monetember

“We need a family meeting,” James announced loudly, gesturing wildly to Sirius and Remus and they walked in the dorm room.

Remus groaned. “Wish you wouldn’t call it that,” he said, dumping his bag on his bed and joining James and Peter in a little circle on the floor. “Makes it extra weird that Sirius and I are dating.”

“Eh, well, I mean, with my family’s history, I’m just living up to expectations, aren’t I? If my boyfriend’s also related to me?” Sirius chuckled, moving to sit next to Remus

“Gonna be ex-boyfriend in a moment,” Remus grumbled, but he was chuckling under his breath.

“Can we focus? I need you lot to look at this,” James demanded, voice businesslike as he brandished a letter for the three others to look at.

Peter, Sirius, and Remus all leaned over the parchment, only for Sirius to recoil almost immediately. “Urgh! Is this from Reg? Merlin, there’d better not be anything gross in there!”

“There’s not! Not that bad!” James whined, narrowing his eyes. “Plus, it’s the first bit I need you all to look at! Look!” He pointed to the first line. “‘Dear, James.’ What in the bloody hell is that?” he asked, jabbing his finger at the punctuation.

“Well that, dear Prongs, is a comma,” Remus said mildly, rolling his eyes.

The look James threw him was murderous. “But there! Does it not imply that he’s not just addressing the letter to me but he’s saying I’m dear to him? Like–like, he likes me? As more than a friend?”

Three pairs of slightly incredulous eyes stared at him.

“Listen, mate, I’ll give you the fact that it’s a bit odd for Reggie to be so formal in a letter, and it freaks all of us out that he voluntarily spends time with you, but I feel like you’re reading a little into it–” Sirius began, gentle voice wavering with humor.

“But he put the comma after dear!” James exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

“I mean…yeah,” Remus murmured, clearly unconvinced.

“Could be,” Peter nodded, also obviously underwhelmed. 

“You’ll see. You’ll all see!” the Gryffindor said wildly, tucking the letter into his shirt pocket.

–

Earlier that day…

“Hm. Comma after dear?” Pandora asked slyly, looking over Regulus’s shoulder as he wrote. 

The Slytherin turned bright red, refusing to look up from his letter. “Fuck off. It’s not like he’ll know the difference.”

Barty, holding James’s notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

James: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Regulus had seen some pretty gruesome things in his life. Being raised by Orion and Walburga was no walk in the park, after all, and he’d met enough questionable people at a young age to know far too much about how violence looked. 

He knew, for example, how blood spattered when flying off of knuckles. He knew how bones sounded when they broke. He knew what real screams of pain sounded like.

But watching Evan Rosier–quiet, socially awkward, slightly offputting, tall-and-gangly, pierced-and-tatted Evan Rosier–tackle someone to the ground and connect his fist to their jaw with no hesitation was…something.

“Fuck,” Regulus winced, turning away as he heard Evan snarl, ‘Don’t you dare say that about Barty ever again,’ while landing a punch with every word. “He’s…mad, eh?”

“He’s…” Barty, who was watching in awe, paused. “Gods, have you ever noticed how pretty he is?”

He cautiously slips off his shoes, leaving them by the door. (A rule in place by Barty of all people.) The apartment was dark, the only light emitting from the small overhead light above their stove. The yellowing buzzy light illuminates a clear plastic bag of devoured Chinese take out. Styrofoam boxes with little remnants of soy sauce, and chopped green onion, and empty rice boxes. In the chaos of the bag he notices a sticky note pressed against it. Immediately Evan's gentle scrawl and Barty's chicken scratch is easily recognized.

"Reggie, yours is in the fridge." Evan's loopy handwriting explained. "Didn't feel like cooking." Barty's scribble, hastily written, he notes. Regulus sighs. Abandoning the clue to the hunt of his chaos incarnates on the stove top.

From the kitchen he's able to peer down the short hall of bedrooms and their shared bathroom. A gentle light illuminates from their shared bedroom. Eerily quiet for only nine pm. He tip toes down the hall, ignoring the crack his toes make as he does. Regulus peeks into the crack, from there he's able to get a clear view of their bed.

What he sees- well he can't help the warmth that floods him at the sight. Evan leaned against their headboard, legs stretched out under the blanket. A mug sits on the bed side table. Small, a cursive E printed to the side of it. Barty gifted it to him one Christmas. Regulus remembers the smell of the apartment when he walked in. Mint tea, surely cold by now. His kindle in one hand, carefully balancing as he scrolls through their book. His other hand is occupied gently scratching at Barty's scalp. Barty is curled up under the covers, his body splayed horizontally across the bed. His eyes lidded as he stares up, listening to the soft drone of Evan's voice.

