Moonlit Mixtapes

You had been stuck trying to find a way to tell him, let him know how you truly felt. You wanted him badly and couldn’t bear the fact that you had to share him with Eleven. It wasn’t fair to either of the two of you for him to have the other.

So when he drove you out to lovers lake for a picnic you thought he had finally come clean to El. Or at the very least he was cutting things off with you because, to be honest, the closer you had gotten with his friends the harder it was to not tell them. And at least then you would have nothing to tell.

He starts the conversation off simple with school and friends and recent events, and slowly as the day drives on, he gets into deeper topics. His worries about Vecna, the upside down, growing up, things he thinks about late at night as he’s trying to fall asleep.

You have always hated the guard he puts up for everyone but just something about the fact that is able to come down for you makes you forgive it every time. And besides you loved the boy underneath that guard. No matter how many times you’ve tried to deny it, sitting here with him gives you a whole new meaning to the word.

Sometime around dusk it starts to sprinkle down on you and Mike. He takes off his gray bomber jacket and wraps it around your shoulders. A knot forms in your stomach knowing that you’re helping him cheat on Eleven and you almost confront him on it. That is until he has his hand resting on your cheek, brushing your hair behind your ear with that look on his face that makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world.

The rain begins to pour down harder and his curls fall down in front of his eyes.

“We should probably go now.” He smiles.

“Probably.” You sigh.

He stands up and offers you his hand, your shoes filling with water as you join him. You both stay frozen for a moment and look into each other’s eyes, so lovely to be rained on together.

You cup his cheeks and lean in to kiss him when a bolt of lightning flashes across the sky. You reassure yourself that it’s not a sign. And even if it was, would it even change your mind?

He opens the car door for you and walks around to the driver’s side. On the way back to your house you drive past the school and the gym where you kissed for the first time and some hidden voice tells you that you have to tell him how you really feel.

The car pulls into your driveway and you try to stall, not wanting to leave his side.

“You look kinda cute with your hair all wet and messy.” You bash.

“Shut up.” He jokes, shoving you lightly.

“Mike?” You breathe.

“Yeah?” He gazes deep into your eyes.

“I lo-” You start before being cut off by Mike’s lips on yours. He pulls you deeper, grazing his teeth over your bottom lip. He runs his hand over your thigh before slowly pulling away.

All hope you had of stopping this vanished in a breath, “My parents aren’t home.”

Quickly you’re in your bed with Mike sitting underneath you and your shirts thrown somewhere across your floor. He gently runs his fingertips up and down your arms, your breath hitching at every pass, wanting him to touch you like no one else does. And as much as you want to continue further you can’t.

“Mike.” You say sorrowfully, “We can’t do this.”

“What?” He asks.

“This.” You pause, “Us. Not when you’re still with Eleven. I can’t keep doing this to her. She loves you and…so do I. Which is why I need to do this.”

He stays silent for a minute before responding. “I understand.”

Things slow down between the two of you for a while after that. You stop your secret rendezvous entirely and essentially go to the way everyone had been tricked into thinking you were. When you leave your house to go help Lucas with an art project or Dustin with a chemistry lab, you actually go to help them. You almost never see Mike outside of big group hangouts.

There are times when you’ll try to set something up and he’ll pretend to be interested in it. But deep down you know that the morning of he’ll call with some bullshit excuse about having to take care of Holly or investigate some possible connection to Vecna.

After about three weeks his guard is fully back up and your conversations only make it as far as how each other's days have been and how cold it’s been lately even though it’s always cold. You see him walk around in the hallway with the same lost expression that you’d see him with early last year, before everything between you two. You try to wave to him occasionally but he ignores you every time.

In classes he goes from sitting next to you to sitting at a desk almost halfway across the classroom. Group projects you used to do with Mike you now did with Lucas, Will, or Dustin. When you’d sit down at lunch he would go silent unless someone was talking directly to him. It was as if you’d disappeared. And you did, at least in Mike’s eyes.

