musings

And I'm on my bullshit today, because it's such a cruel writing choice for Buck as a character. Because this man is so fearful of people leaving him, he cannot handle rejection, and a baby can't do either of those things... so Buck has to do it for them. Be the one to leave this time. What a knife to the gut! And sure, if Buck really wanted to be a donor, he could be a donor. But to not only make him a donor to a former friend/roommate (and let's be honest, Connor had to have been a crush, he followed that boy from Peru to LA), someone he personally knows is raising a child that is biologically his, to then having the woman carrying this child who will be the mother of this child give birth at his apartment, on his couch, and he is the one to deliver the baby and the first one to hold them. And you expect me to believe that Buck just moved on from that? That he didn't feel every single second of that deep in his soul?

That man is still thinking about that baby.

He wants a family. And he's been subconsciously building one with Eddie, he's co-parenting Chris. But that is never explicitly stated or talked about. He doesn't have a relationship with the Buckley parents. He only has Maddie. Bobby has been mentioned as a father figure in a few instances, but they have not recognized that to each other. And you want me to believe that Buck would move on from holding his own baby in his arms?

No, I don't buy it.

Buck could never be a "donor, not dad" with that much personal connection. Kameron was living in his loft at the end of her pregnancy! The lines are so blurred, they don't even exist anymore! The only way he could have successfully had a donor arc was if it was anonymous.

So, give me the fic. The fic where Buck grieves that loss of family. Where he still grieves it after s7, because Chris is gone, and it feels kind of similar. There's barely any contact, if any at all, and someone else is raising your kid.

Because Buck thinks about that baby.