Melodic as he reads to a sleepy Barty. Evan finishes up a paragraph, and looks fondly down at Barty who stares up at him with a love sick smile. Evan places the kindle down on their bedside before he whispers down at Barty, an ask to move if the sleepy shift of his head has to do with anything. As Barty moves, Evan slides down the head board. He lays down on the pillow and Barty latches onto him. His head shoved into the crook of Evan's neck. Neither of them notice Regulus who watches them at the door.

ONLY PERSON NOT MAD IS BARTY. lily who already is like “yeah this guy sucks but unfortunately i like him” realises just how scummy he is. petunia wants to kill hook because this is just another thing that’s her sister’s that was only hers temporarily. she didn’t even know barty KNEW lily at first and now she wants to kill him. and barty’s like lol i didn’t know youse were related like. and he truly didn’t! he thought petunia was interesting and funny all on her own in a way that’s totally different from lily. the first time he hears someone call her tuney he goes what are you a turnip like? and she gets so mad she’s half a thought away from biting him.

when he gets back with lily petunia is worse to lily because she’s dealing with her whole thing and he’s like lily you don’t have to take this she’s just mad about vernon. and it’s lily: (remembering he had a situationship with her SISTER) let’s stop talking for a week again.

“Aw, c’mon, guys! Give it a chance! Imagine if you two got married someday?” Sirius whined, eyes wide and pleading. “We’d all be related!”

“I’m already sad enough to be related to you. Plus, I’d rather die than marry him,” Regulus said flatly, narrowing his eyes and looking at James, who chuckled and rolled his eyes. “He’s obnoxious, Sirius. And he’s got all the smarts of a flobberworm. No offense, of course, Potter.”

“None taken, dear Reggie. It’s okay to be secretly threatened by me. I take it as a compliment,” the taller man grinned, making Regulus grimace.

“But the tension, guys! It’s so bloody obvious!” Sirius continued, gesturing between the two men, “And opposites attract, I mean, look at me and Remus! You two are perfect for each other!”

“I still question Remus’s tastes on that one,” Regulus muttered under his breath while Remus laughed. “But if you insist, Sirius, look–” He stood, strode over to James, and grabbed his jaw with one hand, connecting their lips before the other man could protest.

For one breathtaking second, he was floating. All he could feel was James. Their breath, intermingling. His tongue, trailing lightly on his lower lip. His presence, so close, but far too far away. All he wanted to do was climb on top of him and melt into his arms.

Then, he pulled away.

“Nothing,” James said triumphantly, grinning and crossing his arms.

“Same,” Regulus agreed, crossing his arms as well, fighting to regulate his breathing.

“You two are such idiots!” Sirius exclaimed, looking like he might actually throw a fit. “You’ll see someday! I’m right!”

It was only after he stormed out that both Regulus and James relaxed, arms falling to their sides, and Remus whispered, “So you still haven’t told him yet? Gods, how long have you two been dating, now?”

May 12 - Words: 353 - Meaning @wolfstarmicrofic

・❥・Meaning didn’t always come in answers. Sometimes, it came in the quiet persistence of showing up.

The kettle whistled. Sharp, shrill. A sound that tugged Remus back from the memory he hadn’t realized he’d been drowning in.

He turned it off quickly, the silence that followed almost too loud.

The flat was small - bare walls, mismatched furniture, secondhand everything. But it was theirs. For now. The war was already creeping in, too close for comfort, but they had carved out a pocket of normal. Of quiet.

Sirius lounged on the sofa with his boots still on, a mess of ink-stained parchment across his chest like some ridiculous armor of unfinished Order reports. He looked exhausted.

Remus handed him a mug of tea, one without sugar because Sirius always forgot he liked it bitter.

Sirius took it without a word, fingers brushing his.

“Alright, who took it?” James demanded, crossing his arms and staring around at his roommates. “This is the fifth time this week it’s disappeared.”

Three pairs of eyes stared back at him.

“You can only lose your virginity once, mate, but I promise none of us took it from you,” Sirius replied sarcastically from where he was curled up with Remus in his bed.

“Not that, you prat,” James rolled his eyes, throwing a jumper in his friend’s direction. “My Quidditch jersey. Just because you all get off on the attention of wearing it around the castle–”

“Oi, I haven’t stolen it since last year!” Sirius interrupted. “I’m a married man now, Prongs, I’m not trying to get any girls to look my way.”

