do you remember when 19 days was good?

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@mrynnn
do you remember when 19 days was good?

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its horrible
I personally think crushes are the worst. I hate uncertainty and the need to want to change so you can seem more appealing, and it makes me go crazy. "Will they like it if I change my hair? What if I lose some weight? I should build more muscle..."
I know I'm not alone in this, but when I develop a crush or get into a relationship, I am the most insecure ever. I think of the question, "Do I not look good enough in their eyes?" What if they don't like my personality or my smile? And there are always two simple outcomes: They like you regardless and make you feel secure. Or they just don't like you. Which you have to accept. Though, I mean, it's not good to let your partner/crush be your only pillar of security. But it can't help it; I need a little validation.
Unreliable Narration and MiziSua's Dynamic
With the release of ZOMST showing us a new facet to MiziSua, there has been a lot of discussion about their relationship. One thing I see consistently brought up is the way Mizi talks about Sua during ALNST, and I wanted to throw my two cents in about a differing opinion I have about it compared to some others.
All of Vivimeng’s works, especially ALNST, are very open to interpretation. I do not think my take is the only valid one :]
UNRELIABLE NARRATION
Something I see consistently brought up in discussions about MiziSua right now is Mizi’s line about Sua during KARMA: “Maybe I just wasn’t as desperate for her.” Along with the fact that Mizi lets Sua die during round 1, people are taking these two things at face value as examples for the imbalance within MiziSua, in that Mizi loves Sua less than Sua loves her. I would like to argue that Mizi, during ALNST, is an incrediblely unreliable narrator who contradicts herself many times, and that MiziSua IS toxic, but not for a lack of devotion from Mizi.
First, ALNST Mizi absolutely loves Sua as much as Sua loves her. Let’s look at the heart scene from KARMA, where we get an honest visual depiction of each relationship’s issues. For IvanTill, Ivan is forcing his love onto Till, who doesn’t know how to react. For HyunLuka, Luka has come to the realization that his love for Hyuna has killed her and her brother. For MiziSua, though, their love is depicted as something codependent, toxic, but mutual. They both love each other so much that they willingly drown in each other; they are both swallowing their hearts, they are both kissing each other.
Another piece of evidence for Mizi being just as devoted to Sua is that, well, literally the entirety of ALNST is set into motion by Mizi being unable to cope with Sua’s death. Mizi was so distraught by Sua’s death that she beat the fuck out of Luka in round 3, almost let herself be killed, and ultimately was too guilty and sad to move on with her life like Till did by the end. I don’t think these are the actions of someone who didn’t love Sua with all her heart.
So, why does Mizi say that line? I believe it’s survivor’s guilt, which Mizi is depicted with throughout the entirety of ALNST and its supplemental materials. Mizi felt so guilty for letting Sua die, but also for surviving when Ivan and Hyuna didn’t, that she created a narrative where she was the most evil person of all; a “witch,” if you will. The problem with this narrative, though, is that Mizi’s actions directly contradict it:
Mizi letting Sua die: My interpretation largely relies on the idea that Mizi didn’t truly understand the concept of death before Sua died. I honestly refuse to believe that everyone in Anakt Garden would have been so happy to participate in Alien Stage if they were all well aware what death meant. We saw in KARMA that Mizi was aware Sua was going to sacrifice herself, but we also saw that Mizi tried to talk Sua out of it. Mizi comforted Sua the moment she realized what she was going to do, and they even argued about it before going on stage. They loved each other equally, but expressed it in different ways: Sua’s ultimate act of desperate, toxic love was sacrificing herself, and Mizi’s was letting Sua do it. Because she knew that Sua couldn’t live without her, but Mizi quickly realized she felt the same way about Sua.
Mizi saving Till: Part of the reason that Mizi crashed the rocket into Alien Stage was because she blamed herself and the system for literally all her friends dying, so she decided to kill herself and everyone involved. However, the second she realized Till was still alive, she made the choice to save him. In KARMA, Mizi said that humans are “creatures who can’t seem to love without exploiting,” but saving Till was an act of love, not exploitation. Despite already resigning to the idea of being a cruel monster and blaming herself for everyone else’s deaths, Mizi refused to let Till die.
With all of that in mind, I refuse to believe that MiziSua is anything other than mutually toxic and codependent. They love each other differently, Mizi repeatedly hurting Sua without knowing better, and Sua letting her if it means being together. They’re fucked up for sure, but it’s mutual. Don’t let Mizi convince you otherwise!
MIZISUA'S DYNAMIC
However, that’s all ALNST. In ZOMST, they have entirely different circumstances that changed the way their relationship played out. That being said, I still think my argument for MiziSua’s dynamic stands.
