death is the only end for us — interlude: this is how it begins.
n o t e s: I accidentally posted the interlude one early morning when I was correcting the grammar errors, but I deleted it, sorry. 😵💫 I confess I'm rusty, but I'm happy to write again, I you enjoy this story. ❤️
pairing: satoru gojo x fem!reader
sumary: [Y/N] is at a restaurant with her best friend, but she is stuck in her own thoughts when a ghost from her past resurfaces: her former boyfriend, Satoru Gojo, the man who has been searching for her for almost a decade has finally found her.
warnings: angst, description of blood, the reader is intimidated by Satoru, threats, mentions of death, spoilers from the main story.
more information about the history: here.
HUMAN LIFE IS LIKE THE DEW AT DAWN OR A BUBBLE RISING THROUGH WATER. Transitory. But Master Tengen endures unchanged through the centuries like the mountains that never shake, but will remain forever.... well, that's what everyone — including you — believed until that fateful day.
If you close your eyes you see stains and splashes of hot blood on the concrete, the green leaves and the characteristic blue and white uniform of the wizarding college I attended in my youth. If you close your eyes you feel the air missing from your lungs and your heart stop beating, the morning coffee churning in your stomach and rising back up your throat along with the bile, the cold sweat collecting on your forehead and back and armpits. If you close your eyes relive that disaster, that shadow that haunts you in my nightmares.
For that reason you've stopped closing your eyes, because you've stopped living in the past. Or maybe you are just running away, like you ran away that day.
You look outside the glass of the restaurant where you are with your friend Susana, your face is reflected in the glass, but you are able to observe other people walking and stumbling on the small step of the pavement outside. You would like to warn those people who are tripping to pay special attention to that step. You yourself tripped over it many times before you sat down at this table in front of the window and realised it existed. You wonder how many people have seen you stumble and it makes your cheeks ache from the urge to laugh, not because it's funny but because you feel ashamed of the lack of attention you had at the time.
Susana snaps her fingers in front of your face to get your attention, you look at her and her golden eyes are clenched and her blonde eyebrows are so close together you could swear they've turned into a monocle, you smile at her but your strange and suspicious expression is still here. Just now she was telling you about an art exhibition happening tonight and that the artist, the star of the event, is none other than the landlord of the hostel you have recently stayed at.
"What did you say?" You sigh and rest your forehead on the window pane, not looking at Susana, waiting for her to roll her eyes as she explains it all to you again, in the smallest detail, even if you already know what she has to say, her lovely voice is a comfort to your ears and your shaken mind.
"You need to open up to me more, [Y/N]." Susana's unexpected response makes you distressed and uneasy, so you are forced to look at her, and she looks back at you, her once wary gaze now looked worried and weary. "You stand there all melancholy looking at nothing and you don't listen to me or tell me what's going on."
"Does that bother you?" Unconsciously you diverted your attention to the cup on the table, you had forgotten what it was like to have a friend, just as you forgot that you might be nothing more than a mere stranger to this person with you. Just a stranger with whom she travels on business.
"Obviously it bothers me." She slams her hands on the table and moves towards you, but backs away when you step back and sighs. "I mean... It doesn't bother me. But think of me too, do you know how distressing it is to realise that your friend isn't well, but you can't do anything to help her because you don't know what's going on in her head?"
Her words hit your stomach like a punch. You've been in her shoes. That is what you would like to say, yes. However, the skeletons you buried earlier could not be dug up, for you built a foundation on top of them, a concrete tombstone so they would never come out of there. You swallow the things you would really like to speak and hold her hands and look into her worried eyes again.
"There's nothing inside my head." You smile and caress the back of her hands with your thumb. "I'm fine, and I'm sorry for not being thoughtful, I just..." You tilt your head for a moment to think of something, anything that might convince her, but your mind goes blank.
Susana's voice becomes intelligible for a instant, maybe a second or two, but enough to distract you again. The bell at the entrance of the restaurant tinkles and someone walks through the glass and varnished cedar wood door, however it wasn't just anyone, no. It was someone you knew long ago, one of the skeletons buried and sealed in the foundation of your brain, a colleague, a friend, a love, a ghost, a memory that has aged like wine; attractive and appetizing, with the ability to warp your senses and poison your mind; someone who capable of making you sick and intoxicated just by using their mouth. Susana looked in the direction you were looking and by instinct, you grab her hands, and tape her, distressed. Your heart beats uncompassionately inside your chest and you tremble and fear, fear that he might see you and hear you and recognize your heartbeats, and you know that he might, because he knows you as he knows himself.
