motivationalstruggles

Light of My Life (LoML)

Chapters

Chapter One: Mission Failure

Chpater Two: (Coming soon)

Drawings

Sad bebe

Ref 1

Ref 2

First Gift

Needles

The Boys are Fighting Again

Animal Hospital

Character Refs(being made)

Intern

Secret Agent

Nurse

Psychologist

Art

The Neon Void

Cat and Flower

Pennywise (your dancing daddy(ifykyk))

Drathar Story (still don’t got a name for this thing)

Izikii

Misc

Me not being able to draw people hands

Smthm I noticed in the rottmnt movie

Introducing my ver/headcannon of Intern, Maybel! (i didnt know what to do for her background so i jst made it purple :,))

I haven’t completely delved into her backstory or what makes her some sort of half-anomaly, either jst some experimentation, or something with her parents ;)

Basically those two psychopath’s relationship in a nutshell

Chapter One: Mission Failure

Tw: Turture, electrocution, child neglect, gun violence

No no no no no. This was going all wrong. Turtle was supposed to protect the shipment, but things took a quick turn when the rival gang showed up. Ottis had told Turtle how important the shipment was, and losing it would lead to terrifying consequences. Turtle shook his head to clear it. Panicking would only ruin any chances he had of saving this.

The night had been going smoothly up until he heard the gunshot. Then chaos broke loose.

Turtle had planned to stay with the cargo as the boss had told him to, until he heard Enzo’s Italian accent through the comm calling him to come down and help.

"But sir, the boss said-" he protested, his damaged voice crackling.

"I don't care what the boss said, I told you to get your ass down here now!" He yelled.

Ottis had explicitly said to stay with the cargo until it was unloaded, but Ottis did also say to listen to Enzo. Plus, if Turtle didn't, Ottis would definitely be mad about that. Not wanting to waste anymore time, he drew his gun and sprinted out of the cargo hold. But before he made it to the deck, one of the rival gang members ran out into the passageway. Turtle ducked behind a doorway as the enemy lifted up their gun and fired. He quickly countered with three practiced shots, one in the head and 2 in the chest, before continuing down the corridor, jumping over the body.

He was nearing the final passageway to the deck, when Enzo barked at him through the comm again. "Turtle damnit, where are you!"

"Nearly there sir," Turtle replied, finally rounding out the doorway onto the deck.

He quickly ducked behind the nearest shelter, which happened to be a stack of wood crates. He peeked around and saw Enzo not too far away shooting at the other end of the deck.

Just as he was about to ask how many they had lost, one of the enemy ran out of the doorway he had just exited. Turtle rounded, saw the gun and quickly moved, but not fast enough. Turtle grunted when a bullet pierced his shoulder as he lifted up his gun to shoot. They grinned in silent celebration at hitting Turtle, but Turtle was undeterred by a little bullet wound, and shot the cocky human.

He quickly analyzed the wound, making sure it didn’t hit a major vein in his shoulder and that he wasn’t going to bleed out. Halfway out in the open now, he quickly ducked back behind the crates right as they started shooting at him. In the midst of the gunfire, he heard a panicked shout.

"They've got their turtle on this ship!" Well, shoot. There went Turtle's element of surprise.

"Yeah we got our fucking turtle and he's going to kill you all!" Enzo yelled.

Uhoh was all that could cross through Turtle's mind before he heard the next plan of action: "Cover Turtle!"

As soon as his side started shooting, he ran out and quickly closed the distance to the other side of the ship. Now where the drug cartel members were hiding, he switched his gun to his left hand and drew his katana. He fought brutally and mercilessly. He dodged bullets while shooting and cutting his enemies down.

He had just slit someone's throat when something tinked down next to his feet. Turtle peered through the darkness to see what it was, though it only took a second for him to realize it was a grenade. He kicked it away and tried to run but another member quickly got in his way. He desperately cut them down and dove behind the nearest crate just as the bomb exploded.

…

Turtle woke up to his shock collar repeatedly going off and Enzo's pissed yelling. "Turtle damnit, get your ass up, they’re escaping!"

Turtle groaned from Enzo being so trigger happy with his collar.

"On your feet Turtle!" Enzo yelled, kicking him in the stomach, making Turtle grunt.

Turtle struggled to his feet, his vision was getting spotty from being shocked so many times. Breathing raggedly while Enzo stammered furiously, Turtle looked around at the damage to the ship.