“We don’t have a crawl tonight, we should go to the pool.” Dustin states, “Who’s in?”

“It’d be nice to be normal for once.” Lucas responds, “I’m down.”

“Me too.” Will adds in.

“Yeah, sounds like fun.” You reply.

“I don’t know guys. I’m pretty tired.” Mike says and you know it’s only because you’re going.

“Come on Mike. We’ve missed you recently.” Lucas begs.

“It won’t be as fun without you.” Dustin chimes in.

“Pretty please.” Will pleads.

“Fine.” Mike scoffs, rolling his eyes, “But only because you asked me so nicely.”

You bike to the pool and end up getting there first. You put your bike down and sit on the curb, waiting for the boys.

Will is second there, his mom dropping him off in her Ford Pinto. Next is Lucas, also on his bike. Then Dustin, in Steve’s precious BMW, getting yelled at about being safe while getting out. And finally Mike arrives in his sister’s car that you know all too well.

The five of you spend around three hours splashing, tackling, and drowning each other. Only briefly stopping when it starts to rain and continuing when Dustin dunks Lucas under the water. And for the next hour you all continue in the rain until a flash of light strikes across the sky.

“Alright everyone, you know the drill. Lightning means get out and go home. Sorry kids.” The lifeguard.

You all get out of the pool, dry off with the public towels, and get changed. You meet the boys at the exit as you all wait for Steve and Ms. Byers.

Steve arrives first with Robin, Nancy, and Johnathan.

“Get in!” He shouts.

“Did you have to bring the whole station?” Dustin asks as he opens the door.

“Well you called right as we were all leaving for the night, so yes.” Steve scoffs.

“Well I was gonna have you take all of us home but I guess that’s off the table.” He says, squeezing into the backseat.

“No shit Henderson. Let’s go.” Steve says, rolling up his window and driving off.

“Can your mom take us home, Will?” Lucas asks.

“Probably.” He tells him.

Short story, he could not. His mom already had Hopper and Eleven so they could take Will and one other person. And Lucas got to the car first so now you were stuck awkwardly alone with Mike.

“Mike?” You muster up the courage, “Could you take me home?”

He’s too kind to say no so you end up in his passenger seat again after being out of it for so long.

It’s a long drive back, at least that’s how it feels right now. The air is stiff and practically palpable. Every once in a while Mike will stop at a red light and sneak a glance over at you and you’ll pretend not to notice then look over at him while he drives.

Somehow you and Steve had always liked the same girls. Well, you would crush on a girl and run around trying to both hide your feelings and confess and the next month she would have Steve’s hand glued in hers at all times.

And the latest in this long ongoing cycle was Nancy Wheeler.

You remember it like it was yesterday, you were hanging out in her basement. Her brother and his friends needed a couple more players for their D&D campaign and somehow Nancy had gotten blackmailed into joining. Which meant that as her closest friend you were obligated to join as well.

Third of December, you arrived at her house in your favorite outfit, a t-shirt that Nancy had complimented once, ages ago, and a pair of blue jeans.

About an hour into the campaign you started to get cold. Nancy noticed your shivering and offered to grab you a sweater. You told her you were fine and that she didn’t need to do that but she completely ignored you.

As she disappeared up to fetch you something you could smell the sweet scent of her flowery perfume waft away, leaving you with the BO of the group of four eleven-year-old boys.

“Great, now we have to pause the campaign.” Mike sighed dramatically, “I hope you’re happy.”

“I don’t think three minutes is going to be that big of a deal.” You scoffed.

“It better not be.” He scowled.

You could feel your heart melt as you saw her walk down the stairs holding an oversized, sky blue sweater that she didn’t even let other people touch.

“I hope this works.” She blushed as she handed it to you.

“It’s perfect. Thank you.” You smiled.

“No problem.” She replied.

“Let’s get back to the game already.” Mike rolled his eyes.

