Mnmlist James

God sets my life and orders my steps. I will not rely on my own narrow understanding of how my life should be, rather I will trust in God's plan and be grateful for this life He's given me.  

I am not perfect and I am not in control of everything and I never will be, by design as a human being. Expecting to somehow be an exception is naive and plain dumb. No one thinks I am perfect or expects me to be. Stop inflicting pain, pressure, and guilt on yourself by some perceived expectation of perfection from the people around you. 

We're all on different journeys set by God. I have no idea how people's lives really are or what they're going through so comparison is futile. Perception is not reality. I will trust the path God has set for me. 

Everyone is self conscious about themselves and no one is focused on you like you are. It may be a big deal to you but it's not to other people. What people do and say is about them and their own internal issues; it's not about me. I may have this hero, self-centric narrative about how it's me against the world or it's me seeking to prove myself to the world, to my boss, to my family, to my friends, but in reality they're not focused on me and my self-centered story - they all have their own story and narrative to worry about. 

There's nothing like a run to clear my head, organize my thoughts, and give me much needed perspective. I went for a run this morning to catch up with my racing mind which was filled with thoughts of all the things I have to do today. During my run, I was finally looking away from a screen, paying attention to the world around me, the cars whizzing by, the light breeze, and the tall leaning palm trees. I was grateful for the shade and thankful for the ability to run in a safe, quiet neighborhood. I noticed my thoughts slow down and my body relax, and I was reminded that contentment does not come from my actions and accomplishments. It’s something that I know, but it’s hard to actively think this way because of all the rush of day to day life. It takes detaching myself from technology and my routine, clearing my mind, and being fully present to get back to this mindset. 

For my drive to work today, I decided to listen to a new podcast and it turned out to be The Good Life Project hosted by Jonathan Fields. The episode I chose was a tribute to Scott Dinsmore, the founder of a website and personal development program called Live Your Legend, who died of an accident while hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro 9 days ago. Jonathan and Scott were good friends, and Jonathan spoke a few words about how tragic the loss was, and then played an old interview he conducted with Scott for the rest of the episode. It was a really engaging, enlightening conversation about how Live Your Legend was started, and it resonated with me because it dealt with the question that everyone should be asking themselves but often avoid: Am I living my personal legend and passion? 

The idea behind Scott's website was a framework for people to create a life and career doing what they love. So many people slog through jobs they hate, and accept it as reality without taking any steps to change it. Instead of dealing with the difficult questions of finding their "why", uncovering their passion, and finding the intersection of what their passions and their strengths, they distract themselves with TV, social media, alcohol, etc. 

What Scott talked about in the interview was that it took years of self-discovery and a failed blog to get to where he was at, with a viral TED video, a global community of Live Your Legend members, and a successful business doing what he loved. During his self-discovery period, he realized that he both enjoyed and was good at prodding his friends about their passions and motivating them to pursue them. But he didn't know he could create a career from this, until he attended a conference and met people like him who were successfully doing this, making a living pursuing their passion while positively impacting lives. One of these people was Leo Babauta, founder of zenhabits.com, who opened his eyes to what was possible. He noted that this perspective shift changed what he thought was possible, and now it wasn't a question of why he should make his passion his career, but how and when it would happen. Scott learned from this experience that not only was creating a career from his passion possible, but it was also his responsibility to make it happen, and ultimately live out his personal legend and make a difference in peoples' lives. 

I came away inspired by Scott's story, with a elevated perspective of what's possible, of what it takes to live your passion, and also a reminder of how ephemeral and fragile life can be. The key things I learned were: 

1. Do the difficult work of self-discovery and confront the core question of your purpose for living in order to find your passion. It could take years, but it will be time well spent if you can start moving the needle towards who you really are and what you want to do with your life.

2. Surround yourself with the right people. In the podcast, they talked about Jim Rohn's famous quote: "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with" and it really hit home that you have to choose your friends wisely and make sure that they're challenging you, keeping you accountable, and opening your perspective about what's possible. 

3. Once you find your passion, work hard to create a life and career around it, and embrace the uncertain, imperfect journey. Scott's website and global community didn't happen immediately; it took several years to learn his passion and then several more to make it a reality. He pushed through the ups and downs, driven by his joy and excitement at making his dream come true, and learned to see mistakes, uncertainty, and complexities as learning opportunities and steps in the right direction. 

Scott believed that when people do what they love, their energy and the way they interact with the world changes for the better, creating a positive ripple effect around them. With more people doing what they love, there would be more joy being spread, ultimately making the world a better place. I agree with this sentiment, and I believe that Scott made the world a better place with the way he lived his life and shared his passion and gifts with the world. RIP Scott Dinsmore. 

I was just thinking about why I get jealous and anxious when my friends do well, but don't bat an eye when someone I don't know like Lebron James does well by winning an NBA championship or signing a hundred million dollar contract. It's because Lebron is not in my cohort and not doing something that I feel like I could do. I automatically remove him from comparison because I can comfortably say I'm not an NBA player with his abilities, and I've accepted that his journey is not for me because we're different. But why is this any different from my friends who I do compare myself to? Surely they are individuals with different backgrounds, families, wealth, personalities, and experiences, even if they are my friends. Their journeys are also exclusively theirs and not mine, and what they do has nothing to do with me. So why should I fret over the good that happens to them? How do my friends’ fortunes make my life any worse? Why should my own contentment and my own blessings seem less satisfying and less valuable as a result? 

Reading The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh, which is about being fully present in anything you do, whether it's washing dishes or spending time with a friend. When you're thinking of other things while doing an activity, you feel rushed and anxious. Instead, if you focus on that one activity as if it were the end, not just a means to an end, it's no longer a chore or something to get out of the way, and simple joy will arise in this lucid, present state of mind. Whatever you do, do it as if it were the only thing you'll ever do.

