliâs mouth. âYou abandoned your meal for comedy?â
Frankâs eyes warmed. âHe has taste.â
âHe has no taste. He thinks your face is funny.â
Frank kissed Eliâs foot once more, slower this time, deliberately brushing his stubbled jaw against the soft arch. Eli shrieked with laughter, kicking both legs now, one heel landing against Frankâs chest.
Frank caught the foot with theatrical seriousness. âCareful. Thatâs an officer youâre assaulting.â
Eli babbled at him.
Frank nodded solemnly. âA compelling argument.â
You shifted Eli back against you, trying to coax him to finish nursing, but the boy kept glancing at Frank as if expecting another attack. Frank sat there with a private smile tugging at his mouth, hazel eyes fixed on his son, silver hair falling slightly over his forehead. He looked foolishly, painfully happy.
Then the phone rang.
Not the house phone.
Not your mobile.
The one in his office.
The sound cut through the room with a cold, precise insistence, and Frankâs smile vanished so quickly it felt like watching a door slam shut.
Eli startled against you, his little hands tightening. You instinctively held him closer, turning your body slightly as the second ring came.
Frank was already standing.
There was no groan, no muttered complaint, no slow domestic irritation. The loving father who had been kissing baby feet a second ago disappeared beneath something older, harder, trained into the bone. His face settled into stillness. His shoulders squared. His eyes sharpened.
The old soldier had returned.
You watched him adjust his belt with one practiced tug, the gesture automatic, almost unconscious. His jaw tightened. The soft belly, the mussed hair, the jumper, the baby laughter still lingering in the roomânone of it could disguise the change in him.
âFrank,â you said quietly.
He paused at the edge of the sitting room, one hand already near the doorframe.
For a moment, he looked back.
Not at you first.
At Eli.
The baby had settled again against your breast, confused but comforted by your arms, his tiny hooked nose pressed to your skin, one hand curled into your shirt. Frankâs gaze moved over him with something so tender it almost broke through the hard mask.
Then he looked at you.
âIâll be a minute,â he said.
His baritone was calm. Too calm. The kind of calm that meant he had already begun locking away every soft thing in the room.
You nodded, though both of you knew a minute could mean anything.
Frankâs eyes lingered on your face for one last breath, as if silently asking you to keep the warmth there for him until he could return to it.
Then the phone rang a third time.
He turned and walked toward the office, each step measured, controlled, purposeful.
You sat still on the sofa with Eli tucked against you, the newspaper abandoned at the cushion beside Frankâs empty place. The room seemed quieter after he left, though nothing had changed. The same soft lamp. The same scattered baby toys. The same warm weight of your son in your arms.
From down the hall, the office door opened.
Then closed.
And when Frank answered the phone, his voice carried faintly through the walls, low and composed and stripped of every trace of laughter.
âBenson.â
You did not understand it at first.
Or perhaps you understood too quickly, and your mind, desperate to protect itself, simply refused to arrange the facts into anything recognizable. The phone call. Frankâs voice going flat and official down the hall. The office door opening again. The sudden heaviness of his footsteps. The low, controlled answer he gave to some question you had not heard.
Then the drawer in the bedroom slammed open.
Eli startled so violently against you that he let out a frightened cry, his little body jerking in your arms, mouth opening wide with the terrible, helpless outrage of a child who knew only that something had changed. You rose from the sofa at once, clutching him against your chest, your hand cupping the back of his head as you hurried toward the bedroom.
By the time you reached the doorway, Frank had already pulled a bag from the bottom of the wardrobe.
Not a suitcase.
A bag.
That was what made your stomach drop. A suitcase meant conferences. Hotels. Government meetings. Some unbearable stretch of days in which he would text you dry little updates and return with his shirts smelling faintly of airports and bad coffee.
The bag meant something else.
It was dark, practical, military in its lack of romance. He put it on the bed with the efficiency of a man who had packed under pressure before, who knew exactly what had to go in and what could be sacrificed. Shirts. Socks. A shaving kit. Documents from the drawer. His movements were sharp, spare, stripped of domestic softness.
âWhat are you doing?â you asked.
Frank did not look at you. âPacking.â
Eli cried harder at the sound of his fatherâs voiceânot because it was loud, not yet, but because it was wrong. It had no warmth in it. No lazy amusement. None of the man who had kissed his foot five minutes earlier and pretended to be offended by baby violence.
You shifted Eli higher against your shoulder and began to rock him, your own heartbeat pounding so hard you could feel it against the babyâs ribs.
âPacking for what?â
Frank folded a shirt with unnecessary force. âIâve been called in.â
âCalled in where?â
He stopped for half a second.
That half second was enough.
Your throat tightened. âFrank.â
He exhaled, a controlled sound through his nose. âAfghanistan.â
The room tilted.
Eliâs cry rose, sharp and frightened, his little hands grabbing at your shirt while you stared at your husband as if he had spoken in a foreign language.
âNo,â you said.
Frankâs jaw worked. âDonât start.â
âA war?â Your voice cracked around the word. âYouâre going to war?â
He finally looked at you then, and God, that was worse. His hazel eyes were tired already, not frightened, not uncertain, but burdened with a recognition you did not share. A man hearing an old song he had hoped never to hear again. His white hair was still mussed from the sofa, his jumper still soft and domestic over his broad, slightly rounded frame, and yet his face had become something carved and unreachable.
âThe Army called,â he said, baritone low. âThey need me to command troops. Thereâs a situation escalating, and they need senior oversight on the ground.â
âOn the ground,â you repeated.
âYes.â
âIn Afghanistan.â
âYes.â
âWith troops.â
âYes.â
The answers came too calm, too clipped, too official. You hated him for it. You hated that tone. You hated that he could stand there in the bedroom where your baby slept, where your clothes were still thrown over a chair, where his reading glasses sat on the bedside table, and speak as if he were discussing train schedules.
âNo,â you said again. This time it came out colder. âYouâre not going.â
Frankâs expression hardened.
âDonât do that.â
âIâm not doing anything. You are not going.â
His hand closed around the edge of the bag. âThat isnât your decision.â
The words struck like a slap.
Eli sobbed into your neck, and you pressed your lips to his hair, rocking him harder, though you were shaking so badly the movement turned uneven. âNot my decision?â you repeated. âIâm your wife.â
âI know that.â
âYou have a child.â
âI know that too.â
âThen act like it.â
Frankâs eyes flashed.
There he was. The temper beneath the discipline. The old soldier under the husband. The man who did not like being told where his duty ended.
âCareful,â he said quietly.
âNo, you be careful.â You stepped fully into the room, Eli clutched between you like a living, crying accusation. âYou walked out of the sitting room five minutes ago and came back a dead man packing a bag.â
His face tightened. âDo not say that.â
âWhat else am I supposed to say? You expect me to stand here and watch you fold socks for a war?â
âIt isnât as simple as that.â
âIt is exactly as simple as that to me.â
Frank turned back to the wardrobe, yanking open another drawer. âThey asked for me because I know what Iâm doing.â
That made something inside you break into anger.
âOh, of course,â you snapped. âForgive me. I forgot your experience makes bullets polite.â
He rounded on you then.
âEnough.â
The command cracked through the room.
Eli screamed.
Both of you froze.
The sound seemed to tear the air open. Frankâs anger vanished from his face at once, replaced by something stricken and guilty. His eyes dropped to Eli, whose face was red and wet against your shoulder, little fists clenched in your shirt, terrified by a world suddenly too loud.
Frank took one step forward instinctively.
You took one step back.
The hurt that crossed his face was so quick you almost missed it.
Almost.
âDonât shout near him,â you said, voice low and trembling.
Frank swallowed. His throat moved above the collar of his jumper. When he spoke again, his baritone had dropped, roughened with restraint. âIâm sorry.â
But he did not stop packing.
That was the thing.
That was what made your chest ache with a furious, hopeless grief.
He was sorry.
He was ashamed.
He hated that he had frightened his son.
And still, he reached for another shirt.
You watched his hands. Broad, capable, familiar hands. Hands that had held Eliâs tiny foot with ridiculous reverence. Hands that had brushed crumbs off your cheek at breakfast. Hands that had signed orders, written briefings, carried weight you knew he never fully explained to you.
Now those hands were packing to leave you.
âTo command troops,â you said, your voice dull with disbelief. âWhy you? Why does it have to be you?â
Frank let out a tired breath. âBecause Iâve done it before.â
âThat is not comforting.â
âIt should be.â
âIt isnât.â
âIâm not some inexperienced boy being thrown into the desert with a rifle and a prayer.â His voice sharpened again, not loud this time, but edged. âIâve served. Iâve commanded. I was in the Gulf War. I know what deployment is. I know what war is.â
The words hung there.
The Gulf War.
A phrase you knew, of course. A piece of his past, one of those hard, historical facts attached to him like medals in a drawer. But it had always felt distant when he mentioned it, something sealed behind his eyes, locked in another life before you. A younger Frank under a harsher sun. A soldier before the white hair. Before Eli. Before the soft sofa mornings and missing baby socks.
âYou say that like it makes this better,â you whispered.
Frankâs mouth tightened. âIt makes me useful.â
Your eyes stung.
Useful.
You almost laughed. It came out as something broken and ugly.
âYou are not a tool they get to pull out of storage whenever the world catches fire.â
His face changed at that.
Something flickered. Pain, perhaps. Or recognition. Then he looked away, as if he could not afford either.
âYou knew who I was when you married me.â
âNo,â you said immediately. âI knew you had been that man. I knew you still carried him somewhere. I did not marry the Army. I married you.â
Frank went still.
Eliâs sobs had begun to soften into hiccuping cries against your shoulder, his little body exhausted by distress.
You kissed his temple again and again, breathing in the warm, milky scent of him, trying not to look at the bag on the bed.
Trying not to imagine Frankâs clothes inside it becoming relics.
Trying not to imagine some officer with a polite voice standing at your door.
Frank spoke more quietly. âI took an oath.â
âAnd what did you take when you put that ring on my finger?â
His eyes lifted to yours.
There. You saw it land. The blow you had meant it to be.
He looked older suddenly.
Not weaker.
Never that.
But older in a way that had nothing to do with his white hair or the softness around his middle. Older because some part of him was being asked to choose between two sacred things, and he had already been trained all his life to choose the one that left him emptier.
âYou think I want to go?â he asked.
âI donât know.â Your voice trembled. âDo you?â
His expression darkened. âDonât be cruel.â
âThen answer me.â
âNo,â he said, the word torn out of him. âNo, I do not bloody want to go.â
The room fell silent except for Eliâs little gasping hiccups.
Frank stood on the other side of the bed, one hand still inside the open drawer, shoulders rigid, chest rising and falling beneath the old jumper. His hooked nose cast a sharp shadow across his face in the bedroom light. His eyes were brightânot with tears, not exactly, but with a contained violence of feeling that frightened you more than his anger had.
âI donât want to leave my son,â he said, each word controlled with effort. âI donât want to leave my wife. I donât want to get on a transport and spend however long looking at photographs on my phone while pretending that is sufficient. I donât want any of it.â
âThen donât.â
His jaw clenched. âIt doesnât work like that.â
âIt can.â
âNo. It canât.â
âFrankââ
âI am still a soldier.â
The sentence dropped between you like a weapon.
You stared at him, and for one awful moment you hated that it was true. Hated the spine in him. Hated the discipline. Hated the very qualities that had once made you feel safe because now they were the same qualities dragging him away from you.
âYouâre a father,â you said.
His face twisted.
âI know.â
âYouâre my husband.â
âI know.â
âThen why do I feel like we come second?â
That did it.
Frank closed the drawer slowly.
Not gently. Slowly. With frightening control.
âYou do not come second.â
âThen stay.â
His eyes fixed on yours. âDo not make this a test of love.â
âWhat else is it?â
âIt is duty.â
âIt is abandonment.â
His lips parted, but no answer came at first.
Eli lifted his head from your shoulder with a wet little whimper and turned toward Frank. His cheeks were flushed, lashes clumped with tears, mouth trembling. He reached one chubby hand out into the space between you, not understanding the words, only recognizing the distance.
âDa,â Eli sobbed.
Frank broke.
Not visibly.
Not dramatically.
But something in him gave way for a second.
His face softened with such pain that your own anger faltered despite yourself.
He came around the bed slowly, as if approaching a frightened animal. This time you did not step back. Frank stopped close enough to touch, but he did not reach for Eli without permission.
He looked at you first.
That made it worse.
You shifted the baby in your arms, still angry, still afraid, but unable to deny either of them. Frank took Eli gently, carefully, as though his own son were made of glass.
The moment Eli was against him, he grabbed Frankâs jumper in both fists and cried into his chest.
Frank closed his eyes.
His broad hand covered the babyâs back, dwarfing him. He rocked him once, awkwardly at first, then with the familiar rhythm he had learned in sleepless nights and early mornings. His baritone dropped into a murmur, low enough that you had to strain to hear it.
âI know,â he whispered. âI know, little fighter. Iâm sorry. Daddyâs sorry.â
You covered your mouth with your hand.
Frank pressed his lips to Eliâs hair and held him there. The bag remained open on the bed behind him like a wound.
His hazel eyes moved over Eliâs face with painful attention: the wet lashes, the flushed cheeks, the tiny hooked nose that made you ache every time you saw it, the little mouth still trembling from tears. Frankâs expression did not collapse. He was not a man who collapsed. But something in him seemed to bow under the weight of what he was holding.
Then he lifted his gaze to you.
âDo you think,â he asked quietly, his baritone low and rough, âthat I ever thought Iâd have this again?â
You said nothing.
You could not.
Frank looked back down at Eli, and his thumb brushed the soft curve of the babyâs cheek with a tenderness so careful it was almost unbearable.
âWhen my first wife left,â he said, âI thought that was it.â
The words came without drama. That made them worse. No self-pity. No performance. Just a fact dragged out of some locked room inside him and placed, bare and ugly, between you.
