Myrkul’s Muffin

The entire Z-Team is CONVINCED that Robert Robertson must have some kind of superpower. they all heard that he used to be a hero, but nobody knows which hero. Can’t be any of the well known ones ofc (Malevola swears she’d recognize that ass).

The only logical explanation? Covert missions. Black ops stuff. He's gotta be someone incredibly accomplished (hence his clear competency dispatching them) who just flew under the radar.

Sonar: I've figured it out. Robert's power is Seduction. How else would ALL of us want to fuck him within like three days of meeting him?"

Flambea, slamming his hands on the table:** "IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION"

Invisigal and Water Boy (if you picked him) know Robert is actually Mecha Man ofc but I can def see em keeping quiet bc that’s shits hilarious (or dumb enough to go wait maybe-)

Cue Robert in the next few days just doing the most mundane shit imaginable and everyone is wanting that cookie so bad, dying of thirst, agreeing that SDN did this shitlord corporate move to control their most volatile assets and its fucking working. This twink white boy has bewitched them.

Invisigal, whose power is to go invisible and "watch famous people fuck" described Robert as the biggest perv in LA. Let the record show that Invisibitch, one of the most classic villains of this generation who stalks people she finds hot, called someone else a huge pervert, apparently bigger than her if she feels it's worth a mention to get him in.

Visi accidentally giving Robert a "certified degenerate" seal of approval when it comes to being freaky. Sardine's might as well be throwing their underwear next time the Dispatcher shows up if they think they got a shot with him.

(cue Shroud dropping all pretense and texting "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ROBERT" with a picture of most of the Red Ring currently printing out pics of Robert with his uniform covered in blood and still bruised from the mouth)

Lmaooo op this is so fucking funny, Invisigal giving Robert street cred and it fucking /working/ bc apparently the bouncer is gonna respect a Master at horny crimes.

As all of TikTok is prone to, Villaintok is just abuzz with their new favorite white boy. Hundreds of Mr. Finger biter edits pop up but they have to recycle the same shitty footage someone got of Robert fighting at the sardine. They find out Robert is in charge of the Z-team ,fucking reformed villains and an edit of him in the office playing to “a single mom who works two job, who loves his kids and never stops—“ goes viral.

Everyone is trying to be Sherlock Holmes so hundreds of theories float around on what kind of sex pest Robert is. by god everyone is willing to volunteer to find out. They want him so bad pleassee

Imagine some villaintok influencers (god i love this au) coming up to Robert to outfreak him with questions but Robert is just handling it like Hudson Williams does with HR fans trying to catch him off guard. you can’t outfreak the freak and Robert just stares at the influencers unimpressed with their tame ass takes and says something even more wild.

Um, would it be okay if I used some of the fic ideas? Like the z-polycule thinks Robert has seduction powers one plus omega Robert. I was thinking of writing a fic where 1) He didn't come to work in costume so no one knows yet that he's mechaman (aside from BB and Chase). 2) His customer service smile, de-escalation tactics and a couple things he picked up to help people in distress / get villains to confess only deepen the seduction misunderstanding 3) The fact he can flip on a dime in how he reacts to others (ie. Boy is Repressing tm hard) plus initial snarky nonchalance (read: depression) make him the most salivating Cookie they've ever seen. 4) He's also used to only peripherally scenting things bc no one's around in his home/life for things to matter and it's better for heroes not to scent the ppl they save anyway but then after his lunch or smth gets taken, he starts subtly scenting things and it drives z-team wild. Then they catch feelings and it's even worse? This went a bit of tangent but I hope it'd be okay? Lmk and thank you for your time either way!

Ah man, first of all sorry about the lateness— life has been objectively awful these last few months.

Second, im so happy you enjoyed my silly little aus ❤️

And third absolutely! I love this idea, I adore a great omegaverse but especially if it’s continuing the “Robert makes the Z-team crazy by mere existence” agenda. Him scenting things is so funny because I can see these bozos crowding around a fucking stolen pen in the conference room going “HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS—“.

Life just became unbearably terrible for a bit but I’m back and I’m still updating my fics.

Don’t know if anyone’s still here or cares but I’ll answer some asks soon

Glad to hear you like my silly lil au!

