im

the thing about owning & operating a clown meat deli is that for some reason i was required to hunt the clowns myself, which required a hunting permit. 

I was so full of shit I should have burst like a balloon, but I said it with such conviction that everyone hesitated and took a step back.

I stood in that hot, damp courtroom, surrounded by reporters, detested former customers, and my Texan lawyer in his silly white suit-and-mustache, and I listen in awe and occasional nausea as a New York City Coroner recounted to a shellshocked jury that one of the most common forensic issues that law enforcement encounters in new york is when bodies are pulled out of the harbor–in particular, severed body parts, which are a fine new york harbor tradition. 

Here is the secret. Here is the secret I never told anyone. Not any of those scientists or priests or reporters. Not my lawyer or that coroner whose testimony probably saved my life.

I spent decades butchering and selling clown meat, so I knew without a doubt that dead clowns are in fact very easy to distinguish from human corpses. Oh they look the same all right, but any clown butcher worth their salt can tell you the unique thing about clown meat–the reason that clown meat is so much easier to clean and cut and dress than any other type of animal flesh. 

pride flag frogs #2: gray/demi aro/ace, genderqueer, he/him lesbian, she/her gay, nonbinary lesbian, abrosexual

pride flag knives #2: gray/demi aro/ace, genderqueer, he/him lesbian, she/her gay, nonbinary lesbian, abrosexual

pride flag: trixic (NBLW), toric (NBLM), aroflux, autism pride, bigender, intersex, demigender, demiboy, demigirl