mold nation

“And how’s that going for you?” Saki asks, a cruel hint to his tone. He doesn’t mean to be so harsh with Emrys, but there’s a bitterness that’s been cultivated by years of feeling sorry for himself, and he doesn’t have the stomach to swallow it. Instead, Saki licks his lips and adds, “Is California everything you dreamed it would be?” He can’t imagine that it is. Saki thinks that it is probably like every other place that Emrys has visited, still just as nausea inducing as the one before. The change of scenery might have given him a good few weeks of forgetting, but the past probably started eating at him soon after, never satisfied by the chunks it’s already taken out of them.

Emrys lifts Saki’s palm to press his lips to it and Saki looks at him helplessly, unsure if he wants to cup his hand to Emrys’s cheek or scratch at him until he lets go. It was always complicated between them, but now it’s different. Worse. Saki pulls his hand from Emrys’s grip and places it in his lap gently, curling his fingers inward, trapping Emrys’s kiss in his hold. “But were you hoping to find me? Be honest.”

"Do you want me to have been looking for you?" Emrys asks at last, unusually somber. Everything between them feels raw, and it's so unfamiliar that Emrys has no idea how to navigate it. He doesn't know what the right thing to say is.

"Truthfully, I don't know. When I decided to come here, I wanted to be as far away from everything as I could. Subconsciously it might've been because of you. I don't know anymore." It's the truth, as bland and uninteresting as it is. He didn't decide to go out and find Saki, but he doesn't think California would ever have occurred to him if he didn't know that Saki was here.

Saki had been properly invited to this party, but he never bothered seeking out the boy that had told him to show up after eight and ask for him by name. He was cute in the sort of boy-next-door way, but not really Saki’s type. In fact, most of the men that he manages a conversation with are disappointing. Saki shakes off someone’s elbow after a dance with them and retires to the corner, nursing another beer.

Emrys swallows, then drags his eyes away from the exposed skin of the other man's chest and focuses instead on his face. There's a curious, almost cold expression on his face, as though he's waiting for the best way to make Emrys regret his words. If he's being honest, he doesn't regret anything so long as it keeps this guy's attention on him. "I shouldn't have stared. Or said that. You look really good."

When Saki left for California, he didn’t expect the trip to end up with him back on Emrys’s shitty mattress. Whatever had been between them, however briefly, was meant to be abandoned back in Texas. He followed his family back to California thinking that if he ran far enough, nothing from that place could follow him. Then, two years later, Saki walked into a random bar and found Emrys behind the counter, topping off someone’s martini with an olive. If Emrys hadn’t noticed him seconds later, Saki would have found another, much worse bar to spend his evening at.

Instead, Emrys hauled him into a booth and talked until Saki found himself back here, half-clothed on Emrys’s bed, knees pulled up to his chest. He rests his head on them, watching as Emrys runs a few fingers over the length of his thigh, awestruck. It isn’t the act that has Emrys amazed into silence, though; they’ve done that before. It’s the fact that Saki is here at all, he imagines.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” Emrys tells him, rustling the sheets as he reaches up to thumb at Saki’s cheek, marveling at the ability to do so. It should make Saki preen, the fact that Emrys is so subdued by the sight of him, but it just makes Saki feel nauseous. If Emrys has found Saki here, miles away, then what’s to say that worse won’t follow? 

It didn't work. The nightmares kept up.

He fled to California in the hopes that a change of scenery would make him less miserable.

"I wanted not to know anyone. I've been..." Emrys trails off, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've been doing really bad. I just wanted to be somewhere where no one would know anything about what happened." He hadn't meant to find Saki, really. He'd known that he was in California with his family, but he didn't think they'd run into each other. It's a big state.

Emrys kisses Saki's palm, a gesture far too intimate for what they are to each other. He's under no illusions about them having any sort of grand romance, but now that they've reconnected he can't stop touching him. "I wasn't trying to find you specifically or anything, promise."