âI had grown children living their own lives, far away from me. Grandchildren I saw in photographs more often than in person. Christmas parcels. Birthday cheques. Polite phone calls when everyone remembered.â His mouth tightened into something that almost resembled a smile but had no humour in it. âI thought Iâd become exactly what men like me become when the house finally empties.â
You swallowed hard.
âWhat?â you whispered.
Frankâs eyes lifted, tired and bright.
âA lonely old bastard with too much rank, too much silence, and no idea what to do with his hands when there wasnât work to fill them.â
Your throat closed.
Eli shifted in his arms, making a soft, sleepy sound, one cheek pressed to Frankâs chest. Frank looked down immediately, his whole face softening on instinct, and tucked the baby closer.
âI thought Iâd send gifts to the grandchildren,â he continued, voice quieter now, âmake sure the cards arrived on time, put money aside for schools and weddings and whatever else they needed from the old man in the background. I thought Iâd bury myself in work until there was nothing left of me worth burying properly.â
âFrankâŚâ
He shook his head once, not sharply, but enough to stop you.
âI had made peace with it,â he said. âOr I told myself I had. Thereâs a difference, I know that now.â His eyes came back to yours. âThen I met you.â
The anger inside you, so hot only minutes before, wavered.
Frank adjusted Eli against his shoulder, one hand supporting the back of his little head, the other broad and warm between his tiny shoulder blades.
He looked ridiculous and heartbreaking standing there with a baby in his arms and a military bag open behind him, half husband, half soldier, split clean down the middle by the life he had built and the life that still owned part of him.
âYou were impossible,â he said, and this time there was the ghost of something warmer in his voice. âToo young for me. Too stubborn. Too loud when you thought I was being an idiot, which was often. You looked at me as if I wasnât finished. As if I wasnât some relic people kept around because I knew where the bodies were buried.â
Despite yourself, your lips trembled.
âYou were an idiot often.â
His mouth twitched faintly. âStill am, apparently.â
You looked away first because the tenderness was unbearable.
Frank took one slow step closer, not enough to crowd you, just enough to bring Eliâs soft breathing nearer.
âYou made me want to start again,â he said.
The sentence landed with devastating simplicity.
You looked at him then.
His face was controlled, yes. It always was. But the control had seams now, and through them you could see the man beneath it.
The man who had woken at three in the morning to warm bottles he pretended not to know how to prepare properly just so you would correct him and smile.
The man who had stood in the nursery with Eli against his shoulder, murmuring military nonsense to a newborn as if the baby were a nervous recruit.
The man who had stared at the first ultrasound for so long that you had eventually asked whether he was planning to interrogate it.
âAnd then he came,â Frank murmured, looking down at Eli again.
His voice changed when he said it. Softened around the edges.
âOur boy.â
Eli had almost stopped crying now. One tiny hand had loosened from Frankâs jumper and lay curled against his chest. Frank covered it with two fingers, absurdly gentle.
âUnplanned,â he said. âTerrifying. Completely unreasonable.â His brows drew together, and a breath left him that was almost a laugh but not quite. âI remember standing in the bathroom doorway after you told me, and all I could think was, God help me, Iâm too old to do this again.â
You remembered.
Of course you remembered.
Frank had gone very still.
So still that you had thought, for one awful second, that he regretted it before it had even begun.
Then he had sat down on the closed toilet lid like his knees had quietly resigned from service, stared at the test in your hand, and asked in a voice stripped bare of all command, âAre you all right?â
Not âAre you sure?â
Not âWhat are we going to do?â
Not even âHow?â
Just that. Are you all right?
âAnd then?â you asked, barely audible.
Frankâs eyes softened.
âThen I wanted him.â
Your breath caught.
âI wanted him so badly it frightened me,â he admitted. âI wanted the noise. The mess. The little socks everywhere. The ridiculous toys. The pram in the hallway. I wanted all of it with you.â
He looked around the bedroom, at the bag, the open drawer, the evidence of departure. âI still do.â
You pressed your hand against your mouth again because something inside you was shaking loose, something angrier than grief and more fragile than forgiveness.
Frankâs gaze moved back to Eli.
âHe gave me something I didnât think men like me were allowed to have twice,â he said. âA second chance. A home that wasnât just a place I slept between obligations. A family that didnât feel like memory or duty or regret.â His voice roughened. âHe put colour back into the world.â
You closed your eyes.
The words hurt because they were beautiful. Because they were true. Because he was saying them while preparing to leave.
When you opened your eyes again, Frank was watching you.
âI love you,â he said.
You shook your head, tears spilling despite your effort to hold them back. âDonât.â
âI do.â
âDonât say it like goodbye.â
His face tightened.
âI love you,â he repeated, firmer now, as if he would not let fear corrupt the truth of it. âI love this family. I love the life we built. I love waking up with your cold feet shoved against my leg. I love finding Eliâs toys in my shoes. I love pretending I mind when the two of you destroy every quiet hour Iâve ever tried to have.â
A sob escaped you, half laugh and half wound.
Frankâs eyes flickered.
âI love sitting on that sofa and reading the paper while you accuse my son of being a ham with political opinions,â he said, voice thickening. âI love that he has my nose. I love that he kicks me as if heâs defending a border. I love that you look at him sometimes and then look at me as if you canât decide whether to laugh or blame me.â
âI do blame you,â you whispered.
âI know.â His mouth trembled faintly before he forced it still. âI love that too.â
You took a step toward him without meaning to.
Eli stirred between you, sleepy and warm, still held securely against Frankâs chest.
The three of you stood so close now that you could see the faint damp patch on Frankâs jumper where Eli had cried into him.
âThen stay,â you said.
Frank shut his eyes.
For one second, only one, you thought he might.
His arms tightened around Eli.
His shoulders sagged.
The hard line of his mouth softened, and the old soldier seemed to retreat before the father, before the husband, before the man who had been given more than he ever expected and knew exactly how much he stood to lose.
Then he opened his eyes again.
And you knew.
âNo,â you whispered.
Frankâs gaze held yours, devastated and steady.
âI am still a soldier,â he said.
The sentence was not hard this time. It was not a weapon. It was a confession.
Your face crumpled.
âSoldiers donât run from war,â he said, each word heavy, as if he hated the shape of them. âNot when theyâre called. Not when men under their command are going where Iâve already been. Not when my experience might keep some frightened nineteen-year-old from coming home in a box.â
You flinched.
Frank saw it and hated himself for it, but he did not take the words back.
âThatâs cruel,â you said.
âYes,â he replied softly. âIt is.â
âYouâre using dead boys against me.â
âIâm telling you why I canât pretend this is only about me.â
âIt is about you to us.â Your voice broke. âTo me. To him. You are not a strategy. Youâre not senior oversight. Youâre not a rank on a briefing paper. Youâre Frank. Youâre his father.â
âI know.â
âNo, I donât think you do.â You reached out and touched Eliâs foot where it rested against Frankâs side. âBecause if you did, you wouldnât be able to walk out of this room.â
Frankâs jaw clenched so hard the muscle jumped.
âYou think Iâll be able to?â
The question silenced you.
His eyes burned into yours.
âYou think Iâll put that bag over my shoulder, kiss my son, kiss you, and walk out as if it costs me nothing?â His voice remained low, but there was violence underneath it now, not anger at you, but at the impossible shape of the choice itself.
âYou think I wonât feel every step? You think I wonât hear him crying in my head long after Iâm gone? You think I wonât hate myself for leaving you standing here?â
âThen donât make me watch it happen,â you said.
Frank swallowed.
Eli stirred and lifted his head from Frankâs chest, drowsy and red-eyed. For a moment, he only blinked. Then his gaze found you, and he reached for you with a soft little sound.
âMam.â
The word broke through both of you.
You stepped forward at once, and Frank let you take him, though his hands lingered a second too long. Eli came into your arms warm and heavy, immediately tucking his face into your neck. You held him tightly, one hand spread over his back, and looked at Frank over your sonâs head.
Without Eli between his arms, Frank suddenly looked emptier.
Older.
His hands fell slowly to his sides, fingers curling once as if they did not know what to do without the weight of the child.
âI am not choosing the Army over you,â he said.
You stared at him through tears. âThat is exactly what it feels like.â
âI know.â
âDo you?â
âYes.â His voice cracked on the word, barely, but enough. âBecause Iâve been on the other side of that door. I know what it is to leave people behind and pretend the leaving has a noble name so you can survive doing it.â
The room went very still.
Frank looked toward the bag, then back at you.
âBut if I stay because Iâm afraid,â he said, âif I stay because this hurts too much, then I become something I have spent my entire life trying not to be.â
âA coward?â
His eyes sharpened.
âNo,â he said. âA man who lets other people pay the price of his comfort.â
You hated that you understood.
That was the worst part.
Not agreeing. Never agreeing.
But understanding.
Knowing that the same thing you loved in himâthe spine, the honour, the unbearable sense of responsibilityâwas now standing in front of you like a locked gate.
âYou have already paid enough,â you whispered.
Frankâs expression softened with such exhaustion that it made him look almost gentle.
âMaybe,â he said. âBut war doesnât care what any of us have already paid.â
Eli hiccuped softly against you, exhausted, his little fingers tangled in your hair. You turned your face and kissed his temple because you needed to touch something living, something here, something that had not yet been demanded by history or duty.
Frank watched the gesture with naked longing.
Then he reached out.
Slowly, giving you time to refuse.
You did not.
His hand came to the back of your head, warm and broad, and he drew you in until his forehead rested against yours. Eli was pressed between you, your sonâs sleepy body trapped in the fragile space where husband and wife had not yet learned how to survive being separated.
âIâm coming back,â Frank said.
You closed your eyes, tears slipping down your cheeks. âYou donât know that.â
His fingers tightened in your hair.
âNo,â he whispered. âI donât.â
The honesty hurt more than any lie would have.
âBut I will do everything in my power,â he said, voice low, steady, fierce now, âeverything, to come back to you. To both of you.â
âYou promise?â
Frank was silent.
You opened your eyes.
He looked at you with terrible tenderness.
âI wonât make a promise war gets a vote in,â he said.
A sob tore out of you, and you tried to pull away, furious with him again, furious with the honesty, the refusal to soothe you with something false. But Frank held your face, not trapping you, just keeping you close enough to hear him.
âBut I can promise you this,â he said. âI will fight like hell to get home. Not for glory. Not for duty. Not for the bloody Army.â His thumb brushed the wetness from your cheek. âFor you. For him. For this.â
You pressed your lips together, shaking.
Frank bent and kissed Eliâs hair. The baby barely stirred.
Then he kissed your forehead.
Not your mouth. Not yet. The kiss was too reverent for that, too full of apology.
âI didnât think Iâd ever have this again,â he murmured against your skin. âIâm not throwing it away.â
âYouâre leaving it.â
His eyes closed.
âI know.â
The two words held all of it.
The guilt.
The love.
The duty.
The terror he had not named.
The helplessness of a man trained to command almost everything except the things that mattered most.
You stood there with him, breathing the same broken air, while the open bag waited on the bed.
Was watching Instagram when suddenly, I came into a video of Daniel Gillis doing a test but he gives it away too late and something like that, and there was like a professor telling him he was too late and he failed and I thought it was film, you know? And I thought the professor was so hot. But then I searched it up and it's only a bloody commercial as and the actor who plays the professor isn't even an actor, just a random man they thought it pass and it pisses me off. You can look on Google, Instant Kiwi exam, a lottery thing. I hate it.đđđĽ˛đđ
I have no idea who Daniel is, but this sounds like a personal attack. Imagine seeing a ridiculously attractive professor, thinking you've found a new fictional crush, and then discovering he's just some random bloke from a lottery commercial. The disappointment must be immeasurable đđĽ˛
Summary: Hidden beneath false clothes and borrowed identities, Louis and the Queen spend a rare day free from protocol. They bicker, laugh, and wander through ordinary life like two people who might have loved each other under different circumstances. Yet every joke, every smile, and every stolen moment is haunted by the knowledge that their freedom has an expiration date.
Pairing: Louis XIV Ă Fem! Reader
Warnings: Light Angst
First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh and Twelfth part here
Also read on Ao3
Louis was impossible to contain once he had decided he was no longer the King of France, but rather Marguerite, tragic beauty of the lower classes, misunderstood wife of a narrow-shouldered husband named Pierre.
He bloomed in anonymity.
Or, more accurately, he bloomed in what he thought was anonymity, which was not at all the same thing.
The borrowed carriage took you to the edge of the nearest market town, far enough from Marly that the household staff would not immediately recognize you, close enough that Louis could still return before anyone important began wondering why Franceâs monarch had vanished in brown wool and an apron. He stepped down from the carriage with scandalous enthusiasm, clutching your arm as if you were indeed his unfortunate husband, and looked around at the crowded street with the eager, delighted expression of a man who had discovered an entire kingdom existed beneath the level of his balcony.
âOh,â he breathed, and even with the ridiculous attempt to soften his voice, the word still emerged in that deep, resonant baritone. He coughed delicately into his fan and tried again, higher. âOh. How charming.â
âYou sound like a judge pretending to be a duchess,â you muttered.
Louis snapped the fan open and struck your shoulder with it. âDo not ruin this for Marguerite.â
âMarguerite is going to be arrested.â
âMarguerite is beloved.â
âMarguerite is six feet tall and walks like she owns artillery.â
He ignored you completely.
The town square was alive with movement. Merchants called from wooden stalls, waving loaves of bread, ribbons, cheap lace, onions, salted fish, pears bruised gold at the edges. A boy balanced on a barrel and juggled knives badly enough to make you nervous. Musicians scraped out a lively tune near the fountain while children ran laughing between skirts and boots. Someone had set up a little street game involving painted cups and a hidden coin, and three drunk men were arguing over whether a goose had been unfairly sold as a duck.
Louis stopped at everything.
Everything.
He stopped to watch a puppet show and laughed behind his fan when the puppet king was beaten with a stick by a puppet wife.
âHistorically inaccurate,â he murmured.
