Lily

Enjoy!

TRANSCRIPT:

Good morning. I hope you slept well. You looked really peaceful this morning so I decided not to wake you up before I left. These midnight feedings really seem to be helping your sleep, I’ve noticed. Beauty rest has a whole new meaning when you wake up fatter every time, doesn’t it? 

Anyways, I just wanted to leave you this message to let you know that I might be back a little late tonight. But don’t worry, I made sure that you’ll have everything you need for the day. The pantry and the fridge are full of your favorites, baked goods and some joints are on the counter, I pre-packed a few bowls for you too, if that’s what you’re feeling, and of course you have my card on the delivery app for anything else you might want.

I have to admit, the way you’ve been giving yourself to this lifestyle has made it really hard to focus at work lately. When I think about what a perfect, lazy pig you are at home while I earn all the income to enable you…it just drives me crazy, you know that? Nothing else feels as good as enabling you, indulging your wildest fantasies of being a complete hedonist, watching your body fatten up and concede to the excessiveness of it all… It almost makes me want to stay home and tend to you all day. I know I can’t, but….fuck, you have no idea how badly I want to.

I want you to be extra greedy for me today, okay? Don’t deny yourself a single thing. Even if you’re full, eat more. Keep your high going all day and really indulge. I’ll be putting in some deliveries for you throughout the day when I get the chance. And I expect to come home to empty wrappers and containers all over, with your big, pretty belly hanging out of your shirt for me to grab and admire. I’ll have dessert to feed you too, don’t worry. 

I plan on doubling your weight by the end of the year, and I’m going to do everything I can to get you there. There’s no such thing as too big for me, I’ll take care of every need, every desire, even if you get too fat to heft yourself around. All that matters is that you live your best, most pleasurable life, and I’ll handle everything else.

A few months ago there was a post going around from a feedee recommending that if one really wanted to pack on the pounds, feedees should think about getting a feeder. This made my heart drop on so many levels. It highlighted how feedees can enjoy their kink without a feeder at all. It lay bare the difference between a romantic partner who is also a feeder and a feeder who is a kink dispenser (even if consentual.) It reopened every question I have about my value in a feedist relationship.

Feedees are the ones who have to live with this kink in public 24/7. It changes your body, and that body will be scrutinized and judged non-consensually and usually negatively. In many ways it is difficult and vulnerable and I do not want to lessen that risk or consequence.

But feeders cannot practice this kink without a feedee. There is no solo version for us. (Unless buying food for randos is satisfying on its own for some feeders--maybe it is.) Our version of 24/7 feedism might not be as obvious and public, but it a lot more lonely. We are the purveyors of kink--and we like it that way--and we don't get anything back. There is no "my turn" within the kink. The focus of feedism for both feeder and feedee is the feedee.

What we "get" is a feedee. And if that feedee wants a feeder but not a partner, what we are "getting" might be very little. The chance to pay attention to someone else for a few hours at a time? A one-way attention funnel? A Saturday night motel when the real partner is out of town?

This kink hinges on so much trust. The feedee has to trust a feeder to take care of them (however roughly you want to interpret that) but the feeder has to trust that the feedee gives the slightest fuck about us. I love that element of kink, of having to be bonded in trust for it to be really good, but it is also terrifying. I hate the way the language can be abused to hide what you really want from a person you are being really vulnerable and intimate with.

Yes, you want a feeder. What does that mean about your partnership? Do you want that human in particular?

I suppose this does go both ways, but today I am feeling my version, my fears. I don't want to just be a feeder. I want to be partner to a real human. I don't want just a feedee. It isn't real until the other part, the committment to me the human, is consumated.

For a feeder, feedism is 100% relational. It is about a feeder/feedee interaction. The "relationship" is built-in.

You want your precious contrast?