Saki gnashes his teeth at the remark, irritation prickling like a bad headache. If he weren’t so sore or so bruised, he might kick Emrys, just to watch him look stung. Instead, Saki glares at the back of Emrys’s head as the other man fiddles with a silver-doored barricade until it finally relents and gives way, clearing a path for the two of them. Emrys moves to crawl through it, but Saki catches him by the back of his shirt, fist curling into the fabric to keep Emrys in place. 

He’s gnawing at his bottom lip when he admits, “I’m scared, Emrys.” Saki regrets it almost immediately, but forces himself to stomach the nauseating taste of his own vulnerability. It’s not as if Emrys will make fun of him; they’re all afraid. Hell, Emrys will probably preen at the idea of Saki trembling against him. Not that Saki trembles. No, the fear has made him angry, and not much else.

It's costing Saki something, Emrys realizes, to be this honest. He shouldn't squander this. He bites down on the rush of delight he feels; Saki trusts him enough to be vulnerable. "If they corner us, leave me. If you can see a way out take it." Saki wouldn't offer to die for him, he's not stupid enough to think that, but he does think Saki might feel a little bad about it later. Maybe.

He's scared too, but he doesn't want to admit it, not when Saki's relying on him. He'll do whatever he needs to do to get him out of here alive.

this was made using dialogue from the first six movies.   trigger warning for mentions of violence, murder, animal death, gore, drug usage, incest , ableist and misogynistic language, nsfw themes, and everyone just generally being assholes.   feel free to edit these as you please.

 “ i heard you, but it don’t mean much. ”

 “ a dog will hunt. ”

 “ you’re so dead you don’t even know it. ”

 “ what kinda sick shit is this? ”

 “ oh, you just hush. ”

 “ i promise you, you and i are gonna have some fun. ”

 “ what if i were to turn you loose, what would you give me? ”

 “ don’t call me darling, dammit. ”

 “ no, please! no! ”

 “ that was for your own good. ”

 “ do you think all i wanna do is kill you? ”

 “ back up, pig fucker! ”

 “ i’m starting to think you like wasting my time. ”

 “ if that’s what you want, it’s up to you. ”

 “ i wonder whose tongue this is? ”

 “ what are you doing to yourself? ”

 “ today i’m gonna use my tongue in ways the lord never intended. ”

 “ you’re just trying to scare me into leaving. ”

 “ they take the head and they boil it, except for the tongue. ”

 “ how mad at me are you? ”

 “ you don’t need to be walking these roads alone at night. you should get in. ”

 “ stop, you’re scaring me. ”

 “ no talking until after i say grace, asshole. ”

 “ i’m gonna ask you nicely one more time. ”

 “ yeah, you gotta watch it getting into cars with strangers these days. ”

 “ people shouldn’t kill animals for food. ”

 “ you have to get out of here. ”

 “ oh my god, i’m way too stoned for this. ”

 “ it’s easier to resist at the beginning than the end. ”

 “ man, it’s hot in here. ”

 “ please stop your damn bellyaching. ”

 “ i smell bullshit. ”

 “ you’re gonna get killed doing that. ”

 “ you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. ”

 “ i think you’re chasing the wrong tail, buddy. ”

 “ i’ve got a perfect willingness to die. ”

“ you stay away from me, you fucking animal! ”

 “ there’s more work to be done, lets get it over with. ”

 “ you know why i’m here. ”

 “ get your sweet little ass back in the dirt until i say otherwise. ”

 “ look at me, i’m not a dope smuggler. ”

 “ you can’t get cancer from not having sex. ”

 “ i hate when this happens. ”

 “ guess i’m falling apart on you, honey. ”

 “ do you fuck all of your cousins or just the ones you find attractive? ”

 “ that was beautiful form. ”

 “ son of a bitch smells just like a slaughterhouse. ”