I'm already feeling the benefits of this mentality this morning. I woke up with a long list of chores and errands to run, and normally I would've been overwhelmed and anxious trying to speed through each task, begrudgingly cantankerous and just unpleasant. Laundry and dishes - these tasks I normally despise and have anxiety before doing them, and while doing them I generally feel unhappy as I rush to get it over with, the whole time thinking of other things and letting that overwhelm me even more. But today, I just felt a state of calm with Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings in my mind, focused on doing one task at a time and doing it with joy, as if it were all that mattered. I quieted the voices in my mind that tell me I need to do it all at once to feel productive and worthwhile, and went about gently gathering my clothes and sheets, breathing deeply and being in the moment. It didn't matter how fast I did it or if I would even get to other items on my to do list; this simple task was all that mattered in my life and I gave it respect, awareness, my complete attention, and it was an almost therapeutic activity.

I woke up this morning with a racing mind filled with tasks I had to get done today. I tried to stay calm and do one thing at a time, but as I was doing one thing, thoughts of all the other things I had to do cluttered and frazzled my mind with a sense of urgency. Starting to feel heart palpitations, I knew I needed to do something to center myself so that I don't end up spending the entire day in this frantic and overwhelmed tone. I forced myself to meditate in order to quiet my mind, in opposition to the stubborn urgency inside of me that said I had no time for it.

I begrudgingly got down on my mat and started stretching and breathing. It was challenging to get into it because of the cacophony of worries and doubts in my mind, but I did it anyways and slowly but surely began to feel more and more relaxed with each deep breath. I could sense the volume in my mind decrease as I visualized unpacking and letting go of all that weighed me down - my tasks, my fears, and my insecure need to get things done in order to feel good about myself.

With tightly closed eyes and measured breathing, I felt a sense of lightness with a serene, calm silence. A thought that surfaced a midst this clarity was the perspective that whether I do everything or absolutely nothing on my to do list, the universe wouldn't really care and life would go on just the same. This sentiment right-sized my worries and I felt liberated, as if I could lose everything and have all my fears come true, and I could still be happy.

For so long, I used to worry about what people thought, and my actions were motivated by seeking validation from others. It was a never-ending, unsatisfying, and painful pursuit. Nothing I did ever felt good enough and even when I did well, I was still at the mercy of other people. When I finally ceased caring about what people thought and got comfortable with myself, I realized that no one cared in the first place. I learned that my ego created an outsized importance of myself, and I suffered because of it. I falsely blamed it on other people and painted myself into a corner where I was powerless. The truth is that I control my attitude and actions, and I must be myself in order to be happy, and either way, no one cares because they're focused on their own egos and issues.

It may sound like a cliché but my Giving Trip to El Salvador was a life changing experience. Before leaving, I was skeptical about how much impact my first Giving Trip would have on me, but it turned out to be significant. It was such an eye-opening, inspiring, fun, and humbling experience to see our giving operations firsthand and work side by side with our partner, Save the Children. Working for TOMS for almost a year now, I was well aware of our giving efforts through all the stories and photos, but it never fully resonated with me until I got to see it with my own eyes.

  We spent our week visiting schools as well as a health clinic located in the rural mountainous rainforest regions of western El Salvador. We learned from Save the Children staff members and volunteers as well as school and clinic administrators about the role of shoes in their programs focused on health and education. Our shoes are used as an incentive for parents and children to learn about hand washing, using latrines, and wearing shoes to prevent soil-based illnesses. Everyone we met from Save the Children, schools, the clinic, or parents and their children were very gracious and expressed gratitude for our shoes and our presence on the trip. I asked a teacher at one of the schools we visited whether children knew about the One for One model that was the impetus for the giving, and she confirmed that most kids were aware that they were receiving shoes because someone in another country had purchased a pair of TOMS. The children saw the TOMS as a special pair of shoes they could wear for sports or outside of school when they didn’t have to wear their government issued shoes. What was really cool was seeing children wearing old pairs of TOMS which demonstrated how we give continually to communities in need rather than making it a one time thing.

  Our Trip Leader, Ruthie told us, “It’s easy to give by just dropping off shoes, but it’s very difficult to give well and do it in a strategic and optimal way” and I definitely understood after seeing the logistics, coordination, and thoughtful approach that went into giving a single pair of shoes. The careful planning made for a very smooth operation where all we had to do was help set up and move boxes, and fit shoes and play with the children. I was initially nervous about interacting with the children due to the language barrier, but learning a few choice Spanish phrases and playing with the children helped me become comfortable quickly and I had a blast meeting each child. Play truly is a universal language, and the children warmed to us as we played soccer, basketball, jump rope, and catch. It made me feel like a kid again!

  One memorable experience from the trip was a home visit with a Save the Children sponsored child, Uri. Uri invited our group into his one room home he shared with his parents and brother, and it was really illuminating to learn about how they lived. The family may not have had much, but they welcomed us in with open arms. It was very touching to hear Uri talk about his designated sponsor who lived in the US, and he proudly showed us letters and correspondence from his sponsor which he collected over several years. When one member of our team asked him what he wanted to do when he grew up, he replied that he wanted to sponsor a child, and it really moved everyone.

Envy and jealously are unavoidable human emotions. When they strike, don’t beat yourself up; instead, choose to acknowledge these emotions as natural and experience without judgment. Then, gently remind yourself that you are uniquely valuable and not meant to be like anyone else. Summon compassion for yourself as well as for those you may be envious or jealous of. Recognize that you don’t know the full story behind their lives - that they experience their own envy, jealously, and suffering just like you.