Burn marks were scored across the deck, they must have thrown a few more grenades. He could see some of their crates floating out in the ocean.

"How could you be so fuckin useless getting knocked out like that?!" Enzo yelled, slamming the but of his gun into Turtle's jaw, making him grunt in pain.

"There was a grenade and I tried to get away, but someone jumped out at me," he said, rubbing his jaw.

"Oh, really, because they would’ve cleared the area if one of their own was throwing a damn grenade!"

"Well they didn't!" Turtle strained to yell, much to his regret. He saw Enzo's eyes widen in a 'oh you want to play that game' kind of way and he quickly adjusted the dial on the remote to Turtle's collar and hit the button to set it off.

Blazing heat scored Turtle's neck and through his body at a much higher voltage than what was used to wake him up. He fell to his knees screaming, his throat burning from screaming too loud and the shock collar electrocuting him.

"You want to talk back again?" Enzo yelled in Turtles face.

"NO NO I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!" Turtle sobbed, throat searing, he desperately scratched at his neck. Enzo let the collar run for a few more seconds before turning it off.

"Get up,” he said coldly and walked off. "We'll finish loading up what we managed to keep."

Turtle got up on shaky legs to follow Enzo. They packed up what wasn't destroyed or stolen and brought it back to Ottis’ mansion.

…

When they arrived, Turtle got sent down to the lab for his shoulder.

Each step felt heavier and more unsteady as his legs shook more and more the closer he got.

If there was one place Turtle hated the most, it was the lab.

If he wasn't back there getting an injury treated unmedicated, then he was either getting experimented on or he was getting one of those world endingly painful injections that made dying seem like a blessing from an angel.

He hesitated outside the door, shaking, but one of the medics opened it and stood to the side saying "Come in."

He was quickly told to take off his gear and clothes. He did so, wincing as taking off his shirt hurt his shoulder a bit. He was then directed to the x-ray machine, where he laid down for the scan. After that was finished they made him lie on the bed. His eyes glanced all around the room, looking for the dreaded syringe. Fortunately though, all he saw was a pair of forceps in one of the doctors hands.

He closed his eyes as the tweezers closed in on the hole in his shoulder. He stayed quiet and still, he had built up a big pain tolerance over the years from being whipped and shocked daily. It only took a few seconds of the doctor digging around in his shoulder for the bullet.

They had just finished stitching Turtle up when Ottis came storming in.

Turtle automatically tensed, this was the last place he wanted to be with Ottis mad at him, with bunches of syringes nearby.

"I can't believe you lost all that," he said in an about-to-yell kind of tone.

“I told you that shit was important!” Ottis yelled, his voice growing louder with each word.

“Im sorry sir, I tried-“

“I don’t want any damn excuses! What I want is all those drugs and guns I payed for out of the harbor and in my shed!” He slammed his hand on the bed at the end of his sentence.

"Im sorry- they threw a grenade and I got stuck fighting a guy before I could get away-"

"How do you not cut down a loser who clearly didn't even know their own team threw a grenade!?"

"I did I just couldn't get far enough..."

"It shouldn't take you more than two seconds to cut someone down! You've been trained for just that!"

"But it went off-"

"ENOUGH!" Ottis yelled, making Turtle snap his snout shut.

"Clearly telling you something isn't enough."

"No- sir, please-" Turtle was cut off as Ottis backhanded him across the face. Turtle brought his hand up to his face, whimpering.

It wasn't the strike that had him nearly crying. No, it was knowing what Ottis was about to make Turtle go through for failing his mission.

Turtle was so caught up in his internal debate of trying to plead his innocence and risking pissing Ottis off even more that he didn't even notice the two burly men that had entered the lab until they each had a hold of one of Turtle's arms.

"Wait please-!" Turtle cried out, making his damaged throat burn as they pushed him down.

But it was no use. Others came and helped strap Turtle down to the bed.

He pleaded uselessly with them, writhing against the restraints. Out of the corner of his eye he saw one of the medics near, undoubtedly armed with a syringe.

"NO NO NO PLEASE!" Turtle sobbed as the needle made its way to his arm.

But his pleading cries for mercy were in vain. He cried out as the cruel needle pierced his arm.

The pain spread quickly from there.

It went both up his arm and down to his hand. Wherever the pain had already gone, it just got worse and worse. It wasn't too long before Turtle's arm felt like it was on fire, and the rest of his body already had that burning pain building up. Turtle cried out, his entire body was burning.

