Moirin

After a while, I recognize I called this passion, but it was mostly me going all in as a reaction. As I said before, I want to stop this cycle. At the same time, I don't want to detach completely from fandom spaces.

So, I will try moving forward in a way that helps me to stay without burning myself every few months. What I want to do is taking my time and go in depths about Bridgerton and my other fandoms, and about desire, intensity and love.

I've planned a series of essays that connects all of these themes into a pattern. If you stick around, I'm most grateful for it, as always.

As a note for the readers and those interested, I've planned the themese but quite literally nothing else. I don't know when I'll write and I don't want to pressure myself into it.

This time, and this season, slow is the way.

The drop I had after the last one was quite a lot.

I have talked about this already before (the idea that by the end of the season we are so charged after a month of edging that we do experience a sort of drop) but this time I refuse to engage in that.

Not that there is something wrong with that, to be fair. It's just that it doesn't make me feel nice and as much as I can do aftercare by myself, I just don't want to do it this time.

I want to go a bit slow. I watched the 5th one (I loved it) and then I felt the impulse of starting the 6th but I stopped. Went to do another task, eventually made dinner.

Now maybe some videos and then the 6th. So not excessively slow but a bit of a different pace. And I find that this means I enjoy it more than if I had binged.

I mean, this dumbass (and the whole city btw)

could not recognize her as Sailor Moon

For now let me just say this:

I love my Polín freaks.

Or... what most people get wrong about kink (an essay)

I could be very short with this, and just say the word "spectrum" but let's elaborate a bit more, shall we?

I've thought about this post for a long time before writing it and in the end I decided that since being vulnerable is something I'm trying to do daily... Let's make it my daily exercise.

You have surely notice that I don't post that much or when I post rarely it's about Polin. I've told before that I identify a lot with Pen - my own Colin someone I still love to this day even though he probably has forgotten about me.

See, the thing is that while I know he will always have a part of my heart, I also can't wait around. I have a beautiful life that I enjoy most days and I have big plans and things I want to do, with or without him. I also believe we don't have just one soulmate, but more than one. And as much as he could be one of those, who know how many are out there if I look for them.

So, with the help of people around me and my therapist and also with the believe that the universe will deliver when it's met with openness and confidence, I've started to distant myself from him - when I think about him I just notice and then try to imagine that with other people that will met me and stay and care as much as I do. People who can love me as much as I love them.

This matters to my writing because reading and writing most Poling Fics feeds the very thing I'm trying to distance myself from. It's a bit dramatic but it's like stabbing myself hoping that instead of hurt it will heal me. It doesn't. So I don't. Or at least try and do something else. (It's not a problem I have with Poling only, I do have a type and it's not working anymore if I want to overcome this).

So... More Polin content from me? It's possible, but I have to figure out a way that's healthy for me to do it. I will watch the new season of Bridgerton and I'm excited to talk about Benedict. I'm still very much here - in this fandom space I love - but I also have to think with intentions because my dreams requires me to be full present.

So, that's it. I hope you understand.

And this is definitely not a goodbye, not at all. But new things are coming and if you want to stick around for the journey, then I'm more than happy to have you on board.

I AM SEATED.