Jo

Paul and Chani had arrived at the southern sietch 2 days ago, much to your dismay. You thought you could escape here until your little one was born. Unfortunately, Paul’s plans for war had interrupted that idea. You wonder if you’d ever find happiness in this life. Would your child be happy, or would their father’s lust for power destroy any hope? Deciding that crying and lusting over a different reality wouldn't suit you, you set out to find Paul, to discuss what was to come of the child you bear. Finding him and Chani in the mess hall, you decide to approach the pair and request an audience. “Paul, I request a private audience to discuss our child,” you say, head held high. Paul nods his head and pulls Chani and you into a separate room. You paced for a second before gathering the courage to say what’s been on your mind since you went to the southern sietch. However, Paul beats you to it. 

“Y/N, I do not have time for your games. I am about to lead these people into their destiny, their birthright,” he says, looking displeased with you. 

Taking a deep breath, you look him in the eyes and prepare to speak your mind.  “For a while, happiness was a foreign concept to me; it’s taken me a while to get to this point. But I forgive you even though it is killing me. I can't make this hate go away by making her a villain, because it was you who broke our vows and brought her into my bed. The bed in which I gave myself to you, let you mark me as yours. And because you chose her, there'll be happiness after me, but remember, there was happiness because of me, both of these things, I believe, not because I want to, but because I have to, or I will spend the rest of my life resenting you, and I can’t do that to the father of my child. I hope and pray to whatever god is listening that there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you, and both of these things can be true because there is happiness in our history,” you say with tears streaming down your face. Paul’s face is stone cold and annoyed. 

“Is that all?” He says. Making eye contact, you nod your head yes. He pauses, thinking for a moment. He turns around and walks away. You don’t know what you expected, but honestly you’re just relieved he didn’t fight you. 

From the time you were five years old, you knew that you’d be marrying Paul Atreides to secure your family’s safety. You would dream about what your life would look like, and if he was as kind as he was in your letters. On the fateful day of your 12th birthday, you and your family made the grand journey across the galaxy to meet Paul, or as he referred to himself in his letters, your dearest. Upon landing, you were met by Paul and his family. Going through the formalities of a royal, you could not help but be distracted by his forest-green eyes. Getting so wrapped up in their warm gaze, you hadn’t even noticed that Lady Jessica had asked you a question. The only thing that broke your trance was your mother calling out your name. “Hmm?” you say, looking around as your cheeks grow red due to embarrassment. 

“Lady Jessica asked if we’d join her for tea,” your mother said. Looking at you in a stern yet concerned gaze. 

“Yes, I’d be delighted to, Lady Jessica,” you say, smiling, looking at her. She smiled and led the way. Once in the castle, the boys parted ways and walked into a different room. Disappointed you decided this would be a great chance to win Lady Jessica over. Once you were all at the table, Lady Jessica spoke. 

“Don’t worry, dear, Paul will be joining us for dinner,” she said, smiling before taking a sip of her tea.  Smiling at the thought, you proceed to talk to Lady Jessica about Caladan as well as her son, to which she answers gleefully. 

—

That was 9 years ago, during that time, you had become well acquainted with every facet of Caladan. Having spent every summer there, you couldn't wait till it became your forever home. Besides, how bad could their winters be? 

During those 9 years, your and Paul’s friendship blossomed into true love. You would send letters weekly to each other, sometimes you would talk about nothing, and other times you’d talk about everything, but nothing beat those summer nights the two of you would spend on the beach. 

Crisp summer weather, the smell of a bonfire, laughter, and the ocean breeze brushing up against your hair. This is nothing like how you imagined your life going, but it felt right. The warmth of his gaze brings you a sort of comfort that can only be described as all-consuming, and you couldn't wait to spend the rest of your life with him. He was truly the love of your life. 