He didn't see how much he got injected with but it was quickly becoming too much, Turtle was sobbing from the intense pain that throbbed with each rapid heartbeat.

He laid there screaming and writhing helplessly from the pain for a while, before he was unstapped and dragged off.

“NO NO IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY!” Turtle sobbed deliriously, the excruciating pain making it impossible to think of anything other than the fact that he couldn’t handle any more pain.

But his pleas for mercy went ignored and he was dragged down the hall, filling it with his agonized screams.

When they arrived at his room they hung him up by the ring in his shell and proceeded to beat him. He curled up helplessly as fists brutally collided with him. His arms, his legs, his head, it all burned. Then Ottis came in, whip in hand.

Turtle lifted his head from his arms and peered blearily at his torturer, sniffling.

"Now, think about this next time you want to fuck up again you little bastard," he said and then struck him with the whip.

Now, this wasn't just any normal whip, it was electrified. Since Turtle always tried to curl up- or in severe cases go into his shell- Ottis devised a cruel solution so that way even if it just hit his shell it would still hurt. Turtle cried out as one hundred fifty thousand volts spread out across his body.

"This is for your own good Turtle. We can't have you thinking you can just go around disobeyin' orders now," he said as he brought the whip down again.

"I DON'T I DON'T I SWEAR!" Turtle sobbed hysterically. "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

"Well you make quite a few too many 'accidents' for that to always be true. So you're either lying to me or you're just a useless little son of a bitch!" Ottis yelled, smacking Turtle's arms away so he could grab his jaw to scream that in his face.

"Im not lying," he whimpered. "Please, I would never lie to you."

Ottis paused, staring at Turtle's face. Turtle held still as he could, though he was still hyperventilating and sobbing from the pain and tears and snot ran down his face.

"Yeah, you’re too much of a coward to," he said, whipping his hand away from Turtle's face. "C'mon yall, he can rot here for a few days and reflect on how to improve so he stops failing miserably." He said, waving for them to follow him out the door.

They left, leaving Turtle to hang there, as his blood dripped to the floor.

…

Who knows how long Turtle hung there, his throat in agony from screaming for who knows how long when raising his voice was already hard enough sometimes. He remained there limply, just letting his tears fall with gasping breaths. Each heartbeat made the bruises and whip lacerations throb. Eventually the door had opened for someone to come unclip him and drop him on the ground. He hadn't bothered to get up since getting unclipped, and the injection had just worn off enough that he felt like moving again.

Sniffling, he crawled to his bed, but even the simple task of pulling himself on top of it felt exhausting and angered his bruises and cuts. He pulled his bloodstained pillow under his head and peered blearily through his tears at the bloodstain on the floor in the center of his room. All he could do was lay there and hope for it to end.

…

Turtle was left there for two days like that. But he couldn't tell how long he stayed in his small cell. He could only listen as people passed his door chatting. Until finally someone brought him food. It was the same kind of plain and simple meal he always got. Unseasoned chicken, broccoli, and roll with a styrofoam cup of water. He scarfed it down quickly.

…

The next day, he was let out.

Blinking in the bright lights (at least compared to his room) he saw Ottis standing across from him with his arms crossed.

"Are you gonna behave yourself and do as you’re told now boy?" His country accent cut through Turtle’s ears after days of silence in his room.

"Yes sir," Turtle said quietly, throat still feeling raw from three days ago, his head bowed.

"Good. I've contacted Master Kanji. He'll be here shortly so go get washed up and put on yer uniform."

"Yes sir,” Turtle said and was led away. 'Washed up' really meant getting hosed off, Turtle only got a shower once a month or when he was really dirty.

They stood him out on the courtyard and sprayed him down with the cold water from the hose. Once they had finished, one of the guys tossed Turtle's pants at him. After he put them on, they had him stand there silently and wait.

It took about ten minutes for Master Kanji to walk through the back door accompanied by Ottis. Turtle stood there waiting as they talked in hushed tones to each other.

"Truly disappointing Turtle. Watashi wa, koreijō no koto ga dekiru yō ni anata o shidō shite kimashita. Desukara, anata ni wa motto yoi kekka o kitai shite imasu. <I trained you better than this and therefore expect better from you.>"

"Yes sir," Turtle said quietly, his eyes stuck to the ground.