“Sirius, we’re not married,” Remus said tiredly from next to his boyfriend. “And I’ve never taken it for the record, James.”

“Pete?” James asked, turning to the shortest of the boys.

“Nah, mate, I swear! Last time I took it was two months ago, to impress Stevens, remember? Told her I was a reserve Seeker,” Peter chuckled.

“Then where the hell…?” James mumbled, but nobody seemed to have an answer.

It wasn’t until breakfast that they figured it out.

Regulus Black, prominent cheekbones pink, but expression indifferent, walked into the Great Hall to loud murmurs, the red jersey he wore very visible against his housemates’ black and green wardrobe.

“What…the fuck,” Sirius mumbled, eyes wide. “I thought you two were keeping it a secret?”

“Only because he wanted to,” James replied softly, smiling so wide his jaw ached. “Guess he changed his mind.”

James met Regulus’s eye, and for a moment, the murmurs dulled. Regulus raised an eyebrow at him and smirked just slightly, as if asking him what he was going to do about this.

any money that you spend on jkr’s IP could legitimately be used to fund transphobia through her donations to anti-trans charities.

you may consider yourself anti-transphobia, but by voting with the money in your pocket, you show where your true affiliations lie. you show whether or not you value your entertainment over trans lives.

supporting jkr in a ‘marauders way’ or an ‘atyd way’ means nothing when that money all just ends up in her pocket.

so please. you don’t need a reboot. you don’t need a marauders series. you don’t need that official hp merch.

there’s a whole world of free fan created content out there to explore. enough for a lifetime.

one day he gets dared to crash a wedding and oppose it, pretending to be in love with either the groom or the bride.

and even though his editor (and bestest friend) remus told him that that's fucking insane, james still chose to do it bc he's a menace. but he does promise to cut it all off if things get messy.

james gets everything ready and, after stalking some of his old school classmates, he finds that one of them is attending a wedding (it's mulciber, who james remembers to despise back then, so it's a win-win situation), which means his plan is all set.

by fate, and fate only, this wedding is regulus' and some girl's his parents chose for him (and mulciber was invited bc his family is very close to the black's)

and obviously, this is a clear forced marriage, regulus would rather kill himself than marry a girl, he's as gay as they come.

[for sake of the plot, sirius and james don't know each other at all, didn't go to school together either, and sirius didn't run away and is also livid with his parents for marrying reg off, but there wasn't anything he could do]

so! prank day, james is live the moment he, very dramatically, stands up and proclaims his love for this.... regulus guy, and how he knows he promised to not come but he just couldn't handle the thought of the love of his life being married to someone else (his followers thought he was going to claim to love the bride, but james found the groom way too cute and he just couldn't hold himself back, he's just a guy)

the 30 seconds of pure silence and shock that follow are almost enough to make james break character and start laughing like crazy.

regulus, who's flabbergasted by the way, knows immediately that it's a prank. however, this might as well be a sign of the gods, because, what are the chances that this (very handsome) random man, chose HIS wedding out of all, and targeted HIM to be the one he "loves"? way to many coincidences.

also, did he mention the dude is unbelievably fit?

he makes a choice right there.

using all his acting abilities, he makes a whole scene tearing up and running to him. it's so well done, james for a second believes they are actual lovers.

hell breaks at that moment, walburga goes absolutely nuts along with orion and their side of the family. the bride's family start a fight, and between the commotion regulus sees his brother laughing maniacally after their mother yells at regulus to stop playing games or he will get disowned.

james, who thinks that this is now along the lines of things getting messy, is about to announce it's all a prank, when regulus sees right through him, panics, and just whispers "im going to kiss you now, sorry" before snogging the life out of him.

remus, who's the camera guy, cuts the live right there.

james, oh james, he doesn't quite hear the screech walburga lets out because this backfired so bad, but jesus chirst can this regulus kiss. this is love at first sight. love at first prank, if you may.

regulus knowing stuff is about to get bad, just grabs james' hand and runs for it. james just follows, he's dizzy. remus also follows because he's NOT getting involved in all that, he's actually quitting james.

sirius follows too, if his little brother is finally disowned, there's no reason to stay, thank you very much.

anyways, this whole idea was just because i want james followers to see his channel thumbnails going:

CRASHING A RANDOM WEDDING 💍 PRANK #56

to

how i met the love of my life ; Q&A

and

REG AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED (im sealing all entries so no-one can crash it) — VLOG