on another “ways the Change Belief can kinda suck” front, it’s also really important to me that Mirabelle’s struggle reconciling her identity with her religion isn’t trivialized as Just Anxiety or some minor, mostly personal problem that’s super easy to “fix” postcanon. if amatonormativity could be "solved" by Just Telling Everyone that asexuality and aromanticism exist, it COMPLETELY cheapens Mirabelle's conflict and the courage of her resolution to "Change the Change Belief."
i think most Vaugardians would ACT like that’s the case. this can't be a REAL problem, can it? everyone is free to choose how and when they change! of course we support people who don't change in these specific ways, too :) isn't that obvious? oh dear, we thought that was obvious! thank you for telling us, so sorry for the misunderstanding, but well, now you know you have nothing to worry about (you were worrying about nothing)!
i think, always, about how Bonnie said they HAD to get their ears pierced when they were younger. how the Vaugardians in the party didn't even consider that earrings might be so standard in their cultural fashion norms BECAUSE earrings are directly linked to their bonding customs. which of course just about everyone does eventually, and even if they don't, it's just fashion, right? :) it doesn't really mean anything nasty or insidious. (if earrings were really just accessories, why wouldn't children be given the choice of what to do with their bodies? why would they have to get them?)
Mirabelle is neither sheltered nor naive. she has the biggest social network out of the entire party, she has taken over a hundred classes, she loves reading and studying and learning. but she didn't even know that other people like her existed. their voices aren't heard, their stories aren't known. that's pretty telling!!!
how many other customs, turns of phrase, story tropes, etc. are constantly and subtly reinforcing the pressures that Mirabelle was feeling, just in ways that are invisible to people who are raised into them? people who have the privilege to be supported and validated by them instead of minimized and dismissed?
i think Vaugardians would be plenty eager to change things and accommodate the Savior of Vaugarde on a surface level, but they would struggle to identify deeper structural causes that need addressing in the long term. the relaxed and lackadaisical attitude resulting in not taking people's concerns seriously, or seeing it as an individual problem rather than a collective issue that's worth spending the time and effort to thoroughly understand. (obviously people can just choose not to wear earrings anymore when they grow up! but isn't it still easier to just give everyone piercings when they're young?) even followers of a religion that prides itself on its capacity for Change aren't immune to stubbornness or being stuck in their limited worldview. we see that with how the party treats Siffrin and his beliefs, and that's certainly not resolved the second they become aware of a problem existing.
to tie it into the idea above, i think a lot of followers of the Change Belief would have a self-image of being SOOOOOO welcoming and accepting and open-minded that it can make them dismissive and blind to their own biases. we're being so nice and accommodating and flexible! (if you have a problem, obviously it's not our fault!)