"Mazuwa u~ōminguappu kara hajime, sonogo kondishoningu doriru e to utsurimasu. Tanjun'na kata no kega ni yotte, anata no pafōmansu ga kore hodo made ni ōkiku sogai sa rete shimattakaradesu. <We will start with your warm ups, then move onto conditioning drills since a simple shoulder wound hindered your performance so much.>"

"Yes sir."

And so Kanji led Turtle through his drills and Turtle did the best he could to please him while not breaking the stitches in his shoulder.

"Kyō wa dōshite sabotte iru no? <Why are you slacking today?>" Kanji's voice cut through the silence of the empty courtyard as Turtle kicked a wooden post.

"Hōgō ito o hodokitakunakatta, <Didn't want to rip my stitches.>" he mumbled to the post.

The sound of wood hitting keratin followed the heavy impact Turtle felt on his shell.

"Watashi ga hanashikakete iru toki wa, watashi no me o mite, kichinto hatsugen shi nasai, <Look at me and speak up when I talk to you.>" Master Kanji snapped.

"Hōgō shita ito ga kirete kaifuku ga okureru no wa iyadatta ndesu, <I didn't want to rip my stitches and hinder my recovery.>" he said looking him in the eyes.

"Ā,-sō, kata no kizudesu ne. <Ah, yes your shoulder wound.>"

"Ottisu wa okorudarou. <Ottis will get mad.>"

“Otisu wa ima koko ni haimasen. Watashi ga imasu. Sā, 50-shū hashire! <Ottis isn’t here right now, I am. Now, run fifty laps!>”

And so Turtle continued to do what exercise that Master Kanji told him to, training until his legs were shaking. Turtle was relieved that Master Kanji had at least held back from arm related drills.

After Kanji left, Turtle was taken back to his cell.

…

The next morning he was taken from his room to Ottis' office.

"Turtle! I have a very important business meeting with Big Mama and you're coming with me."

Turtle nodded and followed Ottis as he walked out of his office.

"Now she's coming here so we've got everything all nice and neat so don't go messing anything up, got it?" Ottis looked back and frowned as he finished his sentence.

"Mask up, Turtle," Ottis said gesturing at Turtle’s mask that hung from his neck. making him flinch. Ottis quickly snatched him by his sword's sheath strap. "Don't back away from me boy," he fumed.

"I'm sorry," Turtle hastily apologized.

They stood like that for a few seconds, Turtle held closer by his sword sheath strap, staring at his terrified reflection in Ottis' sun glasses.

"Good," he said, letting go of Turtle.

He quickly pulled the mask up over his snout. He hoped that Ottis wouldn't stay mad at Turtle for too long. Ottis was either lashing out because he was still mad about Turtle’s failed mission, or he just felt like being mean to Turtle.

They continued to the living room where a charcuterie board awaited on the table with a glass covering on it. The room had been tidied and cleaned until it was spotless, not a speck of dirt on the floor, the pillows all placed neatly on the couches. It took a few minutes for her to arrive but when she did, it was in her exotic splendor that she always carried herself with.

“Well hello dear Ottis and little turtleyboo! How splendid to see you on this fantasmic day!”

“Hello Big Mama, how are you?” Ottis said, shaking her hand.

“Oh just lovely darling, and how about you and your little turtle?”

“Oh I’m fine, and Turtle’s fine. Would you like to sit down and eat?”

“Well yes I would,” she said, drawing them closer to the couch.

“Oh turtelyboo!” Big Mama cooed, waving Turtle over.

“Come sit next to mama,” she said, patting the couch.

With no way to decline, Turtle made his way over and sat on the opposite side of the couch, hugging the armrest. Ottis grimaced at Big Mama's kindness to Turtle, but he didn't say anything.

"So! Let's get down to business shall we? You said that you had a problem and that you would pay handsomely for some help with it."

"Oh yes! I had some trouble a few days ago with some nasty little Yōkai who wanted to ruin poor Mama's fun."

"And you want us to deal with them."

"Yes, I was hoping I could get you and your little turtle’s help in capturing them," she said gesturing at Turtle.

"Well of course we'd be happy to help you. How many and how dangerous would you say they are?"

"There’s three of them, but their fighting skills pale in comparison to Turtle's," She said smiling at Turtle sweetly. "I’m sure they won't be a problem for him. But, I want them alive."

"So there's three of them, and they know how to fight? What are you offering?"

"Ten thousand gold doubloons."

