J

sometimes baran will clean trinity’s apartment. do her laundry. meal prep for her. make trinity’s life a little easier that week.

not because trinity isn’t competent. baran had been with a few men who would lean into their learned incompetence, their "preference" for baran’s cooking, the way she did laundry, how she would clean…

trinity takes care of baran in so many ways. watched and picks up kaveh, drives baran around post seizure episodes, and most importantly, see baran as a human being and not an untouchable attending.

baran sees how hard trinity is working. R2 year is ROUGH. Higher patient load, constant scrutiny from older residents/attendings, and still having to study in your free time. recently trinity has been consistently picking up longer and longer shifts, and baran knows that she is prone to doing this when she's trying to avoid something in her life.

trinity's been through a lot. she's told baran some things, yes, but the older doctor knows that it will take a while for trinity to feel comfortable enough to fully explain her past. baran trusts that the resident is at least opening up in therapy. it had been a very strong suggestion from baran to start.

trinity picks up a shift on a saturday. it was supposed to be their day off. Kaveh was with his father, and the doctors were going to spend their day off with a yoga class, breakfast from baran's favorite healthy brunch spot, and then a walk at trinity favorite park. but baran wakes at 6:30 that morning to see trinity putting on her scrubs. she's confused for a second, sure, but she should have seen this coming. she knows what this week is. its the week that she passed. the girl that trinity has mentioned but never elaborated on.

baran knows she must have been special to trinity.

trinity kisses baran's forehead, muttering about how dennis picked up a shift so he needed her to pick him up, something something. baran is half listening to the excuse. she gives trinity a kiss, makes her promise to text her on her break. she watches the younger woman leaves, watches the car start up from the window, and gets up to make herself tea.

like she does every morning, she checks in with herself and her body. baran's new antiseizure medication does has been working as of late, she's relatively well rested, but she can feel that she is itching to accomplish something today. its easy to fulfill this need, this compulsion, to be useful on the days she has work, but less so on her days off. its one of those things that trinity has been so helpful, being able to spend time and take care of her girlfriend, sometimes letting the resident take care of her, fulfills her in a way that nothing else can.

she decides a few things. she will be going to her morning yoga class. and then, she's going to find some ways to make trinity's life easier this week.

after her yoga class, she heads over to trinity and dennis' shared apartment. trinity gave her an extra key, but she hardly ever uses it since the couple prefers baran's place to unwind. Plus, it keeps Dennis from hearing anything he wouldn't want to hear.

the living space isn't too bad, just some normal young adult mess around. baran cleans that with no problem, puts the dishes in the sink, makes sure to leave dennis' stuff alone, and then opens trinity's door.

poor girl. no wonder she doesn't want to be home. trinity's adhd mean she's already predisposed to being a little messy, leaving things somewhere are forgetting where she left it, but this has turned into what the younger girl once jokingly called "her depression hole".

baran cleans gently, slow. just the trash, and the plates and dishes, and runs a load of laundry. she doesn't change where trinity left her things, her stuff on her desk, but by the time baran is done, trinity has fresh laundry in her dresser, clean dishes, a new filter in her air purifier, and a fresh scent going in her diffuser. baran heads home.

when baran gets the text that evening that trinity is heading home to get some rest instead of coming over, she's not surprised. baran has worked on her anxious attachment and knows that this week in particular trinity may need her space. 20 minutes after the first text, baran recieves:

Trinity: did you do this? or do i need to get mad at dennis for touching my stuff

Baran: just making sure you have the space you need to wind down. do you want to talk about it?

Trinity: not yet. soon though. thank you, baran

Baran: I love you azizam. get some rest. see you tmr

Trinity: <3

. . .

Thinking about post-season 2 where becca is spending more time with her boyfriend and mel is forced to grapple with the fact that she's not quite sure WHAT she likes. She's not even thinking about romantically, she's honestly not sure what SHE likes to do since Becca isn't around as much anymore.

*hobbys, discovering the city, joining a group

However, Mel still gets a little sad at a family dinner with becca and her boyfriend's family when there just happens to be an extra chair next to her at the table. Like they expected her to bring someone. A plus one.

A partner.

Mel has never really given her sexuality much thought. As a kid, she always assumed she would get married to a man and have a family. Of course, she would have to find someone who would be okay with Becca. With the understanding that supporting her sister comes before everything else in Mel's life.