âYou were dragged to a bath by your hair yesterday.â
He lowered the fan just enough to glare at you. âTreason.â
He bought roasted chestnuts from a woman with red hands and an unimpressed stare. He nearly overpaid her by a sum so obscene you had to snatch the coins from his palm before the woman called the entire square to witness the richest washerwoman in France.
âYou said you knew how to disguise yourself,â you hissed.
âI do.â
âYou just tried to pay for chestnuts with enough money to purchase the stall.â
âI am generous.â
âYou are suspicious.â
âI am Marguerite. Marguerite has admirers. Perhaps one died and left her comfortable.â
âMargueriteâs husband Pierre is about to leave her in a ditch.â
Louis laughed, delighted, and hooked his arm through yours as if you had said something tender.
You did not know how long you wandered.
Time loosened. The sun lifted higher, then softened behind slow-moving clouds. Louis dragged you from stall to stall with embarrassing delight, tasting sugared almonds, sniffing soap with the suspicion of a man identifying poison, watching a pair of acrobats tumble over each other in the dust, and becoming far too emotionally invested in a game where one threw wooden rings over clay pegs to win ribbons.
He tried once.
The ring missed every peg and struck a chicken.
The chicken shrieked.
Louis froze.
You stared at him.
The stallkeeper stared at him.
The chicken fled with the offended dignity of a minister resigning.
Louis lifted his fan slowly and murmured, âThe wind betrayed me.â
âYou nearly assassinated poultry.â
âI was aiming for the blue ribbon.â
âYou hit a chicken.â
âAn agile chicken.â
âYou are never commanding artillery again.â
He looked deeply injured. âI have won wars.â
âNot against that chicken.â
He sulked for several steps after that, though not convincingly. His hazel eyes kept darting toward the next attraction, the next smell, the next noise. He was absurd in the crowd: too tall, too graceful, too commanding even when pretending to be common. His black wig, hidden beneath the kerchief, gave his head too much volume, and the patched brown dress strained suspiciously across his shoulders whenever he forgot to move like someone who had not spent a lifetime being obeyed.
Still, people did not seem to know him.
They looked, of course. Everyone looked. At Marguerite.
Some with confusion. Some with curiosity. Some with the quiet calculation of men deciding whether an unusually tall woman might still be worth trouble if her husband seemed weak enough.
You noticed the man first near the pastry stall.
He was broad in the face, red-cheeked, with a trimmed beard and the swagger of someone who had mistaken persistence for charm. He had been laughing with two companions when Louis paused to inspect a tray of honey cakes, but his laughter died the moment he saw Louis bend slightly over the stall.
You saw his gaze travel.
Up the hem of the brown dress.
Over the cinched waist.
To Louisâs exposed throat, the fan, the kerchief, the ridiculous attempt at maidenly softness.
The man smiled.
You stiffened.
Louis, naturally, noticed nothing.
âPierre,â he murmured, pointing at the cakes, âwhat are those?â
âHoney cakes.â
âI want one.â
âYou had chestnuts.â
âThat was nourishment. This is culture.â
âYou are going to make yourself ill.â
âI am already married to you. Illness holds no fear for me.â
You gave him a look.
He fluttered the fan in front of his face and smiled as if he had just conquered the Netherlands.
The red-cheeked man followed.
At first, he kept distance. A few stalls behind. Then closer. Near the fountain. Near the musicians. Behind you at the booth where Louis bought a strip of blue ribbon and tied it around his wrist, declaring it a token of Margueriteâs tragic beauty.
âTake that off,â you said.
âNo. It brings out my eyes.â
âIt brings out your madness.â
âIt brings out my eyes.â
The man laughed from behind you.
Louis turned slightly, and the man dipped his head with the boldness of someone who had waited long enough to convince himself the invitation was mutual.
âMadame,â he said, removing his hat.
Louis blinked.
You felt, with immediate dread, his entire soul awaken to theatre.
The man bowedânot well, but confidentlyâand reached for Louisâs hand before either of you could stop him. He lifted it and pressed a kiss to the rough knuckles, lingering far too long.
Louis went very still.
Not offended.
Not yet.
Intrigued.
The fan rose.
His hazel eyes widened behind it with a sparkle so dangerous you nearly stepped on his foot preemptively.
âWhat a gallant gentleman,â Louis said, attempting a feminine voice and landing somewhere between widowed duchess and tired magistrate.
The man did not seem to notice. Lust, apparently, had damaged his hearing.
âForgive me, madame,â he said. âI could not help admiring you.â
âYou could have tried,â you muttered.
Louis struck your arm with the fan again. âPierre.â
The manâs eyes flicked toward you. âPierre?â
Louis gave a breathy, theatrical laugh behind the fan. âMy husband. Tell him, Pierre.â
You stared at Louis.
Louis stared back, fan fluttering, eyes shining with wicked expectation.
The man looked between you both. His expression soured faintly at the word husband.
You smiled.
âNo,â you said.
Louisâs fan stopped.
The man brightened.
Louis turned his head slowly toward you.
You folded your arms, leaning into the role with sudden, vicious pleasure. âI am not her husband.â
Louisâs hazel eyes narrowed.
The man stepped closer. âAh?â
âI am her brother,â you said blandly. âPoor Marguerite is unmarried.â
The fan lowered by one inch.
Louisâs face was a painting of betrayal.
âPierre,â he said through his teeth, the baritone slipping dangerously low.
You smiled sweetly. âMy sister is very modest.â
The man nearly glowed. âUnmarried, you say?â
âWidowed in spirit,â Louis cut in sharply, lifting the fan again. âMarried in practice. Bound by vows. Deeply bound. Tragically bound.â
You coughed into your fist to hide your laugh.
The man, encouraged by your denial and apparently too foolish to notice the murderous energy radiating from Marguerite, moved closer still. âA woman such as you should not walk with only a brother for protection.â
Louisâs nostrils flared.
âI assure you,â he said, voice slipping even lower, âmy brother is quite sufficient.â
âIs he?â the man asked, glancing at you dismissively.
Louis turned to you with a look that promised royal vengeance. âPierre is stronger than he appears.â
You patted his arm. âMarguerite lies when nervous.â
The man laughed.
Louis did not.
The next quarter hour became a test sent directly from hell.
The man followed.
He offered to buy Marguerite wine. Louis refused with icy politeness.
He offered to win Marguerite a ribbon at the ring toss. Louis replied that Marguerite already had a ribbon, thank you very much.
He asked where Marguerite lived. Louis said, âFar away, in a place no man may enter without losing his head.â
The man laughed as if it were flirtation.
You laughed because it was not.
Louis leaned toward you at one point and hissed, âThis is your fault.â
âYou wanted to be beautiful and spoiled.â
âI did not want to be hunted by a turnip with boots.â
âHe thinks you are charming.â
âI am charming. That is beside the point.â
âHe kissed your hand.â
âI noticed.â
âYou blushed.â
âI was restraining myself from having him imprisoned.â
âYou cannot imprison a man for flirting with Marguerite.â
Louisâs eyes flashed. âI can imprison a man for making Marguerite regret her neckline.â
You looked down at the patched dress. âYou chose the neckline.â
âI have many gifts. Humility is not one.â
The man returned with two cups of watered wine, offering one to Louis with a grin. âFor the lady.â
Louis stared at the cup as though it contained swamp water.
You took it instead. âMy sister does not drink from strangers.â
The man gave you a thin smile. âYour sister can answer for herself.â
Louis lifted his chin.
For one terrible second, you saw the King in him. Not Marguerite. Not the ridiculous washerwoman with a fan. The monarch. The man who did not tolerate being addressed as property by anyone unless he had decided to make a comedy of it first.
But then he smiled.
Slowly.
Falsely.
Beautifully.
âMy brother is protective,â he said.
âSo am I,â the man replied.
Louisâs smile sharpened. âHow unfortunate for us all.â
You almost choked.
The man still did not understand.
By the time you returned to the ring toss booth, Louis had reached the end of his patience. You, unfortunately, were distracted by the game. Not because you cared about the prize, but because your first throw had actually landed around a peg, and the stallkeeper had declared it luck with such contempt that your pride ignited.
âI can do it again,â you said.
âYou cannot,â Louis replied absently.
âI can.â
âYou throw like a bookkeeper.â
âAt least I didnât hit a chicken.â
His lips flattened. âThe chicken was in the wrong place.â
âYou aimed left.â
âIt moved.â
âIt was standing still.â
âIt moved spiritually.â
You picked up another ring.
The man appeared at Louisâs side again, much too close. âYour brother is serious about games.â
Louis watched you throw. The ring missed, bounced off the table, and rolled under a basket.
âA family weakness,â he said dryly.
The man leaned in. âPerhaps while he plays, you might walk with me.â
Louis slowly turned his head.
You were busy arguing with the stallkeeper about the fairness of the peg spacing and did not see the exact moment Marguerite died and Louis XIV returned in her place.
The man reached toward his waist.
Not touching. Almost.
Enough.
Louisâs expression became serene.
Too serene.
He looked left. A group of women were laughing over ribbons. He looked right. Children were chasing the previously offended chicken. The stallkeeper was bent under the table retrieving your escaped ring. You were pointing at a peg and declaring it crooked with all the authority of a queen disguised as an apprentice boy.
No one was looking.
Except the man.
Louis smiled at him.
âYou want to walk with me?â he asked, voice still artificially light.
The manâs grin widened. âVery much.â
Louis leaned closer, fan half-raised, lashes lowered. âThen perhaps you should know something first.â
The man practically swelled with triumph. âAnything, madame.â
Louis took one graceful step back.
Then, with the calm satisfaction of a general unveiling artillery, he lifted the front of Margueriteâs dress.
The man looked down.
Silence.
For one perfect, suspended second, his face emptied completely. Desire vanished. Confidence vanished. Language vanished. All that remained was the naked horror of a man whose understanding of the world had just been struck by lightning.
Then he screamed.
Not shouted.
Screamed.
A high, ragged, soul-wounded sound that made three pigeons explode upward from the fountain and sent the offended chicken sprinting into a basket of onions.
Louis dropped his skirt at once and opened his fan with a sharp snap.
The man stumbled backward, pale as flour.
âMadameâ!â he gasped, then choked on the word as if it had betrayed him.
Louis blinked at him sweetly over the fan. âIs something wrong?â
The man made a noise like a dying kettle.
You turned around at last, ring still in hand. âWhat happened?â
The man pointed at Louis with one shaking finger, unable to form speech.
Louis placed a hand over his bodice. âSir, you wound me.â
The man backed away so quickly he nearly fell over a crate. âDevil!â he croaked.
Louis gasped. âPierre, did you hear that? He called your sister a devil.â
âMy sister often inspires religious confusion,â you said slowly, still trying to understand why the man looked ready to run into a river.
The man did run.
Not into a river, unfortunately, but through the square with remarkable speed, shoving past a bread seller, tripping over a dog, and vanishing down an alley while shouting something incoherent about witchcraft, false women, and the collapse of Christendom.
The square stared after him.
Then, gradually, returned to its business.
Paris had seen worse.
You looked at Louis.
Louis looked at you.
His fan fluttered gently in front of his face.
âWhat,â you said, very carefully, âdid you do?â
He widened his hazel eyes in perfect innocence. âI discouraged him.â
âYou discouraged him.â
âEffectively.â
âYou showed him something.â
Louisâs mouth twitched. âOnly the truth.â
Your eyes narrowed. âLouis.â
He stepped closer, lowering his voice. It was still too deep, still unmistakably his, still vibrating with smug masculine satisfaction beneath the absurdity of the dress. âHe wished to know Marguerite intimately. I provided a correction.â
You stared at him.
Then you covered your mouth.
The laugh came before you could stop it.
Not dignified. Not queenly. Not controlled. It burst out of you so violently that you had to turn away, shoulders shaking, one hand braced on the ring toss table while the stallkeeper looked between you and Marguerite with open confusion.
Louis beamed.
Actually beamed.
âThere,â he said, delighted. âYou see? Perfectly handled.â
âYou are insane,â you gasped.
âI am practical.â
âYou lifted your dress in the middle of the market.â
âNo one saw.â
âHe saw!â
âThat was the point.â
You laughed harder, despite every injury, every betrayal, every reason not to. You laughed until tears gathered at the corners of your eyes, until your cap sat crooked over your hair, until Louis reached out and steadied you by the elbow with a touch so gentle it almost ruined the moment.
Almost.
âHe called you a devil,â you wheezed.
Louis lifted his chin, pleased beyond measure. âMany men have. Few have been so accurate.â
âYou are proud of yourself.â
âI defended my honor.â
âYou terrified a man with your royal cock.â
âDo not say it so loudly,â he hissed, glancing around, though his smile only grew. âMarguerite has a reputation.â
âMarguerite has a secret.â
âMarguerite has mystery.â
âMarguerite is going to get us hanged.â
âPierre would never allow it.â
âPierre is pretending not to know you.â
Louis leaned closer, hazel eyes alight under the ridiculous kerchief. âPierre laughed.â
You swallowed the last of your laughter and looked away, annoyed by how warm your cheeks had become.
âI laughed because you behaved like a lunatic.â
âNo,â he murmured. âYou laughed because it was funny.â
You hated him a little for being right.
He reached for your hand, still playing the part enough to make it look like a wife clinging to her brother-husbandâs sleeve. His fingers brushed yours once, then slipped away before you could decide whether to accept or reject the touch.
âCome,â he said, voice softer now. âThere is a man selling pear tarts.â
âYou just traumatized a citizen.â
âHe will recover with prayer.â
âHe may enter a monastery.â
âThen I have improved his soul.â
âYou are impossible.â
âAnd hungry.â
You stared at him.
Louis smiled, radiant and infuriating in brown wool, fan resting against his cheek, black wig hidden badly beneath the kerchief, hazel eyes shining with victory.
