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“No age gap??!?!?”

“And no non-con elements”

“NO NON CON?”

“And no coercion or otherwise manipulative behaviors”

“Joe they want a vampire with NOTHING”

18+ slight angst. meet footballer!gojo & his cheerleader fwb !

1. CHEERLEADERS ARE FOR CHEERING—NOT FONDLING!

“girl… isn’t that your man?”

your first mistake is letting your eyes follow shoko’s gaze to the bleachers. your second mistake is making eye contact with golden boy gojo satoru, still in his jersey & ‘hiding’ behind a skinny pole with a very annoyed geto suguru by his side.

you don’t bother correcting shoko. instead you ignore the grin satoru flashes you, taking out the water bottle between your lips with a pop! “is he supposed to be hiding?”

shoko shrugs, turns on her heel. “dunno, ask him. he’s clearly waiting.”

you roll your eyes with a sigh, but you’re already moving.

shoes clicking against the wood gym floor, skirt swishing between your thighs. gojo satoru has long come out of his hiding spot. he’s slumped against the pole now; hands in his pockets, grin lazy, blue eyes glimmering in the orange sun. beside him geto suguru is there, jaw tight in an expression that says he’d rather be anywhere but here.

you still have your bottle in hand when gojo reaches for your hips. “hi, baby…”

you barely murmur back a hi before he’s tugging you in by your skirt. his head dips to kiss your neck, then your cheek, then somewhere else your brain doesn’t register because his hands glide up to squeeze your ass cheeks underneath your skirt. a soft noise slips past your lips as he sucks on your neck.

“mm,” he murmurs, “missed you.”

geto clears his throat.

“The character building is so inconsistent! Episode 3 they’re ready to die for each other and then they hate each other? What’s THAT?”

“What is that ARMOR they’re wearing? I’d be thrown out of my LARP group with that on.”

“They didn’t know that Old English was invented, like, centuries after Arthur supposedly lived?”

“Why does Merlin keep saving Uther???”

“Where are the castle’s other servants? Why is Merlin doing everything??”

And the really fun one:

“When is Arthur going to find out about Merlin’s MAGIC?”

To which I replied, yes, yes, sweet summer child, we know, but aren’t the actors amazing and isn’t the show both ridiculous and tragic in turns, and by the way, check in with me before you get to that series ending.

It’s vastly different from the silly and carefree version of you Zhongli had known prior to getting into a relationship with you. While it’s rather comical, the way you sit stock-straight in your seat to avoid slouching or pull your blanket farther up your face so he can’t see when you drool, he is still perplexed by the switch-up.

One time, after you leave the room and come back a moment later (and Zhongli knows why, after all the sweet potato you had for lunch), he’s finally decided to ask you about it. “Darling, why have you been acting so strange as of late? You are not being yourself.”

“Oh,” you stutter, avoiding eye contact as you fidget, “I just want to be perfect in your eyes so you won’t ever hold anything against me.”

At this, Zhongli frowns. “What would I, and why ever would I hold it against you?”

To this you tell him sadly, “You have a photographic memory. If I did something embarrassing you’d remember it for the rest of your life! The heat death of the universe could approach and you would remember how, eons ago, your darling farted really loud it sounded like a struggling tuba player.”

And now the season 2 of natla dropped, it reminded everyone that the reason people shipped and are still shipping zutara is because of their incredible chemistry and parallels on the canon story.

pervertedroommate!caleb would like to hide in your closet so that he can get to watch you be your most vulnerable when you think no one’s home. but his favorite thing to experience is watching the moment you throw your blankets off your body, slide your panties down to your ankles, and slip a hand in between your legs while watching whatever dirty video that prompted such actions. you get so loud and sound so needy when you genuinely believe no one is around to hear or see you be so filthy. and of course, he can’t just sit there without doing something to alleviate the throbbing ache in his pants that you caused just by breathing. so he’d lower his sweatpants quietly at the same time that spread yourself open and stroke his cock as quietly as he can as you rub your clit at such an agonizingly slow pace.

he’d imagine himself adding to your mess, smearing his sticky precum with your slick before gathering it all with the flushed tip and sliding inside of you as he watches your pussy stretch to accommodate him. he’d imagine the way you’d tense up when he stuffs you full of his cum and how much of it would leak and seep through your sheets. he’d even imagine bending you over and making you bury your face in that same spot so you could taste it while he’s fucking you stupid and making you promise that his cock is the only one you’ll ever need.

but because caleb’s a such a coward and can’t bring himself to tell you how much he wants you, he’s content—for now—with being a pathetic creep that watches your every move without your knowledge or permission. it doesn’t hurt if you don’t know, right?

and when you finally finish, body becoming limp from the intense orgasm you pulled from yourself, he uses a fresh pair of panties that you have folded up on one of your shelves to catch his load with a hand braced firmly over his mouth to suppress his whimpering so that you’ll never know he was there. naturally he preferred a used pair, but beggars can’t be choosers.

he’d only leave the room once you finally fall asleep and takes those same panties that he’s ruined along with the pair you discarded not too long ago with the intent to continue his indulgence in his own bedroom.

he really hopes you won’t notice their absence, but he doesn’t mind if you do. he’ll be returning them to you with the rest in the next fresh load of laundry when he believes he’s gotten his fair use anyways.