She thinks she would still be okay with dating a man. Maybe. She downloads a dating app, goes on a first date, has a terrible time. Are men always this oblivious? Do they always go on and on about themselves without asking a single question about her? Why do they smell like that?

The date ends around 9pm and Mel texts Trinity. They've hung out a few times since their initial post-shift karaoke event, but Trinty has always initiated the hangouts.

Trinity replies surprisingly quickly, promising Mel a night out that will make her forget all about the awful date. When Trinity picks her up 10 minutes later, Mel is surprised when Trinity drives past their favorite karaoke bar. Trinity promises that she's taking Mel somewhere "much more fun" then karaoke.

When Trinity parks outside of Pittsburgh's lesbian bar*, Mel is surprised--she knew Trinity frequently went here with Dennis, but Mel has never been in any queer spaces, besides attending Pride at an ally. The bar is...surprisingly chill, it is a weeknight. There's someone mixing music at a table in the corner, but almost every table is full.

Mel and Trinity make their way to the only open table, and Trinity turns to say,

"I figure we can start here, since Wednesdays are open mic nights and relatively quiet. I'll go get round one and then we can go across to the club when you've loosened up."

Mel smiles and Trinity heads up to the bar, and immediately strikes up a flirty conversation with the bartender. Assuming that the other resident wouldn't be back anytime soon, Mel looks around the bar. There were a myriad of different outfits and vibes. There was a particularly beautiful femme across the bar, a pretty girl with makeup and a floral dress. At first glance one might mistake her for a sweet, pliable thing, but there was an undeniable glint in her eyes as she applied their lipstick, and then tugged her partner possessively to her side. Her butch, with their shaggy hair and thick jacket, put an arm around their femme protectively as she left a lipstick mark on their cheek, then their neck, then their collarbone, and then...

Mel turned away, feeling like she was intruding on something sacred. Her cheeks were burning, but she didn't quite understand why. Mel's gaze continues to wander around the gently lit room, when...

"Didn't take you for a dyke, Dr. King."

Mel turns to see Parker Ellis smiling down at her.

The first thing Mel realizes is how good Parker looks. Thick cargo pants, carabiner adorned with little keychains, and a muscle tank that showed off her biceps and tattoos. Mel gulps, then says,

"I, uh, didn't take you for one either. Or, well, I'm not, you know, but--is that offensive? If I say that? I don't think I'm comfortable saying the word..."

Parker grins. "Chill out King, I saw Santos bring you in. You playing supportive ally designated driver tonight?"

"No, uh," Mel takes a breath. "I actually went on a pretty bad date. Santos is trying to cheer me up and help me forget how awful the male species actually is."

Parker whistles. "Heard, brother. You'd be surprised how many of us gave men a chance before we decided that the other team was better for us."

Mel looks at the ceiling. Anywhere but those dark, piercing eyes. "Really? It's hard for me to imagine you ever gave a man the time of day."

Parker's eyebrows raise in surprise. "There's a lot you don't know about me, King. Would you like to know more?"

"What...what do you mean..." Mel stutters, "I--"

A bark of laughter comes from the senior resident. "It's okay King--I'm just playing. I'm at this bar for a reason. And you look like a fish out of water. Just trying to help you calm down."

"You know, I actually think this place is cool. I don't really understand a lot of the dynamics involved, but..." Mel pauses. "...I also don't want to ask them. It looks special."

Parker considers this. "We should hang out."

Mel looks up in surprise. "What?"

"You and me." Parker grins. "It sounds like you need some more friends. If you're interested in learning more about this kind of stuff, I'm your man. I'm starting dayshift next week. Find me at lunch. Besides, Trinity is heading back over, and I want you to go have a fun night. You'll find someone, King."

With that, Parker walks away. Trinty rolls up with their drinks,

"Sorry, sorry Mel, that bartender was just so cute, and it's been forever since...wait, is that Parker Ellis? Like, from work?"

Mel nods.

"Yeah. And, uh, what does it mean when a lesbian asks you to "hang out."

. . .

