me: i cant move, a cute animal is asleep on me
person: push it off
me: [enraged and offended]
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@mollielollipop
me: i cant move, a cute animal is asleep on me
person: push it off
me: [enraged and offended]

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I saw a video of a white lady in a group at a park that was closed get arrested after saying “arrest me then”. Somebody commented that she’s going to tell everyone she’s the next Rosa Parks 😂
Professor X: what’s your super power?
Me: hindsight
Professor X: that’s not going to help us
Me: yes I see that now
Hey Jeff, that’s an absolute spectacular joke
Great dad. A+ for trauma.
as a welsh person i want you all to accept that W is a vowel because honestly it makes pronouncing acronyms so much easier. wlw becomes ‘ooloo’, wjec becomes ‘oojeck’, love yourselves and stop giving us shit when we tell you welsh has 7 vowels. english actually has 15 vowel sounds but because y’all only use 5 letters you have to rely on a spelling system devised by satan
and please, enough with the “keyboard smashing” jokes. not original, not funny.
“ #okay but can any of y'all even pronounce your own town names tho? #bye”
yeah, we can actually because the spelling is phonetic. meanwhile english folks have placenames like bicester or keighley or beaulieu, which you have to learn the pronunciation for individually because the rules are so inconsistent. i mean people can’t even agree how to pronounce marylebone but sure welsh place names are the weird ones
“#But are you aware your language literally looks like a potato rolled across a keyboard”
fun fact: for decades children were beaten for speaking welsh in school, even in areas where english was barely spoken, because the government decided in 1847 that the language made people lazy and immoral
fun fact: welsh orthography is actually easy to read if you take your head out of your arse for one minute and learn our alphabet - just like french, or spanish, or korean, because surprise! languages use different spelling systems that are not based on english. novel, i know - and in the 18th century, travelling schools were able to teach people to read and write welsh in a matter of months, so that wales enjoyed a literate majority, a rare thing in europe at the time
fun fact: the english have been taking the piss out of welsh for years, just like they’ve been doing for irish, and scots gaelic, and cornish, and british sign language, and a hundred and one other languages, because evidently the fact that the whole world isn’t anglophone and monocultured and Still Part Of The Empire is a problem, and something that needs to be corrected

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truer words have never been spoken
I detected 0 lies in this post🤷🏾♂️
This format will never get old
I love it when ideas serve people and solve problems
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
WHEELCHAIR MOTORCYCLE!!!! :D
She’s living in 3020.
That is absolutely awesome, and there’s even space for her dog!

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I’ve literally never EVER been gayer
Neither has the girl watching
Owner asks dogs to hide because customer is scared of dogs
(via)
Translation
[Three dogs are sleeping on a welcome mat of a shop of some kind. A cat is nestled in between them.]
Owner: Customers are coming. They’re scared of dogs. Hurry up. Customers are coming.
[Dogs slowly get up and walk off to the back in single file. Cat remains on the front step. Just before the last dog enters the back room, the owner calls out again.]
Owner: Teng (Dog’s name), go get Xiao Bao (Cat’s name) too. Go fetch Xiao Bao
[Dog turns back to the entrance and gently drags the clearly reluctant cat back inside. The owner speaks softly as the dog approaches the camera]
Owner (softly): All right, put (the cat) down.
[The owner gives what looks like dried jerky to the dog]
Owner: Let Xiao Bao eat some. Let Xiao Bao eat some.
[The dog takes the jerky and lowers his head so that the cat can nibble on the other end]
What amazing good babies
Xiao Bao: She said dogs. I’m not a dog. Why should I move? *seconds later* Oh, a treat. Ok, then.

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This satire was made 20 years ago.
Old school Madtv was spot on
Omg
https://twitter.com/kingvader/status/1240720130415316993