Rub that clit nice and slow while you're deep asleep until you're soaked and twitching, then slide my cock in deep and fuck you while you dream about getting ruined.

As someone from a hot country that's regularly on fire, here's some tips:

WATER IS YOUR FRIEND! WATER! IS! YOUR! FRIEND! You can transfer SO much heat into this bad boy! You cannot cool down without water!

Wrists under the cold tap. Splash your face and the back of your neck. Fan yourself.

In some countries you can buy a little handeld fan with a water sprayer.

Damp tea towel around the neck. Stick an ice pack in there on hotter days.

Half fill a water bottle with water, stick in freezer. If you use a bottle with a straw, make sure it's lying on its side with the straw side up and out of the water. When frozen top up the rest of the way with tap water and off you go.

Desperate to cool off? Wet T-shirt. Sit in front of a fan. This will nuke it, just don't get hypothermia and don't fall asleep like this.

Cold showers are also your friend in summer. Some people get psyched up by these. Personally, I sleep like a baby, so I'm good to have them before bed. Just keep in mind that it takes a bit of time for the cool to circulate, so your body will tell you that you're colder than you actually are. I find that when I have cold showers I need to step out of the spray when I think I'm cold... I'll just wait, and thirty seconds later the temperature has evened out and I actually need to step under again. Rinse and repeat until you maintain coolness even after stepping out for a bit.

If you can't do cold showers, turn the cold shower on anyway and just stick your arms under. When they're cold, lift your arms up above your head. The sensation of cool blood draining into your body is fucking weird and kinda unpleasant but less unpleasant than being hot.

Feet in a tub of water with ice. Blood naturally flows to your extremities when hot, so take advantage of this. If you don't have a tub of ice water, sticking a wet rag on your feet in front of the fan works too, it's the less powerful version of the wet T-shirt.

Drinks lots of water but make sure that water has electrolytes as well. Stay in the shade.

Keep air circulating. Fans don't actually cool rooms down, they just help transfer heat from your body to the moisture on your skin or the air via evaporative cooling.

Block north facing windows early in the morning so the sun doesn't get in. If you're in the northern hemisphere, this is opposite for you. Keep in mind that if your home is brick, the bricks will still heat up and slowly release heat into your home even after the sun goes down so this will only do so much.

If it's hotter inside than outside, close all your windows but two, making sure they're on opposite sides of the house/unit you're in. Point a fan out of one window, making sure that the doors between the rooms with the open windows are all open. This will help create a mini pressure system in your home, pulling cooler air in and pushing the hotter air out via the fan. Bonus points if you can get that fan high up where the hot air rises; even within a single room the top is much hotter than the air by the floor. Adjust the amount of open windows based on how many fans you have, but generally you want more windows with fans open than windows without fans to keep the pressure correct.

Obviously, use your common sense for these. Not everything WILL work for you, just use the stuff that does and adjust what needs to be adjusted. Some of these will be impossible to use in the workplace but others you can still use. Others are best used at home. If humidity impacts your ability to use any of these, get a dehumidifier if that's an option, or use more ice instead of evaporation.

of course, to caleb, it sounds like you hit your head really hard and need to go to the hospital. he tells you to stay exactly where you are and stay on the phone with him until he gets to linkon. getting from skyhaven to linkon will take several hours, and over the course of that time, you tell caleb about your life, your friends, your family, and all the stuff you have going on in your life. as you talk to him, he realizes that maybe you didn't hit your head. maybe you're telling the truth. this is a lot of stuff to make up after a head injury. you're describing and entire other life you've had, and if you were injured, you wouldn't have years worth of memories to tell him or the cognitive ability to do so. then you get to the part about why you called him.

You scrabble against the sheets, your face pressed firmly into the mattress as you wriggle underneath him.

"No." Valko growls. "No waiting."

He hasn't even taken your underwear off, he's just rutting his cock into the cleft of your ass with firm juts of his hips. His forehead presses between your shoulder blades and you can feel his hot, wet breath huffing out onto your skin.

"Just-just let me-" You stammer, struggling underneath his large body as you try to shuck your underwear off to give him full access.

He'd caught you in the middle of getting undressed for a shower after a workout, the worst time when he's nearing his rut as your scent is like a drug to him. He'd sniffed you out all the way from the kitchen and immediately shoved you onto the bed, pushing his trousers and underwear down to free his throbbing cock.

"Gonna - huff - gonna knot you later," His says through ragged breathes, fingers digging into your sides. "But right now, needa come."

The pace of his hips quickens, deep grunts with each grind against you, until you feel the warmth spread across your ass. Valko watches with satisfaction as his cum pools between your cheeks, dripping down between them.

"Good girl." He growls, sounding almost feral. "Now it's time to fill this wet little cunt and stretch you around my fat knot."