âFor the record,â he added, as you began walking again, âthat man should thank me.â
âFor what?â
âFor sparing him heartbreak. Marguerite is already married.â
âYou are still insisting on that?â
He took your arm with theatrical devotion. âTell them, Pierre.â
You pulled your cap lower over your face and muttered, âMy sister is widowed in the head.â
Louis laughed then, deep and unguarded before remembering himself and smothering it behind the fan in a ridiculous high trill.
It was awful.
It was absurd.
It was almost happy.
And for one dangerous afternoon, under borrowed names and false clothes, with sugar on your fingers and the King of France disguised as the most alarming woman in the marketplace, you forgotâbriefly, foolishlyâthat nine days had an ending.
You had almost made it to the pear tarts.
Almost.
The smell of them had already begun to reach you, warm and buttery, drifting through the crowded street in golden waves. Louis had spotted the stall before you had, of course, because even disguised as Marguerite, tragic beauty of the lower classes, he still possessed a monarchâs instinct for pleasure and taxation. He had been steering you toward it with increasing determination, one hand looped possessively through your arm, the blue ribbon still tied around his wrist like a ridiculous trophy of his own vanity.
âPierre,â he murmured, his voice dipping too low again, âI believe that woman has cinnamon.â
âYou believe every woman has something you want.â
His mouth twitched behind the fan. âThat was unkind.â
âIt was accurate.â
âAccuracy is often unkind. That is why ministers are so depressing.â
âYou employ them.â
âI must. Someone has to make numbers miserable.â
You nearly smiled, but then something else caught your attention.
A burst of laughter rose from the far end of the square, louder than the ordinary market noise, followed by the brash trill of a pipe and the slap of a drum. Children darted past you, shrieking with delight, ribbons and crumbs clutched in their fists. A few women abandoned a cloth stall. Men turned from their cups. Even the chestnut seller leaned around her brazier, eyes narrowed with curiosity.
At the crossing between two narrow streets, someone had raised a little wooden platform.
Not a proper theatre. Nothing courtly. Nothing polished. Just boards balanced on barrels, a painted cloth backdrop flapping in the wind, and a handful of actors dressed in exaggerated costumes. One wore a cardboard crown coated with yellow paint. Another wore an absurdly wide skirt and a mantilla made of black netting. A third had stuffed his shirt and cheeks until he resembled a swollen courtier with gout.
You slowed.
Louis tugged lightly at your arm. âNo.â
You blinked at him. âWhat?â
âNo,â he repeated, with immediate suspicion. âI know that look.â
âWhat look?â
âThe look you get before danger.â
âI am watching a play.â
âExactly.â
You pulled your arm from his and moved toward the crowd.
Louis exhaled through his nose, long-suffering and already annoyed, but he followed. Of course he followed. He stayed close, skirts gathered in one hand, fan in the other, black wig hidden badly beneath his kerchief, hazel eyes scanning the crowd with the practiced vigilance of a man who knew how quickly amusement could turn into threat. He positioned himself beside you, slightly behind, close enough that his shoulder brushed yours.
At first, it was harmless.
The puppet-faced actor in the cardboard crown strutted across the platform with an exaggerated limp, waving a wooden sceptre and declaring in a booming imitation of royal arrogance, âI am the Sun, and therefore I need not pay the candle-maker!â
The crowd roared.
Louisâs mouth tightened.
You glanced at him, amused despite yourself. âHistorically accurate?â
âI pay my candle-makers,â he muttered.
âEventually?â
He gave you a look.
Onstage, the fake king flung his cloak over one shoulder and posed, chin lifted, one leg extended in a grotesque mockery of royal portraiture. âBring me mirrors!â he cried. âBring me jewels! Bring me fountains! Bring me another mistress, this one has started asking questions!â
The crowd laughed harder.
Your gaze flicked to Louis.
His expression had gone very still.
Not angry exactly. Not yet. But narrowed. Contained. The fan stopped moving.
The swollen courtier character waddled forward and bowed so low that his padded stomach nearly knocked him over. âSire,â he said, in a nasal whine, âthe people are hungry.â
The false king waved him away. âThen let them eat admiration. It is cheaper than bread and lasts longer in portraits.â
More laughter.
This time, you did not look at Louis.
Because that one hurt somewhere you did not want to admit. Not because it mocked him, but because beneath the painted cruelty was something too close to truth.
Louis noticed anyway.
He always noticed when you tried to hide a wound from him. It was one of his more inconvenient talents.
His hand brushed the back of yours. Not taking it. Not claiming. Just there.
You kept your eyes on the platform.
Then the actress in the wide skirt stepped forward.
She wore black lace over her hair in a grotesque imitation of Spanish fashion, a painted fan clutched in one hand, her face powdered too pale except for two red circles on her cheeks. Her accent was monstrous, exaggerated beyond recognition. She rolled her râs like a drunken soldier mocking a foreign song and pressed one hand dramatically to her bosom.
âAy, ay, ay,â she cried, staggering across the stage. âI am the poor Spanish Queen, cold as a church wall and twice as dull!â
The crowd erupted.
Something inside you stopped.
Louisâs head turned slowly toward the stage.
The actress continued, encouraged by the laughter. âI come from Spain with my saints, my oranges, and my long face. I pray all day, eat garlic all night, and wonder why my beautiful husband runs from my bed!â
A man in the front shouted something obscene.
More laughter.
Your fingers curled into your borrowed vest.
Louis went completely silent beside you.
The false king strutted toward the mock queen and covered his nose with two fingers. âMadame, have the priests taught you nothing? In France, even sin smells better than Spanish virtue.â
The actress wailed theatrically and dropped to her knees. âBut, my lord husband, I have brought you a dowry of boredom and a womb full of disappointment!â
The words struck harder than the laughter.
You did not move.
You could not.
The crowdâs amusement swelled around you like dirty water. Men slapped their thighs. Women hid smiles behind their hands. Children, not understanding, laughed because their parents laughed. The actress began miming prayer, crossing herself again and again while the fake king tiptoed away behind her toward a painted mistress with an enormous bosom and a powdered beauty mark.
âDo not,â Louis said.
You were not sure whether he was speaking to you, to the actors, or to himself.
His voice was still low. Too low. The baritone had lost Marguerite entirely. It had become Louis again, velvet over steel.
You tried to answer, but your mouth was dry.
The actress onstage clasped her hands. âWhere is my husband? Where is my love? Perhaps he has gone to another woman because I am Spanish and therefore born with vinegar in my blood!â
The false king leapt into the arms of the painted mistress.
The crowd howled.
The actress turned to them, widening her eyes. âDo not blame him! A French king needs beauty, wit, perfume, and women who do not smell of chapel dust!â
You looked down.
It was stupid.
You knew it was stupid.
Street theatre. Cheap mockery. Crude voices in a market square. You had been raised around sharper insults than this. At court, hatred wore silk and smiled with better teeth. This should not have mattered. These were not ministers, not ambassadors, not Montespanâs circle murmuring behind fans. These were common people laughing because a man in a cardboard crown and a woman in bad lace had made your pain easy to digest.
But perhaps that was why it hurt.
Because they were his people.
Not yours.
France had dressed you in gold, crowned you, displayed you, used your Spanish blood when it suited diplomacy and mocked it when it needed laughter. You had learned its prayers, its dances, its court rhythms, its endless rules of precedence and vanity. You had carried his child. Buried it. Smiled until your cheeks ached while women with French names and French perfumes slid between you and your husband.
And still, to them, you were garlic, chapel dust, cold Spanish blood, disappointment wrapped in black lace.
Your vision blurred before you could stop it.
You blinked hard.
Louis saw.
The transformation in him was instant.
One moment he stood beside you as Marguerite, ridiculous and overdressed in poverty, fan half-raised, brown wool skirts brushing the dust. The next, all theatre vanished from him. His spine straightened. His chin lifted. Something cold and ancient entered his hazel eyes, something that belonged not to the man who had been dragged screaming from a bath, nor the lover who had wept in your bed, but to the monarch whose displeasure could empty rooms and ruin bloodlines.
His hand moved to his waist.
You noticed only because you knew him too well.
Beneath the apron, beneath the coarse wool, hidden flat against his body, was the small dagger he had insisted on bringing before you left Marly.
âFor safety,â he had said.
âFor melodrama,â you had corrected.
Now his fingers closed around the hilt.
Slowly.
Deliberately.
The actor playing the king pranced back to center stage, one arm around the mistress, the other pointing at the mock queen. âTake her away!â he cried. âSend her back across the mountains with her priests and sour oranges! France needs pleasure, not penance!â
The crowd cheered.
Steel flashed in the shadow of Louisâs skirts.
Not much.
Just enough.
Your heart lurched.
âLouis,â you whispered.
He did not look at you.
His eyes were fixed on the stage.
The dagger slid another inch free.
âI already,â he said, voice so quiet it chilled you. âI already showed one fool today what happens when he oversteps around you.â
âThey donât know,â you whispered quickly.
âThey know enough to laugh.â
âThey donât know itâs me.â
âI do.â
The actress onstage began a grotesque little dance, stomping her feet in a clumsy imitation of Spanish rhythm while the fake king clapped and shouted, âCareful, my frigid bride! Move too fast and the rosary will fall from between your legs!â
Something broke in Louisâs face.
Not patience. Not restraint.
Something older. More violent.
He stepped forward.
You caught his wrist.
He stopped, but only because your fingers were on him.
The dagger was half-drawn now, hidden by the fall of the brown skirt and your bodies pressed close in the crowd. His hand was rigid beneath yours, tendons sharp, pulse hammering. The blue ribbon still circled his wrist, absurdly bright against the knuckles of a man ready to spill blood in a market square.
âDo not,â you said.
His gaze snapped to yours.
For one terrible instant, you saw no husband there. No ridiculous Marguerite. No bath-fearing Bourbon. Only king. Offended divinity. A man who had been taught that insult to what belonged to him must be answered with punishment.
His voice came low, shaking with fury. âThey will not make a sport of you.â
âThey already have.â
âThen I will make them regret it.â
âYou will expose us.â
âI will carve regret into their mouths before they can say my name.â
âLouis.â
âThey called you disappointment,â he hissed, and the word seemed to poison him as it passed his lips. His hazel eyes burned, bloodshot now in a different way. âThey called you cold. They mocked your blood. Your grief. Your body. Your place beside me. I should cut out every tongue on that platform and leave them pinned to the boards for crows.â
You tightened your grip on his wrist.
Around you, the crowd laughed again.
No one looked at you.
No one knew the King of France stood among them in a brown dress with a dagger in his hand.
No one knew how close comedy had come to execution.
âYou would kill them for repeating what your court believes?â you asked softly.
That struck him.
His breath caught.
You saw it land, saw the fury falter not because it lessened, but because shame entered it like a blade slipped between ribs.
The actors continued behind you.
The false mistress now strutted across the platform, hips swaying, announcing, âFear not, good people! While the Spanish Queen freezes beside her saints, I shall warm the King for France!â
More laughter.
Louisâs jaw clenched so hard you thought he might crack a tooth.
You leaned closer, voice barely audible beneath the noise. âIf you cut out their tongues, will you cut out Montespanâs too?â
His eyes flickered.
There.
You pressed harder.
âWill you cut out every courtierâs tongue? Every priest who called me barren in whispers? Every noblewoman who smiled when I suffered a stillbirth? Every man who bowed to me in the morning and praised your mistress at night?â
Louis looked as if you had slapped him.
Good.
You wanted him awake.
âWill you punish them,â you continued, âor only these people because they are poor enough for you to reach without consequence?â
His face changed again.
The rage did not disappear. It folded inward, becoming something uglier. Something wounded.
His fingers remained locked around the dagger.
But he did not move.
Onstage, the fake king announced, âBring me another mistress! Preferably French, fertile, and less fond of confession!â
The crowd roared.
Louis closed his eyes.
Not gently. Not in pain alone. He shut them as if the sight of the platform, the sound of the crowd, the ugliness of that laughter had become something physical that might blind him if he looked too long. His fingers remained locked around the hidden dagger beneath Margueriteâs skirts, his pulse hammering hard against your grip, the blue ribbon trembling at his wrist like some obscene little festival prize tied to a hand ready for murder.
For a moment, you thought he might still do it.
You knew that stillness in him. That awful, composed pause before command became consequence. Men at court mistook Louisâs silences for mercy because they were fools. You knew better. His rage was at its most dangerous when it became elegant. When the baritone dropped low. When the hazel eyes emptied of heat and filled instead with that royal distance that allowed him to sign away lives without smudging the ink.
But then his breath moved through him, slow and rough.
Once.
Twice.
His jaw flexed.
When he opened his eyes, the fury had not gone anywhere. It had only been forced behind the gates.
âMy court,â he began, voice low, tightly controlled, âdoes not thinkââ
He stopped.
Because you were no longer looking at him.
You were staring past his shoulder.
Not at the stage. Not at the actress in the grotesque Spanish mantilla. Not at the false king capering beneath his cardboard crown.
At someone in the crowd.
Louis followed your gaze.
And there, half-hidden near the awning of a spice seller, stood one of his own courtiers.
Marquis de Vardes.
Powdered, perfumed, dressed plainly enough for town but not plainly enough to be invisible, with a walking stick tucked under one arm and an amused little smile curving at the corner of his mouth. Not laughing openly. No, never that. Men like him did not roar with crowds. They smiled discreetly. They watched cruelty unfold from a distance and called it wit. He stood with another gentleman, both of them turned slightly toward the platform, their faces arranged into that careful, poisoned politeness that Versailles had mistaken for civilization.
De Vardes was smiling.
At the mock queen.
At the false Spanish accent.
At the jokes about your womb, your blood, your bed.
Louis went utterly still.
The dagger slid fully into his palm.
âAh,â you whispered, so softly that only he could hear. âThere is your court, Louis.â
His eyes did not leave the man.
All the blood seemed to drain from his face beneath the rough powder someone had smeared on him for the disguise. The ridiculous brown dress, the apron, the kerchief, the black wig hidden beneath itâall of it vanished again. There was no Marguerite now. There was not even the husband who had cried into the dark and begged not to lose you.