*(note-I don't think Pittsburgh has one but let's pretend)

Trinity picks up on it first. Before her relationship with Baran, she was somewhat in tune with her mental health--she knew she was hurting, she knew she had unhealthy coping mechanisms, she just didn't have the time or the motivation to do anything about it. After meeting Baran, Trinity begins to take her mental health more seriously, going to therapy at the older doctor's request. She found out she had adhd, a neurodivergence rather than a mental illness, but found that she was more stable when she could control her dopamine seeking. Medication and therapy meant less sh urges, less endorphin seeking, less rejection sensitivity--she's becoming more stable by the day.

Baran, coming from an older generation, isn't as in touch with her own neurological patterns. Med school does teach about autism, but it is usually based around studies on young, white, autistic men, and Baran didn't recognize herself in the diagnosis. She was odd, sure, but she summed that up to a lack of proper social interaction as a child due to prolonged, frequent trips to the hospitals.

When Trinity started working in Pediatric Emergency medicine, she interacted with neurodivergent children on the regular. They were more prone to accidents (spatial awareness issues), issues with authority and oppositional defiance disorder, and particularly autistic children had trouble articulating when they were hurting or feeling sick.

Trinity had a case one morning working with an autistic teenager and her mom. The girl had sickle cell and was so focused on the comics she was drawing that she hadn't realized she was approaching crisis. Once they had her intubated and stable Trinity started talking to her mother about how to avoid something like this in the future. The mother was apologetic, promises to check up more and make sure her daughter begins some sort of therapy or class to help her understand her body. It turns out that the girl was newly diagnosed with autism, she had tested negative as a younger child but struggled with making friends, maintaining nutrition, and the first time she had a sickle cell crisis she hadn't been able to tell her parents she was in pain. However, the girl was so so talented at art--the mother had proudly shown off some of her daughter's art on her phone and even taped up a few paintings next to the bed so she would wake up to some familiar sights. It took them forever to get her diagnosed--places were just not able to reliably diagnose girls with autism, and it kept them from getting her accommodations for years.

The pieces began to fall into place for Trinity. She remembers how just last night, Baran had almost passed out. She had come straight home from work and went to her study, to continue writing a new patient-support program for those with speech impediments. When Trinity had come home a few hours after, having a meeting with her residency advisor, she walked into Baran's study to see her hunched over her computer, furiously writing. Trinity had asked her about dinner, to which Baran had responded that she wasn't hungry. Trinity KNEW it had been at least 8 hours since the attending had had lunch, if she had even taken it. When she finally got Baran to stand up, the older doctor had basically collapsed in Trinity's arms, her blood sugar was so low. And she claimed she had felt nothing at all. The lack of bodily awareness, the intense focus on her tasks, the way that Baran would sometimes ask Trinity to interpret social situations for her...Baran was probably neurodivergent.

Baran as a child never being diagnosed because 1) women and girls are historically mis/underdiagnosed unless they exhibit the traditional "male" autistic behaviors, 2) being an immigrant child, and 3) her seizures took first priority when it came to her health

She always knew she was a bit odd. Being in the hospital a lot as a child meant she had lots of time to read books and watch documentaries about her interests. Special interests can be very specific or even nonsensical at times, so yes, she had a very early special interest in the brain and neurology, but I hc that child her had an obsession with the different types of MRI machines. Don't get me wrong--she hated them, they were loud, compression, she had to be in them constantly--but she spent hours studying the serial numbers and the different types of MRIs in the medical textbooks she borrowed from the medical students interning on the pediatric neurology floor. She might have gone into radiology if she didn't get into med school

I think she also had a special interest in something like old star trek or an old sitcom that would replay over the hospital TVs. Her father would take her to conventions as a child when she was feeling ok and she would always dress up.

Baran having a hard time with friends during her school years. She was the odd kid who was always at the hospital, so the other kids were a bit wary of her. She was content to pace the fence of the playground, making up stories in her head, and making sure she took the same amount of steps each length of the fence. It was her special game.

She sometimes wished she had a best friend though.

Baran has learned to adapt and mask as an adult, even if she doesn't know that's what she's doing. She has learned how to hold conversations, how to engage in small talk, even if she doesn't enjoy it. Her new special interest is improving the healthcare system--she spends hours researching and brainstorming. She still enjoys watching reruns of star trek though.

Baran can still tell something is off though. Sometimes she'll be engaging in conversation with a colleague and they will give her an odd stare. Was it her tone? It didn't make her feel good but no one ever explained.