— 

Today was the day you’d been waiting for your whole life, the day you'd been planning since your 16th birthday, today was the start of your new beginnings. It was a warm yet crisp fall day on Caladan. You are to be wed at sunset and celebrate throughout the night. After breakfast, your day begins, first training with Duncan Idaho, Paul's swordmaster and closest friend. Much to your mother’s protest, Leto and Paul insisted that you be trained in self-defense since you are not trained in the Bene Gesserit ways. After that, you are bathed and then sent to get your hair and makeup done. An hour or two passes before it is time to get dressed, and begin to walk towards the hall where the ceremony will be held. You and Paul had decided on having the ceremony in the big hall and the reception in the garden. You’d decorated the hall in both your and Paul's favorite plants and kept traditions from your planet. Your parents walk down the aisle and give Paul a brief bow, and take their seats. As the doors open, you make eye contact with Paul and smile as you descend towards your future. One that has been forged through trust, love, and friendship. Looking into Paul’s eyes, you don't feel fear or unease about your future, you instead feel warmth and love. Paul beams as you glide your way down the aisle. Once you reach him, you join hands, and the ceremony commences. “Now the couple has decided to share their vows and do the traditional cleansing”.

 Paul clears his throat, “Y/N, you are my closest friend and the love of my life. I want your early mornings and your late nights, I want the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want you in sickness and in health, in happiness and in anger, because of you, there's joy and happiness.” Paul says as you slide his ring on his finger. A tear slides down your cheek, not out of anything other than happiness. 

“Paul, you are the love of my life. I’d follow you to the ends of this universe and more, I take you in sickness and in health, in joy and in anger,” you say, gazing into the depths of his emerald eyes as he slides a ring on your finger. One of the traditions you kept from your planet was washing the bride's feet and giving her new shoes, as a way to welcome her to her new family. Once the bowl is presented, Paul kneels and slips off your shoes, taking one foot at a time, he washes your feet, and gently dries them, placing a new traditional Caladan shoe on your feet. 

“You may now kiss your Bride,” the reverend says. Paul leans in and gives you a kiss that can only be described as a breath of fresh air. The audience erupts in cheer, Paul picks you up and carries you down the aisle. 

“Where to my love?” Paul asks while leading you towards his bed chambers, laughing as you tell him you need to change into your evening gown. Once you arrive at your newly shared room, your ladies whisk you away to change you when Paul announces that he is perfectly capable of helping his wife change dresses and dismisses your ladies. As he begins to undo the lacing of your corset, you begin to feel his breath upon your neck and become acutely aware of how close he is to you. As he frees you from the confines of the dress, he runs his finger down your spine, leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake. Placing a kiss on your exposed skin, he turns you towards him. 

“You are stunning, my love,” Paul says while placing his forehead to yours, brushing his hand on yours. After staying in each other's embrace, Paul begins to take your second dress off the hanger. Admiring the intricate lace and beading work that draws a beautiful landscape of his favorite flowers tangled with yours, and a plunging back with lace sleeves. Slowly zipping you into the dress, you begin to love the way his hands feel on you and the tenderness that they possess. Upon returning to the ceremony, Paul and you eat and dance the night away without a care in the world because you have each other and that's enough. 

Being married was wonderful; you and Paul would spend all day together, whether it was you reading while he was working on paperwork, training together with Gurney, or taking walks on the beach. He was truly your best friend. The two of you were inseparable, so it was no surprise that you became pregnant 3 months after your wedding. The joy that brought was quickly overshadowed by his father being given the new title of Duke of Arrakis. That is when chaos became your new normal. You wish you could go back, but fate had a different plan.

After Leto's death, Paul doesn't take a moment to breathe or grieve. No, he went straight into survival mode. This led to him being challenged to a duel, something you’d never seen him do, and never wished to see again. When he killed Jamis, everything changed; a small part of him died. You saw the spark leave his eyes, and it has yet to return, even after the Fremen took you in. He is so focused on revenge that he doesn't even notice you. He begs Stilgar to take him under his wing and train him in his ways, to teach him the ways of a true Fremen. However, what Paul and Jessica neglect to notice is the toll this is taking on you and your child. You’d been taken in by some of the new mothers in the sietch, who graciously teach you how the Fremen women raise their children. It's been 2 weeks since you joined the sietch, and you can see the difference in your husband after his last mission. He is distant, cold, and angry, but only to you. No one else is met with such cruelty. No, the love he once showed you is now reserved for her.  You truly do want to be mad at her, but Paul made his choice. He is the one who broke his vows. No, you can’t be mad at her; she did nothing wrong, and as much as you try, you can’t hate her. For she is just as much of a pawn as you, and you can’t hate someone for that. 

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