I am in the mood to dissolve into the sky

when James Baldwin said I can’t be a pessimist because I’m alive

when James Baldwin said to be a pessimist means that you have agreed that human life is an academic matter. So I am forced to be an optimist. I am forced to believe that we can survive whatever we must survive.

i loveeeeeee nonlinear storytelling. show me where we are. now show me how we got here. the end before the beginning. show me how it was inevitable or how many chances we had to change things(nothing was ever going to change). let's meet in the middle as all the puzzle pieces slide into place hell yeah that's the good shit.

the eyes of someone who just vomited carry a vulnerable acceptance to grief only known in portraits of saints

sibling relationships are so strange... like i love you. you will never understand me in a way that matters. we are the same person in drastically different ways. we are sewn together. we don't talk. we are attached at the hip. you wish i was never born. can i call you. let's eat together. i forgive you. etc

i don't have enough photos of you on my phone to make one your contact picture. we got the same tattoo completely by coincidence. why do you always get to be mario. i love the meals you cook. we live in different universes. you can stay at my house if you need. we have never been friends. you are more important to me than anyone on this earth

getting that august feeling (things that have ended endlessly are ending again)

Whenever an ugly feeling arises in me, maybe resent, greed, insecurity, etc. I just have to laugh and think to myself, this is what being alive is and I don’t deny my capacity for ugliness, in fact I store my faith in it because that same awareness of my own ugliness is the place I go to when I am aware of my own beauty. I have all the time in the world to sort it out, that’s the thing with self trust. I don’t hide from others and I don’t hide from myself, where there is ugliness I observe it and I don’t turn away.

People who deny their own ugliness, turn away from it, find shame in it and then pretend that they aren’t ashamed are the ones with the deepest capacity for cruelty. Time to see yourself clearly and move forward anyways.