We see it all through S2...the standing too close to Robby, the intense eye contact, the blunt tone, the almost rehearsed speak to patients...neurodivergent baran you are so special to me

thinking about how harrison's birthday is coming up and everyone at school is play the Pokémon TCG. Of course, Cassie is looking all over Pittsburgh but those goddamn scalpers have been grabbing up all of the cards across the city. It makes Cassie so mad that all of these adults are buying up cards to sell while her boy just wants to play a card game with his peers.

meanwhile Harrison’s birthday is getting closer and Cassie is getting more and more frustrated. The day before his birthday, Cassie is sitting in the break room, staring at her coffee. To the patients, she is just as attentive and caring as she always is. but those who know her can see mask drop, the microexpressions of anger and the disappointment in herself for being a bad mother (but shes not!)

Baran comes into the break room to have a debrief with Cassie. Cassie is hesitant to open up about her problem, but Baran would be the most understanding, being a mom and all. Baran listens and, surprisingly, offers a solution to Cassie’s problem.

Baran has been into Pokémon for years. I headcanon that she wasn’t able to participate in organized sports as a kid so she spent a lot of time indoors and playing card games and her game boy. She lovesssss Pokémon, especially the collecting aspect. She spent hours on the games as a kid, and her favorite game is Emerald. She also has many binders of Pokémon cards. Most of them she’s given to her son, letting him build decks to play with her, but he’s still too young to really have an appreciation for it. Baran is happy to gift some binders to Cassie, on the promise that they aren’t going to be sold.

Based on this ref:

Thinking about how post S2 Samira would begin to try to figure out who she is. They have spent so much time dedicated to their career, their meticulous plan A, now that she is faced with an uncertain future, Samira wants to dedicate time to herself.

Samira picks up a few hobbies, painting and hiking, she starts volunteering at a local animal shelter, she even starts going on dates with a certain surgery attending who offers to take her to a Deaf event since she knows Samira is interested in ASL.

I think Emery takes Samira to a gay bar a month into dating. Emery goes to the bathroom, and a young androgynous person walks up to Samira at the bar.

. . .

"You here alone?"

Samira turns, and then...they're transfixed. Not in a romantic sense, but she is entranced by the way this person toed the line between genders. Samira realized that she's been staring too long and looks down at her drink.

"I'm not..."

The person grins and says,

"That's fine, I'm taken too, I just came over to chat."

. . .

The two talk for a while, about their jobs, hobbies, but Samira is too nervous to ask about the person's gender identity. Emery comes back from the bathroom and the three chat. On the walk home, Samira asks what she was too nervous to ask about the androgynous person.

"What do you think...and I'm sorry if this sounds weird...you would call their gender?"

Emery looks over.

"Well I'm not usually inclined to label another person's identity, they could have been a butch, or nonbinary, or fluid..."

Samira interrupts.

"I think I worded that wrong, I meant more...their style."

Emery wiggles her eyebrows at her girlfriend.

"Like their clothing? Why, would you be interested in me dressing more like that?"

Samira blushes and looks away.

"Not really. I was thinking more...like I could dress that way. Maybe. Do you think I could pull it off?"

. . .

Emery is, of course, supportive.

She has been modifying clothing since she was a teenager, no one makes pants that fit short, curvy butchs. She assures Samira that whatever they find at the thrift store that she likes, Emery can modify it to fit there.

What follows is a ton of cute dates where they get matcha and hit every thrift store within the vicinity of the medical district. Samira finds themself drawn to wide pants that hide her hips, long shorts with patterns, plenty of white shirts, and a chain.

Emery gets Samira a binder for her birthday. Samira learns what gender euphoria feels like.

. . .

Baran and Trinity had known each other for months before it happened. Before feelings emerged. 

Trinity realized first, about two months into Robby’s sabbatical. She and Yolanda had been going back and forth for awhile, but the meet ups were becoming less frequent. Trinity was beginning to recognize that she was lonely. She didn't even realize she was longing for something romantic, she just wanted someone to want to be around. Hear what she said. Eat breakfast together and watch shitty TV. For a while, Dennis was that person, and he still is, but he is gone more and more frequently these days. More often than not, Trinity stays up late staring at the ceiling, feeling empty. Her therapist has recommended putting more energy into her social life, but what if people don’t like her? She can’t take any more rejection right now.