"Susana..." You whisper and lower your head, using her body to conceal your figure, "Su-"
"What?" She exclaimed in doubt and you place your index finger over your lips quickly, her expression was confused, however she was no fool not to notice something was wrong, so she lowered her tone. "What happened?"
"My ex boyfriend is here." You speak in between.
"Bullshit! Who? Where is he?" she lifts her head and looks to and fro, indiscreet and direct, like a giant lighthouse in the middle of the sea in a storm. You almost regretted telling her, but it would be even worse if you didn't.
"The tall standard white-haired guy over there." You tilt your chin towards the counter.
"That one?" Susana pointed at a man who should have been old enough to be your father and stared at you in disgust.
Slapping your own forehead you point, this time with your hands together, at the individual one last time. "No, Susana!" You rolled your eyes. "The Japanese! The Japanese guy!"
"AHHH! That guy..." She sighed and laughed nervously, but relieved, and now she wasn't wearing that disgusted expression, on the contrary she looked in awe, much to your dismay. "I always knew you had good taste." She pats you proudly on the shoulder before she could come to her senses. "Wait! That ex?"
You nudge her shoulder and stay low, out of his field of vision, as if it were really possible to be out of his sight. Susana is confused and you wish you could explain in detail why this person posed a threat to her, but your fear of being noticed, if you hadn't already been, was greater than your desire to speak. You open your bag quickly and place a crumpled handful of money on the table next to the cup of cold, untouched coffee, in another occasion you would make a point of asking for the change because your salary wasn't the best, but now to not have to get in line where he is you would rather not have money to eat for the next few weeks.
You get up in a hurry and nod your head to get out of there, but Susana looks at the food on your plate and then at you like a dog that fell off the move, you take a deep breath and turn to leave, and it was like turning around to run into a wall. In front of you was a tall man dressed in expensive clothes, so expensive they must have been worth more than a year's minimum wage salary, you couldn't notice the fancy accessories as your mind collapsed when you realised who was wall in the shape of people. It's him.
You couldn't see his eyes through the dark glasses but the confused expression on his face is quite clear to you, your legs tremble and you take a faltering step back. By reflex you looked at your companion squinting and silently begged her not to do or say anything. You once told her, one of the few things she knows about you, about a boyfriend who didn't handle the breakup well and you've avoided him ever since, and that if he ever showed up, you instructed her to act like you were mere strangers.
"Hello, [Y/N]. Long time no see." Satoru's supposedly friendly words carry the regret of a wretched past, which you both did not come out of unscathed, you feel sorry for him, but your brain, the rational part of you, tells you that neither of you is worthy of pity. Your decisions have led you to this place and you are suffering the consequences of them. "Do I get in the way?" He looked coldly away at the unfinished meal and at Susana, you felt shivers as you watched her lower her head and laugh nervously, he has the ability to intimidate anyone, your friends too.
You've ruined my day, that's what you'd like to shout, but if you did you'd be the crazy one and he'd be the nice guy who accidentally bumped into his ex girlfriend in a restaurant. You swallow your pride and take a deep breath, you make your way around the corridor and pass him, before continuing you hold his arm, you spy his face out of the corner of your eye and let out a breath of air, you and I have a lot to talk about just not here, that's the message you want to get across. You've been hiding for almost a decade, running from the past and the problems that were left behind, and from people especially. This person, in particular.
"Leave her alone." You threaten him, but in a low tone of voice, so only he can hear.
Satoru watches Susana before turning around and coming with you, you don't want him to scare her any more than necessary, you hesitate to go as you don't want to leave her, but after seven years of wandering this lonely world, you knew the time to bury her along with the others would come too. So you cover your face with an empty mask and leave without saying anything to her.
"You didn't say goodbye to your friend." Satoru points to the diner left behind with disdain, he's angry because he thinks you walked in someone you could lean on, and he's not wrong in a way. You knew about his insecurity, his fear of being abandoned, of being without a friend, yet you didn't bother to answer him because it would be a losing battle where you would have to apologise and say there was no one in this world who could replace him, just to soften his big ego, and you wouldn't humiliate yourself or say the words he wants to rip out of you at all costs. "Usually, you are very loud and talkative like a cicada, only now you are not making a peep, you are not freaking out because you failed to hide, you don't even say hello. "
"Please yell at me, just don't be quiet", is what he meant. You grumble and keep walking in silence, it won't make a difference if you shout if he already knows where you are and what you're doing and who you live with. You look up at the evening sky and sigh, there are many people on the street as it is summer in Brazil, the sun is warm but there are remnants of the rain from this morning; the weather was indeed crazy. You walk towards the hotel with your eyes on the ground, afraid of tripping over a step as usually happens when you are with Susana; she is usually the one who tells you where to look and holds you up when you stumble.