You spent the rest of the night overthinking everything you’d believed up until that point. She could have picked any other sweater but she didn’t, she gave you her favorite one. And that had to mean something.

You probably spent more time thinking about her than the game that night. Looking over at any chance you got. She could probably tell but on some level you wanted her to.

By about nine o’clock, Mrs. Wheeler told you all to wrap it up and head home. The boys all whined about wanting an extra fifteen minutes to finish a fight you didn’t even realize was happening but she stood her ground firmly.

Nancy walked you to the door and gave you a hug goodbye. You went to take the sweater off to give it back to her when she stopped you.

“It’s cold, you should keep it on so you don’t freeze.” She told you.

“I’ll be okay.” You tried to convince her.

“I insist.” She said, “If you really want to give it back, I’ll get it from you at school.”

“But Nance-” You argued before getting cut off.

“It looks better on you anyway.” She bashed and that was enough for you to give in.

“Fine.” You surrendered, hoping that she wouldn’t see the red that flushed your face. Only if she knew just how much you liked her.

And now here you were, January tenth, over a month since you had her sweater. You walk into school, look across the hallway, and see what could possibly be the worst sight you could bear to see.

Steve Harrington in a very familiar looking sky blue sweater. Nancy’s sweater.

While it was oversized on her, it fit him perfectly. You wish you could say something bad about the way it looked on him but he could be wearing a trash bag and somehow still pull it off. He could have any girl he wanted. And right now he wanted Nancy, your six-year-long crush Nancy.

You try to walk by them unnoticed but Nancy calls you over. She starts asking you about your plans for after school and while you tell her about going to the lake, Steve wraps his arm around her shoulder.

The bell rings and you and Nancy go to leave for class. Before you go, however, Steve kisses her on the forehead and some invisible knife hacks away at your stomach.

“So I was thinking that maybe-” You say turning to leave. You get a few steps down the hall before you realize that Nancy isn’t with you. Turn back and see her, starry eyed as she watches Steve walk away. It’s a gut-wrenching sight for your sore as you watch hers, brighter than a blue sky.

He rounds the corner and Nancy joins you on your walk to class. You want to hate him so badly. His perfect hair, his shining smile, his flawless charisma. But how could you hate such an angel? Everyone loves him, it was just a matter of time, you guess, until Nancy did too.

He’s everything you aren’t. You can’t even imagine how you thought she could ever like you. You spent every class all day wondering why she would ever kiss you. You’re not even half as pretty as the man she chose.

You want his effortless hair, want to have his style that everyone envies, want to smell like his cologne. You want to do everything like him. Cause everyone calls him perfect, and why wouldn’t they, he obviously is.

And later that night when Nancy ‘had to study’ you went to ask Chrissy Cunninghamm if she wanted to hang out.

Throughout the night, one thing leads to another and you end up on the conversation of crushes. Chrissy confesses that she has a secret crush on Eddie Munson and rambles on for almost an hour about every little interaction she has ever had with him. You don’t mind though as Chrissy can’t really share stuff like crushing on a metalhead punk with her cheerleader friends. Plus as long as she talks about Eddie, she won’t ask about your crush.

But you can’t keep the conversation off of you forever and eventually she asks you, “Soooo, who do you like?”

“Oh no one really.” You lie through your teeth.

“Come on. Don’t you trust me?” Chrissy asks.

“Of course I do.” You sigh, “Sh-He’s dating someone.”

“Oh.”

“I wish I could kiss…her to know why he loves her.”

She gave him her favorite sweater and you know it’s just polyester but she likes him better.

It had been months since you and Mike had first started whatever it was between you two. Yes he had a girlfriend, yes he told you that you had to keep things secret, and yes you agreed. But over those months you’d grown more and more close to him.

The way he’d pull you into empty classrooms as you walked alone down the halls. The way he’d hold your hand under tables at dinners. The way he’d whisper his deepest thoughts for only you to hear late at night. The way he’d call you and say your codeword to come over.

