私の日記/ Diaryo/ Talaarawan

“So, what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow.” — Rainbow Rowell, Attachments

You’ll be walking down the street, or scrolling aimlessly through your phone, or even eating your favorite meal or talking to your favorite person and you’ll think to yourself “life is good. I’m happy. Nothing could ever make me sad again if I can just be right where I am right now all the time”.

The world listens.

And suddenly, you are repeating that very exact day over and over and over.

At first you feel relaxed. You feel like you have all the time in the world to be as great as you’ve always wanted to be. You may now reconnect with your long lost friends. You may watch that long list of movies you’ve always wanted to watch. You may pick up cooking and baking again. You can do anything, literally anything and that is when it hits you.

You realize that it was never the lack of time or the world’s pressure that pinned you to your bed every morning and didn’t let you move.

It was you.

Little sad you.

Consumed by the fear of ever doing anything or accomplishing anything cause you know you’ll fail. You know you’re just not special enough. Talented enough. Smart enough. You see all these people moving on with their lives in the most creative ways from the comfort of their homes, while you sit still like you always have chained by your own unworthiness.