carmen jade

they will contact me asking me to come back, if i’m available for full time. They will offer me more money and only care for my return , not my absence. and so it is. ♡

i am very excited to start getting rid of everything especially me

i’ll never be motivated enough for him i don’t have the drive to be the way he wants me to be and i feel so horribly guilty for that. i’ll always be sad and feel useless and i’m tried of making him put up with that. everytime i try to change i wake up the same person i hate. i just can’t deal with it anymore. i feel nauseous thinking about myself.

i just wish i could be everything he wants and needs. i wish i was more outgoing and confident and successful i wish i was a better gift giver and conversationalist. i wish i was strong for him but i can’t do any of those things . when i try it comes off horribly and i feel so guilty for it. I am happy he will be able to start over with someone who believes in god as much as he does, that’s very important to him. I hope they have everything in order so he’ll feel more secure and stable. I hope he gets all the joy and love i couldn’t provide him. I know he will be so much happier and i’m so appreciative for that