Moriarty's Tiger

Example:

Trump: “Your thighs are fat.” Me: “Fuck you and your fucking wall.”

FAVORITE JOHN BOYEGA MOMENTS - 

John + Shutting Down Foolishness 👊👊👊 (x)

“I looked at him and then I looked at his secretary. who was standing next to me, and I said, ‘Well, sir, if the general pleases, sir, I’ll be happy to do this investigation for you. But you have to know that the first name on the list will be mine.’

“And he kind of was taken aback a bit. And then this woman standing next to me said, ‘Sir, if the general pleases, you must be aware that Sergeant Phelps’s name may be second, but mine will be first.’

“Then I looked at him, and I said, ‘Sir, you’re right. They’re lesbians in the WAC battalion. And if the general is prepared to replace all the file clerks, all the section commanders, all of the drivers—every woman in the WAC detachment—and there were about nine hundred and eighty something of us—then I’ll be happy to make the list. But I think the general should be aware that among those women are the most highly decorated women in the war. There have been no cases of illegal pregnancies. There have been no cases of AWOL. There have been no cases of misconduct. And as a matter of fact, every six months since we’ve been here, sir, the general has awarded us a commendation for meritorious service.’

“And he said, ‘Forget the order.’

“I ask you as both warrior and king, how long do you think you can keep your friend safe from me?” 

(about the dancers in the opening ceremony) ‘Oh, nice new trainers!’

(about the Netherlands) ‘Apparently he has put 1000 euros on himself to win. I hope he doesn’t need the money for tattoo removal because he’s lost it’

(again about Netherlands) ‘Does anyone find these guitarists marginally creepy?’

(about Italy pulling a vegetable out of nowhere) ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know’

(about Israel) ‘It comes with a giant hoop. Sometimes it lights up, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s temperamental like that.’

(about Israel) ‘Well that was tense. All those fireworks and all that hairspray. Never a good idea.’

(about Bulgaria’s outfit) ‘Maybe Bulgaria has poor street lighting. She has invested in some neon knee pads, which are useful for… gardening at night. I don’t know what she gets up to’

(about Germany) ‘There isn’t a single thing about this woman that doesn’t annoy me’

(about Poland) ‘Enjoy that smile.It’ll be the last one you see off him’

(about Australia being in eurovision) ‘One of the best things about Eurovision is that it defies logic. Let’s not try to explain it’

(about Cyprus) ‘From one of the best songs in the competition to… Cyprus. The band is called Minus One… Should probably call it Minus Five, it would be better.’

(about Cyprus) ‘The band are performing in cages. Not sure who is being protected; them or the audience.’

(about Lithuania) ‘Whatever happens, he’s got some new sneakers out of the competition’

(about Croatia) ‘I feel like the backing singers are in some sort of witness protection program’ 

Worst Person Ever