After Robby left for his sabbatical, Baran made sure she got to know all of the doctors under her watch. This included learning what environments where they thrive in, and what situations pushed them out of their comfort zone. 

Her analytical nature allowed Baran to pick up on Trinity's emotional state only a few weeks into knowing her. Some days she would be bouncing on her toes excited for new cases, and those were the days of, and following, where she would enter the ED with Dennis, or sometimes slightly behind Yolanda.

But more recently, she has been coming in alone. Not making eye contact. Treating her patients well, but the second she leaves the patient's side, her face drops. Baran wants to say something. But Trinity has kept her promise to keep up with her charting, and Baran has no reason to make extra conversation with her. 

What people don’t realize about Baran is that she needs to be liked. Desperately. She tries to bring in new options to mitigate healthcare stress (at the expense of her ethics) and frequently brings in breakfast for everyone. So far, the staff has grown to tolerate her,  and most seem to like her. But she doesn't know why she feels like she needs the approval of this 20-something R2. Why, out of everyone, has Trinity not at least warmed up to her?

Trinity has made it clear that she does NOT like Baran. Will tell anyone and everyone about how she doesn't like how Baran talks, how Baran stares, how Baran thinks like a robot.

Two months into running the ED, Baran had to take a step back after a particularly rough pedes case. Trinity was on the case as well. It was hard. The patient ended up needing 12 RBC units before they were taken up to the ER, but it didn't look good. After Baran checked up on rounds, she disappeared into an empty call room. Trinity was shaken but sitting at her desk, practicing the emotional regulation techniques she had been learning in therapy. She noticed Baran ducking into a room.

Trinity didn't know why, but she got up. She checked the door to see that it was unlocked. It was.

Baran was just staring at the corner. She seemed to be just thinking. Trinity sat down beside her on the bed. Baran didn't stir. Trinity asked if she could get Baran anything. Baran again didn't stir.

Trinity just sat there. She knew how panic and anxiety attacks could manifest. Some people just freeze. As much as she doesn't like Baran, Trinity didn't want Baran to be alone. Eventually Baran stirred. She seemed surprised that Trinity was there. She asked Trinity to grab her phone. She did, but before she left Baran in there, Trinity placed her hand on Baran's arm, quickly. Afterward, Trinity treated Baran with the cold indifference that she usually did.

That bothers Baran. She's forty for goodness sake! Why does she feel like she's performing for Trinity's approval? The incident in the on-call room made it worse. Trinity had seen her mid-seizure, yet instead of attacking her vulnerability in that moment, she acted in kindness. And she had Trinity's full attention for a second. It made her feel warm. 

Baran is a professional attending and would never make a move. This ER was hanging on by a thread due to the unprofessionalism of an attending who wasn't getting the help he needed, and Baran is determined not to stake her emotional wellbeing on a RESIDENT. 

Trinity and Baran hurt in isolation for a while

. . .

It was a late night at the ER. Multiple traumas, radiology and surgery backed up, barely holding patients together and alive until a bed opened up upstairs. And so many minor traumas and broken bones that couldn't get the proper attention they deserved.

Baran tried to lose herself in the work. Trinity disassociated.

Dennis had to leave on time to pick up Amy's kid, so Trinity, staying late to help patch up a few patients for night shift, is left without a ride. Trinity ends up perched in the corner of the parking garage, checking which bus lines run late.

When Baran finally leaves, she’s exhausted. Disappointed in herself. Frustrated with PTMC.

Baran walks out to her car to see Trinity sitting in the corner of the parking lot, looking at her phone. A jolt of nervousness rises from her toes to her cheeks, like how it does everytime she catches a glimpse of Trinity. She can't believe she's anxious. This is her RESIDENT. Maybe that's why she's nervous. It is borderline wrong. What would people think of her then?

"Hi, Trinity"

Trinity looks up in alarm. Baran notices her jaw clench.

"Hey Dr. Al Hashimi."

"Please, you can call me Baran outside of work."

Trinity just stares.

"Are you...do you...sorry, just, I saw you sitting and...,"

Baran winces. She sounds ridiculous. She takes a breath and starts again.

"Excuse me, Trinity. I am just wondering why you haven't left yet. I know Dennis left early, does he have your car?"