And hah! Thats super cute! Robert loves all his little lamps equally but he also does kinda find it adorable that the one on his bedside table keeps getting replaced by another (which was given by whoever was in his apartment last. Just whenever Robert isn’t looking. )

So are there any dispatch fandom events going on or something?

In my younger years I’d start hosting zines , sexy Robert pinup calendar or even a fun sticker exchange but the idea of organizing/ managing ppl (bc there’s always someone who will ghost 😔) is a bit too much for me rn tbh

Consider the following, Robert has another ex, around the time right before he fully became Mecha Man (pre-Trevor). They were a nice couple, but as Robert lose himself more and more to MM, forgetting dates, neglecting his health, busy schedules in a world where Superhero is more like a paid 9-5, they just sort of…slowly simmered away. The break up wasn’t even messy or volatile, just a sad atmosphere and quiet words.

Some time after the Trevor incident, maybe while Robert’s either walking home with Beef and he runs into them incidentally. It’s been years since the break up, they’re both in happier places, but Robert can’t help but feel those pangs of sadness when they see each other again. Their ex smiles kindly at him and invites him to catch up if he has time. (Bonus points if Beef remembers this ex and brings some levity into the situation)

Fast forward to after the dispatch and he makes an offhand comment about how he’s not going to get back to anyone tonight cause he’s hanging out with another ex. Immediately they’re all on guard remembering Trevor. Robert specifies it’s not Trevor. Some of the Z teamers follow him anyways. Hijinks ensue.

(Btw this was just me rambling you don’t have to like or be on board with this, I just like to consider it a thank you for inspiring me w your poly!z❤️)

Nonnie I reallyyyyy freakin love this. Love the idea of them catching up at some small cafe. Beef on the exes lap and they just ask Robert how he’s been. If he’s gotten more sleep— and honestly at this point Robert has. Maybe he’s not exactly in the polycule yet but the feelings are certainly there. Moments of softness from the team you genuinely cares and looks out for him.

So maybe he appears more rested, well fed, that lost haunted look in his eyes lessened just a bit. And his ex smiles at him with genuine happiness.

They talk abit more, mostly on how the ex is doing. How they’re happy and fulfilled and what new adventures they’ve been on (now that Robert isn’t dragging them down Robert doesn’t say but thinks. )

Mei smiled over her mug. “You look more-- awake? Last time I saw you, I’m pretty sure you were held together by coffee and the suit”

Robert snorted. “There was also my spite. Don’t undersell my range.”

She laughed“You look better. Really. Are you sleeping more?”

“Marginally,” he said. “There’s a… very loud support system now. Kind of hard to ignore.”

“Good.” She scratched behind Beef’s ear. that made the dog wiggle more enthusiastically on her lap. “I worried about you, after. For a long time.”

Robert stared into his coffee. Silence settled, not sharp, just heavy.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “For how I was. The distant, dick boyfriend thing. I was... going through it.”

“I know.” Mei's voice was gentle but not pitying. “I’ve made peace with it. With how it ended. With not being able to reach you.”

Part of Robert wishes he could hear anger, he hears none. He thinks she deserves that.

She watched him for a moment, then smiled, softer this time. “But I’m glad someone else has. You really do look… lighter. They must be very special. Whoever’s got you looking like this.”

He huffed out a breath. “They’re special alright, yeah. I don’t know if it’s anything. I’m not exactly easy to love.”

“Mm, see, that’s where you’re wrong.” Mei smiled. “You’re very easy to love,Robert Robertson. It’s just a fucking nightmare getting you to take care of yourself. You practically need a whole team for that.”

That's how this idea connects to the Z-team villains, specifically to Flambae's V-neck competitor. What if he also has a niece who just happens to know Flambae's niece?

It's an idea that crossed my mind that, regardless of whether the nieces get along well or not, they force their uncles to spend time together reluctantly.

They get along well; the guys have to compete to see who's the best uncle. They don't get along; it becomes a family rivalry.

I'm sorry if some parts aren't clear; I'm using a translator. I hope you were able to understand my point.

Wait this is so cuteeee!

