sorry about my lack of activity over the last few days. ive been really busy and haven’t been feeling that good at all.
so over this past weekend, ive been going through certification programs to get training for my new job. thats been fun, but i realized i really dont like the job im going to do, but i cant back out now.
then there was yesterday
yesterday, me, my boyfriend and two of our friends went to the pool. kinda a double date sort of thing. while we were in the steam room, one of our friends bursted in and said the pool needed to be evacuated because someone had drowned. now, i have my EMR and my lifeguarding certifications. i should have gone and help, but as soon as i went out and saw this kid getting chest compressions from across the way and as soon as i heard the lifeguard screaming for help, my legs went numb.
i couldn’t move and i couldn’t do anything. six lifeguards eventually were there to help and the pool was cleared of everyone and the paramedics arrived. i couldnt make myself move or do anything. i found out as i was leaving that the kid was dead.
my boyfriend went into shock. i spent last night trying to get him to normalize, and repressed how guilty i was feeling. i still feel utterly sick and disgusted with myself and i dont think im gonna be alright for a while. ill try to get my replies out sometime soon, though, i owe you guys that.
im really sorry for my inactivity.









