moneymakerbootyshaker

There she was, elegantly looking out the window, the sun kissing her skin with a radiance I have yet to see elsewhere. I saw that she was pouring a mixture into the pan, I heard it sizzle instantly. A brief moment later the savoury smell of spiced onions and tomatoes filled my nostrils. Now is the time. I stepped loudly into the kitchen so her attention would get drawn to me, I got on one knee…

Ah yes, the metropolitan area, full of buildings and grime. As a simple cotton farmer from the deep country, I found this all a bit overwhelming, I just wanted to go back home and eat some buttered bread. Speaking of which, I was hungry, I haven’t eaten since I woke up that morning. I went up to a convenience store and got one of those candy bars. I wolfed it down then and there and began making…

Ever heard of the Guatemalan antidote for tiger bites? Well I have, and I didn’t just hear of it, I experienced it. Picture this: there I was, a lanky English photographer roughing it out with the locals, trying to get a shot of a tiger cub up close, when it spotted the shiny camera lens and “investigated” this peculiar object. By that I mean that it swiped first at the camera then at my face.…

It feels odd sometimes, being an englishman in Greece. The culture shock itself if enough to send my mind buzzing, and the rich history has left me feeling quite elated. As I sat there, eating a local snack of cucumbers and yoghurt, I looked out my veranda and saw all the people. Some fully clothed, others half naked and even a few who were burnt so much that they looked like grit. They told me…

The thing with interplanetary travel is this: there’s no use trying to visualize what you’ll see, because it always, without fail, turns out to be nothing you ever saw before. Humans’ imagination can only mix and match things it already saw, creativity is nothing more than jumbled up memories, and I have come to accept that. Even then, when we entered Callisto’s atmosphere and saw the aurora of…

Well I guess this is it, this is what havings kids is like. I’m currently watching my 2 year old son rollimg around in a puddle of mud by the side of the street, after dropping his ice cream of course. This reminds me of a drug addict friend I had, who once rolled around in a puddle of mud on the side of the street, though he didn’t drop any ice cream before that. He dropped his baby daughter.…

Making slow, painful progress through the biting wind, my will to live started to really take a dive since I got here. The plains of Mongolia are barren and harsh, so you could imagine my surprise when I saw a little girl guiding her ox some hundred feet in front of me. As I got closer, I could see her body language was that of a person taking their dog for a walk on a lazy Sunday, nothing about…

She wasn’t the most noble of people, choosing to put up a façade of goodwill and happiness over her manic soul. This, while considerate to the majority of people she interacted with, is unfair to those who loved her, never seeing her true self. I for one loved her for all her quirks, from her iridocyclitic eyes to her unusual fascination with shoestrings. It’s not the apparent things in a person…

I stepped into the room, a quaint little alcove within the monstrous house engulfing it. I studied the shiny floorboards, the heavily padded leather chairs and even the wallpaper which started to fade away its colors at the corners, but nothing grabbed my attention. I started towards the door on the other side of the room and, just as I held the door knob, the telltale click of a gun’s safety…

No one ever told me that the desert would be so…. Deserted. My company shipped me off here to determine the optimum location for our solar panel array. They gave me 5 months to study the place and come up with a location, but being the lazy sloth I am, I took 5 seconds to determine that right where I stood was a good location. My office is a portocabin and I could only bring a few amenities with…

I entered the mud hut and sat opposite the tribe’s chief, his raw and rugged face unwavering like the mountains outside. He’s a man of few words, and fewer emotions. But, me being the deipnosophist I am, I started to engage him in conversation. This soon turned into a monolog as I noticed he simply would not reply, apparently finding a beetle crawling on the floor between us to be more…

This lecture is so mind-numbingly boring I started drawing fascination from the walls, the tiles and the piece of tissue stuck to this girl’s dress. At first I paid it no attention, but then I found myself incapable of thinking of anything else but that tissue, it just wasn’t in the right place. How dare she take up so much of my thoughts by sticking that tissue to her clothes? She must have done…

Here I am, in the dusty planes of the Australian outback. As a professor in anthropology I sort of knew I’d be travelling all over the world, sifting through the remains of older civilizations in the hopes of understanding their communities. I started digging when I heard clicking sounds, I turn to face the source and see five menacing aboriginal tribesmen staring at me. This is exciting, I can…

My heart is thumping. My clothes drenched in sweat and mud. I look to the people around me in the locker room, beyond fatigue. Their faces tell stories of exertion both physical as well as mental. The one closest to my right collapses, emits a slightly guttural sound then lays quiet. Summer work has taken its toll. I painfully walk to him to slap his face, I would splash it with water but we’re…

Working in a Chinese sweatshop teaches you things, firstly that capitalism is amazing so long as you’re a CEO of a major corporation. Secondly, like the division of classes in India, if you’re not a CEO, then you’re either homeless or tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Would you believe that democracy brought this? People, common people, voted for this economic system. They have no idea how…

Ah yes, the Cotswold Meadows. Lush green grass and the cacophony of the melodies made by the wind passing around the trees. I could see what look like Jersey cows off in the distance, and I could tell they’d make great steaks served eith their own butter. Suddenly the ground rips open and a giant octopus emerges, black with pink vascular veins. What makes it all the more bewildering is the fact…

This professor honestly believes that we have the faintest clue what he’s talking about. I try to think of something, anything to rest my mind from this, but his voice is too loud and resounding to block out even by the most avid daydreamer. “… And as the cricondentherm value decreases along the manifold’s intake plenum, the specific heat… ” I never wanted to study this, all I ever wanted was to…