One thing depicted in ZOMST that’s very consistent with ALNST MiziSua is Mizi hitting Sua. She does this in one comic, and it’s further contextualized by another comic; Mizi wants to “crush” Sua because her idea of love is fucked up. She was abused by Shine in ALNST, and abused by her mother in ZOMST. When Mizi is upset, she physically lashes out because that’s what the people who “love” her did to her. That’s why she killed a rat as a child, and why she slapped Sua. However, she instantly felt remorse and confusion after both of these instances, as well as during ALNST.
Both ALNST and ZOMST Sua let Mizi do this. Sua really doesn’t seem to understand that this behavior is unhealthy and will let Mizi do whatever she wants to her as long as they can be together. It’s why Sua stopped Mizi from smoking, but didn’t leave Mizi when she slapped her; she cares about Mizi’s well being, but not her own.
The biggest change in ZOMST is that Mizi was the one to “die,” or get infected, first, allowing us to see Sua’s reaction. In ALNST, Mizi let Sua die first, and felt so guilty that she condemned herself to exile and unhappiness. In ZOMST, Sua proved that she cannot and will not live without Mizi. Despite them having grown apart due to Mizi’s abuse by the industry, despite Mizi slapping her, despite having the opportunity to end Mizi’s suffering, Sua chose to be “together forever.” She would rather suffer with Mizi than live without her. I doubt the idea of killing Mizi even crossed Sua’s mind, and even if it did, I do not think Sua would be capable of that. As seen in ALNST, Sua would rather kill herself than directly be responsible for Mizi’s death.
MiziSua is toxic and doomed yuri. But it’s also mutually toxic, with Mizi and Sua both expressing their love in different unhealthy and destructive ways. They destroy their own lives and hurt each other because of the ways they love each other. At least there’s always the actor AU…
Again, I don’t think my interpretation is the only valid one, but I kept seeing lines and scenes from KARMA being taken at face value, which I wanted to push back on
II
somewhere down below
someone's fighting just to sleep
someone's falling in love, or crying quietly
why don't you fly with me
the contradictory dichotomy that is kim dokja's relationship with reality and fiction is totally skewed and it totally makes me see mirrors between the people from both sides of his fourth wall, including himself...
lee sookyung (his mom) <--> tls123 (1863rd han sooyoung) for his sake, both women sacrificed their lives and turned the lives of others into a story to be used for his survival. and yet kim dokja hates one but loves the other. his only means of contact with either woman was through a “wall”... they also gave up their stories, their lifeblood, for him at one point.
kim dokja's online persona <--> lee gilyoung both are fanatics to their interests (insects and twsa) and idols (funny, cuz it goes like this: lgy -> kdj -> yjh). they both clung to the first thing that'd help them survive and never quite learned to let go. both fiercely defensive of who and what they love...
kim dokja as a child <--> shin yoosung both carry survivor's guilt from their first murder and for taking advantage of people (kdj -> twsa characters; sys -> unnamed extras). both saw themselves as “bad” for a long time. both connect better to their comfort object (books and animals). both experience disconnected film theory and feel guilty enough from their other selves' actions to volunteer (atone by) suicide.
yoo sangah <--> yoo joonghyuk not my oddest comparison so far, but this still weirds me out. heewon's a close competitor but ysa won out. both are among the staunchest characters in their convictions. both realized they had to adapt to survive. both shed blood usually out of (self-justified) necessity. both are supported by powerhouses. both used one of the “three ways to survive” (reincarnation and regression). both have opposing yet similar deceptive personas (ysa is soft but can be sharp while yjh is cold but hides a warmth). both have chosen to trust kdj despite evidence otherwise. both terrify the rat a lot.
han sooyoung (“plagiarist”) <--> anna croft anuzzer odd comparison of mine... odder than the last. both are disliked by kdj from the start, but become his temporary and later permanent allies later on. both proclaim to know the future (credibility aside). both leaders of their own groups that ended up disbanding cuz of kdj. both at odds with kdj's protag.
kim dokja's antisociality <--> han donghoon both hide behind the screen. both have a severe distrust of people in general. both are good at reading between the lines. both probably terminally and chronically addicted to their phones.
kim dokja's relatives <--> the dokkaebis both milked kdj for all his worth and more. both tried extorting him (only one of them succeeded). both aired his dirty laundry to the public.
news reporters <--> constellations both are always hungry for stories. “thrill seekers” and “incarnation seekers”. both have hounded kdj against his will. some romanticize kdj, others stand quietly by his side, the rest want his head on a pike.
kim dokja towards yoo joonghyuk <--> fourth wall towards kim dokja sometimes pro, sometimes against. both like teasing their partners. both have snark and sass and unabashedly abuse it. both watched over their partner's long and lonely journey.
fic/0neshot series
Yes
No
i mean, i have honestly next to no idea how i'd start, but hey if you vote yes please please please suggest titles
if i had to guess tho it'd be a parallel exploration of their routes...