“I was just getting myself a PB&J.” And just like that you’d suddenly remember that you promised to help Will with his math homework or Lucas with a science project, or Dustin with an essay he was really struggling with.

You’d run out before any follow up questions or protests could be said, put your hood over your head, hop on your bike, and sneak your way through his bedroom window. He’d be waiting on his bed, flipping through some comic book, and playing it casual when you opened his window.

You’d both play it cool for a minute before you’d give in and kiss him until you run out of breath. He’d let down his facade and for those precious few hours you’d find something true and real.

At least that’s what was supposed to happen. What had been your unspoken deal since the sophomore year homecoming when you found him sitting alone as everyone else danced.

After everything that happened with Vecna, El and Hopper decided it was best that she stayed away from things like school dances. So Mike was left by himself as Dustin spent his whole night with Suzie, Lucas in the hospital, and Will with his overprotective mother.

You saw Mike’s frown and decided to ask him to dance, as a friend, at least at first.

But as Take On Me faded into Time After Time something shifted between the two of you. He offered you his hand and started to sway the two of you back and forth. It might have been the music or the atmosphere but something in that moment made you see him in a new way. And a glint in his eyes made you think that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same.

Before you knew it, you started to lean in. You knew it was wrong, he had a girlfriend and loved her deeply. But before you could stop yourself, he was meeting you in the middle, soft lips barely grazing over yours.

By the end of the night it had been cemented. You were head over heels for Mike Wheeler.

So when you get the familiar call that afternoon and hear, “Small change of plans,” a pit forms in your stomach. “Holly got sick so Nancy’s staying home to take care of her.”

“Oh, okay.”

“But I still want to see you.”

“I want to see you too.”

“Meet me in the parking lot outside Starcourt. No one ever goes there since it got destroyed. Bye.”

“By-”

You hate having to keep everything you feel for him secret. It was already bad when you were sneaking through his window but now you’re meeting him in his sister’s car outside an abandoned mall.

You look in the mirror at the godforsaken mess he made you. You wish you were strong enough to break it off, to admit to him and yourself that you deserve better. But you think it all while putting on your favorite flowery blouse and jean shorts. You consider finally wearing your vanilla scented perfume, the one you picked out months ago, the night after he invited you to come get pizza with him and his friends. You open the cap and put your hand on the pump before you repeat the same process you went through the first time he invited you over. Going back and forth on whether or not it’s worth it to risk getting caught. And it isn’t, it never is. At least not to him.

You grab your bike and ride straight to the mall barely even stopping for traffic lights. And when you get there you see it, his sister’s station wagon, parked in the middle of the empty lot.

You set your bike down and walk toward the car. As you walk, it echoes through your mind that you deserve better. But you don’t want better, you want Michael Joseph Wheeler. You want a boy that can never belong to you. He belongs to El, a girl you’ve never met but Mike describes as a light in the coldest dark. If anything you should stop for her. But can you? Your breath hitches as you reach for the handle and tell yourself you can always stop.

“Hey baby.” He says as you climb into the passenger seat and you just want to scream at him to not call you baby, not while you’re stuck as his other woman.

“Hey Mike.” You sigh. He puts his hand on your cheek and you melt into his touch. He leans in and brings his lips to yours. You entirely forget about the world outside the car. Nothing else is important anymore. Not when he’s got your cheek in his hand and you’ve got his tongue in your mouth.

“Mike?” He pauses and pulls back.

“What? Is something wrong?” You want to tell him, you have every intention to, truly. But the second he asks, with a tone halfway between sad and scared, you abandon all your intentions. You’re an idiotic fool for him, no matter how many longing stares you send each other across a room, you’re just his friend, and no matter how many illicit affairs the two of you have, he’s still in love with someone else.

“I just wanted to say that you,” You try to look away from his puppy dog eyes, “you, you smell really nice.”

You let out a soft sigh, smaller than he can notice. “Thank you?”

“Yeah.” You whisper, his lips returning to yours.