There was only a king seeing proof.
Seeing that your accusation had not been cruelty.
Seeing that the rot had names.
His mouth moved once.
No sound came.
Then, very quietly, in a voice like velvet dragged over a blade, he said, âVardes.â
You tightened your hand around his wrist. âNo.â
He did not look at you. âHe is laughing.â
âHe is smiling.â
âThat is how cowards laugh at court.â
âLouis.â
His hazel eyes shone with such cold violence that, for one dreadful instant, you thought even your touch would not hold him.
âHe has eaten at my table,â Louis whispered. âHe has bowed to you. He has kissed your hand. He has accepted offices from me, money from me, favor from meââ
âAnd learned from you,â you cut in.
His gaze snapped to you then.
The words struck him harder than the street play.
You did not soften them.
âYou taught them what a queen could endure,â you said, voice low and trembling now, not from fear, but from fury so old it had turned clean. âYou taught them that my humiliation was survivable. You taught them Montespan could glitter beside you while I stood in shadow and still be expected to smile. Do not act shocked that they learned the lesson.â
Louis stared at you as if you had opened his chest with one hand.
Behind him, the stage laughter swelled.
De Vardes tilted his head toward his companion and murmured something.
The companion covered his smile with his glove.
Louis saw it.
The dagger shifted in his hand.
Then, from the far side of the square, a shout cut through the noise.
âMake way!â
The sound came again, sharper this time.
âMake way for the Kingâs guard!â
The effect was immediate.
Not panic at first. Confusion. Then the kind of nervous ripple that passed through common crowds whenever uniforms appeared in numbers. Heads turned. Bodies shifted. The musicians faltered. The pipe gave one last awkward squeal before falling silent.
The actors saw them first.
Three royal guards in blue and silver were pushing through the street from the eastern arch, followed by two more on horseback. Their faces were stern, their boots striking the stones with official purpose. The sun flashed over polished hilts.
On the platform, the false king froze mid-pose.
The actress in the Spanish mantilla went pale beneath her painted cheeks.
The padded courtier whispered, âMerde.â
Then theatre dissolved into survival.
The fake king tore off his cardboard crown and leapt from the platform so quickly that his cloak snagged on a nail and ripped in half. The mistress shrieked, kicked over a basket of props, and vanished behind the painted backdrop. The mock queen gathered her enormous skirt in both hands and fled in the opposite direction, her mantilla flying loose behind her like a black flag of surrender.
The crowd burst into shouts.
Not laughter now.
Alarm.
âRun!â
âThe guards!â
âThey saw!â
âHide the box!â
Someone knocked over a tray of pears. A child began crying. The offended chicken, apparently cursed to witness every major scandal of the day, shot once more across the square and disappeared under a cart.
Louis did not move.
His eyes remained fixed on de Vardes.
De Vardes, for the first time, stopped smiling.
He had seen the guards tooâbut worse, perhaps, he had seen Marguerite staring at him with the eyes of his sovereign.
Recognition did not fully enter his face. Not yet. The disguise held by threads and absurdity. But something troubled him. Something in the height. The posture. The stillness. The terrible attention.
His smile died.
Louis took one step toward him.
You stepped in front of him.
âNo,â you said.
His face lowered toward yours, fury blazing beneath the kerchief. âMove.â
âNo.â
âHe heard them. He smiled.â
âYes.â
âHe will answer for it.â
âNot here.â
Louisâs nostrils flared. âYou ask restraint of me while he stands there breathing?â
âYou prayed for this, remember?â
His mouth twitched, but not with humor.
Around you, the crowd began dispersing in every direction. Stalls were being shuttered. People slipped into alleys, dragged children away, gathered baskets in haste. The guards were closer now, their voices rising above the commotion as they demanded order.
You looked toward them, heart suddenly thudding for an entirely different reason.
âWhy are your guards here?â
Louisâs answer did not come at once.
For one terrible second, you thought he would say something dreadful. That he had summoned them. That some hidden royal instinct had sent word ahead the moment insult touched the air. That even dressed in brown wool and calling himself Marguerite, he had somehow managed to drag the machinery of monarchy into the square with him.
But Louis only stared toward the approaching guards, his hazel eyes narrowing beneath the crooked kerchief.
âI donât know,â he said.
You looked at him. âYou donât know?â
âNo.â
âYou are the King.â
âAnd yet, astonishingly, men sometimes move without first asking me where to put their feet.â
âThat must be very hard for you.â
âIt is a national affliction.â
The guards were nearer now, their voices cutting through the square as people scattered around them. A cart rolled hastily away. A woman snatched up her basket of onions. Somewhere behind the platform, the mock queen had become trapped in her own skirt and was whispering desperate prayers to every saint she had just finished insulting.
You grabbed Louisâs sleeve. âWhy would royal guards be here?â
He glanced down at your hand on him, then at the soldiers.
Then, with a seriousness that made the sentence worse, he said, âPerhaps they are after one of the peacocks.â
You stared at him.
The square roared around you. The actors fled. De Vardes vanished behind the awning of the spice seller. Royal guards in blue and silver pushed through the crowd with the grave purpose of men arriving at a murder, a riot, or a treasonous pamphlet.
And Louis had said peacocks.
âPeacocks,â you repeated flatly.
âYes.â
âYou think the Kingâs guard came into town because of a bird?â
Louisâs face hardened in immediate offense. âNot just any bird.â
âOh, forgive me. A noble bird.â
âA very expensive bird,â he corrected, catching your wrist and pulling you sharply into the moving crowd before one of the guards could glance too long in your direction. âDo not stand there gawking like a provincial. Walk.â
âI am not gawking. I am trying to understand why Franceâs military resources are being used to chase ornamental poultry.â
âThey are not poultry.â
âThey have feathers.â
âSo do angels. I would not call Saint Michael a chicken.â
âYou would if he cost too much and screamed in your garden.â
Louis shot you a look over his shoulder, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the kerchief slipping sideways over the hidden black wig. âMy peacocks are the pride of Versailles.â
âThey scream like women being murdered.â
âThey add atmosphere.â
âThey attack gardeners.â
âThe gardeners should develop courage.â
You stumbled after him as he dragged you between a bread stall and a woman selling ribbons, his grip firm around your wrist, the fan clutched absurdly in his other hand. He moved too quickly for Marguerite now. The disguise was failing in every line of him. The stride was too long. The shoulders too straight. The air of command too unmistakable. People made way instinctively, not knowing why they were moving aside for a very tall woman in brown wool who walked like war in skirts.
You yanked your wrist. âLouis, slow down.â
He slowed, but only enough to keep you from tripping over your borrowed boots.
âDo you understand,â he said in a low, urgent baritone, âhow much one of those birds costs? The plumage aloneââ
âI cannot believe we are discussing peacock accounting during a near-arrest.â
âThe gardener will be in a panic.â
âThe gardener?â
âYes. Poor man.â
You glanced at him sharply. âPoor man? You just said your gardeners should develop courage.â
âThey should. But in an organized fashion.â
The guards shouted again behind you. âClose the western lane! Check the market road!â
You tensed.
Louis heard it too. His fingers tightened around your wrist, and he pulled you under the shade of an overhanging cloth awning, pressing you close to a wall where sacks of grain were stacked high enough to shield you from the main square. He stood in front of you instinctively, brown skirts brushing your knees, his ridiculous fan half-lifted as if it could defend you from discovery by sheer theatrical force.
You peered past his shoulder. âTheyâre looking for someone.â
âThey may still be looking for the peacock.â
âThey said close the lane.â
âPeacocks run.â
âThey do not organize sedition.â
âYou underestimate them.â
You looked at him.
He looked back, maddeningly solemn.
âYouâre enjoying this,â you accused.
âI am not.â
âYou are. Your face is glowing.â
âThat is exertion. These stays are barbaric.â
âYou chose them.â
âFor the silhouette. Not the suffering.â
One of the mounted guards passed near enough that the horseâs hooves struck sparks from the stone. Louis turned his face away slightly, lowering the fan to hide the shape of his nose, but you still saw the tension in him. Not fear exactly. Louis did not fear discovery the way ordinary people feared discovery. If someone recognized him, the world would simply rearrange itself around the truth, kneeling and apologizing. What he feared was losing the afternoon. Losing the laughter. Losing the fragile, impossible pocket of unreality in which he could be Marguerite and you could be Pierre and no one could point at you from a wooden stage and call your grief a joke without the King of France reaching for a blade.
His eyes flicked back toward the square.
De Vardes was gone.
You knew Louis had noticed.
The silence between you sharpened.
âDo not follow him,â you said quietly.
Louisâs mouth tightened. âI did not say anything.â
âYou didnât need to.â
His gaze remained fixed beyond the crowd. âHe will answer.â
âYes,â you said. âBut not while you are dressed as a washerwoman and smelling faintly of pear tarts.â
âI do not smell of pear tarts.â
âYou were leaning over them with longing.â
âI was evaluating them.â
âYou were coveting them.â
âI am the King. I do not covet. I acquire.â
âMarguerite covets.â
That brought his eyes back to you.
A faint, unwilling smile tugged at his mouth despite the fury still burning under it. âMarguerite is complex.â
âMarguerite is about to get us both dragged before the guards because she cannot resist either revenge or pastry.â
âShe contains multitudes.â
âShe contains a dagger.â
His smile vanished.
For a moment, neither of you spoke.
The dagger remained hidden in his hand, half beneath the fall of his skirt. You reached down slowly, your fingers wrapping around his wrist once moreânot harshly, not pleadingly, but with a firmness that reminded him you knew exactly what he was capable of.
âPut it away,â you said.
Louis stared at you.
The old battle returned to his face: authority against restraint, pride against love, the King against the man who had prayed that morning not to become a monster in front of you again.
Then, slowly, he slid the dagger back into its concealed sheath.
It was a small sound.
A whisper of steel.
But it felt larger than the square.
You released his wrist.
Louis looked down at the place your hand had been as if your fingers had left a brand.
âThank you,â you said, almost reluctantly.
His baritone softened. âDo not thank me yet.â
âWhy?â
âBecause if that truly is my peacock, I may still have to commit violence.â
You stared at him.
He stepped back from the wall, peering past the awning with renewed attention. âThe blue one is particularly arrogant. If it has escaped again, I shall know. It walks like a bishop with unpaid debts.â
Despite yourself, you made a sound. Not quite a laugh. Too dangerous to be laughter.
Louis heard it and seized on it instantly.
âYou doubt me,â he said. âBut the last time one of them escaped, it took four guards, two gardeners, a laundress, and a boy with a cabbage to retrieve it.â
âA cabbage?â
âIt was bait.â
âPeacocks eat cabbage?â
âThis one did. It also bit a priest.â
You pressed your lips together.
Louis leaned closer, hazel eyes glinting now beneath the kerchief. âThe priest said it was possessed.â
âWas it?â
âIt was Spanish.â
You hit his arm.
He winced theatrically. âAbuse. In public. Pierre is cruel.â
âYou deserved that.â
âI said the bird was Spanish, not you.â
âYou implied a resemblance.â
âI implied passion. Temperament. A certain elegance of fury.â
âYou are trying to survive.â
âI am succeeding.â
The absurdity should not have soothed you. It should not have pulled you back from the sharp edge of humiliation still lodged beneath your ribs. But Louis, damn him, had always known how to turn danger sideways at the last possible moment, how to make the room bend not only through power, but through charm. It was one of the reasons people forgave him things they should not have forgiven.
It was one of the reasons you hated remembering that you had once forgiven him too.
The guards continued spreading through the square, but their attention seemed focused away from the market stage now, toward the lane leading to the stables. A young soldier hurried past carrying a length of netting.
You blinked.
Louis followed your gaze.
His face brightened with vindication.
âAh.â
âNo.â
âYes.â
âThat could be for anything.â
âIt is netting.â
âPeople use netting for many things.â
âFor peacocks,â he said, deeply satisfied.
A second guard rushed by holding what appeared unmistakably to be a basket of grain.
Louis lifted one brow.
You closed your eyes. âDo not look smug.â
âI am not smug.â
âYou are radiating smugness through the dress.â
âI told you. It is not just a bird.â
A shriek erupted from the far lane.
Not human.
High, metallic, outrageously dramatic.
The entire market turned.
A flash of iridescent blue shot between two carts, followed by three guards, a groom, a red-faced man in gardenerâs clothes, and a small boy waving a cabbage with the solemn determination of a knight carrying a holy relic.
The peacock exploded into the square.
There was no other word for it.
It came tearing through the street in a storm of blue, green, and offended majesty, tail streaming behind it like a torn royal banner. People screamed and scattered. The bird darted beneath a table, knocked over a basket of pears, emerged from the other side with a piece of lace tangled around one foot, and shrieked again as if France itself had insulted its lineage.
Louis froze.
Then whispered, with horror and recognition, âPhilippe.â
You turned slowly to look at him.
âThe peacockâs name is Philippe?â
âHe came with that name.â
âYou named a peacock after your brother?â
âNo. I named my brother after the peacock.â
âLouis.â
âThat was a joke.â
âWas it?â
His silence was not reassuring.
The gardener chasing the bird looked moments from collapse. His face was crimson, his wig gone entirely, his sleeves rolled to the elbow. âCatch him!â he shouted, voice cracking. âFor the love of God, catch him!â
The peacock shrieked again and launched itself onto the edge of the pastry stall.
The pear tarts trembled.
Louis inhaled sharply.
âNot the tarts,â he said.
âOf course that is your concern.â
âThose were excellent tarts.â
âYou didnât even taste them.â
âI had plans.â
The bird stepped directly into one.
Louis made a wounded sound.
The gardener saw it and nearly wept.
âMajesty will kill me,â he gasped to one of the guards. âHe will kill me. He already dismissed me last time. I only got my place back because I wept into his robes.â
You turned to Louis very slowly.
Louis suddenly became fascinated by the fan.
âYou fired him,â you said.