 “ the only thing you’re gonna catch in this water is disease. ”

 “ oh, he’s weird looking. ”

 “ what’re the chances of a brainless bitch like you knowing how to use that thing, huh? ”

 “ hey, what the shit? ”

“ it’s too much, i’m gonna be sick. ”

 “ where you headed, man? ”

 “ are you ashamed of your country? ”

 “ what are you afraid of, that they might try to fuck you? ”

 “ hell’s exactly what they raised. ”

 “ there’s roadkill all over texas. ” 

 “ fine, i lied, but it’s not my fault they were stupid enough to believe it. ”

 “ i guess that’s what brains look like. kind of like lasagna. ”

 “ keep your voice down. ”  

 “ what you do is your own business. ”

 “ boy are you dumb. 

 “ well, first i’m gonna kill you. it ain’t no fucking biggie. ”

 “ your little ass is gonna be in big trouble. ”

 “ how’d you get stuck way out here? ”

 “ i did it for us. ”

 “ are you afraid of a little blood? ”

 “ you beautiful bastard, you. ”

 “ i just thought of something so cool, what if we got into a wreck, and we crashed into the car in front of us and we all died. they could write a song about it. ”

 “ they live off fear, they thrive on it. ”

 “ the saw is family. ”

 “ you wouldn’t lie to me, would you? ”

 “ well lookie here, we’ve got ourselves a killer. ”

 “ you’ve never had a date in your life you’re so ugly. ”

 “ how often do girls blow their heads off in this shit hole town? ”

 “ that was so not cool. ”

 “ i have a question for you. ”

 “ you’re not scared, you don’t know shit about being scared. not yet. ”

 “ you better rocket, cowboy. ”

 “ promise you won’t hurt me. ”

 “ on a list of bad ideas, that one is way up there. ”

 “ i’m sorry, but we’re all gonna die. ”

“ you just keep sweet talking me, dumpling. ”

 “ that gun’s no good. ”

 “ you think i give a god damn what happens to you? ”

 “ you can’t do it alone. ”

 “ put down the weapon, don’t be stupid. ”

 “ there could be dead people buried all around us and we would never know. ”

 “ you really think you’re something in that outfit, don’t you? ”

 “ it is my fault. ”

“ there comes a time when every boy becomes a man. ”

 “ come on and take a sip, you gotta have something to build up your strength. ”

 “ i’ve got a mind to slit your damn throat. ”

 “ i like that skin of yours. ”

 “ after the glory, here comes the shame. ”

 “ the old way, with the sledgehammer, see that was better, they died better that way. ”

 “ that’s it. don’t call me dumb. ”

 “ i’ll tuck you in special every night. ”

 “ this is bullshit, i have rights. ”

 “ quiet! you act like a pack of hounds. ”

 “ how are you an expert on the dumbest shit? ”

 “ you figure it out, it’s your life. welcome to the real world. ”

 “ i don’t want to fight anymore. ”

 “ what if they’re a murderer and they want us to follow them? ”

 “ ladies love a man in uniform. ”

 “ you got one choice, sex or the saw? ”

 “ i oughta blow your fucking brains out right now. ”

 “ get back in there! get your ass back in there. ”

 “ you think this is a party? ”

 “ i’ve never seen anybody die before. ”

 “ basically if you’re buried right your skin turns into poison crisco. ”

 “ i think you have a beautiful voice. ”

 “ please, you can make them stop. ”

 “ you blasphemous bitch! ”

 “ he’s a really bad man. ”

“ what’s it gonna be,  you gonna be the motherfucker who eats, or are you gonna be the poor sorry motherfucker who gets ate? “

 “ this is your lucky day. ”

 “ how about giving me a hand, asshole? ”

 “ i just wanna go home, okay? ”

 “ turned traitor for a piece of tail. ”

 “ i had to do it. i used you. ”

 “ can you believe we didn’t know each other yesterday? ”

