not.... dann..

walks out of a bar covered in kisses and I say "you should see the other guy" and you look in the bar and he's dead in a pool of blood

I think one of the reasons I like smoking is because it gives my hands something to do instead of fingering

fidgeting

sometimes im like "wow holy shit im being really fucking annoying. i should stop talking" and then i pull out my magic 8 ball and it says "youve always been annoying and your friends chose to talk you anyways. youll be fine" and im like wow thanks magic 8 ball. and then the ogre attacks me

c’mon everybody!!! *runs off excitedly and no one follows me*

my stupidity runs deep but my ability to love runs deeper

Get in loser (my bed) we're going (to take a nap)

missing people you should not miss is so annoying. Like unhand me

release me at once

Kill me once, shame on you. Kill me twice, how did you did that.

kill me three times, this time loop fucking sucks

My favorite cryptid is the Fresno nightcrawlers because it was just taking its kid for a walk