âHe lost an expensive bird.â
âAnd rehired him because he cried on you?â
âHe was very damp.â
âYou are a ridiculous man.â
âHe clutched my robes. In front of courtiers. There was mucus.â
âSo you gave him his job back?â
âI am not made of stone.â
âYou threatened to cut out actorsâ tongues five minutes ago.â
âThat was different. They insulted you. He only ruined velvet.â
The peacock hopped from the crushed pear tart onto a barrel, flared its tail half-open, and screamed into the face of the guard holding the net. The guard stumbled backward. The boy with the cabbage advanced bravely and was immediately chased in a circle.
You stared.
Louis stared too, his mouth pressed into a tight line.
Then he murmured, âHe has grown bolder.â
âYour bird is terrorizing the market.â
âHe is a royal bird.â
âHe is a menace.â
âMost royal things are.â
That should not have made you laugh.
But it did.
A small laugh. Brief. Almost strangled. But real enough that Louis looked at you at once, all the violence and anger in him briefly forgotten.
You saw the way he watched you when you laughed.
As if he had been starving.
You looked away quickly.
âDonât,â you said.
âI said nothing.â
âYou were about to look sentimental.â
âI would never.â
âYou always do it after surviving one of your own disasters.â
âThis disaster has feathers. I refuse responsibility.â
Philippe the peacock chose that exact moment to leap from the barrel, land on the edge of the ring toss table, and send every wooden ring skittering into the dust. The stallkeeper shouted in outrage. The guards closed in. The bird darted left, then right, then made directly for the narrow space beneath your awning.
Louisâs eyes widened.
âNo,â he said sharply, forgetting himself. âNot here.â
The peacock came straight toward you.
You had time only to step back before Louis moved in front of you.
It was instinctive.
Ridiculous, given that the threat was a bird.
But instinctive all the same.
Brown skirts flared. His arm came across your body. The fan snapped open like a shield. He stood between you and the incoming storm of feathers with the grim resolve of a man facing cavalry.
The peacock skidded to a halt.
Louis stared down at it.
The bird stared up at Louis.
For a suspended heartbeat, king and peacock regarded one another with mutual, ancestral contempt.
Then Louis lowered his voice, baritone deep enough to make the air seem to vibrate.
âPhilippe.â
The peacockâs head tilted.
You stared between them, incredulous. âAre you speaking to it?â
âHush.â
âYou know the peacock personally.â
âI said hush.â
The bird took one delicate step forward.
Louis lifted the fan higher.
âDo not embarrass me,â he said, still in that dangerously low voice.
Philippe screamed.
Louis flinched.
You bit your lip so hard it hurt.
The gardener rounded the corner and froze at the sight of Marguerite apparently locked in diplomatic relations with the escaped peacock. The guards stopped behind him, panting.
The boy with the cabbage whispered, âMadame, donât move.â
Louis did not take his eyes off the bird. âI am not moving.â
The peacock looked at the fan.
Louis looked at the peacock.
Then, slowly, Louis extended the fan sideways.
The bird followed the motion.
Louis flicked it once.
Philippe lunged.
Louis stepped aside with startling grace, the bird charging toward the fluttering object just as one of the guards threw the net.
Chaos exploded.
The net landed half on the bird, half on Louisâs skirt. Philippe screamed. Louis cursed. The gardener shouted. You grabbed Louis by the back of the dress before he could trip and fall face-first into grain sacks. The boy with the cabbage threw himself heroically at the birdâs tail and missed entirely.
For several seconds, everyone was feathers, netting, skirts, and profanity.
Then the guard managed to pin the net properly.
Philippe was captured.
The square burst into applause.
Louis stood frozen, chest heaving, one side of his dress caught under the net, fan broken in half, kerchief slipping low over one eye.
You looked at him.
He looked at you.
Then you said, âMarguerite is very brave.â
His eyes narrowed. âNot one word.â
âYou saved France.â
âNot one word.â
âFrom Philippe.â
âPierre.â
âThe royal bird.â
âI will divorce you.â
âYou are my sister.â
âI will divorce you anyway.â
The gardener dropped to his knees beside the captured peacock, nearly sobbing with relief. âThank God. Thank God. His Majesty will not hear of this. Please, all of you, please, say nothing. If the King learns Philippe reached the market again, I am ruined.â
Louis, still trapped partially beneath the net, looked down at him.
The gardener did not recognize him.
Of course he did not.
Why would he? No man in his right mind would expect Louis XIV to be standing in a market square in a brown dress, smelling faintly of rose soap, pastry, and rage.
Louisâs expression shifted.
You saw the temptation before he spoke.
âNo,â you whispered.
He ignored you.
With slow, theatrical dignity, he lifted the remaining half of his broken fan, lowered his voice into Margueriteâs most atrocious feminine register, and said, âPerhaps His Majesty would be merciful.â
The gardener looked up, miserable. âYou donât know him.â
Your mouth twitched.
Louisâs brows lifted.
The gardener wiped sweat from his forehead. âHe is terrible about the birds. Terrible. Last time, he stood in the garden with that black wig and those eyes, staring at me as if I had personally sold France to Spain. Then he dismissed me in front of everyone. Everyone.â
Louisâs face changed.
You put a hand over your mouth.
The gardener continued, voice trembling with the trauma of memory. âI had to chase him through the south gallery. I cried into his robes. I am not proud of it. But I have six children and a wife who says peacocks are the devilâs chickens.â
Louis blinked.
You lost the battle and laughed.
Not softly. Not discreetly. You turned into the wall and laughed until your shoulders shook.
Louis shot you a murderous look.
The gardener stared at you, offended. âIt was a difficult day.â
âIâm sure,â you managed.
Louis cleared his throat. âAnd did His Majesty rehire you?â
The gardener sighed deeply. âYes. Eventually. After I ruined the velvet. He was angrier about the velvet than the tears.â
You laughed harder.
Louisâs mouth tightened. âPerhaps His Majesty has a complicated relationship with textiles.â
The gardener nodded gravely. âThat is true.â
You wheezed.
Louis turned his face toward you, whispering through clenched teeth, âYou are enjoying this far too much.â
âI have never enjoyed anything more.â
âI can still have you arrested.â
âFor laughing at peacock treason?â
âFor marital cruelty.â
âWe are siblings today.â
His eyes flashed. âConveniently.â
The guards finished securing Philippe into the netted basket, though the bird continued screaming with the moral outrage of a dethroned prince. The gardener rose, bowed quickly to Marguerite and Pierre as if gratitude required some gesture, and hurried away with the guards, the boy, the cabbage, and the captured royal menace.
The market slowly exhaled.
People returned to stalls. Someone righted the pears. The actors, seeing that the royal guards had come for a bird rather than satire, began emerging cautiously from hiding. The fake kingâs cardboard crown peeked from behind a barrel.
Louis remained under the awning, one half of his broken fan still in hand, his brown skirt muddy at the hem and torn slightly where the net had caught it. The kerchief had slipped again, exposing the edge of the black wig underneath, which sat upon his head with the tragic imbalance of a defeated empire. His hazel eyes were narrowed, not at the actors now, nor at the guards vanishing down the lane with Philippe shrieking from his basket, but at you.
âYou may stop laughing,â he said.
You tried. Truly, you did. But the image of Philippe the peacock staring down the King of France disguised as a washerwoman had imprinted itself too deeply into your soul.
âI cannot,â you wheezed, one hand braced against the wall, your cap crooked over your hair. âYou called the peacock Philippe.â
âHe is called Philippe.â
âYou spoke to him like a minister.â
âHe has more discipline than some ministers.â
âHe screamed in your face.â
âSo do some ministers.â
That only made it worse. You bent forward, laughing again, shoulders shaking, breath catching in your throat as Louis stood before you in all his wounded royal magnificence, smelling faintly of rose soap, pastry sugar, market dust, and humiliation. He tried to look offended. He nearly succeeded. But there was something in his mouth that betrayed him, a reluctant twitch at one corner, a softening he could not quite command back into severity.
He loved it.
You saw it before he could hide it.
Not the mockery, not his own embarrassment, but the sound of you. Your laughter. Real laughter. Ridiculous, unguarded, free. Not the brittle court laugh you used like a fan to strike people without touching them. Not the cold laugh you gave him when you wanted him to bleed. This was helpless. Human. Alive.
Louis looked at you as if he had stumbled upon a chapel in the woods.
Then, because he was Louis, he ruined it by muttering, âPierre is cruel to his wife.â
âYou are my sister today.â
His eyes sharpened. âYou denied the marriage first.â
âI saved us.â
âYou abandoned Marguerite to libertines.â
âYou showed a stranger your royal cock in a public square.â
His expression became pained. âMust you say royal?â
âWould you prefer humble?â
âNever.â
You laughed again, though softer now, wiping at the corner of one eye. âGod, Louis.â
His face changed slightly at his name. Not much. Only enough for you to notice. He was still in disguise, still ridiculous, still Marguerite in brown wool beneath a crooked kerchief, but the sound of his real name in your laughing mouth seemed to touch him somewhere bare.
He opened his mouth, perhaps to make some insufferable remark about the dignity of kings, when your gaze drifted beyond his shoulder.
And stopped.
At first, you thought you were mistaken.
No. Surely not.
The man from earlierâthe red-cheeked turnip with boots, as Louis had so poetically christened himâhad returned.
But not as he had fled.
No, this time he came with preparation.
His hair, previously wind-tossed from terror and lust, had been combed back with visible effort, though one stubborn curl had sprung loose near his temple. His coat had been hastily brushed. His hat was tucked beneath one arm. In his hands, clutched with absurd courage, was a small bouquet of flowers: cheap, bright, slightly wilted from market heat, but arranged with something almost like hope.
He searched the square.
Then he saw Louis.
And smiled.
You stared.
Then covered your mouth.
Louis noticed immediately.
âWhat?â he demanded.
You shook your head, already losing the fight.
His hazel eyes narrowed. âWhat is it?â
You pointed.
Louis followed your gaze.
For one rare, perfect moment, the King of France looked genuinely horrified.
Not politically displeased. Not theatrically wounded. Horrified. His mouth parted. The broken fan lowered. His eyes widened beneath the slipping kerchief as the man began walking toward him with flowers and renewed romantic purpose.
âNo,â Louis said.
The man lifted the bouquet slightly.
Louis took one step back.
âNo.â
You made a strangled sound.
âHe came back,â you whispered.
Louis stared as if watching France collapse in real time. âImpossible.â
âHe came back after seeingââ
âDo not say it.â
âAfter seeing Margueriteâs secret.â
âDo not.â
You were laughing again now, helplessly, one hand over your stomach. âHe brought flowers.â
Louis turned on you, offended past speech. âThis is not amusing.â
âIt is the funniest thing that has ever happened to either of us.â
âHe saw the truth!â
âAnd apparently reflected upon it.â
âHe screamed witchcraft!â
âAnd then combed his hair.â
Louis looked back. The man was closer now, expression nervous but determined, bouquet held forward like a peace offering to a pagan goddess with unexpected anatomy.
Louisâs baritone dropped into a scandalized hiss. âWhat is wrong with these people?â
You leaned against the wall, laughing so hard your cap nearly fell off. âHe is French, Louis.â
âThat is not an explanation.â
âIt is exactly an explanation.â
âIt is a national insult.â
âIt is a national pattern,â you gasped. âI have learned many things since coming here. Your people enjoy sauces, arguments, impractical shoes, and apparently they are willing to appreciate both sides of creation.â
Louis blinked. âBoth sides ofâ?â
You gestured vaguely, unable to speak for a moment.
His face darkened with realization.
âDo not finish that sentence.â
âMadame,â the man called, still approaching, âforgive me!â
Louis seized your wrist at once.
âNo.â
âYou should answer him,â you wheezed. âMarguerite has an admirer.â
âMarguerite is leaving.â
âBut he brought flowers.â
âMarguerite is widowed by necessity.â
The man hurried closer. âMadame, wait! I judged too quickly!â
Louisâs face became a mask of royal despair. âHe judged too quickly.â
You could barely breathe. âHe has grown as a person.â
âHe has become worse.â
âPerhaps he spent five minutes thinking and decided love is love.â
âStop laughing.â
âI physically cannot.â
The man was close enough now that you could see the hope in his eyes, the sweat at his temples, the tragic sincerity of his bouquet. âMadame,â he said, slightly breathless, âI have reconsidered.â
Louis clutched your hand tighter.
âHave you,â he said, and although he attempted Margueriteâs voice, outrage dragged it straight back into that velvet baritone.
The man faltered only slightly. Then, astonishingly, blushed.
You made a noise so undignified that Louis shot you a look promising future punishment.
The man held out the flowers. âI reacted poorly.â
âYou reacted accurately,â Louis said.
âNo,â the man insisted. âI was frightened. Surprised. But I am a man of Paris. I have seen many things.â
Louis stared at him.
You whispered, âApparently.â
Louis tugged your wrist. âWe are leaving.â
âMarguerite,â the man pleaded.
âCome, Pierre.â
The man followed one step. âMadameââ
Louis looked back over his shoulder, hazel eyes flashing.
âI said no.â
This time, the voice was not Margueriteâs. Not even close. It was the voice of the man who had ordered armies, dismissed ministers, built palaces, and terrified gardeners into weeping over peacocks. It struck the air with such quiet finality that the man stopped dead, bouquet drooping in his hands.
Louis turned away again and marched forward, dragging you with him through the market crowd.
You stumbled after him, still laughing. âYou cannot blame him. You are very beautiful and spoiled.â
âI am not discussing this.â
âYou said Marguerite was irresistible.â
âI was wrong.â
âYou were right.â
âDo not encourage Frenchmen.â
âYou are a Frenchman.â
âI am the Frenchman. That is different.â
âHe brought flowers, Louis.â
âHe brought madness.â
âThey were almost the same color as your ribbon.â
Louis glanced down at the blue ribbon still tied around his wrist, then scowled as if it too had betrayed him. âI am beginning to hate this town.â
âMarguerite, Iâm going to write to you!â
âMon Dieu, non!â
You laughed, grabbed Louis by the arm and dragged him away this time.
