hello :)

I’ve seen this a million times and every time I forget what’s coming

i wrote a song about a tortilla

actually its more of a wrap

Why am i laughing so hard?

THE FUCKING HANDS

fashion designers put a halo and wings on a model and call it an ‘angel’ look. where are the wheels within wheels? the multitudes of staring, glowing eyes? the trumpets of rapture? the bloodied swords? where is the fire, the incomprehensibility? the ear-shattering “do not be afraid” that makes the audience fear god and have prophetic visions? extremely unsexy of the fashion industry to not realise what the viewer really wants

witches and cowboys are the same entity but just separated at night and day.

Could you kindly elaborate on that please

Moonshine is an alcoholic potion brewed by witches and cowboys; “Moon” to represent the Witching Hour, and “Shine” for sunny High Noons.

Beware the Crepuscular Cow-Witch that exists in a quantum state between the two and probably has a large angry steer for a familar lurking nearby.

Please

the most #UselessLesbian thing i have ever done was when i was trying to figure out if this girl liked me or not, just constantly arguing with myself about it, and after a couple, uh, months, of this, i was like, “god i wish i could just like… go to court and lay out all this evidence and have a couple lawyers argue over the TRUE MEANING of her text messages, and then a judge tells me if she likes me or not.” and then the proverbial lightbulb went off over my proverbial head, and i dug into my mock trial folder from high school and found the trial guidelines and i wrote out an entire trial transcript featuring a plaintiff (me), my attorney (my wildest hopes and dreams), a defense attorney (my worst fears and insecurities), and a judge (my desperate attempt at rationality). the final product was several thousand words long. it clarified nothing. at any point in this process did it occur to me to ask her how she felt about me? absolutely not. did i ever stop and think, “hey, maybe i should tell her that i like her?” absolutely not. that’s for people who take risks and i don’t take risks i take myself to court in my own head.

PETA SHUT THE FUCK UP

Let no one ever forget that PETA euthanizes SCORES of animals every year. Let no one ever forget that they kidnapped a little girl’s dog and killed it. Let no one forget that they spend more money on their edgy advertisements than they do actually benefiting the welfare of animals. Let no one forget that they frequently lie and manipulate things to convey a misleading message. Let no one forget that they get off on traumatizing little kids in efforts to scare them away from eating meat. Let no one ever forget that PETA is a fucking shitty organization that does 1000 times more harm than good. Fuck PETA. If you call yourself a lover of animals give your money to literally any other organization. PETA deserves to burn.

Put this in the MOMA

a year later this is still the funniest video on the internet and i can’t even adequately explain why

wow

It’s a perfect blend of several major kinds of comedy: confessional, relatable observation comedy (who hasn’t had someone make an incorrect presumption based on your appearance?), absurdist prop comedy, and character comedy revolving around her looks, voice, and mannerisms. And reclining (almost) out of frame is the perfect button on the skit. It’s comedy genius.