Mr. Imagination

(Not drawn to scale.)

Walkers: a giant race that does nothing but walk around the surface of their planet

Digitigrades: a species who can have anywhere between two and seven fingers on each hand (they'd also have an alien form of segregation called digitism where people with more fingers look down on people with fewer)

Mirrorheads: a kind who can change the shape of their head to match who they're conversing with

Flattons: a race with a two-dimensional digestive system, that travel by walking "across" two-dimensional walls

Startlians: a dimorphic species who can only populate by being caught by surprise

Payshonts: a type whose bodies are made of concentrated patience, and who subsist off of the impatience of other species

Pretentiulons: a small, bookworm-like race that latch onto brains, turn them more pretentious, and replace them

Enphlaminglons: a sort with the exact same biology as an inflatable lawn flamingo (I don't actually care about them. I just wanted to use one to demonstrate an example of what a Pretentiulon does.)

Pedestrons: a species designed to look like traffic lights

We all went to the beach.

Milkbone (the dog) and Sugarcube (the horse) became a comedy duet.

We summered at a hotel.

Buttermilk (the cow) recreated a poem and jumped over the moon.

Later, we went mountain climbing,

and, not like it matters, but we adopted a trouble-making fish for a day or so.

Seeds that grow into houses

A ritual allowing people to turn themselves into bubbles

A human who can shoot lights from his hands, and is terrible at it

An explosive device that turns anything it blows up vegan (for example, a plate of pork would turn into tofu)

An entity that's only visible under blacklight, but blacklight is also its weakness

The tail of an animal that the Foundation is still trying to locate the head of... and its tail is getting shorter by the minute

A pet fish species that "purifies" water by turning into acid... also, it can't survive in acid, so their lifespans are short

Semantic glue, that glues things together at a semantic level, usually resulting in a pun (for example, a lemon glued to a cat creates a sourpuss) (maybe it can be a -J article)

Novelty glasses that make the wearer see the world as if it were an editorial cartoon when worn

And you must be some kind of super-genius to know that the water you want to buy is chemically pure dihydrogen monoxide; it's obviously not salinated, chlorinated, iodized, or anything, according to what you wrote. how accurate you are to say "H2O"!

And you obviously need a lot of it. I mean, whatever super-scientific place you work for that would require you to write everything with its chemical name sure doesn't sound like the kind of place that would have water fountains... oh, I'm sorry, (H2O)Ca-2Si3O6-2Al2O3-Fe-K's... everywhere you go.

A satirical news article by the Babylonion Clickbean

EVERYTIME, ANYPLACE - Recently in Celebrityville, known famous person A. Person has confounded fans and observers alike by engaging in an inconceivable process known as "dying". Nobody was prepared for such an occurrence.

Person was known to have one of many health complications, which historically almost never cause anything bad to happen, and lived until the age of ninety-bleven, which makes this especially sad, because humans usually live to almost four-fifths of that length of time.

One fan, who has never personally met Person and can't remember a single one of his roles offhand, called Person's death "heartbreaking", and within seconds, added his picture to the already-full heaven meme.

According to the tone of the responses of people, the tragedy is heightened because this is the first time in history that anybody has ever died. Person was later memorialized in a ceremony mentioning a lot of people, and buried in a very full place.

The event was made a little less surprising by the fact that the death happened to an Earthling, a species who is notoriously unfamiliar with the idea of mortality salience. One can only hope they learn to correct this memory lapse in time for galactic auditions.

To "celebrate" 30 years of "Mutts", just about the lamest thing ever written, I present to you the soon-to-be-complete archive of every strip of "Mixed Breeds", my single-handed rewrite of "Mutts" designed to fix everything it broke. Go and click on the links and read them and 'like' them to your heart's content.

Supplementary Information Exposition Meet the Cast

Beginning Phase 1994 comics 1995 comics 1996 comics 1997 comics 1998 comics

Reconstructive Phase 1999 comics 2000 comics 2001 comics 2002 comics

The Re-enlightenment 2003 comics 2004 comics

The Great Reconsideration 2005 comics

Early High Definition 2006 comics 2007 comics 2008 comics 2009 comics

Platinum Age 2010 comics 2011 comics 2012 comics

Golden Age 2013 comics 2014 comics 2015 comics 2016 comics 2017 comics

The Year of Pyrite 2018 comics

oh, you want a satisfying, well-paying job where you get to do no more than fill out spreadsheets, press keyboard keys, and have benefits? all you have to do is have a multi-page résumé and work at the above paragraph for years because before you get this job for the first time, you have to have years of experience working at this very job! it still won't help you make friends.