"Well, that sounds like a deal to me! Maybe I could buy somethin’ nice in the Hidden City to go along with that fancy mystic sword you got me last time. Where did you say you got it again?"

"Oh, just from another business partner of mine"

"Ah, all right. Well then, how bout we discuss the where and when of this? Turtle, you can leave now."

"Oh, so soon?" Big Mama asked, as Turtle got up to leave, making him pause.

"I’m mad at him right now and I don't wanna look at him any longer," Turtle looked away guiltily. "Now go Turtle."

"Yes sir," Turtle said and left the room.

He made his way out the back and across the huge spanse of land to the barn. He went to the stables to let the horses out to the pasture. When he opened the door Kylo already had his head sticking out of his stall.

“Salut mon pote, <Hey buddy.>” he said in his scratchy voice.

Kylo whuffled at him in response. Turtle petted his head, rubbing the star on his forehead.

“Ouais, tu aimes ça, n'est-ce pas? <Yeah, you like that, don’t you?>" He whispered.

Honey, a chestnut mare, whinnied from across the barn, jealous of the attention.

“Warte, bis du an der Reihe bist Honey, <Wait your turn Honey.>" he said laughing.

He heard a mrow and looked over to see an orange and white tabby trotting up to him. He chirped happily. "Bokskooooo! Kak dela, kiska? <How you doing kitty?>" He said giddily, picking up the cat, his tail wagging. Bosko was probably his favorite cat purely because he absolutely hated Ottis. For what reason, Turtle didn't know, but he absolutely loved it.

However, his joyful moment scratching the cat was interrupted by footsteps. Bosko growled and jumped down from Turtle's arms. He watched as the cat ran over to Ottis who tried to dodge the attack but ultimately failed and Bosko went ham on Ottis' boots and jeans. Ottis kicked at Bosko but he managed to scamper away, avoiding any damage.

"Damn cat," Turtle heard Ottis mutter as he walked behind him to Luna's stall next to Kylo's. He held his hand out and clicked for the horse to come. He greeted the beautiful black Pure Spanish Breed horse as she came, saying "Hey girl," and scratched along her face.

Turtle stood there, his fingers rubbing robotically on Kylo's forehead, his eyes staring almost desperately at the star between the horse's eyes. After a few tense moments Ottis broke the silence. "Yer goin after those turtle Yōkai tomorrow night in Manhattan."

"Yes sir."

"Now help me bring these horses out to the pasture."

Turtle quietly bridled Kylo and as he did he thought Well, looks like I have my next solo mission.

_______________

CHAPTER ONE IS OUT GANG!!!!

It took me a while but I’ve finally done it!!! Big thanks to @tammybronjames for being my beta reader and helping me tie it all together!!

and Raph’s bandage and Mikey’s sticker are on the correct sides so its not like its a flipped photo

🤷‍♀️

I’ve actually had this one for a while, but I procrastinated on doing one simple thing with it😒

But anyways, I aimed to make this one more of an actual ref than the sad thing I posted before

And my friend drew the cat on my scetchbook page so I traced it with the rest of Turtle :)

❤️ (ngl i rly like the one on the right)

vs

Me drawing human hands no ref:

;)

hes definitely owned something before definitely

bros scared shitless of needles…😔✌️

THANK YOUU!!!

This wabi-sabi leo is very happy to have a fan

So! I’ve finally made a ref sheet (ok, really I started to draw a ref then decided to redraw photos of leo and jst edit those but still!) and I figured I could write a little about this au.

So splinter dropped Leo during his escape when Draxum’s lab exploded which is why he has the giant burn scar, and somehow Leo (dubbed Turtle by Ottis, the boss of their syndicate)) ended up in the criminal’s hands afterwards. Unfourtunately for turtle, they were not his guardian angels come to save him. They saw him as an attack dog more than anything. Ottis hired people to teach Turtle ninjitsu (i can elaborate why if anyone wants) and forced him to train until he could barely stand up. Turtle lived to serve them and got punished for the slightest screw up. He’s lived by criminal rules his whole life, what an interesting conundrum for a certain set of brothers who might just want to save him.

A silly little doodle I did for my au to make my friend sad bc Leo is her favorite, but now im wondering if I should make this cannon to it…

Also, untill further notice, i’m calling this au Light of My Life

(and yes the chain is ugly af but im too lazy to do anything abt it)

Just a fun little drawing I did for one of my ocs, Izikii that’s in the comic im writing (her species is called an Ishonubi)