He came willingly, laughing under his breath as you fled with him through the market, both of you ridiculous, compromised, dust-streaked, no longer quite king and queen, not forgiven, not healed, not safe from the ending of nine days.
But laughing.
And Louis, who had been worshipped by France and still starved in ways no one could see, held the sound of you beside him like something rarer than jewels.
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Summary: What begins as a royal apology becomes something far larger when the Queen demands the garden serve the people. For once, Louis listensâand surprises them both.
Pairing: Louis XIV Ă Fem! Reader
Warnings: None
Author's Notes: The big winner of the poll was Gilded Defiance, and hereâs the new chapter! And thereâll be another one very soon. In fact, this was originally supposed to be one huuuuuge chapter, but I just discovered that Tumblr refuses to accept posts longer than 10,000 words. đ So, congratulations, Tumblr. Youâve accidentally turned one giant chapter into two. đ
First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh and Twelfth part here
Also read on Ao3
When you woke the next morning, the sun was already brushing pale streaks across the damask curtains. The hunting lodge was quietâeerily so. For a moment, you thought perhaps youâd dreamt the chaos of yesterday. That Louis hadnât bargained for your forgiveness with baths and flowers. That he hadnât cried in your bed, pressed trembling kisses to your fingers, and begged with the desperation of a dying man.
But then you reached across the sheets.
And he wasnât there.
No wig. No scent. No warmth.
Just a faint indentation on the mattress.
He had risen before you.
You sat up slowly, rubbing the back of your neck, the weight of the silence pressing into your shoulders. Before your thoughts could spiral, the soft rustle of skirts at the door drew your attention.
Your ladies-in-waiting had already assembled.
Marie. BÊatrice. Solène.
All of them neatly dressed, their hair pinned, their hands folded like birds on a perch. Not one of them commented on your expression. Not one asked if the King had slept beside you. But they saw the redness at the edges of your eyes. They saw the tired grace in your limbs as you rose.
None of them spoke of it.
Instead, they drew your bath.
Steam lifted in curling ribbons as you stepped into the copper tub, jasmine still lingering faintly in the air from Louisâs punishment-bath the day before. You bathed quietly, scrubbed your arms, shoulders, and legs, andâlike alwaysâused the linen cloth soaked in vinegar to clean your teeth. Sharp. Astringent. Comforting.
You sat still as BĂŠatrice brushed out your hair and began weaving it into something respectableânothing too formal, but elegant enough for court eyes.
By the time you were dressed, the summer sun had climbed higher, spilling gold across the stone floor. You chose a modest gown in soft green silk, adorned with cream lace, and no jewelry save for the ring Louis had given you the year of your marriage. You wore it today not for sentiment.
But for theatre.
When you arrived in the breakfast chamber, you expected silence. Perhaps Louis alone, sulking behind a goblet. Or waiting for you, brooding with that storm in his eyes.
Insteadâyou found company.
The man rose at once when you entered, bowing low in deference. He was older, with clever eyes and hands that looked more accustomed to soil than ink.
Louis stood beside him, perfectly composed, dressed in a crisp morning coat of blue and gold, black wig freshly powdered and perched askew as always. He held a teacup with imperial laziness, and his expressionâwhen he looked at youâwas bright. Smiling.
As if the previous night hadnât happened.
âAs promised,â he said, his baritone warm and effortless, âI have summoned the very man who will build your orchard.â
The man bowed again. âJean de La Quintinie, Majesty. At your service.â
You arched one brow.
Orchard?
Louis gestured to the chair beside him. âCome, ma rebelle. Sit. Weâve begun without you, but Iâm told the soil will wait.â
You obeyedânot because he asked, but because you needed to know what game he was playing. You took your seat beside him, your spine straight, your eyes fixed on the stranger.
Louis poured you tea as if nothing had happened. âMonsieur de La Quintinie is the finest gardener in France. Iâve tasked him with creating a fruit garden worthy of the Crown.â
âA potager, Majesty,â Jean corrected gently, his voice eager. âA formal kitchen garden, to be exact. But one with elegance. Harmony. I envision a space that marries nourishment with beauty.â
You turned to Louis slowly. âA potager.â
âOui,â Louis said, grinning, as if this were his idea and not something ripped straight from your arguments. âA personal one. I will no longer tolerate the disgrace of linens-flavored peaches on your breakfast tray.â
Jean smiled with pride. âThe King has instructed that we grow peaches, above all. His favorite.â
You looked at your husband.
His expression was insufferably smug.
You blinked once. Slowly.
âYouâre serious?â you asked.
Louis leaned closer, his voice pitched intimately low. âUtterly.â
Then, to Jean, louder: âThe Queen wishes to know what else we might grow. Enlighten her, monsieur.â
Jean brightened. âTomatoes, of course, though they remain a novelty. Strawberries. Figs. Aubergines. Lettuce. Cress. Even medicinal herbsâlavender, rosemary, hyssop.â
You tilted your head. âCould we grow oranges?â
La Quintinie smiled. âIf thereâs a greenhouse, Majesty. Or a well-positioned wall to shield them. But yes.â
You smiled despite yourself. âAnd cherries?â
âCertainly. Though we must protect them from the birds.â
Louis nodded, folding one leg over the other. âWhat of the placement? I want it where the Queen can see it. Right in front of her windows.â
You froze.
La Quintinie hesitated. âSire, that depends on the terrain. I must study the light, the soil, the water access. If the ground is not fertile, we would waste monthsâperhaps years.â
You opened your mouth. âThereâs no need to build anything in front of my windowsââ
âThere is,â Louis said firmly, reaching for your hand.
You blinked down at your fingers. His were warm. Steady.
âI made a promise,â he said, not looking at Jean now. Just you. âAnd I intend to keep it. Even if I have to move the trees myself.â
You didnât speak.
You stared at himâwig crooked, hands still faintly damp from rosewater, eyes heavy with everything left unsaid from the night before.
He smiled.
Not charming. Not imperial.
Just soft.
âI told you I would bring you fruit,â he murmured. âAnd I will.â
You slowly withdrew your hand from his, careful and deliberate, like pulling away from something hot.
Louis didnât stop you.
He watched the motion in silence, the faintest crease forming between his brows. His fingers lingered where yours had been, as if holding the ghost of your touch.
Then you spokeâquietly, but without softness.
âThis isnât the promise I asked you to keep.â
The words settled in the chamber like falling dustâlight, but impossible to ignore.
Louis didnât flinch. He didnât argue.
He only lowered his gaze for a moment, the lashes of his tired hazel eyes casting faint shadows against his cheeks. Then he exhaled through his nose and said, baritone voice calm and composed:
âI will keep this one, too.â
You looked at himâtruly looked. He met your gaze evenly, the smile now gone from his lips, the theatre stripped away. He wasnât trying to charm you. He wasnât pleading, bargaining, groveling, not this time.
âI swear it,â he continued. âWhen we return to Versailles, the first thing I do will be to send her away.â
You didnât answer.
You couldnât.
Not because you didnât want to believe himâbut because hope was a dangerous thing in the hands of men like Louis.
Instead, you turned your attention away, your gaze drifting to Jean de La Quintinie, who had wisely busied himself with his plate, his knife moving through a poached pear with delicate precision, as though it were the most fascinating object in all of France.
You studied him for a moment.
Then asked, âHow much do you think the Potager will cost the crown, monsieur?â
Jean blinked, startled, his fork pausing mid-air. âMajesty?â
âThe construction,â you said. âThe walls, the irrigation, the greenhouses, the seasonal labor. What will it cost?â
Jean opened his mouth to answer, but Louis interruptedâcasual, dismissive, waving one gloved hand as if brushing away smoke.
âDonât worry about that,â he said. âThe taxes will cover it.â
You turned back to him, sharply. âYou already take too much from the people of France.â
Louisâs smile thinned. âTheyâve always paid for the glory of their kingdom.â
âAnd what glory do they eat at night?â you shot back. âWhat use is an orchard outside my window when children in Paris dig through gutters for bruised fruit?â
He tilted his head, tone still calm, though his jaw tensed faintly. âYouâve already done more for them than most queens have. The twelve wells in the cityâyour wellsâhave changed lives. I heard it myself. They praise you for it. And that hospital for war widowsââ
âIs only one,â you cut in. âOne building. For one kind of suffering.â
Louis sighed, setting down his teacup with care. âYou expect me to fix all of France before breakfast?â
âI expect you to remember them,â you said, your voice quiet now. âWhen you order gardens built and marble shipped and wigs powdered with silver. I expect you to remember them. Thatâs all.â
Silence fell between you.
Not hostile. Not cold.
Just quiet.
Louis leaned back slightly in his chair, fingers tapping the table onceâtwiceâthen stilling.
He studied you.
Hair braided, gown simple, posture regal but tired. Not defeated. Just⌠guarded. Fortified. Like a fortress that had once been a palace.
His voice, when he spoke, was lower.
Steadier.
âI remember them more when youâre near.â
You didnât look at him.
Jean de La Quintinie cleared his throat discreetly. âThe costs, Majesty,â he said carefully, âcan be managed if we reuse the old stone from the collapsed east wall at Saint-Cloud. The scaffolding will need reinforcing, but if we begin in autumnâŚâ
Louis listened.
You stared at the steam curling from your teacup, hands still.
The garden would be beautiful.
But it was not the thing you needed.
Not yet.
And Louisâwell, Louis was learning.
Slowly. Painfully.
Like a man dragging himself through every inch of the orchard he promised to build.
Fruit by fruit.
Lie by lie.
Bath by bath.
Jean de La Quintinie spoke for nearly an hour.
He spoke of walls and soil and sun exposure. Of espaliered pear trees trained against warm stone, of peaches coaxed into sweetness by clever placement and patience, of herbs that could be both useful and beautiful if planted in ordered beds. He spoke with the fervor of a priest describing paradise, hands moving over the table as though already shaping the earth between his fingers.
Louis listened with the kind of grand, regal attention he gave to men who interested him. Chin lifted, one hand resting near his cup, black wig sitting with more confidence than accuracy upon his head. Every so often he would ask a questionâsharp, practical, unexpectedly informedâand Jean would light up, delighted to be understood by a king whose vanity, for once, had found something useful to attach itself to.
You listened too, but more quietly.
You watched Louis more than you watched the gardener.
He seemed almost peaceful when discussing fruit.
It irritated you.
Not because peace looked unnatural on him, but because it suited him too well. Because under the powdered grandeur, beneath the ridiculous black wig and the royal stiffness and the stubborn refusal to bathe without threats of exile, there was still the man you had once loved. The man who could look at a map of a garden as if it were a kingdom kinder than the one he already possessed. The man whose hazel eyes softened when Jean described cherries ripening under netting, whose mouth curved slightly when oranges were mentioned, as if he remembered Spain because he remembered you.
That was the cruelty of it.
Louis was never only the villain of your grief.
He was also the hand that had once steadied yours when you first crossed the threshold of Versailles. The voice that had read to you in the dark when storms shook the windows. The man who had sent musicians away because their playing gave you a headache, then pretended it had been his own displeasure, not tenderness, that moved him.
He was the wound and the memory of the bandage.
And now he sat across from you, speaking of soil.
âIt must not be ornamental only,â you said at last, interrupting Jeanâs discussion of drainage channels.
Both men looked at you.
Louis tilted his head. âWhat must not be ornamental?â
âThe garden.â You folded your hands in your lap. âIf you build it, then it must feed more than my vanity.â
A faint line appeared between Louisâs brows.
Jean, wise enough to sense the ground shifting beneath his feet, lowered his eyes to his notes.
You continued, your voice calm. âIf the Crown is to spend money on walls and fruit trees and clever irrigation, then part of the yield should go to the hospital. The widowsâ hospital. Fresh herbs, vegetables, fruit in season. Not scraps after the court has eaten. Not bruised fruit. A proper portion.â
Louis stared at you.
For a moment he said nothing, and you thought he would dismiss it. You were ready for the familiar gesture, the elegant hand wave, the paternal little sigh that reduced suffering to numbers and numbers to inconvenience.
But he did not wave you away.
Instead, he leaned back slowly in his chair, his fingers resting against the carved arm. The morning light touched his face at an angle that made him look older than his portraits ever dared. There was gray at his temples beneath the wig, a tired heaviness around his eyes, a faint looseness at the mouth that had nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with years spent performing strength.
âA royal potager,â he said thoughtfully, âthat feeds widows.â
âAnd children,â you added.
His gaze flicked back to yours.
âThe children of soldiers,â you said. âIf their fathers die for your wars, they can at least taste peaches from your gardens.â
Jeanâs fork stopped against the porcelain.
Louisâs expression did not change, but his hazel eyes darkened.
For one sharp second, you wondered whether you had gone too far. Then you remembered the tax carts. The hunger. The silk gowns paid for by cracked hands. The war widows with infants at their breasts and nothing but prayer between them and starvation.
No. Not far enough.
Louis took a breath.
âThat,â he said slowly, âwould be good theatre.â
Your face hardened.
His hand lifted before you could speak. âAnd good policy,â he added, softer. âAnd perhaps, even, good mercy.â
You looked at him warily.
He turned to Jean. âCan it be done?â
Jean blinked. âMajesty?â
âThe Queenâs proposal. Can the garden be designed with distribution in mind? Proper storage? A place for washing and packing the produce. A record kept of what leaves the grounds and where it goes.â
Jeanâs face changed at once, calculation replacing surprise. âYes, Sire. It would require planning. A separate entrance, perhaps. Somewhere carts could arrive without disturbing the formal paths. Storage cellars. Drying racks for herbs. If we include medicinal plantsââ
âInclude them,â Louis said.
You said nothing.
Jean bowed his head. âThen yes. It can be done.â
Louis nodded once, as if he had just ordered a fortress built. Then he looked at you again.
âThere,â he said quietly. âA garden that feeds.â
You hated the small flicker of warmth that moved through your chest.