"Yeah."

"How are you getting home, Trinity?"

Trinity looks at the ceiling of the parking garage.

"I'll figure it out. I take the bus all the time."

"You know, the statistics of young women getting harassed on public transport after 9pm is rising as..."

"Yeah, well, at least someone would be paying..."

Baran looks at Trinity with a sharp gaze.

"Sorry, Dr Al...Baran. Bad joke. Not funny. I just..."

Trinity looks like she's going to say something, like she might actually open up to Baran, and how Baran wants that so bad, and then…

"It's fine. Looks like the 11 line will be outside the hospital in 15."

Trinity looks down at her phone after that.

"Nonsense, I'll drive you home."

To Baran's surprise, Trinity hops up.

"Okay boss. Anything to get me in bed sooner."

Baran turns, trying not to blush at the double meaning.

Trinity gets into the passenger seat of Baran's very nice car. There’s a photograph of Baran and a young boy hanging from the rearview mirror. Baran looks...nice. Relaxed, with laugh lines and windswept curls. She's very pretty. Trinity looks closer and notices that the boy looks a lot like Baran.

"Where do you live, Trinity?"

"Oh, uh, let me put it into your GPS."

It's not far. But it's far enough that the silence feels awkward about 5 minutes into the drive.

"Is that your son, Baran?"

"Hmm?"

"Your son. In the, you know,"

Trinity gestures to the picture hanging on the mirror.

"Oh yeah. We took that picture in Maine. We try to go every year. He likes to look for whales."

"Whales?"

"Yes, it's his favorite animal. I have no idea why."

Trinity snorts.

"Of course you're a snob about your kids favorite animal."

"It saddens me that you think that way about me, Trinity."

Trinity stops laughing.

"I didn't mean...I just..."

"It's okay, Trinity, I'm messing with you. I love whales, especially humpback whales. We go on at least 3 tours every trip. I think they are beautiful. I just wish he understood that there were different species of whale, but he thinks they are all siblings. But I would never ruin his fun. At least not yet, he's only 10. I'll start correcting him when he's 11."

Trinity softens.

"Well, I think it's really nice that you do that, Baran."

They sit in silence for a few moments.

Trinity is staring at the sky, reevaluating how she thinks of Baran.

Baran is staring at the road, internally embarrassed about what she's going to say.

"You know, there's a good Thai place near where you live. I know the owners. We could get a discount, if you're hungry."

Trinity looks over.

"Is that even allowed?"

"We aren't at work, Trinity. Coworkers can get dinner after shift. For example, I know you guys go to the bars to consume alcohol after Friday shifts."

Trinity snorts.

"You could always join. We all agree that Dr. Robot needs to chill out a bit."

Surprisingly, Baran laughs at that.

"Yeah, well, I agree. Maybe someday."

The Thai place was pretty crowded for a weekday night. Trinity figures that means the food is going to be amazing. Baran slumps into the booth. She's exhausted. And hungry. Her body is relaxed but her fingers are twitching. Tapping the table, stopping for a second, and then tapping again.

The conversation doesn't come easy at first. Trinity isn't sure what she's allowed to talk about with an attending. Baran isn't sure if she can speak without blushing under the gaze of a very charismatic resident. Eventually, Trinity speaks:

"So, your son is ten?"

Baran looks up from where her fingers are tracing shapes into the tablecloth.

"Yes. 5th grade. Top of his class."

It's hard for Baran to keep a smile off her face when talking about her son. Trinity feels lighter.

"Well, it sounds like he takes after you then."

Baran smiles fades.

"I don't think I would wish this life on him. He's so pure. So full of life. I want him to be happy and..."

Baran trails off. Trinity carefully considers her next words.

"What, and you're saying we aren't the most joyous people around? This doctor shit is easy."

Baran looks up. The bags under her eyes are exaggerated by the dim lighting.

"Are you happy, Trinity?"

Trinity sighs.

"I'm peachy keen, doc."

Baran looks unconvinced.

"I'm serious, Baran. I've never felt more fulfilled in my life. I'm tired, we all are, but now I am actually satisfied with the work I am doing. I was so tired of med school, the homework, the clinicals, the-"

"I believe my question was whether you are happy, Trinity."

Trinity goes quiet. She has to think about that one.