Omg imagine them being the cutest lol best friends who both love their Uncles so much 🙏🥺

(I have a small hc that Flambaes niece threw a tantrum bc she couldn’t haven’t her birthday party at the prison where Flambae jailed 😂)

Yo imagin, post canon, the two girls deciding to have a joint bday part and what’s the theme?— why their favorite superhero Mecha man of course! Think dark blue and silver paper plates and the girls wearing matching MM shirts

The entire time Flambae and Frostique have been one upping each other but Flambae takes the the win when his “friend” Mecha Man actually drops by to say hello. Uncle Chad is just the coolest uncle ever and his niece is over the moon

Question for poly - if Waterboy gets with him first does he know about everyone else wanting the same? Does he hint that to their dense dispatcher at all maybe? How's the others react? Just curious cause yeah love Waterboy.

Hiii! I’m glad u enjoy my silly lil au!

I honestly think that the moment Robert gets with someone, everyone else immediately backs off (not without some dramatic screaming and wounded prides because seriously??? He chose “insert whoever it is bc it all stings just the same”?!) So while they’re depressed theylle respect it (and get horribly miserably drunk)

love the idea of Robert being not necessarily dense at figuring out everyone likes him (eventually. It’s takes my guy a while to figure out they like him as a person much less like him romantically) but dense in a sense where he thinks that everyone is looking to be exclusive so he can only pick one. He likes all of them but I think it’s doesn’t enter his mind that they are totally down to be a polycule.

Hc that Robert doesn’t pick Water Boy bc he loves him more than the others (that defeats the point of a polycule au 😂) but I do think Robert feels th most comfortable enough to feel vulnerable with him and it ends up with a drunken one night (I have a funny snippet where Roberts wakes up absolutely horrified the morning after bc what in the HR violation did he just do, he’s the worst boss ever and Water boys trying to stutter out that “The- the HR violation was— good! Felt good- I mean it’s not an HR viola- I mean it is, but I — we all kinda do it-“ while making the floor so wet that Robert’s escape attempts end up with him slipping)

Former Site Director Robert Robertson loses the one thing that has kept him safe from anomalous entities— SCP-728 (Also designated as the “Astral Pulse”. ) and gets demoted to another facility.

Led by Site Director Blazer, Robert is now charged of trialing the Pheonix program — a group of SCPs that the foundation believe have the potential to be useful Thaumiels (SCPs that contain / neutralize other dangerous entities) .

Very loose Thoughts rn but:

Robert is very much a regular non powered human.

SCP- 728 / The Astral Pulse appears as a metal bracelet that can snap outward into a full armored/ combat exoshell whenever the wearer is in imminent danger— However every deployment of SCP-728 triggers extreme pain and fatigue. The only reason Robert was authorized to use this was bc his father and grandfather (O5 members) & had passed it down.

Each member is an SCP of course. There will be funny cracky polycule hijinks but I think it would be interesting if the z-team were genuinely dangerous to Robert at first and he had to essentially learn them to survive them.

Will be picking and choosing everyone’s powers on vibes. For example Flambae will be very close to his dispatch power set (controls the fire and the flame and his skin does not burn—) while someone like Coupe is a revised SCP-087 (bc honestly that’s just cool!)

Nonnie I absolutely adore this since my hc of the z-team polycule isn’t very Kumbaya when it comes to Robert’s affections, it’s fucking cutthroat in there, always competing against each other. (Which isn’t to say they don’t also genuinely care for one another nor does it mean different members aren’t also fucking — but it’s very much a violent game of “notice me Dispatcher Senpai”)

This would crank that up to a 100 and they would all be so obnoxious about it. HR violations would be through the roof as they keep accidentally stumbling onto Robert with a “oh so sorry Robert, didn’t see you there, winky face (Sonar verbally says the last part out”. The team is trying to gauge who Robert’s affected by during dispatch. Whose getting he easier calls? Wait! This is Robert what if he’s sending the one he’s under the spell for to the *really* shitty ones because Roberts an unfunny bitch like that?

The whole team just devolves into trying to crack the code but unfortunately they’ve don’t have A good track record of figuring out Robert’s secrets

As for who he saw first, I hc it was flambae.

Oh, uh thank you? For telling me the lore of the other anon. I’m really happy that yall are enjoying fandom in yalls own terms and have yalls own rp server / space to enjoy it.

I’m staring at what I wrote and I hope I don’t sound sarcastic? Bc im not— I too have had times when fandom at large went against my own bottom/ top preferences and went in discord servers to escape that / found like minded friends.