Satoru and Susana have a lot in common, they can't read between the lines, they can't see the limits, they want to hear something because they believe there will always be something to be said, but they are there when you stumble to laugh and hold you before you fall. Only there is no comfort in the empty words you will say to them, the past remains, the mistakes and successes we made along the way, the decisions we made, all the consequences of our actions, there is nothing that can be said or done to repair what has been lost. Things are different with Susana because it's the present and she's not attached to things past like he is; although you too would have been upset if your ex boyfriend stabbed you in the back.
You stop and look ahead and across the street is the cheap hostel where Susana and you stayed, there aren't many cars passing by, there are puddles of water on the pavement, the stairs were wet, you remember slipping on it earlier in the week and frown in shame. You plan to take your things and leave without saying anything, it would be better if this loose end was cut off instead of tied up, Susana could continue travelling on her own from now on or who goes home, you have full conviction that her parents will be more reasonable when they know the bad influence is no longer with her and will come and get her or send money. "She'll be fine," you repeat to yourself.
"Why do we stop?" Satoru leans forward and comes face to face with you, you indicate the hotel and he gives an "ah", but before you can keep walking, he grabs your arm and forces you to look into his menacing eyes, now visible as the glasses are slightly down his nose. "Don't try any funny business, or think you can escape."
"I never meant to." You reply with a grim smile, he says nothing, just lets go of your arm and walks away bewildered, it's been many years since you were last this close. "Come on, you've got the Six Eyes, I believe you've honed your technique, heh." You point to your uncovered eyes. "Then there's not much I can do. If you want to keep up with me, that's fine, I don't mind. Just keep your mouth shut while I pack up my stuff."
"I'm staying here." He holds up his hands and you mentally thank him for it, his presence alone was already a nuisance to you, you take the opportunity and leave him talking to himself. "Stay as long as you need."
You stop in the middle of the street and hold the air in my lungs before continuing. You don't say hello to anyone, you passed down the stairs like lightning, not saying a single word and not caring about slipping. Entering the room was a cold shower, you've spent many good nights here and bad nights too. On the messy bed are the two tickets for tonight's exhibition, which Susana and you would go to and where she would explain to you about art. She loves art and dreamed of being an artist before her fingers broke and she could never paint again. Remember how hard it was for her, but you were supportive of each other, you wish you could have healed her fingers when you could, so she could paint again.
You take your things — which were not many — and leave no trace behind, only the smell of the cheap perfume you got for your birthday. Before leaving, you steal a portrait that was on the shelf next to the bed, it belongs to Susana, but you couldn't let it go; without this portrait you wouldn't be able to remember her when you leave.
You feel your cheeks become wet and a tightness in your chest that was familiar as you walk down the stairs. You should have prepared for this moment, you should have been ready to say goodbye, you should have been used to being alone... As soon as you set foot outside the hotel, Satoru looked at you and came running towards you. You feel that he wanted to console you, but backed away when you silently rejected him. You don't want consolation from the person who is tearing everything away from you. He picks up your bag and slung the strap over your shoulder, you stand in an unpleasant silence for a while, until the tears on your face are dried by the cold wind. You stare at him and he's fiddling with his mobile phone or pretending, whatever, it makes no difference to you.
"Why did you come?" You couldn't contain your curiosity. You feel the air suddenly become heavy and his face turns sombre, you've never seen him like this before, you frown and hold on to his blouse with both hands. "What's going on? Why did you come here?" He laughs nervously. "Don't be quiet, you were very talkative just now."
His body is trembling, but it's not the cold that bothers him, whatever he is hiding from you affects him to the extent that it makes him shut up, and Satoru Gojo never shut up, not even when his life was in danger, he laughed and babbled about how strong he was. But now he seems like another person, completely different from the idiot you lived with for three years during high school, an asshole like him doesn't change that easily, he doesn't even mature over the years, he just becomes more haughty. He turns his face towards the floor and bites his lower lip, hesitating to open his beak, your heart racing with distress and you shake him as hard as you can, knocking the glasses off his face. But before you could complain, he opened his mouth to answer you and you didn't know how to react, because it wasn't the answer you expected.
Thank you for reading, my angel! <3