"It is my understanding that your beginning at this ER was not an easy one."

"Yeah, pittfest was-"

"I'm not talking about pittfest. Although, yes, that is so much to handle on your first day."

Baran knows about Langdon. How does she know about Langdon? Trinity doesn't want to talk about him. She's so tired of her career at PTMC being defined by her relationship with that man. 

"I don't think I want to talk about that, Baran."

Baran places her hand on the table. An offering. Trinity hesitates, then rests her fingers in Baran's palm. 

"I can't promise that the ER will be the happiest place to work. But I can guarantee that I will try my best to make it a place where everyone is safe and supported. I asked you whether you were happy earlier because that is a question I have been asking myself. I am satisfied with the work, yes, but I have observed burnout and its effect on healthcare professionals." 

Trinity interrupts,

"Yeah, I'm aware, Dr. Robby hasn't exactly been the ideal picture of vitality lately."

"Yes, well, he is getting the help he needs. What has been making me happy lately is finding and implementing ways to take care of my residents. Burnout is affecting doctors younger and younger. I worry about the residents."

Baran hesitates.

"I worry about you, Trinity."

Baran was just as surprised at the admission as Trinity. Thankfully, the owners came up at that moment and began to chat with Baran in Thai, leaving Trinity in silence to process the conversation.

The rest of the dinner is surprisingly nice for such a deep start. Now that they are more comfortable with each other, conversation is easy. They avoid talking about the hospital and instead talk about their childhood foods. Baran is happy to learn that Trinity holds her Filipino roots close to her heart and is always making traditional dishes for Dennis to try. Baran insists that Trinity make some for her, and in return, she'll teach Trinity to make some Persian dishes.

The Thai food, of course, is amazing. And something has changed between Baran and Trinity. They both feel it. 

When Baran pulls up to the front of Trinity's apartment an hour later, they are both significantly more relaxed. When Trinity turns to the back to grab her backpack, Baran reaches out for her face. Neither of them thinks that the night will end in a kiss. Surely not yet. But Baran cradles Trinity's face and Trinity holds Baran's other hand. Baran lets go suddenly and apologizes, embarrassed by the lack of professionalism, but Trinity leans in and pulls Baran into a gentle kiss.

. . .

A few months later

To celebrate three months, Baran and Trinity are going back to the Thai place where they had their first, unofficial date. Well, they are planning on getting there, if they pull themselves away from each other’s mouths in the back seat of Trinity’s Subaru.

It’s surprising to Trinity that Baran is acting so needy. The attending had been so careful not to let things go too far yet. Trinity suspects that Baran is trying to keep some semblance of control and there was no going back once they slept together. Trinity was willing to be patient, but she can’t wait to absolutely ruin Baran once she gets the chance.

She’s doing her best to just that right now as her tongue is currently licking the top of the older doctor’s mouth. Baran is making these desperate little noises and a switch flips in Trinity’s brain. She sucks Baran’s tongue into her mouth and gives it a little nip. Baran gasps, and Trinity pulls back slightly to say,

“You know, Dennis is gone tonight. If, you know, you want to come over after dinner.”

Baran’s eyes cloud. There’s still a string of spit connecting their mouths. Trinity can see the gears turning in the attending’s head. At first, it seems like Baran is going to refuse, but something in her gaze softens, and she opens her mouth…

And Baran’s ringtone goes off.

Trinity can hear a girl speaking on the other side of the phone. Baran responds in Farsi. Trinity doesn’t understand the words but she can tell by Baran’s tone that it wasn’t good news. Then, Trinity remembers Baran mentioning that Kaveh had been feeling a bit ill that day, and Baran was nervous about leaving him at home.

Baran hangs up the phone, sighs, and turns to Trinity,

“I’m sorry, azizam, Kaveh threw up. I need to be home with him. I know this messes up date night, but--”

Trinity hops into the front seat of her subaru and turns around to look at Baran.

“Listen, it’s okay. You’re a mom and I knew that when I asked you to be my girlfriend. It’s a part of the package. Let’s get you home.”

Baran smiles and climbs into the passenger seat.

“You are so kind, Trinity. You know that right? But I am sorry, you are so young--I am not only cutting off our time together but I don’t want to place extra responsibility on you.”