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Insomnia
Jing Zhiyong
Oil on canvas, 2026
New pfp cause l don’t look like that kid loser in a shirt no more
rip bunny corcoran you would have loved saying 67
@mrynnn ...you already know what I'm about to say
this is not funny u are just mad i have a pure soul, heart of gold and a free spirit...
“ i will stop reblogging wah wah wah 😭😭”
@aoimeakane
The second most important scene in Obsession is where Bear tries to throw up the pills before being stopped by Wish!Nikki’s wish, and the first is
Up until this point, Nikki isn’t aware of Bear’s involvement! She genuinely believed he had no idea something was wrong! If Bear HAD freed her, she would’ve been grateful because she believes in him!!!! She believes he has no involvement! She thinks she’s possessed by a demon and has no idea why! She thinks Bear doesn’t KNOW. She thinks he’s being tricked because she trusts in him and she figures he’s not the type of guy who could be okay with this!
When Bear walks away, that’s the moment that Nikki faces Bear did this. Somehow, some way, he’s behind this. And she just has to live with the consequences

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
100 posts!
@aoimeakane thanks to you bro
"bro" Can you kill me over here???
we hold our regular vows which we renew every interaction and im still bro??? just push me off a cliff next time.
okay DUDE u are my BRO okay idk what else to call you BUDDY
y'know it's going to piss you offf, but you sound like Edmund Corcoran(¬_¬)
woops I mean bunny... since I'm friends with bunny(you) I guess I should call you that
BUNNY??? this is pure ragebait tactics… i will not let that slide
You probably think u are someone misunderstood like Richard u poor unfortunate soul in reality YOU ARE EDMUND
for ONCE where is your media literacy??? richard was not some poor misunderstood sod, he was approximately just as horrible as the rest of the greek freak class 😒
**I** am saying that you sound like bunny bc you are trying to imitate HENRY!!! and THAT’S why im calling you bunny bc guess who copied Henry's everything huh?
ALSO id like to point out that EVERYONE who reads tsh is a richard kin, even if they deny and say they kin francis or Camilla or whatever but NO!! you read it from richard pov and stuck around for richard pov !! EVERYONE who read the book is more or less a richard empathic,
that is ofc if you copy Henry 😒 then you're undeniably a bunny kin 😒
100 posts!
@aoimeakane thanks to you bro
"bro" Can you kill me over here???
we hold our regular vows which we renew every interaction and im still bro??? just push me off a cliff next time.
okay DUDE u are my BRO okay idk what else to call you BUDDY
y'know it's going to piss you offf, but you sound like Edmund Corcoran(¬_¬)
woops I mean bunny... since I'm friends with bunny(you) I guess I should call you that
BUNNY??? this is pure ragebait tactics… i will not let that slide
You probably think u are someone misunderstood like Richard u poor unfortunate soul in reality YOU ARE EDMUND
100 posts!
@aoimeakane thanks to you bro
"bro" Can you kill me over here???
we hold our regular vows which we renew every interaction and im still bro??? just push me off a cliff next time.
okay DUDE u are my BRO okay idk what else to call you BUDDY
yo guess who is back
So guys, what do u wanna see more of??
Most of my followers are from ORV, so most of my followers are gay too. (Happy Pride!!)
So guys, please dont unfollow me cuz I will be posting orv analysis again, also my thoughts and philosophy.
books and media i consume and shit like that
i will try talking more about physics too and I WILL CHANGE MY LAYOUT SOON SO DON'T FORGET ME
100 posts!
@aoimeakane thanks to you bro

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
gay person: i’m gay
society: ok
your strange vaguely bisexual friend you try to ignore: hey have you read the secret history yet
@mrynnn have you missed your... war wife whose back from exams 🥺
"war wife"?? " war husband" ?
bro yk our relationship dynamic is like king and jester...