at such a strange avenue in my life, I’m not sure what I want to do. I don’t really recognise myself anymore.
I wanted certain things to happen, I don’t think they will, and now I couldn’t possibly be bothered by anything or anyone.
Such a strange feeling, words couldn’t possibly begin to describe it. Everything just feels like a distant blur. My heart and mind don’t feel intact or content. والله المستعان
I do know my end goal though إن شاء الله, for now it’s just a matter of keeping firm and steadfast, getting grounded would help, however I’m afraid that opportunity hasn’t arisen for me yet.
You can’t force anything, at the end of the day you’re not in control.
Neither can I talk to anyone about this, it simply wouldn’t make any sense to them.
Regardless, all I need to know is that Allāh ﷻ is in control.
It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said:
"The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: 'The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, "if only I had done such and such" rather say "Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha'a fa'ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does)." For (saying) 'If' opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.'"
قَدَّرَ اللَّهُ وَمَا شَاءَ فَعَلَ