“Baran, it’s fine. How about you make it up to me like this? Let me run out and grab some stuff and then I can come help you with Kaveh. He likes me, remember? He thought it was funny that I almost got kicked out of his soccer game because that ref was so fucking stupid.”

Baran laughs at that.

Trinity drops Baran back off at home and pulls away, putting the address of the nearest walmart into her GPS.

. . .

Trinity walks into Baran’s house half an hour later with Chinese take out and a bag full of extra goodies, including Baran’s favorite ice cream and a whale stuffed animal. Baran's son is sprawled out on the couch, blankets wrapped snug around him. There’s a glass of water and a puke bucket nearby. Baran sits next to him, stroking his hair. Baran looks up and points at Trinity.

“Remember you said it was okay that Trinity came over? Look, she brought gifts!”

Baran’s son smiles slightly, and then lights up at the sight of the stuffed whale.

“You brought me a whale?” Trinity hands the toy to him, and then takes the food into the kitchen. Baran follows behind her. 

“Thank you Trinity!” Baran’s son calls from the living room.

Trinity puts the bags of food on the counter, and asks, 

“How’s he doing?”

Baran sighs. “He’s doing a lot better, I think it’s food poisoning, I’m expecting him to be pretty weak for the rest of the night, we just need to make sure he’s hydrating and resting.”

Trinity makes herself a plate of food, then turns to her girlfriend.

“How about you go take a shower Baran, I’ll watch him for you so you don’t have to leave him alone at any point during the night after I leave. I remember you saying he doesn’t like being alone when he’s sick.”

Baran looks surprised that Trinity remembers that.

“Are you sure Trinity?”

“Yeah, it’s no big deal. Don’t tell anyone at work, but I actually don’t hate children.”

. . .

Baran gets out of the shower and towels off. She can’t help but feel guilty that so often, her responsibilities surrounding her son keep her so busy. Kaveh is the most important thing in Baran’s life, and nothing would ever change that. But sometimes she wished that she was young enough that Trinity and her would have met in residency. Then, they could have enjoyed young adulthood together…raised Kaveh from a baby together… But that was a silly thought. Baran loves her son and Trinity dearly and wishing that even one thing about their lives would be changed would destroy her world. 

Baran puts on her sleepwear and a robe, and walks towards the living room. She hopes Kaveh hasn’t thrown up everywhere. 

Instead, she sees her son and Trinity curled up on the couch, watching an Animal Planet documentary whales. Her son is dozing, clutching his new whale stuffie, and Trinity turns around to smile at Baran. 

Baran feels warm. Her heart is so full. This is significant in a way that she hasn’t felt in a long time. Baran was worried about letting Trinity in too close to her heart. She loved their dates, but there was something scary about allowing Trinity to see into her life outside of PTMC. She was so close to breaking down tonight, letting Trinity see her physically how no one else has seen her in a long time. But tonight, Trinity has seen what Baran considers her heart and soul--her son. And she sees how gentle Trinity is with him.

Kaveh blinks away, looks around, and turns to Trinity,

“What happened when I was asleep? Are they still following the mama whale and her calf?”

He and Trinity talk for almost two hours about the whale documentary. Trinity is so kind, even if she doesn’t really know anything about the subject. She lets him ramble and butts in with a funny comment or observation every now and again. Kaveh loves the attention.

He falls back asleep around 10pm, and Trinity gets up to leave. Baran walks her to the door, keeping an eye on her son out of the corner of her eye. 

. . .

Trinity grabs the doorknob, then turns to face Baran. 

“Told you I didn’t hate kids.”

Baran laughs quietly. “I didn’t think you did Trinity. I’ve seen you work with them at the ER. You have a gentleness about you.”

Trinity's eyes widen. Baran winces.

“Sorry, that was worded odd.”

“It’s okay, I love remembering that my girlfriend is an old woman who speaks in riddles like it’s the 18th century.” 

Baran pulls Trinity into her arms.

“Thank you. For everything.”

Baran’s voice gets quieter.

“I would have gone home with you, by the way.

Trinity squeezes Baran, pulls back, and plants a gentle kiss on Baran’s nose. She whispers back,

“I know.” 

And then louder: “If you ever mention me having a ‘gentleness about me’ at work, I’ll break up with you.”

Baran laughs and pushes Trinity out the door.