So you crushed it.
âA promise written over breakfast is not yet a deed,â you said.
Louisâs mouth twitched, but there was no amusement in it. âNo. It is not.â
Jean, sensing that the conversation had become less about gardens and more about a battlefield he had not been paid enough to enter, began gathering his papers with careful dignity.
âI shall inspect the grounds this afternoon,â he said. âWith Your Majestiesâ permission.â
âYou have it,â Louis said.
âAnd I will prepare sketches. Several possibilities.â
âGood.â
Jean bowed to you first, then to Louis. âMajesty. Sire.â
When he left, the chamber felt larger.
Too large.
The remaining servants retreated without being asked, closing the doors behind them with the quiet skill of people who had survived court by knowing when not to exist.
You reached for your cup.
Louis watched you.
You could feel his gaze like heat across the table.
âDonât,â you said.
He blinked, all innocence. âDonât what?â
âLook at me like that.â
His voice dropped, baritone and smooth. âHow am I looking at you?â
âAs if you have earned something.â
His eyes lowered.
For once, he accepted the blow without flinching theatrically.
âI know I havenât.â
The admission was quiet enough that you almost disliked him for it. You preferred him arrogant. It was easier when he was impossible. Easier to hate the Sun King than the tired man whose hair curled gray beneath a badly placed wig and whose hands trembled when he thought you were not looking.
You set your cup down. âWhere were you this morning?â
âIn the chapel.â
That surprised you.
Louis saw it and gave a faint, humorless smile. âYou did not think me capable of prayer?â
âI think you capable of performance.â
âAs do I.â He looked toward the window. Beyond the glass, the trees of Marly moved under the wind, green and gold and indifferent. âBut this morning I prayed.â
âFor what?â
His fingers tightened once on the arm of the chair.
âFor restraint.â
You studied him.
He did not look at you as he said it.
âFor restraint,â he said again, when you did not answer.
The word sat between you strangely. It did not sound natural in his mouth. Louis XIV had been raised to believe the world was a thing meant to bend around him: men, armies, churches, borders, women, weather if he could find a minister foolish enough to promise it. Restraint, for him, had always seemed less like virtue and more like an insult invented by people with no power.
You tilted your head. âRestraint from what?â
Louisâs mouth opened.
For one treacherous instant, the truth rose so quickly in him that you saw it almost form on his tongue.
Not to kill your lover.
His hazel eyes flashed. His jaw tightened. The tendons in his throat moved once, hard. He almost said it. Almost spat Henriâs name across the table like blood. Almost dragged the night back into the room, with all its silence and jealousy and the image of another manâs hands where his had once belonged.
But then he stopped.
A small miracle.
Or perhaps only strategy.
He turned his face slightly toward the window, fingers smoothing the cuff of his sleeve with exaggerated care. âFrom speaking too quickly,â he said instead. âFrom saying something that cannot be unsaid.â
You watched him.
âThat sounds almost mature.â
He gave you a wounded look. âDo not insult me before noon.â
âI thought kings enjoyed praise.â
âThat was not praise.â
âIt was close enough for you.â
A faint smile touched his mouth, brief and unwilling. Then it faded, and for a moment he looked toward the trees beyond the glass as if he had forgotten the chamber entirely. When he spoke again, his voice had shiftedâlighter, too casual, the voice of a man turning a knife into a ribbon before anyone noticed the blood.
âCome into the city with me.â
You blinked. âWhat?â
âThe city,â he repeated, turning back to you, and now there was something almost boyish in his face. Dangerous, because boyishness in Louis was rarely harmless. âParis. Or the nearest market town, if Paris is too far for your royal patience. You have never properly seen it.â
You did not correct him.
You did not tell him that you had gone once.
But you did not tell Louis that.
Instead, you lifted your cup with regal composure and asked, âHow, exactly, do you propose we go to the city? We are king and queen. We cannot simply wander through the streets as if we are two bored merchants looking for ribbon.â
Louisâs entire face changed.
It was immediate. Alarming. Like you had handed him a battlefield and permission to enjoy himself.
âAh,â he said, leaning forward. âBut that is where you underestimate me.â
âI rarely underestimate you. I usually prepare for the worst and am still surprised.â
âI am excellent at disguise.â
You stared at him.
He looked offended. âI am.â
âYou are Louis XIV.â
âYes.â
âYou wear heels, jewels, embroidered coats, and a black wig that announces your presence three rooms before your body arrives.â
He raised a finger. âWhich is precisely why no one suspects me when I am not wearing them.â
You lowered your cup slowly. âYou have done this before.â
His silence was far too elegant.
âLouis.â
âA king must know his people.â
âA king must not sneak through taverns in borrowed shoes because he is restless.â
âI have never borrowed shoes.â
âOf course not. You have probably stolen them from a footman and called it taxation.â
He smiled, pleased despite himself. âYou wound me.â
âYou deserve it.â
âI do it often enough that it has become a skill,â he said, ignoring you with magnificent enthusiasm now. âA true skill. I know how to lower my voice, how to walk without command, how to keep my hands hidden so no one sees the rings. The trick is not to look humble, you understand. A man trying to look humble is always suspicious. You must look tired, slightly annoyed, and concerned about the price of onions.â
You stared at him for a long moment.
Then, despite yourself, you laughed.
It was not a warm laugh. Not entirely. It had disbelief in it, exhaustion, a thin silver thread of the absurd. But it was still laughter, and Louis heard it. His eyes caught on your mouth as if he had found something alive in a burned house.
âYou are serious,â you said.
âUtterly.â
âYou have costumes?â
âNot costumes,â he corrected, deeply affronted. âFantasies.â
âFantasies?â
âDisguises,â he amended quickly. âThough technically both.â
You closed your eyes. âGod preserve France.â
âHe has so far, though I admit the arrangement has required effort on both sides.â
âLouis.â
âI already have the perfect ones.â
That should have warned you.
It did not warn you enough.
Less than an hour later, you stood in a private dressing room at Marly, staring at the King of France as he twirled.
Twirl was the only word for it.
He did not turn. He did not test the hem. He did not examine the stitching with sober interest. He twirled.
The low-class dress was brown wool, coarse at the sleeves, patched at one elbow and cinched too tightly at his middle in a way that made his waist look both theatrical and deeply unconvincing. A faded apron hung over the front. A kerchief covered the infamous black wig, though he had insisted on keeping the wig beneath it because âno one respects a woman with insufficient volume.â The effect was not peasant. The effect was a widowed tavern keeper who had once seduced a bishop and was waiting for him to apologize.
Louis lifted his skirts slightly and looked down at himself with open admiration.
âWell?â he demanded.
You blinked once.
Then again.
âYou look insane.â
âI look poor.â
âYou look like poverty as imagined by a man who has never touched a broom.â
He turned to the side, examining the fall of the dress in the mirror. âThe hips are good.â
âThe hips are a national emergency.â
He smiled, smoothing both hands over his waist. âYou are jealous because I am beautiful.â
âYou are wearing a tablecloth.â
âA flattering tablecloth.â
âYou are the King of France.â
âNot today.â He turned to you then, hazel eyes gleaming beneath the shadow of the kerchief, his baritone lowering into wicked satisfaction. âToday, I am your wife.â
You looked down at yourself in horror.
They had put you in boyâs clothes. Low-born boyâs clothes, to be exact: plain breeches, a loose shirt, a worn vest, stockings slightly too large at the ankle, and a cap meant to hide your hair. Your shape had been flattened with linen binding, your sleeves rolled up, your face scrubbed clean of royal polish. You looked younger, sharper, less like a queen and more like a narrow-shouldered apprentice who might steal pears and lie badly about it.
Louis circled you once, assessing.
You hated that he looked delighted.
âNo,â you said.
âYes.â
âNo.â
âAbsolutely yes.â
âI refuse.â
âYou already agreed to the city.â
âI did not agree to become your husband.â
âHistory will applaud your sacrifice.â
âI will push you into a ditch.â
âAnd I will scream as any respectable wife would.â
You pointed at him. âYou are enjoying this far too much.â
He lifted his chin, every inch the monarch even in brown wool and an apron. âBecause I understand theatre.â
âYou understand lunacy.â
âSame family.â
You crossed your arms, but the gesture looked irritatingly boyish in the clothes. Louisâs mouth twitched.
âDo not laugh,â you warned.
âI am not laughing.â
âYou are glowing.â
âI am radiant by nature.â
âYou look like a spoiled washerwoman.â
His expression brightened. âExactly.â
âThat was not a compliment.â
âIt should have been.â He stepped closer, the hem of his dress brushing your boots. âListen carefully. For this to work, we must have names.â
âAbsolutely not.â
âMine is Marguerite.â
You stared at him.
He continued gravely, âA beautiful woman. Spoiled, yes, but misunderstood. Born for finer things. Married beneath her station to a thin, irritable husband with limited intelligence but occasional usefulness.â
Your mouth fell open. âLimited intelligence?â
He gestured toward you. âYou must commit to the role.â
âWhat is my role?â
âYour name is Pierre.â
âPierre?â
âYes. Skinny. Somewhat retarded. Loyal in the way a dull dog is loyal.â
You stared at him so long the silence became almost religious.
Then you said, very softly, âI am going to kill you before dinner.â
Louis placed one hand dramatically over his bodice. âYou see? Brutish. Very Pierre.â
âI am not playing your skinny, retarded husband.â
He leaned closer, his eyes glittering with mischief. âYou must. Otherwise no one will believe I married you.â
âWhy would anyone believe I married you?â
His mouth curved. âBecause I am beautiful and spoiled.â
âYou are deranged.â
âAnd you are Pierre.â
âI am the Queen of France.â
âNot in those trousers.â
You glanced down at yourself again and felt the immediate, irrational urge to kick him in the shin. âWhy canât you be the husband?â
Louis looked genuinely scandalized. âDressed like this?â
âYou chose the dress!â
âYes, because I have range.â
âYou have vanity.â
âI have artistry.â
âYou have several lovers and no shame.â
That struck closer than you intended.
For a heartbeat, the brightness in his face dimmed.
Not fully. Louis was too practiced a performer to drop a mask completely. But the smile paused, caught at one corner, and his hazel eyes shifted from playful to watchful.
The room cooled.
You regretted it, then hated yourself for regretting it.
Louis looked down, adjusting the rough cuff of his sleeve with needless care. âToday,â he said quietly, âI have one wife.â
You swallowed.
The words should not have moved you. They were too little, too late, too easily spoken in a borrowed dress, far from Versailles, far from Montespanâs perfume and the gilded corridors where promises went to rot. Still, something in his voiceâlow, baritone, stripped of its usual flourishâsettled uneasily beneath your ribs.
You looked away first.
âYour kerchief is crooked,â you muttered.
His eyes lifted.
A smile returned, softer this time. âFix it, then.â
You hesitated.
Then, with a sigh sharp enough to preserve your dignity, you stepped close and reached up. The kerchief was indeed crooked, tied badly over the black wig he refused to abandon. You tugged it into place, fingers brushing the edge of his temple where, beneath all that theatrical darkness, you knew gray hair curled close to his skin.
Louis held very still.
Too still.
His gaze rested on your face with a kind of aching attention that made your hands clumsy.
âThere,â you said, pulling back too quickly. âNow you look like a woman who overcharges for eggs.â
His smile widened. âPerfect.â
âYou cannot use your real voice.â
âI know.â
âYour voice sounds like a king trying to seduce a courtroom.â
âA courtroom would be fortunate.â
âYou need to sound ordinary.â
He straightened, cleared his throat, and produced in the same unmistakable deep baritone, âGood day, sir, might I trouble you for the price of onions?â
You stared.
He stared back, waiting.
âThat is the exact same voice.â
âIt is not.â
âIt is. You just added onions.â
He tried again, slightly higher. âGood day, sirââ
âNo.â
âMadameââ
âNo.â
He frowned. âI cannot make myself sound like a goose.â
âI am not asking for goose. I am asking for peasant.â
âFrench peasants vary widely in tone.â
âYou would know, apparently, from all your secret onion research.â
Louisâs expression became solemn. âPrecisely.â
You covered your face with one hand.
He reached for your wrist, gently lowering it. âCome with me.â
You looked at him.
The humor was still there, but beneath it something else waited. Not command. Not even pleading. An invitation, foolish and dangerous and absurd. A door cracked open where there had only been walls.
âI want to show you,â he said. âNot as King. Not as Queen. Just⌠come.â
âYou cannot stop being king by putting on a dress.â
âNo.â His thumb brushed once over your wrist, then withdrew before you could pull away. âBut perhaps I can stop being obeyed long enough to hear something true.â
You did not know what to do with that.
So you chose irritation. It was safer.
âIf we are caught, I will tell them you forced me.â
âIf we are caught, I will faint delicately.â
âYou will not.â
âI shall collapse into your arms, Pierre, and cry that my cruel husband led me astray.â
âI hate Pierre.â
âPierre loves me.â
âPierre is considering annulment.â
âPierre cannot afford it.â
Despite everything, the laugh escaped you again.
Louis brightened at once, greedy for it.
You pointed at him. âDo not look pleased.â
âI am not.â
âYou are.â
âI am merely appreciating my wifeâs effect on my husband.â
âThat sentence alone should have you excommunicated.â
He swept into a clumsy curtsy, skirts rustling. âThen let us go before the Church catches up.â
You stared at him: Louis XIV, King of France, disguised badly as a low-born woman named Marguerite, still wearing his black wig under a crooked kerchief, smelling faintlyâmiraculouslyâof rose soap rather than rot, his hazel eyes alive with mischief and melancholy both.
Then you looked down at yourself: breeches, vest, cap, the absurd skinny husband Pierre.
Could you make Leonard (Alan's character in the Broadway Seminar play) a nsfw alphabet? I cant find anything about him even in ao3 and i love him sm >_>)
I unfortunately dont know anything about him 𫤠Could you tell me a little about him so I can get a better idea of what his personality is like?
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