 “ you shut your cock sucker, you son of a bitch. ”

“ you’re a lot tougher than i thought. ”

 “ i told you, i’m a bitch. ”

 “ are there people in those bags? ”

 “ if you get too hot, you can always take your clothes off. ”

 “ you’re gonna get in my way. ”

 “ i’m sorry, sweetie, i got a big mouth. ”

 “ you expect me to do this by myself? ”

 “ you can’t make me go back there. ”

 “ i ain’t finished with you yet. ”

 “ you just figure out how to do it and do it. ”

 “ they just get dumber and dumber, don’t they? ”

 “ i should have listened to my old man and went into real estate. ”

 “ please, don’t let them kill me. ”

 “ you like this face? ”

 “ what the fuck is wrong with you people? ”

 “ get that thing off my cutting board. ”

 “ i ain’t got no fear left. ”

 “ you’re embarrassing me in front of company. ”

 “ i always get yanked into this shit. ”

 “ shut up, you bitch hog. ”

 “ okay, could you relax, because you’re not helping. ”

 “ you brought this all on yourself. ”

 “ try to speak plain, it saves time. “

 “ i really wish you would call me ____. ”

 “ do i have to do every damn thing around here? ”

 “ how bad is it? i can’t feel it. ”

 “ do you mean talk or dance around the real subject with chit-chat? ”

 “ you don’t understand nothing. ”

 “ we’re on our own now. ”

 “ excuse me, you mind getting the fuck out of my way? ”

 “ we’re not even having fun yet. ”

 “ could be worse, at least we’re not as bad off as those people in the body pit. ”

 “ i just can’t take no pleasure in killing. ”

 “ you’re all gonna pay for your sins. especially you. ”

 “ i believe you, i might be the only believer you’ve got. ”

 “ just some things you gotta do. don’t mean you gotta like it. ”

 “ hard ass, me? maybe a semi hard ass but i’ve got a soft heart. ”

 “ i’ll take you back to hell. ”

❝ i... thought someone would. ❞ he feels a little stupid in saying it ― as though it were some naïve, childish wish. but time and time again, it had seemed like no one cared to take the time on them, or on ana, or on the flores family at all. no matter how much they had begged the police to go look for that old farmhouse themselves. no matter how many testimonies ranged across them. he could never bring himself to regret trying to find maria ― never. but what had any of it amounted to? scars, night terrors, and his friends, drifting away one at a time. it didn't feel like closure. it didn't feel like anything.

― but it's a guilty thought process to have in front of ana, of all people, isn't it?

leland exhales, low, a little frustrated; ❝ ― it's just... isolating, you know? ❞ leland's gaze skates past her, to the door, all its bolts and latches. the way this boxy apartment was as much a cage as a safehouse. he understood ― some days it was a lot easier to hide away. part of him still felt responsible for looking out for her ― for maria's little sister ― long after they stumbled off that god-forsaken property.

he tries not to wince as ana brings her name to the forefront ― almost afraid of summoning a ghost between them right there in the kitchen. he wonders if maria would be disappointed in them. they had all put their lives at risk, and they couldn't even bring her home.

leland shifts on his heels, brows knit in his uncertainty. ❝ are we supposed to pretend it didn't happen? is that what everyone wants? ❞ will that stop the looks? he doubts it. how could it? when he wears that place all over him ― when he would never be able to hide the places the knives carved. and how could ana escape the pity in people's eyes, who only knew her sister's name from the papers, from the radio. were they just meant to live with something ugly buried in them, that no one else could stand to look at?

leland stares past ana for a long moment, lost somewhere in his own tailspun thoughts.

It's sweet, how Leland keeps tabs on her. Did he look out for Maria in the same way? She can imagine them at a college party, before everything went to hell, Leland making sure she didn't drink too much and got home safe. "I know I'm not alone." Ana musters up a smile from the depths of her body, praying she doesn't look as exhausted as she feels.